Ciabella,
Thanks for the encouragement in my Day 2 post. If you look at my most current posting under that thread I am now on Day 3. I pray for the best for you and sending a silent prayer your way for strength. We can do this!!!! Please let us all know how You're doing!
All my best,
Tremor
Thanks Tremor... I can use the prayers right now. I hit the bottle hard last night and blacked out and it scared the crap out of me. I've had lots of blackouts before but this one was really bad. I honestly have NO idea what happened, found things in places I had no recollection of leaving them. I didnt even lock my door before I went to bed, or set my alarm. I'm lucky I happened to wake up in time to get ready for work. So this has to stop, I really can't do it anymore. All I can think of is if I'm tempted to pick up tonight, to remind myself of how I felt this morning. Just despair. I dont want to feel that way anymore. I don't want to ruin my life, there's too much of it left. So I'm trying to call on every bit of will I have to stop this. Sorry to unload so much on you but I needed to get it out. I hope that you are doing well on your 3rd day sober.. please keep us posted on how your battle is going. I'll keep you in my thoughts for sure.
Ciaobella,
Don't beat yourself up! Just START OVER!. Glad you could share that.That was very scary. I have had many nights that I have woken in the morning and not remembered things. Found things I put places and didn't remember putting them there myself. I have actually woke up on the steps of my swimming pool in October. Even that wasn't enough to make me stop. I am only on day 3 and trying very hard. I pray a prayer of thanks in advance for a sober day.
I knew I couldn't quit cold turkey because of the amount I was drinking was so much each day. So, I put myself on a drinking schedule and weaned myself down over a weeks time. I then put it down, cleaned it all out of my house.
It is still a struggle and will get worse I'm sure as I'm having some withdrawals but so far am able to handle them fairly well. Each day is a struggle but I have faith it will get better. But, I know there is a chance I will fail.. I will alow myself that much in advance as well. If I don't alow myself that, I know I wouldn't be able to handle the fall and wouldn't have the strength to start anew. So, my plan is keep on day by day and try my best and keep posting here and praying.
These people are wonderful. Try to think of the reasons you want to quit.. What you have to loose in your life including your life itself. Take a deep breath, and start anew.
Lots of Hugs and Snugs
Tremor
Don't beat yourself up! Just START OVER!. Glad you could share that.That was very scary. I have had many nights that I have woken in the morning and not remembered things. Found things I put places and didn't remember putting them there myself. I have actually woke up on the steps of my swimming pool in October. Even that wasn't enough to make me stop. I am only on day 3 and trying very hard. I pray a prayer of thanks in advance for a sober day.
I knew I couldn't quit cold turkey because of the amount I was drinking was so much each day. So, I put myself on a drinking schedule and weaned myself down over a weeks time. I then put it down, cleaned it all out of my house.
It is still a struggle and will get worse I'm sure as I'm having some withdrawals but so far am able to handle them fairly well. Each day is a struggle but I have faith it will get better. But, I know there is a chance I will fail.. I will alow myself that much in advance as well. If I don't alow myself that, I know I wouldn't be able to handle the fall and wouldn't have the strength to start anew. So, my plan is keep on day by day and try my best and keep posting here and praying.
These people are wonderful. Try to think of the reasons you want to quit.. What you have to loose in your life including your life itself. Take a deep breath, and start anew.
Lots of Hugs and Snugs
Tremor
Ciaobella, It was suggested to me to journal my last drunk...and I did. It was a great reinforcement to me when I felt like picking up in early sobriety. For me I can never forget where I came from...I'll drink again if I do.
Tremor, You are doing so well...I forgot to mention that I was very forgetful in early sobriety, not that it is a heck of a lot better now....It's said around the rooms of AA; don't quit before the miracle...by quit it means to quit sobriety (recovery).
Hang in there you guys...it gets better, than sometimes worse, than sometimes just indifferent...hold on tight.
Tremor, You are doing so well...I forgot to mention that I was very forgetful in early sobriety, not that it is a heck of a lot better now....It's said around the rooms of AA; don't quit before the miracle...by quit it means to quit sobriety (recovery).
