I have a question. I quit from a moderate hydro addiction in March.(Up to 100mg for less than a year) I relapsed after only 2 weeks thinking I could just have a couple...you know the rest. I pretty quickly got my act together and now I am totally clean again. My question is this-I went to a pill anon meeting and the truth is I don't like the 12 step stuff. It does not jive with my personal philosophy on life. The whole powerless thing it extremely difficult for me to buy into. I know the program has kept lots of folks clean and so many of you are really into it but I can't wrap my brain around it. Do any of the elder clean folks not go to meetings? Do you have another plan in place. Is it possible to do this all on your own. I have things in place I use when I am feeling tempted. I work out like crazy and ironically I eat a ridiculously healthy diet. I am doing a whole detox thing to get back to my old physical self. This really motivates me as do my children, my husband, my morality, and the fact I don't want to go to jail for changing scripts. Any info would be helpful. Thank you much.
Begood,
Our stories sound similar. I've stopped several times, and have always relapsed after a few weeks as well. I've had similar reservations about 12 step programs for teh same reasons. Recently, however, I'm begining starting to embrace the fact that it's likely that everything in my life needs to be rethought and looked at, because it's obviously not working for me, since I keep ending up back on pills. I know that the change isn't going to happen overnight, but I was at an AA meeting today where 4 people celebrated their AA birthday (sobriety date) - 2 years, 4 years, 18 years, 25 years. So maybe my way (and belief system) isn't conducive to staying clean and sober. Their's obviously is. I'm willing to open my mind. Remember that you're not going to change over night, and you shouldn't expect to. Go to meetings, talk to people, listen to their stories, and if/when you're ready, begin to work the steps yourself.
Take care.
Our stories sound similar. I've stopped several times, and have always relapsed after a few weeks as well. I've had similar reservations about 12 step programs for teh same reasons. Recently, however, I'm begining starting to embrace the fact that it's likely that everything in my life needs to be rethought and looked at, because it's obviously not working for me, since I keep ending up back on pills. I know that the change isn't going to happen overnight, but I was at an AA meeting today where 4 people celebrated their AA birthday (sobriety date) - 2 years, 4 years, 18 years, 25 years. So maybe my way (and belief system) isn't conducive to staying clean and sober. Their's obviously is. I'm willing to open my mind. Remember that you're not going to change over night, and you shouldn't expect to. Go to meetings, talk to people, listen to their stories, and if/when you're ready, begin to work the steps yourself.
Take care.
Hi,
Well for me, I have given in to "Meeting Makers Make It". You've already said you tried to take just a few and the obvious happened. Well, I'd say you already wrapped your mind around the fact that your powerless over the drug. I find it's much easier if I don't try to anylize things. You don't like the whole 12 step thing because a program of recovery requires us to change, all of us, or I'll say I, didn't like the idea of change either. I figured if I got clean and sober, then thats it. Well
I've learned, the hard way I might add, the old me will always drink and drug. The old me is what got me into A.A. (for me) and it's now the new me, that wants to continue. "Take The Body The Mind Will Follow", I was told. I started taking suggestions, I had nothing to lose, nobody was making me do anything, and I found after a while life was getting better and as a result I started liking me as well. If you think about it, don't try and anylize it, and read up on some of the literature, all a program of recovery is suggesting we do is live right, be honest with ourselves and others and learn to look back without regret at the end of each day, "One Day At A Time". Can't hurt to give it an honest try. I was told go to 90 meetings in 90 days, if I didn't think it was for me I'd gladly be refunded my mysery. It's up to you, how bad do you want it? And what are you willing to do to stay clean?
Take care...........Bob
Well for me, I have given in to "Meeting Makers Make It". You've already said you tried to take just a few and the obvious happened. Well, I'd say you already wrapped your mind around the fact that your powerless over the drug. I find it's much easier if I don't try to anylize things. You don't like the whole 12 step thing because a program of recovery requires us to change, all of us, or I'll say I, didn't like the idea of change either. I figured if I got clean and sober, then thats it. Well
I've learned, the hard way I might add, the old me will always drink and drug. The old me is what got me into A.A. (for me) and it's now the new me, that wants to continue. "Take The Body The Mind Will Follow", I was told. I started taking suggestions, I had nothing to lose, nobody was making me do anything, and I found after a while life was getting better and as a result I started liking me as well. If you think about it, don't try and anylize it, and read up on some of the literature, all a program of recovery is suggesting we do is live right, be honest with ourselves and others and learn to look back without regret at the end of each day, "One Day At A Time". Can't hurt to give it an honest try. I was told go to 90 meetings in 90 days, if I didn't think it was for me I'd gladly be refunded my mysery. It's up to you, how bad do you want it? And what are you willing to do to stay clean?
