Lately I've been drinking a lot more than I used to. Or really I just drink more often than I used to, usually 4 or 5 days a week. I never shake or anything if I don't drink, and I don't usually drink that much at a sitting (usually 4 or so at most), but I've become accustomed to drinking often. Sometimes it's hard for me not to (like if I've had a stressful day), sometimes it's pretty easy. I've gone through stages for most of my adult life where I drink more often for a while, usually during stressful times, then abstain for a while and just drink socially on occasion, this has just been a longer period than usual
What I'm not sure of is if this means I have a problem. I never drive drunk and it hasn't interfered with my everyday life, work, friendships etc. So part of me says no. But what makes me nervous is those days when I find I really really crave a drink. But how come that doesn't happen every day? I always figured that if I was an alcoholic I would feel that craving all the time. And I don't.So I don't know whether to think I have a real problem or have just fallen into a routine since this has happened before. Does anyone have any advice?
The very fact that you are questioning this should tell you something. Welcome to the board. I just noticed your hangin out with no replies. You can find more help on the painpill board it's a little more active. (After all Addiction is addiction) Glad you found your way here. Would you like to stop your addiction before you have the negative consequences you are speaking of? then now is the time.:)
Jane
Jane
Hi ciaobella
gosh you sound exactly how I sounded about 4-5 years ago. I kind of wondered if I drank too much but didn't really consider my self an alcoholic. I drank almost exactly as you are describing.
Now I've progressed to where I NEED a drink. I can't not drink when that craving hits. Now I do things I always said I'd NEVER do. Get drunk, really drunk during the day. Hide alcohol from my spouse and sneak extra in case I don't get my "share". Sometimes if I don't want to share with him I'll drink out of a coffee cup so it looks like I'm drinking coffee. If he's working a weekend 8-4 I'll start drinking at 9:00am so I can sober up again before he gets home so it won't look like I've been drinking all day. Occasionally, I 've even drank when I knew I had to drive somewhere. I NEVER thought I'd do anything like that - but here I am.
Yet if you met me you' never know I had a problem. I have a good job, look clean and tidy, dress professionally.
I know now that I can never be a social drinker, I can't enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. Cause one's never enough.
Only you will know if you have a problem. The best thing you can do is educate yourself, keep an open mind and be honest with yourself.
good luck to you
Idgie
gosh you sound exactly how I sounded about 4-5 years ago. I kind of wondered if I drank too much but didn't really consider my self an alcoholic. I drank almost exactly as you are describing.
Now I've progressed to where I NEED a drink. I can't not drink when that craving hits. Now I do things I always said I'd NEVER do. Get drunk, really drunk during the day. Hide alcohol from my spouse and sneak extra in case I don't get my "share". Sometimes if I don't want to share with him I'll drink out of a coffee cup so it looks like I'm drinking coffee. If he's working a weekend 8-4 I'll start drinking at 9:00am so I can sober up again before he gets home so it won't look like I've been drinking all day. Occasionally, I 've even drank when I knew I had to drive somewhere. I NEVER thought I'd do anything like that - but here I am.
Yet if you met me you' never know I had a problem. I have a good job, look clean and tidy, dress professionally.
I know now that I can never be a social drinker, I can't enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. Cause one's never enough.
Only you will know if you have a problem. The best thing you can do is educate yourself, keep an open mind and be honest with yourself.
good luck to you
Idgie
Thanks for your replies... I've decided I'm going to try to just stop, and fill in my time I often spend drinking doing other things - take a walk, play with my pets, go for a bike ride. That's how I've usually stopped in the past after these stretches I have. Like I'll start working out every day and that makes me not even want to drink since it makes me feel better about myself. I need to make myself less bored so I won't drink out of boredom anymore. It's just getting that started that's hard for me, after being in this routine for a while. I guess I also need to think about my drinking in the future, if it's even possible. I'm hoping that if I can do something about it now then maybe I can salvage the future for myself so I can just have a glass of wine with my sister, or a beer with my friends. I don't want this to advance too far, not if I can stop it. I don't feel it's a major problem right now, but I'm pretty sure that it will be if I don't do something about it. Idgie I hope things will get better for you... do you have people to support you?
