and I'll completely understand if you don't wish to respond.
My son is addicted to Oxycontin. tried doctor shopping but they got wise to him and cut him off. He's stolen from our business, swore he didn't but I have undeniable proof of that. ALL my jewelry is gone including a very sentimental ring that was locked in a safe hidden in my bedroom closet. I'm sick over losing that ring.
I asked my son, begged him to please tell me where it went to see if I could get it back again, and he swears he didn't steal the ring along with the other jewelry.
He's the only one who would have and could have done it. It had to have been someone who had the time and opportunity to thoroughly go through every thing I own to find the keys to that safe.
He sounded so believable but he sounded believable when he said he didn't steal from our business too. I think he's lying. He has to be lying. So, my question is.. does he know he's lying? or is it possible that he so far gone that he really believes he didn't steal it? Thanks in advance to anyone who responds.
Hi themom,
If your son stole the ring, he knows he stole it.
Addicts in my own personal experience have a form of denial that almost offers a detachment from emotions associated with guilt and hurting the ones they love. Which translates into, he KNOWS he stole the ring, but he's not really capable of accessing the emotions of being sorry for it. It's hard to get the truth when the person feels no remorse at the TIME. He's NOT sorry for it NOW, because he probably needed it for money to get dope. And he's mad because you're on to him and cut him off from other avenues, so he took the ring instead.
If he ever gets sober, he'll be sorry for hurting you. But don't think for a minute he doesn't know what he's done. In Al Anon/Narc Anon, they'll teach you how to take care of and protect yourself. You don't give them access to your home anymore, that helps in the long run anyway. If/when the ever do get sober, they'll have less opportunities to create more resentments because hey can't get to you stuff anymore.
Best wishes
If your son stole the ring, he knows he stole it.
Addicts in my own personal experience have a form of denial that almost offers a detachment from emotions associated with guilt and hurting the ones they love. Which translates into, he KNOWS he stole the ring, but he's not really capable of accessing the emotions of being sorry for it. It's hard to get the truth when the person feels no remorse at the TIME. He's NOT sorry for it NOW, because he probably needed it for money to get dope. And he's mad because you're on to him and cut him off from other avenues, so he took the ring instead.
If he ever gets sober, he'll be sorry for hurting you. But don't think for a minute he doesn't know what he's done. In Al Anon/Narc Anon, they'll teach you how to take care of and protect yourself. You don't give them access to your home anymore, that helps in the long run anyway. If/when the ever do get sober, they'll have less opportunities to create more resentments because hey can't get to you stuff anymore.
Best wishes
We talked about that very thing at our AA meeting this morning.
YES, I lied, denied and justified to the point that I believed my own B.S.
Let me restate that.... I lied so much & hard that a "majority" of me accepted the false version.
My true inner-self knew the truth but was over-ruled (drugs & booze helped keep the truth hidden)
That fact is the basis of my "insanity". Finding "myself" is hard work for an addict/alcoholic.
My recovery is today dependant on having my true self in the light of truth.
It has been (is) a long, hard painful journey but well worth the effort.
I could not do it alone.
I needed the direction of The 12 Steps and the help of God and other recovering folks at the meetings.
Bob
YES, I lied, denied and justified to the point that I believed my own B.S.
Let me restate that.... I lied so much & hard that a "majority" of me accepted the false version.
My true inner-self knew the truth but was over-ruled (drugs & booze helped keep the truth hidden)
That fact is the basis of my "insanity". Finding "myself" is hard work for an addict/alcoholic.
My recovery is today dependant on having my true self in the light of truth.
It has been (is) a long, hard painful journey but well worth the effort.
I could not do it alone.
I needed the direction of The 12 Steps and the help of God and other recovering folks at the meetings.
Bob
Thank you for your honest responses. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for stealing that ring. It belonged to my grandmother, was passed down to my mom, and then on her death was given to me. That was the last straw for me. Up until then I was trying to be the rational, calm, understanding mom and would have discussions with him about going into rehab or he'd have to leave the house.
At the time we were giving him time to find a place to live because he claimed he didn't need rehab, but after I discovered my ring missing.. I flipped, I screamed, I cried, I dumped his clothes in garbage bags and threw him and his clothes out the door. We also changed all the locks.
I think I'm more upset that he would steal from ME.. stealing from the business is kinda abstract, but stealing from me, his mom is so personal. It's like a slap in the face. He knew how much that ring meant to me and he didn't care.
