Hi Mate I am so sorry to here that you have used, I know how hard you have tried not to and that you were beginning to get your life back together. I also know that me feeling sorry for you does not help, what is your plan.do you think you have blown it or was it a one off. From personal experience was I have picked up I tend to think Oh well! I have done it now so I give my self a while then think about coming off later. I was once clean for 15 years then fell off. I got some pains last year and within days I was abusing them dreadfully. After a while I was offered Subutex, which I took for 6 weeks then jumped off and was off pain pills for a few weeks. However that was not the end of it..Thing is I was drinking and when I got off the Sub the drinking got worse. Then I started taking painpills again because I could not cope with the pain. I told my drugs Dr this and he ordered me to stop working (I am a registered nurse) but refused to put me on Sub because I was drinking. He wanted me to go into a detox centre to dry out. I was drinking at least 4 bottles of wine and beers or a bottle of vodka a day. Sub and booze dont mix very well; I am told it is quite dangerous. That explains why I once ended up in the ER with respiratory difficulties after boozing when taking sub. The thought of residential detox scared the crap out of me, I could not leave my family for even a few days, but the ultimatum (tough love) of loosing my job woke me up. So I stopped drinking there and then. I was told not to and that it was dangerous but I ignored them and just stopped. I had no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever, and consider myself very lucky but stupid. So I went back to the Drugs agency told them I had stopped but still needed help with pain pills. They tested me for alcohol and consulted with my pain Dr. I have a very painful condition that non narcotic drugs or other therapies does not seem to touch. They decided that to go back to work as a nurse they could not allow for any further relapses. I was adamant that this was it and with a little help I would be fine. This upset my wife a littleshe had begged me for ages to stop but as soon as my *precious* job was threatened I would stop. I can see her point but she never gave ultimatums.are you listening Misty, sorry Badattitude. So the Drs said they want me on Sub long term. Probably indefinably. I agreed and that is where I am now. I take it, I have a clear head, lots of energy and feel 25 again lol. My pain has all but disappeared, Sub was originally used for good pain relief in the form of Temgesics. I also have nil cravings. The Drs want me to stay on the sick for a few more weeks until they are convinced I am stabilized. I am having regular tests for alcohol and opiates and if they stay clear I can go back nursing praise God. I am not advocating Sub is for everyone and I know that to fundamental AA thinkers what I am doing sounds like madness. I do battle with quilt about it on occasion but in the final analysis I am pain free, able to work and long-term use of Sub does little harm to the body long term. My advise to anyone would be try everything else first especially AA/NA and if all fails you have a backup plan. I forgot to mention I pick it up daily from the pharmacy so I dont start abusing it and I also see an addictions councillor who sees right through me and really challenges my diseased thinking. My word this started off as a post to Rae rae and ended up being an introduction to the people that do not know me. Anyhow thanks for listingright Any questions lol Paul
Hey Neon, Have you been sneaking around my living room listening to the conversations. The hubby told me to read your post, he actually beat me to one. I am not to sure what you wanted me to take from your story but I do know that I love the hubby very much and I hate like hell to give up on him. He is a good man in a really bad situation. The pain I can not relate to his or yours for that matter. I have been blessed with I guess having a high tolerance to it.....But I know that the pain haunts him everyday. Is all of it real no! Some is him making every bad thing in his life pain so then he can medicate it away......some twisted thinking he has going on and he admits to it. But for the most part at 41 he has the body of a 70 year old and that just stinks. So today after a bad night he is scared, of how he will function at work, at home......anywhere. Scared that the pain will never end. The addiction doctor we have also is a sub doctor......boy he lucked out there. So tomorrow we will be on the phone to him first thing to him and figure out how they can help him. Withdrawl wasn't bad this time......why he used again he has no idea....he said he just does it no thought to why, not even a little voice telling him not to....which scares me. So for today he is clean and I am grateful that he is alive and here with us. You take care of yourself, Tina Just saw your edit......self-indulgent is ok a funny afterthought......he started dinner and let me rest on the couch......scary if you know him.....and english guy starting a dago's gravy......
Thanks for your reply. At the right dose Sub (Buprenophine or Bup) will hold your husband and stop the cravings. The first day or so can be tricky. You have to be showing at least some signs of withdrawal before taking it or he will be thrown into a horrible rattle. The first one also be taken in front of the Dr so that he can monitor his response. The starting dose should be no more than 4mg(thats why the first day can be difficult. Then the dose is increased to an amount where he is comfortable. I am sorry badattitube I should be saying this to you lol. I am 41 and walked around like I was 70. Now I feel 25 I have so much energy but please dont misunderstand its not like being high.....just feels normal. Have you an underlying painful condition and if so do you plan to go on long term. If not I would plan to taper quickly.
Tina I didnt get your last line "and english guy starting a dago's gravy......" maybe its because I am English and somethings lost in tanslation.
Check this http://www.heroin-detox.com/forum.a....asp?FORUM_ID=4 site out it can be helpful for Sub users......though as with every site dont believe all you read. I have studied a lot on the subject and being a nurse I have been able to acceess the "under the counter stuff" like teaching videos ect... Hope some of this helps Paul
paul there is no reason to be sorry i am not looking for a high just a normal life being 41 and feeling 41 is just fine i don't need to feel 25 but i hate feeling 70 don't know what i am going to do already in withdrawl again so i could start at any time I guess not sure what to do i may try to just use it to get myself clean and then figure out about the pain yeah i do have some pain issues discs herneate in top of back surgury not an option lost the natural curve in my neck hands are numb all the time arms hurt so bad i want to cut them off doing the epidurals but have had no real relief got the usual in other places arthritis and bursitis thanks so much for the info will let you know how things go
Hey Tina - LMAO - I just saw the end of your post - picture it - an English guy starting a dago's gravy - I'm assuming your talking about spaghetti sauce - Just struck me funny cause I'm part Italian too. My dad's an old fashioned Italian from the Bronx. My mom was Irish. What a combination - huh?
Thanks Marie, I forgot to get back on and explain it to Paul after the hubby wrote! Yeah spaghetti gravy....no it is not called sauce. I'm a South Philly dago.....understand the Bronx thing. English and Italian are a strange mix too.....my in-laws after 20 years still don't know what to make of me. Everyone take care....... Tina
paul, what is my plan?? well, who knows. i'm going to see another doctor tomorrow. this one is planning on doing injections and some other sh*t. we will see. i only used because i couldn't handle the pain anymore (well i'm sure there are other reasons, but who knows). the prednisone gave me horrible bone aches, way worse than any withdrawl ever has. it was so bad i couldn't even make a fist or walk up stairs. i haven't taken the med today and i haven't used. i'm not planning on using, i need to get up and brush off. time to start again. hopefully this doc can help tomorrow, if not maybe i'll look into subs, cause the pain ain't going away over night. thanks for caring paul. you are a sweet man. i'm glad you are doing better. much luv raerae