Hang in there you guys...it gets better, than sometimes worse, than sometimes just indifferent...hold on tight.
Hey CB - sorry to hear you are doing it so tough - hang in there girl things CAN get better for you.
You have my addy if you ever want to email. I know why you don't wnat to do AA and I totally understand - have you thought about some other kind of therapy or private counselling? It really might help you.
since I got my AA sponsor I have felt so much better - like I have a lifeline. Also I met another AA lady who I ended up giving a ride to Sydney the other day and got to know her well too so feel like I can call her if I can't call my sponsor.
but haing someone to just be there for you is so amazingly helpful. My sponsor came to a meeting last night just to give me encouragement and chat to me - it was so great.
You have my addy if you ever want to email. I know why you don't wnat to do AA and I totally understand - have you thought about some other kind of therapy or private counselling? It really might help you.
since I got my AA sponsor I have felt so much better - like I have a lifeline. Also I met another AA lady who I ended up giving a ride to Sydney the other day and got to know her well too so feel like I can call her if I can't call my sponsor.
but haing someone to just be there for you is so amazingly helpful. My sponsor came to a meeting last night just to give me encouragement and chat to me - it was so great.
Good morning all... VW, my blackout from Monday night will stay with me for a long, long time. Last night when I started thinking about how nice a couple drinks would be (a couple, yeah, that's funny), I thought back to the morning, that awful despair. And didn't pick up a drink. Just had dinner with a friend, watched a movie & played with my pets, & went to bed early. Woke up feeling great today. Tremor, thank you for your encouragement; I can look to you as a role model on your 4th day sober! And Idgie... good to see you back - I hope you had a nice weekend despite hurting your hand. I will get an email out to you, had planned on it but knew you were away. But I'm glad you're back! So happy to hear you've found a sponsor too! You know how much you've encouraged me and I'm so grateful to you for it. For everyone on this board. I still get ashamed when I slip, but it's so helpful not to be judged. It makes me want to try harder.
Wishing everyone a happy, sober day!
Wishing everyone a happy, sober day!
CB,
So glad you had a good night and a better day today.
Keeping busy helps me. I have a long way to go but I am on my way..ONE DAY AT A TIME. Please keep posting. It helps me tremendously.
Hugs and Snugs
Tremor
So glad you had a good night and a better day today.
Keeping busy helps me. I have a long way to go but I am on my way..ONE DAY AT A TIME. Please keep posting. It helps me tremendously.
Hugs and Snugs
Tremor
CB,
Don't you ever ever feel ashamed for being human. Everyone on this board has slipped. It is part of the healing. If everyone was perfect we wouldn't be human! You keep your chin up and know that I for one care.
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
Don't you ever ever feel ashamed for being human. Everyone on this board has slipped. It is part of the healing. If everyone was perfect we wouldn't be human! You keep your chin up and know that I for one care.
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
Thanks again Tremor and Valarie... it's always nice to know that someone cares... especially when you're a "closeted" alcoholic like I am. Seems that even those I know who suspect my problem take a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude. I guess they're waiting for me to totally screw up my life to say anything, right now I'm still managing to keep up the illusion that I'm in control. They'll be waiting a long time, I'm gonna get a grip on this thing sooner than later. And it'll be made a little easier with the support of all the great people I've met on these boards, I appreciate your support and non-judgment very much!
Hugs to Tremor and Valarie, and all my other friends here...
Hugs to Tremor and Valarie, and all my other friends here...
Hey CB
Yeah I know what you mean about the closet alco thing. I didn't tell my parents when I visited them - so it totally threw them when I refused wine etc. on the weekend. In fact it caused a bit of an upset. But we worked though it OK. Boy one day ata time huh?
Tremor - good to see you still posting and hanging in there.
Another day sober for me - boy yesterday was HARD. Thank God for my sponsor - and I really mean it. She kept me going yesterday, I don't think I would have made it through without her. I've really been led to a great sponsor.