I don't know if he actually is capable of feeling emotions anymore. It's like he's an empty shell. Physically he looks the same but there's nothing real inside.
At the time we were giving him time to find a place to live because he claimed he didn't need rehab, but after I discovered my ring missing.. I flipped, I screamed, I cried, I dumped his clothes in garbage bags and threw him and his clothes out the door. We also changed all the locks.
I think I'm more upset that he would steal from ME.. stealing from the business is kinda abstract, but stealing from me, his mom is so personal. It's like a slap in the face. He knew how much that ring meant to me and he didn't care.
I don't know if he actually is capable of feeling emotions anymore. It's like he's an empty shell. Physically he looks the same but there's nothing real inside.
http://www.mqup.ca/hollow-tree--the...80773531321.php
A friend of mine is a relative of Herb.
I thought the title of Herb's book is quite appropriate to describe an alcoholic/addict.
Bob
A friend of mine is a relative of Herb.
I thought the title of Herb's book is quite appropriate to describe an alcoholic/addict.
Bob
Hi themom,
You can call me crutches...I was on the same drug/pain killer for my hip. I thought I was doing the right thing with my doctor prescribing it. It helped me after my surgery and so I thought it would help my now. It did help but I had no clue as to the price I would pay in the long run. I thought I could stay on it for ever and my hip pain would stay away. I was wrong. I was taking the prescribed amount by my doc, 2 a day but found myself doing 2 or 3 a day. At the end, I was 5 days short before my next refill. I had no choice but to go cold turkey. It felt like the worst case of the flu I had ever had. All you think about is getting rid of the pounding headache that won't go away. regular pain pills/over the counter do not help. I never got it off the streets but I thought about it. The pain is terrible and you go through purgatory it make it back. I am still fighting now. I have been clean/ without that med since July of this year.
You did the right thing kicking him out. Sometimes "Hard Love is the only way someone will see the light".
Warm wishes to you
Crutches
You can call me crutches...I was on the same drug/pain killer for my hip. I thought I was doing the right thing with my doctor prescribing it. It helped me after my surgery and so I thought it would help my now. It did help but I had no clue as to the price I would pay in the long run. I thought I could stay on it for ever and my hip pain would stay away. I was wrong. I was taking the prescribed amount by my doc, 2 a day but found myself doing 2 or 3 a day. At the end, I was 5 days short before my next refill. I had no choice but to go cold turkey. It felt like the worst case of the flu I had ever had. All you think about is getting rid of the pounding headache that won't go away. regular pain pills/over the counter do not help. I never got it off the streets but I thought about it. The pain is terrible and you go through purgatory it make it back. I am still fighting now. I have been clean/ without that med since July of this year.
You did the right thing kicking him out. Sometimes "Hard Love is the only way someone will see the light".
Warm wishes to you
Crutches
Thank you Crutches... My prayer and hope for you is that you continue to stay sober. I know it wasn't easy getting off them, and I know you've got a difficult road ahead staying off them. Stay strong please. I'm counting on you. If you can do it, then there's hope my son can do it too.
I've seen my son go though withdrawals. That's the only reason we let him come back home last time. I was afraid he was going to die. But, another doctor, another script, and then he'd run out of meds sooner than he was supposed to then the lying, and stealing began again.
Hopefully he'll get tired of spending his days worrying how he'll get more meds and get off of them but I realize nothing I do or say will make a damn bit of difference. It's got to be his choice.
Stay strong all of you please. You all represent the light at the end of this dark tunnel and give us hope. If you can do it, so can my son.. and so can others.
I've seen my son go though withdrawals. That's the only reason we let him come back home last time. I was afraid he was going to die. But, another doctor, another script, and then he'd run out of meds sooner than he was supposed to then the lying, and stealing began again.
Hopefully he'll get tired of spending his days worrying how he'll get more meds and get off of them but I realize nothing I do or say will make a damn bit of difference. It's got to be his choice.
Stay strong all of you please. You all represent the light at the end of this dark tunnel and give us hope. If you can do it, so can my son.. and so can others.
Hi themom,
Oxycontin is so Terrible. It just crushes out all reality and nothing is sacred. I did my best to intervene and I got a beat down from my girls whole family. She lied to my face in front of them, broke my heart, but I hung on best I could for another year until last Thursday when she called a rehab and checked herself in.
