A few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been trying and it happened. We were very excited. Everything seemed to be going right. I start a new job making more money than I have in my whole life, he freelances and got a gig that was a great step in the right direction. Until recently he was living about 2 hrs from me. He moved in and then had to go on this business trip this past week. I knew he had an alcohol problem with 1 or 2 relapses in the last month. he is a sweet hard working honest guy, but he called me half way through this trip and told me he went out drinking and ended up going on a crack binge for the last 48 hrs. They were the days off he had on his trip. He finished the job and came back home. He is in shambles, I told him very directly and very black and white. You have to go to therapy, a psychiatrist and create new habits and a new life. You have to love yourself and find the courage to make the change or don't, and thats ok too but I will not be a part of your life period. He has ADHD and terrible anxiety, depression and I believe OCD. The ADHD was diagnosed when he was a kid but he never took medication. His father died when he was 21 and it threw him into depression where it seems to me he just decided to self medicate and has just tried to white knuckle himself out of it. He has never tried to get professional help other than AA. It worked for him for a few years he says. He said he is going to make this change and get the help he needs.
I AM TERRIFIED.....50% of me wants to give him a chance and 50% says get the hell out now, get an abortion or just raise the baby alone and never have him in your life. I'm strong and will be happy with my decision either way but obviously I dont want to get an abortion. Any one out there with experience with this?
Dear Larsy,I am going to start with the last few sentences of your post where you said you could raise the baby yourself or get a abortion you'd be happy either way....really? Is that truly your thought or is that a way of I'll get back at you for what you did...You really need to look into your train of thought....next....Your boyfriend you state he is honest well yes and no....if he truly wants to be honest with you he would discuss his thought of using alcohol and Crack before hand and address his desire before using..he came clean after his use...so because he told you and he was honest does that make it less offensive because he told you? It sounds like you had planned on becoming pregnant but it sounds to me like neither one of you are ready for a baby...He has to address his addicitons....and it cannot be forced upon him...He needs to do it for himself....You cannot force threaten or make him better....now as for you maybe you should really figure out if you want this baby because a choice of your baby's life ...considering aborting a baby and you'd be happy either one doesn't sound like mother mentality to me....I could never imagine life without my kids....maybe you'd be better off figuring what you want work on that ...You work on yourself and allow him to work on himself...if you are meant to be together sometime apart to work on each other and improve what you have to offer sounds like what you both need.You said obviously you don't want a abortion so here's the question why did you even care to mention it ?
You don't seem to be ready for a child. Having one for selfish reasons or to help a relationship is not going to work. I recently had a daughter with my addict Gf. Didn't know what addiction was or she was an addict. Thought she was just taking as prescribed for pain management.Social services placed baby in grandma's custody. I fight to se her. Either way don't rely on happiness with a child with an active addict. You're in a tough situation. Sorry, Don't think you thought this through.
Beingme,
You as a father have rights. My ex-wife was addicted to crack 12 years ago. She started using after we divorced. I went to family court and filed a petition for sole custody. I told the court that my daughter is safe with the grandmother but the natural mother is mia. Keep in mind that I live in NY. It is extemely hard to gain custody of a child from the mother. To make a long story short, she was served with papers and had to appear in court. They gave her a drug test on the spot. Tested her for everything. She came up dirty and had crack cocaine in her system. We went back and fourth to court atleast 4 times. All 4 times she tested positive. I was even shocked. I was like man, she cant stay clean for a week for her own child. The good thing was I had temp custody of my daughter through the whole process. It took about 10 months, but I won in the end. You are the biological father. There is no reason why your little girl needs to stay with grandparent and you have to make an appt to see her.
You as a father have rights. My ex-wife was addicted to crack 12 years ago. She started using after we divorced. I went to family court and filed a petition for sole custody. I told the court that my daughter is safe with the grandmother but the natural mother is mia. Keep in mind that I live in NY. It is extemely hard to gain custody of a child from the mother. To make a long story short, she was served with papers and had to appear in court. They gave her a drug test on the spot. Tested her for everything. She came up dirty and had crack cocaine in her system. We went back and fourth to court atleast 4 times. All 4 times she tested positive. I was even shocked. I was like man, she cant stay clean for a week for her own child. The good thing was I had temp custody of my daughter through the whole process. It took about 10 months, but I won in the end. You are the biological father. There is no reason why your little girl needs to stay with grandparent and you have to make an appt to see her.