Take care...........Bob
I think we've all felt the same way as you do. Who among us wants to admit total defeat overs drugs? I don't know about you but pills kicked my a$$. I was so sick that I don't ever want to go back to that place again. I work out a lot also and that does help me and I consider it part of my program as well as meetings but most of us were spiritually bankrupt. I didn't lose a lot of material things but I lost myself in my addiction. Today, I have balance and sometimes a little peace and serenity.
RAchel
RAchel
Thanks for the info dedhed and Bob,
I am not planning to totally dismiss the whole program at this point. Let me throw out one more bit of info-this is my first brush w/addiction. I have never done drugs until I got bitten by the hydro and I am not an alcoholic. So at the begining of the pa meeting everyone was saying they were admitting they were addicted to pills and were alcoholics I was like"I'm not an alcoholic" I know this sounds juvenile and in no way do I mean any disrespect to you Bob, But am I suposed to say " I am an alcoholic, too?" I am not but everyone in the room said that. I am rambleing on past my bedtime but would love to get more advise of any kind. I do want to do what is best and I do love god just like the program. Thank you. Continued good luck dedhed and thanks bob.
I am not planning to totally dismiss the whole program at this point. Let me throw out one more bit of info-this is my first brush w/addiction. I have never done drugs until I got bitten by the hydro and I am not an alcoholic. So at the begining of the pa meeting everyone was saying they were admitting they were addicted to pills and were alcoholics I was like"I'm not an alcoholic" I know this sounds juvenile and in no way do I mean any disrespect to you Bob, But am I suposed to say " I am an alcoholic, too?" I am not but everyone in the room said that. I am rambleing on past my bedtime but would love to get more advise of any kind. I do want to do what is best and I do love god just like the program. Thank you. Continued good luck dedhed and thanks bob.
Thanks too Rachel. Good night all.
hello, when i first attended na meetings i didnt think i belonged there, however i got the basic text book and there i found several stories regarding pills. i then obtained a sponser and started the steps. the whole 12 step program was completly foreign to me, but i did the work. my sponser has 17 years and in my mind i am thinking why do you still need meetings, well going to meetings and working the steps earned her that clean time. recently i met someone who had 10 yrs and they thought they had aced the program and stopped going to meetings and relapsed and now they are up to one year once again. our best thinking is what got us in those rooms. i cant tell you why it works it just does. one thing about this program is honesty, openmindness and willingness and the rest will follow. the word powerless bothered me a great at first, however i am powerless over those pills and my life was unmanageable.
take care
carol
take care
carol
the only requirement for membership at a PA meeting is a desire to stop using pills. why would you say you are an alcoholic if you are not one?
one thing i will point out, if you think you would like to work this spiritual (not physical or emotional) program of recovery, is you might want to listen to what the people who identify as alcoholics have to say. chances are they attend AA meetings too and are familiar with the "big book" and the 12 step solution. PA, at present time, does not have a "big book" or "basic text" and rely on what is written in the AA "big book" or NA "basic text." it is suggested that where we see the word alcohol in the "big book" we think of pills as a solid form of alcohol.
attending PA meetings won't keep you clean; however, it is a wonderful way to hook up with other pill addicts who share a common bond and the 12 step message of recovery. meetings are a place where we find sponsors who can guide us through working the steps. each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to the prescription drug addict who still suffers.
hugs -
sammy
one thing i will point out, if you think you would like to work this spiritual (not physical or emotional) program of recovery, is you might want to listen to what the people who identify as alcoholics have to say. chances are they attend AA meetings too and are familiar with the "big book" and the 12 step solution. PA, at present time, does not have a "big book" or "basic text" and rely on what is written in the AA "big book" or NA "basic text." it is suggested that where we see the word alcohol in the "big book" we think of pills as a solid form of alcohol.
attending PA meetings won't keep you clean; however, it is a wonderful way to hook up with other pill addicts who share a common bond and the 12 step message of recovery. meetings are a place where we find sponsors who can guide us through working the steps. each group has but one primary purpose -- to carry its message to the prescription drug addict who still suffers.
hugs -
sammy
Hey BeGood,
Well, I'm probably going to BeBad, but most know I do not attend meetings. I quit c/t hydros about the same amount as you. I think it's an individual thing, I have not ruled out the meetings but don't find it necessary for my recovery...yet. I am now 7 1/2 weeks and feeling pretty good. I was getting all mine off the street and one morning (3am) had a conversation with God (yes he answered) and we agreed that if I flushed my pills ($1000) he would give me this window to get through. The rest is history and I have not had the first craving., I did get sicker than a dog from day 3 to day 6.