Ciaobella,
I would say that if you are asking if you have a problem, chances are high you do. There are many levels of alcohol abuse.
Here is a website which you might find more information to really look at your situation.
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/
It has some self tests which really are interesting.
For me also wanted to stop. I knew I could not do it alone. There are too many temptations for me. I joined AA and I really have found a wonderful support system. I am really learning so many things and how to live happy.
Keep us posted.
pm
I would say that if you are asking if you have a problem, chances are high you do. There are many levels of alcohol abuse.
Here is a website which you might find more information to really look at your situation.
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/
It has some self tests which really are interesting.
For me also wanted to stop. I knew I could not do it alone. There are too many temptations for me. I joined AA and I really have found a wonderful support system. I am really learning so many things and how to live happy.
Keep us posted.
pm
If you think you may have a drinking problem,then you probably do.
If you were to see most alcoholics you would not be able to tell. Most alcoholics are not homeless, dirty and living under a bridge.
I am a clean cut ,educated woman in my early 30s who lives in a nice apt with a good job.
I never got arrested, a DUI, never wrecked a car, physically hurt anyone or lost a relationship or a job.
But...I could if I picked up a drink.
See, I didn't drink everyday...Sometimes I could go a week with out a drink. Sometimes I could drink 1/2 a beer and let it sit there for the rest of the night.But most times, I'd go to have 1 drink and more times than not, I couldn't stop.
Most times 1 drink would turn into a binge. Then I'd wake up and wonder how in the h*** that happened AGAIN!
I joined AA and learned that in order to change my behavior , I had to change my thinking. And with my alcoholic mind telling me it was ok to drink, I couldn't do it alone. So I went to a meeting, talked with some of the women and decided the AA way was easier and softer.
It was a lot easier (and continues to be)easier than dealing with those demons in my head that were telling me "its ok ,just have one more, you deserve it,you've had a stressful day".
Try going to an AA meeting, keep reading these boards, there are a lot of great people here.
Good luck and God Bless.
Carolyn
If you were to see most alcoholics you would not be able to tell. Most alcoholics are not homeless, dirty and living under a bridge.
I am a clean cut ,educated woman in my early 30s who lives in a nice apt with a good job.
I never got arrested, a DUI, never wrecked a car, physically hurt anyone or lost a relationship or a job.
But...I could if I picked up a drink.
See, I didn't drink everyday...Sometimes I could go a week with out a drink. Sometimes I could drink 1/2 a beer and let it sit there for the rest of the night.But most times, I'd go to have 1 drink and more times than not, I couldn't stop.
Most times 1 drink would turn into a binge. Then I'd wake up and wonder how in the h*** that happened AGAIN!
I joined AA and learned that in order to change my behavior , I had to change my thinking. And with my alcoholic mind telling me it was ok to drink, I couldn't do it alone. So I went to a meeting, talked with some of the women and decided the AA way was easier and softer.
It was a lot easier (and continues to be)easier than dealing with those demons in my head that were telling me "its ok ,just have one more, you deserve it,you've had a stressful day".
Try going to an AA meeting, keep reading these boards, there are a lot of great people here.
Good luck and God Bless.
Carolyn
AA is a problem for me... I can't really go to AA... it has to do with my work. That's what makes this whole thing harder as far as support and resources and stuff... if I go to AA my job will find out and I'm afraid I'd lose my job... it's hard to explain. I'm just going to try on my own for now and see if I can help myself first. If I can't then I'll have to think of something... not sure what... but I didn't drink anything yesterday... I feel good about that...
Ok.....
If you go to a meeting, the people in the rooms don't want you telling anyone they were there and they won't tell anyone you were there.
The idea of anonymity is very important to the well-being of the group.
