Morning all,
I need some help to work something out......My daughter, the 14yr old was home sick yesterday......Thats usually when she tells me of things that are bothering her, the stuff most kids would never tell their parents. She said her friend invited her over after school the day before to do some drinking. Well I was at a loss. I am so proud of her, all of them my 19 yr old has always told me everything down to every drug he tried. But I have no idea what to do about the friend. This I remember doing as a kid, was so glad when my mom got a job and I would come home alone.....Now I know why I work from home and realize in that aspect what a great decision I made.
Any advice on this?
Love Yah all,
Tina
Oh Tina our children are our lives and I'll tell you both my girls thell me alot well sometimes more than I want to know.I guess you can talk openly with her?Have you told her how & why you don't think it would be a good thing?My 16yr tells me all.Yes she did try drinking last summer and ended up going to the hospital with alchol poisoning.Thankfully she turned her life around that day.Did your girls say that drinking was something she wants to try?As for her friend that is the hardest call.Some kids(like me when I was young)If my folks said I couldn't hang with someone I did just the opposite just because I thought I knew more than my folks.So times forbitting fruit is the most tempting.....mj
How great it is that she still talks to you about that stuff. My daughter tells my wife the stuff that really bothers her when they walk the dog together.....my wife tells me the key is to keep listening, ask some questions, then listen some more.....w/out judgement as much as possible. It sounds like your daughter already made a good decision....banning her from seeing the friend might make her feel that because she told the truth she is being punished, or she got her friend in trouble. Keeping the communication open is so important. There is no way to protect our kids from exposure to alcohol and drugs.....it gets worse in high school. But you already knew that, I'm sure. I recently learned it the hard way. Humility. M.
Thanks guys,
Yeah I did a lot of listening, didn't say to much. She kind of banned herself from the friend. I think she is going to tell her that she won't hang out if drinking is involved.....
At one point I thought it might be a bad idea if the 12 an 14 yr old knew that daddy was going though wd. Now I think it was a real good thing.....
Tina
Wondering M, did you tell your kids.....
Yeah I did a lot of listening, didn't say to much. She kind of banned herself from the friend. I think she is going to tell her that she won't hang out if drinking is involved.....
At one point I thought it might be a bad idea if the 12 an 14 yr old knew that daddy was going though wd. Now I think it was a real good thing.....
Tina
Wondering M, did you tell your kids.....
If you mean about w/d this last time, no. Didn't tell anybody other than my counsellor and some folks in meetings. But my kids are fully aware why Dad never drinks, and my daughter now knows that my abstinence must include all so-called "mind-altering substances," including pain pills.
Hi just to add my 2 cents.Both my girls have known for along time what is going on with me.I've always tried to be very honest about what I was doing in return they have given me the honesty and love only a child can.I am very luck that so far they have seen how harmful that stuff can be and have made the choice by themselves not to so far do anything like that stuff......mj
T - I think that's one issue to keep in the closet....
I think maybe, if my step-dad had gotten help for his drinking, and if my mom hadn't covered up for him, and if I had been better informed about substance abuse and addiction, I MIGHT have done things a little differently. Can't say for sure, I'd still have the genetic predisposition to deal with, but maybe with a little warning I could've headed it off at the pass. Who knows? I have been honest w. my child (not volunteering every single detail, though) - the best that I can hope for is that she becomes informed about the reality of addiction, and that there is no "casual use". s
Hi Eddie and Sherriet,
Hope you are both well this evening.........Eddie my kids know......My 19 year old son knows everything, he needed to know. He was going down a bad path, what a wake up call he got seeing his dad go through wd. Telling him was the best decision.....The girls knew that daddy was taking pain pills........we just told them that it got out of hand and that this can happen, and that even drugs the docs give you can cause big problems...stuff like that........but they knew daddy was in wd.....They didn't see much of the bad cause that always seem to happen late at night, and thier lives were never really disrupted by it...by that I mean that the family life and friends and all went on like normal.......I know that this may seem weird but we don't have any history that we can find of addiction on either side of the family.......It starts with the husband and hopefully the cycle will end with him. I talk to my kids about everything, the good and the bad......I want them to have the best chances in life, that means they need to know the good that can happen as well as the bad.......
Take Care,
Tina
Hope you are both well this evening.........Eddie my kids know......My 19 year old son knows everything, he needed to know. He was going down a bad path, what a wake up call he got seeing his dad go through wd. Telling him was the best decision.....The girls knew that daddy was taking pain pills........we just told them that it got out of hand and that this can happen, and that even drugs the docs give you can cause big problems...stuff like that........but they knew daddy was in wd.....They didn't see much of the bad cause that always seem to happen late at night, and thier lives were never really disrupted by it...by that I mean that the family life and friends and all went on like normal.......I know that this may seem weird but we don't have any history that we can find of addiction on either side of the family.......It starts with the husband and hopefully the cycle will end with him. I talk to my kids about everything, the good and the bad......I want them to have the best chances in life, that means they need to know the good that can happen as well as the bad.......
Take Care,
Tina
Hey T - I understand now. I sometimes think of myself in certain situations and get caught up in the fact that my daughter is only 8.
Well now we didn't tell the 18 month old........lol
Yours is to young, mine are at the age that they understand more, they also have the DARE program in school....it kind of reinforces that.
Yours is to young, mine are at the age that they understand more, they also have the DARE program in school....it kind of reinforces that.