I do think about my old life and now I'm adjusting to doing things without them....oh yeah, my recovery process has been a private thing which pretty much goes against everything here, but that was just me.
Good luck to you and God Bless!
charlie
Well, I'm probably going to BeBad, but most know I do not attend meetings. I quit c/t hydros about the same amount as you. I think it's an individual thing, I have not ruled out the meetings but don't find it necessary for my recovery...yet. I am now 7 1/2 weeks and feeling pretty good. I was getting all mine off the street and one morning (3am) had a conversation with God (yes he answered) and we agreed that if I flushed my pills ($1000) he would give me this window to get through. The rest is history and I have not had the first craving., I did get sicker than a dog from day 3 to day 6.
I do think about my old life and now I'm adjusting to doing things without them....oh yeah, my recovery process has been a private thing which pretty much goes against everything here, but that was just me.
Good luck to you and God Bless!
charlie
Just my thoughts.I feel the more extra support we can get.Either by group or private it can only help us.I dont know much about the NA or anything but I hear great things about it.Myself I know Ill feel more comfortable privately...mj
At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last
time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium
tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood
Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself
unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for
the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without
Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became
willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root
and branch. I have not had a drink since.
My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him
with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of
people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed
my entire willingness to approach these individuals,
admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them.
I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability.
I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness
within. Common sense would thus become uncommon
sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for
direction and strength to meet my problems as He would
have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my
requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might
I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.
My friend promised when these things were done I
would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator;
that I would have the elements of a way of living which
answered all my problems. Belief in the power of
God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were
the essential requirements.
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant
destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things
to the Father of Light who presides over us all.
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the
moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric.
There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace
and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence.
I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a
mountain top blew through and through. God comes to
most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden
and profound.
For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the
doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as
I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened
to you I don't understand. But you had better hang
on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The
good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences.
He knows that they are real.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there
were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad
to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could
help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of
demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly
was it imperative to work with others as he
had worked with me. Faith without works was dead,
he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic!
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he
could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If
he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he
drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed.
With us it is just like that.
_______________________
Excerpted from Chapter 1, Bill's Story, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, available for free that this website: http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Page_1
Take a look -- what do you have to lose ? What do you have to gain ?
Chapter 1 takes about 10 minutes to read.
time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium
tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood
Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself
unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for
the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without
Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became
willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root
and branch. I have not had a drink since.
My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him
with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of
people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed
my entire willingness to approach these individuals,
admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them.
I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability.
I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness
within. Common sense would thus become uncommon
sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for
direction and strength to meet my problems as He would
have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my
requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might
I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.
My friend promised when these things were done I
would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator;
that I would have the elements of a way of living which
answered all my problems. Belief in the power of
God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were
the essential requirements.
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant
destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things
to the Father of Light who presides over us all.
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the
moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric.
There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace
and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence.
I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a
mountain top blew through and through. God comes to
most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden
and profound.
For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the
doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as
I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened
to you I don't understand. But you had better hang
on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The
good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences.
He knows that they are real.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there
were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad
to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could
help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of
demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly
was it imperative to work with others as he
had worked with me. Faith without works was dead,
he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic!
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he
could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If
he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he
drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed.
With us it is just like that.
_______________________
Excerpted from Chapter 1, Bill's Story, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, available for free that this website: http://www.healingresource.org/book.cgi?Page_1
Take a look -- what do you have to lose ? What do you have to gain ?
Chapter 1 takes about 10 minutes to read.
charlie2, i'm not here to challenge you, but please take a few minutes to read Bill W.'s story (Chapter 1 of the Big Book of AA). you have more in common with the founders of AA and those who talked about the 12 steps that they took to be drug free (alcohol is a drug) than you might think. i've printed an excerpt in the post just above this one.