There are groups all over , are you worried you will run into someone you work with? You can go to a meeting across town-people don't usually run their mouths about who they see there-they are there getting help themselves.
Congrats on not taking a drink yesterday.... Think you can just not drink for tonight? I'll bet you can.
Good luck and God bless,
Carolyn
If you go to a meeting, the people in the rooms don't want you telling anyone they were there and they won't tell anyone you were there.
The idea of anonymity is very important to the well-being of the group.
There are groups all over , are you worried you will run into someone you work with? You can go to a meeting across town-people don't usually run their mouths about who they see there-they are there getting help themselves.
Congrats on not taking a drink yesterday.... Think you can just not drink for tonight? I'll bet you can.
Good luck and God bless,
Carolyn
I work in one of the largest Corporations in SoCal and have for 22 years...that was always my excuse too...what if someone sees me at AA? Well, I got so desperate that I no longer cared what anyone thought...my desire to get sober had finally surpassed all the other things in life...that I thought were so important. But without my sobriety, I have nothing! Well, the first few months while attending 3, 4 sometimes 5 meetings a day at our local Alano club, lo and behold there is a Manager that sits around the corner for me at work attending on a free pass from the Judge, a court card! So he'd got a DUI, which thankfully I never got (yet). So anyway, we talked a little and he was so worried about being there...and now there's a couple of people that attend meetings I regularly attend that work there, no biggee...I use to think the same thing too, I'll lose my job...because I deal with the Gov't (defense) and all that...there are so many of us (alcoholics/addicts) in this line of work ~ why look at the latest Kennedy. When one becomes sick and tired of being sick and tired they do whatever it takes to achieve sobriety. That's my story and I'm stickin to it! LOL
I worry about AA because of my field of work... I know about the anonymity but that fear won't leave me and I don't think i could open up anyway being so afraid... I'm nervous even posting here even though there's no reason any of my coworkers would visit these boards and how would they know it was me anyway... but I can't afford to lose my job, it's the first good job i've had in so long... I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I hate that but i can't help it... and I think one of my friends is getting concerned though he hasn't said anything directly to me, sometimes if I'm drinking he looks at me like he's worried about me and it makes me feel ashamed. Sorry I'm just rambling now, I'm kind of freaked out at the whole idea of having a problem at all... and I'm supposed to go out tonight and I'm trying not to drink but it'll be really hard if it's there and others are drinking... I'm thinking about saying i don't feel well so I can just stay home but if I stay home I might end up drinking anyway because I'll be bored. I don't know. I'm not sure what to do. This really sucks.
No, you are not rambling...you are opening up and telling other people what you are feeling and thinking..that is GREAT!!
I definitely would not recommend going out with your friends if they are all going to be drinking. Yeah, you might drink if you stay home, but I'm willing to bet that if you go out...you will definitely drink.
Thats what I would have done. Peer pressure can be a b****.
I understand you are afraid...we all were.
Fear is a big part of Alcoholism.
AA teaches us how to walk through the fear .
Just remember, when you are ready, when you have finally had enough ...AA will be there for you.
Good luck,
Carolyn
I definitely would not recommend going out with your friends if they are all going to be drinking. Yeah, you might drink if you stay home, but I'm willing to bet that if you go out...you will definitely drink.
Thats what I would have done. Peer pressure can be a b****.
I understand you are afraid...we all were.
Fear is a big part of Alcoholism.
AA teaches us how to walk through the fear .
Just remember, when you are ready, when you have finally had enough ...AA will be there for you.
Good luck,
Carolyn
Thanks Carolyn, I hate to admit it but I did go out Saturday, I did drink but I made myself stop at 3 beers (it was harder than I thought it would be, and if my friends hadn't stopped too it might have been a lot harder). I bet if I'd stayed home I would have actually gotten drunk. So maybe it turned out OK. Yesterday I didn't drink, and hopefully today will follow like yesterday. It really is hard when your friends are all casual social drinkers, sometimes I'm kind of jealous, but it's not their fault that it's harder for me I guess. Anyway thanks for your advice and support - I do appreciate it.