I hope you can find the prayer and stance to get yer kid into a place, but it's simply a matter of realizing that only he can chose it.
My wife crushes out me and anyone with her tears and screeching. She'd set it up, set me up with sweetness, then the little problem of the day, then aches and screeching and a relentless attack on my love... Then get money out of me. She'd get into mu account, wallet and when I had surgery she'd just strip my pills. Just lies to me and everyone.
Users make liars out of everyone around them, but you gotta not enable. Any trust right now may only enable.
My wife might be 6 or more years messin with pills. My sister was 12 years and into heroin or anything. Both are now in rehabs, my sister had to dt in jail, my wife just had to learn she couldn't live this way anymore. Many prayers for both of them and a lot of cost.
I hope your boy makes the Choice and takes the first step.
Btw, how long since the ring vanished?
Oxycontin is so Terrible. It just crushes out all reality and nothing is sacred. I did my best to intervene and I got a beat down from my girls whole family. She lied to my face in front of them, broke my heart, but I hung on best I could for another year until last Thursday when she called a rehab and checked herself in.
I hope you can find the prayer and stance to get yer kid into a place, but it's simply a matter of realizing that only he can chose it.
My wife crushes out me and anyone with her tears and screeching. She'd set it up, set me up with sweetness, then the little problem of the day, then aches and screeching and a relentless attack on my love... Then get money out of me. She'd get into mu account, wallet and when I had surgery she'd just strip my pills. Just lies to me and everyone.
Users make liars out of everyone around them, but you gotta not enable. Any trust right now may only enable.
My wife might be 6 or more years messin with pills. My sister was 12 years and into heroin or anything. Both are now in rehabs, my sister had to dt in jail, my wife just had to learn she couldn't live this way anymore. Many prayers for both of them and a lot of cost.
I hope your boy makes the Choice and takes the first step.
Btw, how long since the ring vanished?
Hi Fred, sorry you had to go through that. I wish doctors would stop prescribing that s***.
I'm not sure when the ring disappeared. It was in a ring box inside a locked safe and I just assumed it was safe so I never thought to check inside the ring box. What an idiot I was..
I'm not sure when the ring disappeared. It was in a ring box inside a locked safe and I just assumed it was safe so I never thought to check inside the ring box. What an idiot I was..
Fred, why do you ask how long the ring has been gone?
I don't have a photo of it so it would be hard to report it stolen. Not only that but if it was found and my son's name was listed as the seller.. then I'd have to press charges against him in order to get it back and they'd arrest him. I love my son despite how he's hurt me and I don't want to be the one to send him to jail. Being betrayed by someone you love with all your being is the worst pain there is.
I don't have a photo of it so it would be hard to report it stolen. Not only that but if it was found and my son's name was listed as the seller.. then I'd have to press charges against him in order to get it back and they'd arrest him. I love my son despite how he's hurt me and I don't want to be the one to send him to jail. Being betrayed by someone you love with all your being is the worst pain there is.
Hi themom,
Thank you for the kind wishes and I have no intentions of going back on my meds. I know, never say never but I can't. I know what the end result will be and I can't go down that road again. I don't think I would recover as I have on my own. I have a family but they don't comprehend just how bad it was going through withdrawls. I never wish it on anyone.
I understand you not wishing to put your son in jail. I don't think I could, but if it got him into a recovery place, then maybe that would be a reason. He may not like you for doing it, but I would bet that once he gets over it, he would thank you.
If you think of it this way...You jump into the ocean to save someone and they will end up pulling you down with them...But if you give them a life ring, then they have something to hold onto and help themselves. Don't let your son pull you down losing all that is dear to you.
Warm wishes,
Crutches
Thank you for the kind wishes and I have no intentions of going back on my meds. I know, never say never but I can't. I know what the end result will be and I can't go down that road again. I don't think I would recover as I have on my own. I have a family but they don't comprehend just how bad it was going through withdrawls. I never wish it on anyone.
I understand you not wishing to put your son in jail. I don't think I could, but if it got him into a recovery place, then maybe that would be a reason. He may not like you for doing it, but I would bet that once he gets over it, he would thank you.
If you think of it this way...You jump into the ocean to save someone and they will end up pulling you down with them...But if you give them a life ring, then they have something to hold onto and help themselves. Don't let your son pull you down losing all that is dear to you.
