Okay, so I'm wrestling with an issue near and dear to me: Reverse pride versus obligations.
I have always been HEAVILY involved in community development, including sitting on dozens of boards, implementing improvements, and carrying the torch toward education improvement. I ALWAYS thought I was doing it because it was something I was passionate about and it was a good thing to do--work toward providing better education for the young people. The programs I developed were receiving national recognition for innovation and successful implementation in an effort to "Grow Our Own," educated, technically savvy young people that would fit into our workforce.
Long story short, I still have an interest in doing it, and I've asked MY HP about it, and I THINK I'm being encouraged to continue. Here's my concern: In the past I always tried to 'anticipate' the next step as to WHY I was doing it. I kept telling myself that is was to "Make a Difference," and, as I mentioned to VWGirl, reverse pride is a HORRIBLE vice I'm trying to work on.
Oh s***ZE! "Mr. High and Mighty, Remember when you were low" is playing on the radio RIGHT NOW!
Never mind. I think I got my answer....
Okay, so this is stream of consciousness rambling. Take what might help, leave the rest.
Are you saying, skg, that in examining your motives you may be doing service work for the glory and recognition? Is that what you mean by reverse pride? (Excuse me if I'm being thick here.) If so, then I have been down that road, especially in the job-related stuff (I am a teacher). Sure, I'll teach an afterschool program (who better than me?) Sure, I'll run that fundraiser. (Flattered to be asked). Yes, I'll tutor before school, etc, etc. All in the interests of our educational community - or was it?
So yeah, I did a "good thing", but for what reason? Sometimes it's just that codependent caretaking behavior; sometimes it's the I-can-do-it-all supermom thing.
There's nothing wrong with being proud of service work, but I think when we overload ourselves and maybe other areas of our lives suffer we need to take a step back. Maybe just one project would give that same sense of satisfaction. This is actually my resolution - to learn to say 'no' when appropriate and to recognize that someone else will step in to fill that gap left by my huge, incredibly competent presence =)
~MomNMore
So yeah, I did a "good thing", but for what reason? Sometimes it's just that codependent caretaking behavior; sometimes it's the I-can-do-it-all supermom thing.
There's nothing wrong with being proud of service work, but I think when we overload ourselves and maybe other areas of our lives suffer we need to take a step back. Maybe just one project would give that same sense of satisfaction. This is actually my resolution - to learn to say 'no' when appropriate and to recognize that someone else will step in to fill that gap left by my huge, incredibly competent presence =)
~MomNMore
You've nailed it, MomN. I even took it into the family environment! I raised the kids because the wife certainly wasn't capable--she was only a babe herself! I cooked ALL the meals. I remodeled the house, cut firewood, blah, blah, blah. I was ALL THAT and more. I did more "volunteer" work than necessary because there was acceptance in it--one of my greatest fears. I wrote a novel (not published) and published poetry and tried my hand at acting and was a commercial model and did presentations to students and met with university leaders and! and! and! All in the name of "Making A Difference," because it felt good--and I THOUGHT doing this was what MY HP had given me the gifts to do--do show kids they could chase their dreams and it didn't hurt to try--to search for those gifts that had been given us.
I WAS ATLAS SHRUGGED.
And now, I'm very very VERY selfish with me, because I got super selfish with the addiction to acceptance. Everybody loved me and I was "giving back" and "making a difference." Now, 'service work' is the exact opposite of what I need to be doing. I am working on finding out what I'm responsible for, what other's need to take responsibility for, and finding out who I am with my Higher Power's guidance. I've given up control in finding out who I am because I f***ed it all up for years.
I'm simplifying--Keep It Simple, Stupid--KISS--and I'm more at peace with my HP in charge of this discovery. I am coming to know what serenity means. I'm learning to know peace--and embrace it.
I've got more accolades, personal triumphs, and a career that many people are struggling to achieve. And it never was enough. I was the World's Greatest Martyr because I could help you and feed of your thanks--all the while denying that I needed your thanks.
How F&$@ED UP is THAT?