You're welcome.
It is hard for our non-alcoholic friends to understand what we go through...the obsessing is the worst!
When I used to go out with my friends, I would have just one or two with them, then leave them and go to another bar alone, or pick up something and get loaded at home.
I knew if my social drinking friends saw how much I put away (and boy could I put it away!!) then I would have to hear it....so I just hung out with alcoholics who drank as much as I did.
When I quit -some people always said ,"but I never saw you drink that much!"
Keep reading the posts here...we are always here for you.
Carolyn
It is hard for our non-alcoholic friends to understand what we go through...the obsessing is the worst!
When I used to go out with my friends, I would have just one or two with them, then leave them and go to another bar alone, or pick up something and get loaded at home.
I knew if my social drinking friends saw how much I put away (and boy could I put it away!!) then I would have to hear it....so I just hung out with alcoholics who drank as much as I did.
When I quit -some people always said ,"but I never saw you drink that much!"
Keep reading the posts here...we are always here for you.
Carolyn
My God, Carolyn are you me? I swear that's exactly how I use to do it? Have a drink or two in a social setting and then really pour it on when I got home, into a black out....however, the last 18 months of my drinking, although I didn't get drunk around my co-workers, I started to cross over the line and get drunk in public...should have bee arrested many times for DUI. I'm glad I stopped in time.
Man, and all this time I thought I was unique!!!
We women are all about appearances!
I would even leave my friends (even though I was having a good time) because the voice in my head was getting so loud-wanting me to go home where I could really drink the way I wanted,or some awful seedy bar where they wouldn't question me or didn't care...I always tipped huge, so they wouldn't cut me off.
Good to see you around VW...I think you and I were living parallel lives girl!!!
C
We women are all about appearances!
I would even leave my friends (even though I was having a good time) because the voice in my head was getting so loud-wanting me to go home where I could really drink the way I wanted,or some awful seedy bar where they wouldn't question me or didn't care...I always tipped huge, so they wouldn't cut me off.
Good to see you around VW...I think you and I were living parallel lives girl!!!
C
Carolyn I can SO relate to that. I do that when my parents come to visit - I constantly obsess about whether my drinking is looking "normal" or not. It s*cks.
BTW my H got off with 18 month bond on his DUI this morning. Boy is he happy not to lose his license. He was really worreid about losing his job over it. Lets hope this really scares some sense into him.
BTW my H got off with 18 month bond on his DUI this morning. Boy is he happy not to lose his license. He was really worreid about losing his job over it. Lets hope this really scares some sense into him.
Good Morning Carolyn and Idgie, That's all I wanted to say, LOL...hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Corporate America I go! Oh and get this, here in the South Bay of LA, well I live about 5 miles from work, maybe a little bit more...and it takes me 40 minutes to get there! I no longer pick and drink over that either, LOL!
Good Morning to Ciaobella, PM and Just Jane too! Have a wonderful day Ladies ~ you are all very special!
Good Morning to Ciaobella, PM and Just Jane too! Have a wonderful day Ladies ~ you are all very special!
Wow, I've done that too - have a couple of drinks at happy hour or whatever, then come home, alone, to a nice new bottle of wine. Or sometimes if friends come over I'll open one bottle and hide another for myself for later. It's a little shameful, but it also makes me feel better to know that I'm alone in that behavior....
VWGirl - 5 miles? why don't you get on your bike and ride girl!!!
Boy am I happy to be out of the traffic jam nightmare - I catch the bus now let the bus driver worry about it while I read a book.
Of course where I live traffic jams don't exist yet.
Boy am I happy to be out of the traffic jam nightmare - I catch the bus now let the bus driver worry about it while I read a book.
Of course where I live traffic jams don't exist yet.
I wish I had the motivation to bike to work! But even if I did I would have to change into a suit and my pumps when I got there...LOL...lot's of folks do bike in and they get there almost at the same time I do... I'm just to lazy...hope everyone is having a peaceful night....
