Sad eyes my daughter does not work. She last worked about 7 years ago. She is 1 year away from getting her Bachelor's degree but hasn't been in school for 3 years. In the past 2 years she cannot function enough to work or go to college because her addiction is so severe.
Gosh Mtnmom he is really pushing everyone away. I think you are wise to distance yourself from him. Its terrible he threatens people.
Sad situations all round
My sons DOC is Meth. I have had those phone calls about his life being out of control. Fix it Mom! Somehow it is our fault he is driving reckless because he is screaming at us and out of control. He has threatened all of us and threatened suicide. I tried not answering the phone or reading the texts but that never seemed to work. He couldnt keep a job. I had trouble keeping mine after answering calls all night. He lost everything he had after we stopped paying for everything. He developed bouts of mental psychosis and delusions. He went to hospital after hospital and several rehabs. We wouldnt let him in our house because we didnt know what he would do. After years of trying to understand him and help him we finally had to let him go. His life and our trying to fix him was making us literally sick.
I changed my phone number and we moved. I know that was pretty drastic. He has no phone or car (or drivers license now) anyway. At first it was going to be temporary isolation from him so we could get well again and then I was going to give him our contact information. That distance from the situation gave me perspective. I realized things were getting worse and not better. I actually reviewed the money we had spent on him for the past two years and was appalled ... made me sick to my stomach. I had no idea it was that much money, until I added it up. I realized he was actually an abusive person and that situations could be dangerous. When in the midst of his addiction I didnt see this until strangers started saying something.
I knew we couldnt go back to the way things were before so I never gave him the info. I do email him sometimes and have heard from him that way but not in some months. I just could not do it anymore! I have cried a million tears because now he has no one that really cares but we had to make a change. He was unable to care about us. I know the love is still there both ways but I get fearful when I think he could show up at our house at anytime. I know he is very mad that we cut him off so I dont know what he might do.
Parents should look forward to seeing their kids but with drugs involved it really messes up the family dynamic and mixes up feelings. And stomps on your heart.
lol - almost forgot about the brain damage question. I have read that the longer they use, the harder it is to recover. I have also heard that if their brain ever has a break with reality then it is more likely to happen again. I guess the more often this happens, the easier it happens because it causes their brain to change. I think there is a link between the bipolar or schizoeffective mental health diagnosis and drug use. Definitely damages the brain but I think recovery is a crap shoot ... may or may not recover and may or may not take a long time. Could be a permanent condition with psych meds needed.
I changed my phone number and we moved. I know that was pretty drastic. He has no phone or car (or drivers license now) anyway. At first it was going to be temporary isolation from him so we could get well again and then I was going to give him our contact information. That distance from the situation gave me perspective. I realized things were getting worse and not better. I actually reviewed the money we had spent on him for the past two years and was appalled ... made me sick to my stomach. I had no idea it was that much money, until I added it up. I realized he was actually an abusive person and that situations could be dangerous. When in the midst of his addiction I didnt see this until strangers started saying something.
I knew we couldnt go back to the way things were before so I never gave him the info. I do email him sometimes and have heard from him that way but not in some months. I just could not do it anymore! I have cried a million tears because now he has no one that really cares but we had to make a change. He was unable to care about us. I know the love is still there both ways but I get fearful when I think he could show up at our house at anytime. I know he is very mad that we cut him off so I dont know what he might do.
Parents should look forward to seeing their kids but with drugs involved it really messes up the family dynamic and mixes up feelings. And stomps on your heart.
lol - almost forgot about the brain damage question. I have read that the longer they use, the harder it is to recover. I have also heard that if their brain ever has a break with reality then it is more likely to happen again. I guess the more often this happens, the easier it happens because it causes their brain to change. I think there is a link between the bipolar or schizoeffective mental health diagnosis and drug use. Definitely damages the brain but I think recovery is a crap shoot ... may or may not recover and may or may not take a long time. Could be a permanent condition with psych meds needed.
Buggin, can't go back to the way things were.
