During your recovery, have you ever loved someone so much that you intentionally hurt that person as much as possible in order to drive that loved one away now because you knew you would eventually mess up and hurt that person even more in the long run?
Yes and no. I met my current bf while i was nearing the end of my using. He was all about supporting me. I lied to him so many times that i would quit or that i had not used i'ld be high as hell when i said it. He's never had a drug or drinking problem he did not GET what the issues were. I WAS SCARED of screwing it up with him. I knew i was a "f-up" i knew it was wrong to bring him into my mess. I would not date him while i was using. After I got into methadone treatment he still wanted to date. I kept telling him he did not need the hassle and that i was not ready to be with anyone. I knew mentally i was pretty screwed up. I guess it was a way to push him away. I wanted him around i just did not want any commitment or strings. I told him that I did not want to drag him into my addiction. After months of being on methadone and he was still around i had not scared him off and he was still single and waiting we started dating. My thoughts are i guess it's common to try to push people out during recovery. My advice as far as relationship stuff is "it's not a good ideal to get involved while trying to recover" and under no means get involved with another recovering addict!. Recovery is hard enough without trying to deal with someone elses emotions at the same time. I'm GLAD I had at least the 1st few months of recovery to myself to get my mind together. The people who are importnant will understand and wait for you and if you DO scare them away it's for the best!
Wow that sounds so much like my x and I. I've never done drugs before nor a big fan of alchohol. Occasionally I may have a beer if I'm at a family party or something. There was numerous times when she would tell me I don't understand. I would ask her to talk to me and make me understand. Her only response was I didn't understand and will never be able to understand. She would tell me that she loved me and would like nothing more than to be with me but she can't. She would talk to me just enough to keep me around but at the same time avoided me whenever possible. I told her I loved her and will not leave her. She insisted that she was a F*ck up and that wasn't going to change. In the end she would just be hurting me. I told her that I beleived in her and do not beleive she is a f*ck up, that she is strong and made the choice to get clean. There would be times where she would go out of her way to convince me that she wasn't worth my time and that I would be better off moving on and forgetting about her. But then there would be times when she seemed so happy to see me and tell me she loved me. Everytime she messed up and knew I was disappointed in her, she would make just the right promise to make me think things will be different. After a while I gave up and lost it. We aren't together at the moment. I know its probably for the better at this point. She needs to work on her and I need to work on me. But I still find myself thinking that I failed her and gave up on her after promising that I would stick with her. I want to believe she treated me the way she did because she loved me and didn't want to hurt me anymore. Thinking that way helps releive the hurt just a little but at the same time makes me feel cheated at a legitamate chance at making things work.
She treated you that way because it was easier for her. It's HARD to feel a real emotion on heroin. Nothing matters as much as the H. You don't need someone to keep you warm when your high. I know for me i KNEW i was not capable of giving my bf what he deserved while i was using. H cheated you out of a legitamate chance as long as she keeps going to H you can count you out. IT'S NOT PERSONAL it's addiction it works that way. It is best for you to let her work it out her addiction it will drag everyone near her down. I screwed over everyone i knew lied to my grandmother stole her diabetic needles all kinds of crap. No good comes from trying to help a addict UNTILL THEY STOP using.