Warm wishes,
Crutches
Crutches, I hear you about jail, but I'm so afraid of what would happen to him. He's a good looking young man. If anything happened to him and I was the one who put him there, I don't think I could ever forgive myself. I realize it would be his actions that got him there but I don't want to be the one that makes that happen.
On the other hand, if he ever did go to jail for something else he's done, then that's on him. We've already told him we won't hire a lawyer and he'd have to use whatever lawyer legal aid gives him.
He doesn't think he has a problem. I said to him last time to at least humor me and show me he's willing to get some sort of help, and go to an NA meeting and his response was. 'I don't want to go to any meeting's. The only people there are.. are.. and I finished his sentence with 'addicts?
He think's he's different and above it all.
On the other hand, if he ever did go to jail for something else he's done, then that's on him. We've already told him we won't hire a lawyer and he'd have to use whatever lawyer legal aid gives him.
He doesn't think he has a problem. I said to him last time to at least humor me and show me he's willing to get some sort of help, and go to an NA meeting and his response was. 'I don't want to go to any meeting's. The only people there are.. are.. and I finished his sentence with 'addicts?
He think's he's different and above it all.
Mom, I'm sorry about your heirloom ring. Have you tried calling pawn shops? I had to deal with a similar situation with rings. Thankfully, I found out what pawn shop they were at and went and got them. Of course, he said he just borrowed them and was going to get them...yeah right! It's a personal violation to know they've been rummaging through our things. I do think they believe their own lies after awhile. It's easier for them to do that. If they were ready to be truthful, they'd be on the road to being clean. My son also won't go to an NA meeting because, in his words, "it will only make him feel like using more, being around other junkies".
I'm having a good week and staying strong, I hope you do the same.
Love and Prayers,
Michelle
I'm having a good week and staying strong, I hope you do the same.
Love and Prayers,
Michelle
Hi Michelle, I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Even with everything that has gone on, I'm doing okay too.
I'm glad you got your rings back. I tried calling a pawn shop that I thought he may have used but was told ' Listen lady, I get so much stuff brought in here I couldn't tell you what came in 3 hours ago'.. click.
not very encouraging,
and I don't know exactly when it went missing. It was in a locked safe in a ring box. It could have been taken last year. All this time I thought it was safe locked away.
My husband says I just have to accept that the ring is gone. It makes me want to cry but I think he's right.
One good thing to come out of it is just picturing the ring in my mind keep's me strong. Out of all the stuff he's stolen that was the one thing that really made me open my eyes to how my son really is.
I feel so unimaginably betrayed I don't think I can ever forgive him.
I'm glad you got your rings back. I tried calling a pawn shop that I thought he may have used but was told ' Listen lady, I get so much stuff brought in here I couldn't tell you what came in 3 hours ago'.. click.
not very encouraging,
and I don't know exactly when it went missing. It was in a locked safe in a ring box. It could have been taken last year. All this time I thought it was safe locked away.
My husband says I just have to accept that the ring is gone. It makes me want to cry but I think he's right.
One good thing to come out of it is just picturing the ring in my mind keep's me strong. Out of all the stuff he's stolen that was the one thing that really made me open my eyes to how my son really is.
I feel so unimaginably betrayed I don't think I can ever forgive him.
I understand your pain and sense of betrayal. Hugs to you!
I'm not sure I would give up on the pawn shops yet themom.
You might want to look up all your local ones and take a picture of your son with you.
Once there show the employees your sons picture and ask is he looks familiar and whether he's brought anything in recently.
Also, while there, you can go thru their jewelry and tool sections to see if you recognize anything.
Pawn shops are always the quickest ways to get cash
You might want to look up all your local ones and take a picture of your son with you.
Once there show the employees your sons picture and ask is he looks familiar and whether he's brought anything in recently.
Also, while there, you can go thru their jewelry and tool sections to see if you recognize anything.
Pawn shops are always the quickest ways to get cash
Rich, thanks but that's impossible where I live. I'm in a major city with so many pawn shop's and 'we buy gold' shops that it would be like looking for that proverbial needle in a haystack.
I need my son to tell me where he sold it but that's not going to happen because he's lost all his human qualities to oxy.
There's no empathy, sympathy, and he cares for no one but himself.
I need my son to tell me where he sold it but that's not going to happen because he's lost all his human qualities to oxy.
There's no empathy, sympathy, and he cares for no one but himself.