You are so right Bob, I remember the "big flush" and the feeling of power after it happened, it was over and I had all the confidence in the world. I had God with me. I know he's always with you but as you noted, it was a personal experience and a certain warmth that had entered my body that early morning. I wasn't scared anymore, what was to happen was going to happen but I would be ok. I KNEW that. As you know I've always been religious but this was different than going to church. This was a conversation with God and I felt the hell pulling the other way (pills) There was no question.
As of hurting people, I was financially able to secure my habit with my own funds, I own my business and it's pretty successful but enough was enough. I used to see all the things I could buy when I would purchase my weekly supply, it was awful. I did feel guilty and shameful because my wife and son deserved better, they haven't got it yet but I'm getting there.
This forum has really helped me and the feelings I have toward some of these people behind the screen names are really scary. If I haven't thanked everyone enough, I'll do it now,
Thank you,
charlie
As of hurting people, I was financially able to secure my habit with my own funds, I own my business and it's pretty successful but enough was enough. I used to see all the things I could buy when I would purchase my weekly supply, it was awful. I did feel guilty and shameful because my wife and son deserved better, they haven't got it yet but I'm getting there.
This forum has really helped me and the feelings I have toward some of these people behind the screen names are really scary. If I haven't thanked everyone enough, I'll do it now,
Thank you,
charlie
charlie,
i'll prolly get shot for this one too, but i know many christians who follow the big book (bible), believe in the program at church but practice at home. i by know means am not say one should or should not go to meetings. it is a very individual choice. i do believe f 2 f support is very important via counceling or some other form of support choice. we all learn differently so there for no one program in my belief is a one size fits all. but it is definately important to get educated and do your leg work. the most important thing is that you want to have recovery more then anything else.i did my research went to meetings and decided that god and councleing and support of my loving friends are my program.
terrianne
i'll prolly get shot for this one too, but i know many christians who follow the big book (bible), believe in the program at church but practice at home. i by know means am not say one should or should not go to meetings. it is a very individual choice. i do believe f 2 f support is very important via counceling or some other form of support choice. we all learn differently so there for no one program in my belief is a one size fits all. but it is definately important to get educated and do your leg work. the most important thing is that you want to have recovery more then anything else.i did my research went to meetings and decided that god and councleing and support of my loving friends are my program.
terrianne
To all of you who have given your insight,
Thank you. I imagine I will continue to poke around at the meeting thing but will not dismiss it. I am a stuborn broad and I am trying to figure some of this out. I did see an addictionoligist who told me that will power is highly over-rated and that kind of scared me. I read through all of your replies and appreciated all that you had to say and will use all the info. Thank you all and If anyone else would like to continue to weigh in that would be great.
Thank you. I imagine I will continue to poke around at the meeting thing but will not dismiss it. I am a stuborn broad and I am trying to figure some of this out. I did see an addictionoligist who told me that will power is highly over-rated and that kind of scared me. I read through all of your replies and appreciated all that you had to say and will use all the info. Thank you all and If anyone else would like to continue to weigh in that would be great.
Good post, good question. So good in fact I printed it as well as a few answers to read in a second. Im going outside for a smoke.
Before I read everyones comments I'm going to briefly say what more then likely already has been said:
IT IS ENTIRELY AND INDIVIDUAL DECISION. I DO MEAN THIS UNEQUIVICALLY.
That being said, I think it is a decision that should not be made quickly or lightly. Some people swear up , down & sideways by NA. Some only swear sideways, some people go once in a while, & there are those like myself who rarely, if ever, go. I have reasons which are personal.
At the same time, i usually find them boring. But I have not given up on them forever. I do realize part of the problem might, just might, be me. I'm not sure. BUt I do know that there is too much wisdom in that big book & too many really decent people(If I start naming names like Sammy, or BOb or Cowgirl or.........) that wouldnt be right, cause then i might forget someone, so let me just say there are many, many decent people that are intelligent & go there & get tremendous amounts of help there.
One more real quick thing before I have my smoke & then answer some more: I think what I am about to say is real important.
From what I understand about NA & the 12 steps is it is a good program & all people could benefit greatly from it. Many years ago, the first time I quit drugs, I did the whole thing essentially on my own -I did get involved with religion, or spirituality, or whatever- But. I did not receive any drug counseling at all or even go to any meetings. I thought prayer & faith would take care of things. In many cases and for many people, this is true, I think.