Now. Just for today. I'm chem free, alcohol free, angst free. And I'm happy for the first time in my life. I'm SO GRATEFUL for this board, you folks, my groups I attend, and AA. After 48 trips around the sun, I've seen the light.
I WAS ATLAS SHRUGGED.
And now, I'm very very VERY selfish with me, because I got super selfish with the addiction to acceptance. Everybody loved me and I was "giving back" and "making a difference." Now, 'service work' is the exact opposite of what I need to be doing. I am working on finding out what I'm responsible for, what other's need to take responsibility for, and finding out who I am with my Higher Power's guidance. I've given up control in finding out who I am because I f***ed it all up for years.
I'm simplifying--Keep It Simple, Stupid--KISS--and I'm more at peace with my HP in charge of this discovery. I am coming to know what serenity means. I'm learning to know peace--and embrace it.
I've got more accolades, personal triumphs, and a career that many people are struggling to achieve. And it never was enough. I was the World's Greatest Martyr because I could help you and feed of your thanks--all the while denying that I needed your thanks.
How F&$@ED UP is THAT?
Now. Just for today. I'm chem free, alcohol free, angst free. And I'm happy for the first time in my life. I'm SO GRATEFUL for this board, you folks, my groups I attend, and AA. After 48 trips around the sun, I've seen the light.
Good one skg!!
Back when I was completely deluded, I wanted to be a therapist so I could make a difference and really help people, hence changing the world for the better. Only problem was, as I have come to realise in recovery, that dream was really about me, not about others. It was about me being worthy, accepted and valued.
I find it quite embarassing nowadays how I was back then!! I was a complete mess, romancing the fact that I was wonderful enough to change the world!!
Fortunatley I do not entertain such delusions anymore. I am doing wonderful things in the world of stained glass instead. And being happy doing this is probably far better for the world than me being a delusional alcoholic!!
Back when I was completely deluded, I wanted to be a therapist so I could make a difference and really help people, hence changing the world for the better. Only problem was, as I have come to realise in recovery, that dream was really about me, not about others. It was about me being worthy, accepted and valued.
I find it quite embarassing nowadays how I was back then!! I was a complete mess, romancing the fact that I was wonderful enough to change the world!!
Fortunatley I do not entertain such delusions anymore. I am doing wonderful things in the world of stained glass instead. And being happy doing this is probably far better for the world than me being a delusional alcoholic!!
Gidday Everyone
I needed the accolades of others to help my ego and confidance and then i started to realize what i was helping others with i was suffering from myself.
I grew up never knowing or being told i was loved and my whole life was spent looking for it in all the wrong places( thats a song i think) anyway in recovery i people pleased to the max and realised my family was suffering as a result, i then done all i could at home and didnt mind telling everyone about it, as i still needed the recognition.
The whole time i am doing things there is this nagging voice in my head questioning why, why, why and what do you want in return etc.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful it needs to undermine my confidance and stall my spirituality so it can get a foothold.
What am i babbling about well recognition is okay for things done as long as i dont search for it, and we all can make a difference now we are sober, and the little voice in my head well usually i know my motives before hand now and my conscience kicks in before my addictive mind....i thinkLMAO
Thing is we are all learning positively from these experiences.
Light and love Zac
I needed the accolades of others to help my ego and confidance and then i started to realize what i was helping others with i was suffering from myself.
I grew up never knowing or being told i was loved and my whole life was spent looking for it in all the wrong places( thats a song i think) anyway in recovery i people pleased to the max and realised my family was suffering as a result, i then done all i could at home and didnt mind telling everyone about it, as i still needed the recognition.
The whole time i am doing things there is this nagging voice in my head questioning why, why, why and what do you want in return etc.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful it needs to undermine my confidance and stall my spirituality so it can get a foothold.
What am i babbling about well recognition is okay for things done as long as i dont search for it, and we all can make a difference now we are sober, and the little voice in my head well usually i know my motives before hand now and my conscience kicks in before my addictive mind....i thinkLMAO
Thing is we are all learning positively from these experiences.
Light and love Zac