Excellent point. Sometimes I think both family and the addict/alkie look for something that was never there or simply fleeting moments. More importantly there is a point of no return. Once certain lines are crossed there's no going back. You can work on a new and different relationship but there is definitely a point of no return.
Besides particular behavior or incidents it is the repetitive behavior we're supposed to accept as friends or family. We are either taken for granted or written off as stupid/don't care.
To top it off over looking things could be considered enabling.
Just like rehab they have to really want to get sober they have to want a relationship or peace with whom ever.
Excellent point. Sometimes I think both family and the addict/alkie look for something that was never there or simply fleeting moments. More importantly there is a point of no return. Once certain lines are crossed there's no going back. You can work on a new and different relationship but there is definitely a point of no return.
Besides particular behavior or incidents it is the repetitive behavior we're supposed to accept as friends or family. We are either taken for granted or written off as stupid/don't care.
To top it off over looking things could be considered enabling.
Just like rehab they have to really want to get sober they have to want a relationship or peace with whom ever.
BugginMe & SameGame - I just want to hug you. My husband & I know in our brain that we HAVE to cut him out. He's not our son right now. The meth has possessed him & for the life of me I'm having a horrible time accepting that this is who & what he is now. I'm a very rational person, but this is something beyond anything. My husband has such a feeling of doom & dread. This is not going to end well & we may never have our son again. That is a hard thing to handle. I've often wondered how people whose children have died before them survive & continue with their lives but now I am CHOOSING to lose my son. My heart can't accept it, may NEVER accept but I know it has to be.
We too moved to a different state & it is very nice to know he can't just show up. and now he can't blow up our phones with texts messages & frantic, insane voice mails or calls.....
We too moved to a different state & it is very nice to know he can't just show up. and now he can't blow up our phones with texts messages & frantic, insane voice mails or calls.....
Buggs - a line you wrote got me --- his life was making you literally sick ----
Yes - same here - I was loosing weight - down to 110 and was still loosing - I don't like being thin and it takes a lot for me to gain it back. I was scared and knew the person in the mirror was not me.
at the same time my husband was gaining weight. he bloated up 25 lbs. he had been drinking a beer or two every night - something that was out of his character - it was his anger at the situation
I saw that we were doing harm to ourselves by staying in this situation.
Thanks for sharing your stories - they really help!
PS - I am still at 110 - but solid and will hopefully be able to gain. I eat pretty healthy so it takes a long time. I don't like to eat snack food but do try to in order to put on some weight.
my husband has stopped drinking beer every day. the bloating has gone down and he has lost a few pounds.
Yes - same here - I was loosing weight - down to 110 and was still loosing - I don't like being thin and it takes a lot for me to gain it back. I was scared and knew the person in the mirror was not me.
at the same time my husband was gaining weight. he bloated up 25 lbs. he had been drinking a beer or two every night - something that was out of his character - it was his anger at the situation
I saw that we were doing harm to ourselves by staying in this situation.
Thanks for sharing your stories - they really help!
PS - I am still at 110 - but solid and will hopefully be able to gain. I eat pretty healthy so it takes a long time. I don't like to eat snack food but do try to in order to put on some weight.
my husband has stopped drinking beer every day. the bloating has gone down and he has lost a few pounds.
I thought my son had permanent brain damage from 2 intentional overdoses. I was convinced that I was looking at long term placement somewhere. I think he thought he had permanent brain damage, as well.
He is doing a bit better at the moment. He seems relatively normal. He told me the other day he was hoping that the damage would all be from drugs. He felt like he was not brain damaged.
So, it is tough to know. He still has some memory issues (to me it seems) & I wonder if it still affects him, but time will tell.
Thinking of everyone on this heartbreaking journey.
He is doing a bit better at the moment. He seems relatively normal. He told me the other day he was hoping that the damage would all be from drugs. He felt like he was not brain damaged.
So, it is tough to know. He still has some memory issues (to me it seems) & I wonder if it still affects him, but time will tell.
Thinking of everyone on this heartbreaking journey.
My daughter says she feels like she is reprogramming her brain. She is more " normal" but still uses.
