My stepson (I'll call him Scott) has been a full blown addict since early adolescence. He has been kicked out of the Navy and to the best of my knowledge has not been able to complete any of the many opportunities he's been given. My question is this: although active addiction and pathological lying goes hand in hand, my insctincts tell me when are dealing with two seperate issues. He will take anything and everything he can possible get his hands on. Since the day I met and married his father he has robbed every medication he can. Everything form pain medication from his father and I (when it has been available from legitimate medical use) to any all over the counter medication. He steals from us, from stores and even has stolen from his once Pastor who was trying to help him (he stole his wifes pain medication after she had a surgery) and these are only a few of the things that we've actually caught him redhanded on. The issue that seems to be separate is the pathalodigical lying. Other family members call him a sociopath as he lies about so much more that merely is drug use. He lies when the truth would serve him better. His fathe (my husband) loves him dearly but has continually (although committing to "tough Love") promised to protect me and the other children and knows he has to cut all ties until true recovery is obtained. However, he not only breaks this committment but does so easily. A few sweet world and a list of all his good intentions is usually all it takes to make dad forget everything including the obligation he has to the rest of his family. I dont feel good about making him choose but can long watch the rest of family (and yes, especially me but more so my husband) being sucked down back to the pitts of hell where this 25 year old child has brought time and time again. He (the addict) has put us on the brink of divorce without fail every chance his father gives him. Dad eventually realizes what he has done and tries to make things right but the repetative destruction (he-the addict) has just been thrown out of his second re hab program after almost dying from an overdose on pain meds, unisom and 8 boxes of cold medicine (it he cant get pills or drugs from the streets he knows exactlyhow to combine OTC pills to get him the desired effect. I can see my husband gearing up to allow him back into this house and around our 13 year old -its a though he shuts out all the evidence and yes, call me selfish, but I need his love and attention on me and the other 5 children who essentially get punished for not having this problem (they get shut out because the focus goes to addict) I left the last time he was here and that's not fair. Why should my life and my sons life have to be uprooted and why should we have to live out of green trash bag from someones dirty sofa while the addict has to answer to nothing, be well fed, given a vehicle to drive, given cash (dad says I cant expect the boy to walk around with no spending money in his pocked-what is there was an emergency-grrrrrrr -the stupidity of it makes me nuts!!! Help! Am I being selfish or practicing tough love?? I do care about this young man but I believe to enable him is sick and I refuse to be co dependent or support my husbands co dependency - he becomes sicker than the addict when he does this
I am sorry to hear this - but it is common.
The addict can rely on medication. The codependents suffer the consequences.
I strongly encourage a family support program. Codepedency has killed as many addicts as the drugs themselves. The codepedents lives are totally dependent on the addict - on good days things are fine; on bad days the family suffers.
Most treatment centers offer a Family Support program.
Al Anon and NAR Anon are free. I strongly encourage attendence.
This is something that DOES require treatment. It is does not work when you rely on your own experience.
You (or husband) are not use to the addict unless you are healthy youselves.
I hope this helps,
Flyboy
The addict can rely on medication. The codependents suffer the consequences.
I strongly encourage a family support program. Codepedency has killed as many addicts as the drugs themselves. The codepedents lives are totally dependent on the addict - on good days things are fine; on bad days the family suffers.
Most treatment centers offer a Family Support program.
Al Anon and NAR Anon are free. I strongly encourage attendence.
This is something that DOES require treatment. It is does not work when you rely on your own experience.
You (or husband) are not use to the addict unless you are healthy youselves.
I hope this helps,
Flyboy