Yeah I know what you mean about the closet alco thing. I didn't tell my parents when I visited them - so it totally threw them when I refused wine etc. on the weekend. In fact it caused a bit of an upset. But we worked though it OK. Boy one day ata time huh?
Tremor - good to see you still posting and hanging in there.
Another day sober for me - boy yesterday was HARD. Thank God for my sponsor - and I really mean it. She kept me going yesterday, I don't think I would have made it through without her. I've really been led to a great sponsor.
Hey Idgie...
I'm so glad to hear that that friend is now your sponsor!!! See, God has a plan for you. You just gotta believe!
So sleepy, have been so tired lately...have only been reading posts some nights...seeing how everyone is.
I'm so proud of you girl!
Carolyn
I'm so glad to hear that that friend is now your sponsor!!! See, God has a plan for you. You just gotta believe!
So sleepy, have been so tired lately...have only been reading posts some nights...seeing how everyone is.
I'm so proud of you girl!
Carolyn
Hey Ladies, Yep, I was a closet drinker too...until the last 18 months ~ but I was still hiding the evidence, however I just couldn't cover my behavior that well, but hey I drank for 28 years...my Sponsor says "You're right where you're suppose to be..." ~ I use to hate when she said that...but now I don't mind it as much. So, I'll say it to you gals too ~ you're right where you're suppose to be...Idgie, so good to hear about you and your Sponsor...Carolyn, was wondering where you've been, take care of yourself...Tremor and CB ~ hold on and keep posting...as you know there is a lot of support here.
Hey Ciaobella keep posting and getting out what is in your head good or bad don't let anything stew in your head alone. Hell I'm sorry you can't do AA is there anyway you can find someone you can trust as a sponsor so at least you can have some personal contact with a recovery person as it does help immensely, most of all don't be so hard on yourself keep posting.
Hey Jayde how goes it? great to see your posts
Light and love Zac
Hey Jayde how goes it? great to see your posts
Light and love Zac
VW - and I thought I was special, being a closet alcoholic, haha. Kidding. I probably know a few myself & just don't know it. Zac, good to see you back, as always you offer great support and encouragement, and fine advice. My big move is almost finished - finally and thank god - so things should start to calm down a bit in my life. And less stress is always better than more. I really wish I could find someone in recovery that I could talk to, to be a sponsor in a way, I'm not sure how that'll work out. Maybe I should put an ad in the paper, haha. So far I'm doing pretty well since Monday but I never know how things are going to go. I've been trying to keep that Tuesday morning misery and confusion in the front of my mind - so far it seems to be helping. Thank god for "one day at a time"... don't know what I'd do without that phrase... hugs and a happy sober day to all my friends here...
P.S. Zac, any word from Ginge? Haven't seen him around in ages! Hope he's doing well...
P.S. Zac, any word from Ginge? Haven't seen him around in ages! Hope he's doing well...
How's it going today Ciaobella? Just checkin' in with you.
HI VW, going OK. Wanted to check in last night but still finishing up my move & cleaning out my old place so I've been pretty busy & also exhausted. I'm SO happy it is Friday. Plus the handyman in my complex called & woke me up at 10 to 7, half an hour before I had to get up. I wasn't happy! But all the craziness, time constraints, etc have left me with little time to drink or even think about it much. Of course it's crossed my mind but I've so far been pretty strong. Still nothing since Monday! How about you?? Are things going well for you now?
Hi Ciaobella! Congrats on 4 days alcohol free! That's awesome;) Hope you can settle down and relax a bit this weekend, sounds like you are wearing yourself out! Have a nice weekend, i'll be thinking of you;)
Thanks Jayde, I'm definitely a bit worn out, this move has been consuming me for 2 weeks and I've hardly had any help, just the BF really. Tonight I'm making him dinner as a thank you b/c he busted his butt helping me. Tomorrow will be more craziness but I hope Sunday I can relax a bit. Moving is exciting but also a pain in the butt, LOL! Thanks for your thoughts, yep it's been 4 days, trying not to think about it too much b/c that's when I get into trouble! Still focusing on 1 day at a time. Hope you're having a great day & will have a great weekend too! Hugs and warm wishes...