In my case, I was unknowingly fooling myself. Long story short, during that whole 13 or 15 year period, though i had 2 delightful children & a home & a wife who didnt like me, I was very unhappy, even though I didnt want to be. I never learned to 'live' and when my wife fell in love with someone who didnt have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out, well- within less then 6 months i relapsed. though i had had a seriousdrug problem thru most of my teen years till my early 20's when i finally quit, it was nothing compaired to my narcotic addiction as adult. I wonder at this point (I am now 52 and back on the path to recovery) how much better my adult life have been had I learned how to live. If I had given NA a chance, if I had seen past my pride & arrogance & stubborness & self imposed isolation, I might have learned and internalized the values and meanings & joyful living taught there. Had I learned to live when I was clean instead of just enduring, besides being a happier man then, I might have developed the necessary life & love skills to cope with divorce without almost desrtoying myself. Fortunately, I am now learning, but how much better would my life have been?
Before I read everyones comments I'm going to briefly say what more then likely already has been said:
IT IS ENTIRELY AND INDIVIDUAL DECISION. I DO MEAN THIS UNEQUIVICALLY.
That being said, I think it is a decision that should not be made quickly or lightly. Some people swear up , down & sideways by NA. Some only swear sideways, some people go once in a while, & there are those like myself who rarely, if ever, go. I have reasons which are personal.
At the same time, i usually find them boring. But I have not given up on them forever. I do realize part of the problem might, just might, be me. I'm not sure. BUt I do know that there is too much wisdom in that big book & too many really decent people(If I start naming names like Sammy, or BOb or Cowgirl or.........) that wouldnt be right, cause then i might forget someone, so let me just say there are many, many decent people that are intelligent & go there & get tremendous amounts of help there.
One more real quick thing before I have my smoke & then answer some more: I think what I am about to say is real important.
From what I understand about NA & the 12 steps is it is a good program & all people could benefit greatly from it. Many years ago, the first time I quit drugs, I did the whole thing essentially on my own -I did get involved with religion, or spirituality, or whatever- But. I did not receive any drug counseling at all or even go to any meetings. I thought prayer & faith would take care of things. In many cases and for many people, this is true, I think.
In my case, I was unknowingly fooling myself. Long story short, during that whole 13 or 15 year period, though i had 2 delightful children & a home & a wife who didnt like me, I was very unhappy, even though I didnt want to be. I never learned to 'live' and when my wife fell in love with someone who didnt have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out, well- within less then 6 months i relapsed. though i had had a seriousdrug problem thru most of my teen years till my early 20's when i finally quit, it was nothing compaired to my narcotic addiction as adult. I wonder at this point (I am now 52 and back on the path to recovery) how much better my adult life have been had I learned how to live. If I had given NA a chance, if I had seen past my pride & arrogance & stubborness & self imposed isolation, I might have learned and internalized the values and meanings & joyful living taught there. Had I learned to live when I was clean instead of just enduring, besides being a happier man then, I might have developed the necessary life & love skills to cope with divorce without almost desrtoying myself. Fortunately, I am now learning, but how much better would my life have been?
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A SIMPLE YES OR NO! I'm just kidding. Now you all are actually making me use my brain and search my soul. How dare you! I thought I could have an easy day. No, I really appreciate all this stuff. I am looking forward to what ever else you may add brown dog. I am on my way out the door myself but am intrested to see if anything else is posted when I get back in an hour. Many Thanks!
well I have said volumns on this subject.. so I will not beat it to death anymore... but I will say this..
I was/am a control freak.... and to admit that I was powerless over my drug and that I could not control use was the most difficult thing in the world for me to do... it took jail and the first week in rehab to get me to the light... but when i did .. I did.. I got it... I am POWERLESS.. my way does not work... i go back to drug everytime I try my way... meetings help remind me of that and also of some other things.....
and one more thing that I know beyond one shadow of a doubt... I have almost 5 years clean.... that if I didnt have meeting then I would be here now... and if I stop meeting now.. I would not be here tomorrow.... PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!
God bless..
Teresa
I was/am a control freak.... and to admit that I was powerless over my drug and that I could not control use was the most difficult thing in the world for me to do... it took jail and the first week in rehab to get me to the light... but when i did .. I did.. I got it... I am POWERLESS.. my way does not work... i go back to drug everytime I try my way... meetings help remind me of that and also of some other things.....
and one more thing that I know beyond one shadow of a doubt... I have almost 5 years clean.... that if I didnt have meeting then I would be here now... and if I stop meeting now.. I would not be here tomorrow.... PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!
God bless..
Teresa
WOW CHARLIE, I AM ALWAYS AMAZED when people do what u did. i used to do stuff like that a long time ago, but usually only with a little bit- cause it never worked. I did however dump out about 60 adderal 6 months or so ago & wrote my shrink a letter telling him not to prescribe them to me. Good luck on your recovery. I will suggest, or hope, (saying this as humbly as possible, so please don't take any offense or think im criticizing u in any way, cause im not) that if u elect to not go to NA that you find somewhere to go. You said you called out to G-d. I don't know if you are a Christian (I'm not) but there is a real good place sponsered by churches called Overcomers anonymous. They believe their higher power is Jesus Christ & they follow the 12 step program. They are open to all. What I find interesting is that I really did like going there, and I really & truelly am not a Christian. As a 12 step group they are open to all. One of the things I liked there is they even had cross talk. wow.
Anyway BEGOOD, read your post again & in many ways it sounds like something i would post. a couple kwik points, then i gotta get to work.
That whole control issue & the surrender type mentality, etc, didn't rub me the right way either. BUt a lot of NA is designed, (correct me if im wrong Sammy or someone) to be interpreted subjectively. what it means to you. take for example, "i am not in control" I always (except for maybe on cocaine) felt like i was essentially in control, but if i look back at it honestly, i really was in control , until i wasnt. Control means different things to different people. I never really thought of me being out of control if I had a bottle of pills & planned on them lasting me a week & they were gone after 2 days. Begood, that is not really being in control. So I was in control till i wasnt. From what u said, i have to gather the same thing, or maaybe u wouldn't have had to flush the pills. Maybe u could have done with them what u would have with anything else of value: given them to a friend who wasnt quitting, or whatever. But, I think we know what would have happened had u kept those pills at home in a drawer.
I do honestly believe that this applies to the whole NA philosophy. Accept things in a way that are acceptable to you. If you cant accept it, defer it until it makes sense to accept it with a different understanding.
FINALLY, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU SHOULD EVER LIE TO YOURSELF. If you are at a meeting You don't have to say u r an anything. I do remember going to a couple, & for some odd reason, i did not see myself as an addict. when i introduced myself i said something like "Hi, my names Harry & i use drugs, or just my name.
I hope my rambeling helped you.
By the way, the person who has had the biggest effect of making me consider na again is Sammy. Part of it was when she explained her life value system
Anyway BEGOOD, read your post again & in many ways it sounds like something i would post. a couple kwik points, then i gotta get to work.
That whole control issue & the surrender type mentality, etc, didn't rub me the right way either. BUt a lot of NA is designed, (correct me if im wrong Sammy or someone) to be interpreted subjectively. what it means to you. take for example, "i am not in control" I always (except for maybe on cocaine) felt like i was essentially in control, but if i look back at it honestly, i really was in control , until i wasnt. Control means different things to different people. I never really thought of me being out of control if I had a bottle of pills & planned on them lasting me a week & they were gone after 2 days. Begood, that is not really being in control. So I was in control till i wasnt. From what u said, i have to gather the same thing, or maaybe u wouldn't have had to flush the pills. Maybe u could have done with them what u would have with anything else of value: given them to a friend who wasnt quitting, or whatever. But, I think we know what would have happened had u kept those pills at home in a drawer.
I do honestly believe that this applies to the whole NA philosophy. Accept things in a way that are acceptable to you. If you cant accept it, defer it until it makes sense to accept it with a different understanding.
FINALLY, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU SHOULD EVER LIE TO YOURSELF. If you are at a meeting You don't have to say u r an anything. I do remember going to a couple, & for some odd reason, i did not see myself as an addict. when i introduced myself i said something like "Hi, my names Harry & i use drugs, or just my name.
I hope my rambeling helped you.
By the way, the person who has had the biggest effect of making me consider na again is Sammy. Part of it was when she explained her life value system
For me, yes, meetings are a must. They are the foundation of my recovery program. Do I recommend mettings? Yes. That is based upon my experience.
But for anyone else, I believe that it is entirely an individual choice. You are doing a good thing by getting info from others here. I will say that until you experience a meeting or two I don't believe you can really make a totally informed decision on this subject.
Good luck;
Jim
But for anyone else, I believe that it is entirely an individual choice. You are doing a good thing by getting info from others here. I will say that until you experience a meeting or two I don't believe you can really make a totally informed decision on this subject.
Good luck;
Jim
