My son is an adult addict, and had two beautiful children, with an adult addict. We have been through everything and then some with them. Stealing from us, lying constantly, and generally being addicts. A few months ago our son went into inpatient rehab. We were very hopeful. Around the same time child welfare took the kids from mom, and gave them to US.
Child welfare was going to give them to dad when he got out, but he hasn't gotten his life together enough, and now he is in jail for old charges. I think he is still sober, but he is acting like he did when he was using. Treatment did not fix his mindset, and he still blames everyone for anything bad in his life.
In he meantime, the kids are both so young, still in diapers, and the parents are incapable of parenting, by the choices they continue to make. My husband and I are heartbroken about our son, but I am learning to take care of myself and let that go. I am working hard on not being co-dependent. That is difficult with my son, as he retaliates when I set boundaries. One time he posted on face book that I had died of a drug overdose. I had family members from out of state calling to see if I was okay.
Now we have the kids, we are doing well with them and have a good routine. I am terrified that one or both of the parents will get them back and put them back into a bad situation. They have been through enough.
Thanks for listening (reading)
All though I'm not a huge fan of social services due to my problems with them,( a company sub-contracted by my county.) With both parents, having drug abuse issues, many things would have to be accomplished before custody would be returned to parents. Addiction Recovery with urine tests and counseling. Parenting classes, housing and employment. This is all required in my state (Wi.) The best interest of the children is the priority. If you are taking good care of the children and demonstrating it to social services, you should not have to worry about custody of children. Inquirie about kinship care programs and Wic. to help ease finances. I commend you on being responsible, caring grandparents. You may consider nar-anon for education and understanding addiction. Good luck.
Dear Sombra,
Thanks for sharing. Based on your comments it sounds like you are part of a family support program? Often treatment centers offer Family Programs, and there is also Al Anon and NAR Anon. If so, this is a good thing to do. If not, I encourage you to attend. It helps you be healthy whether the addict is or not.
Regarding your son acting out when he runs into a boundary:
What I learned is that pigeons do what pigeons do. Pigeons poop. This is my analogy in how to deal with an addict who is not in recovery. This helps me to love with detachment.
Many blessings to you for caring for vulnerable children of addict parents.
I hope this helps, keep in touch, hang in there, one day at a time.
Flyboy
Thanks for sharing. Based on your comments it sounds like you are part of a family support program? Often treatment centers offer Family Programs, and there is also Al Anon and NAR Anon. If so, this is a good thing to do. If not, I encourage you to attend. It helps you be healthy whether the addict is or not.
Regarding your son acting out when he runs into a boundary:
What I learned is that pigeons do what pigeons do. Pigeons poop. This is my analogy in how to deal with an addict who is not in recovery. This helps me to love with detachment.
Many blessings to you for caring for vulnerable children of addict parents.
I hope this helps, keep in touch, hang in there, one day at a time.
Flyboy
"Treatment did not fix his mindset"
Treatment won't fix his mindset, treatment barely gets an addicts feet on the ground.
And his feet won't stay on the ground until he commits to regular NA meetings.
I strongly suggest you look up your local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon in the phone book or on-line and get to their meetings. I don't believe you have any idea what is and will be happening in your life for the foreseeable future. The meetings will help you.
All the best.
Bob R
Treatment won't fix his mindset, treatment barely gets an addicts feet on the ground.
And his feet won't stay on the ground until he commits to regular NA meetings.
I strongly suggest you look up your local Al-Anon and Nar-Anon in the phone book or on-line and get to their meetings. I don't believe you have any idea what is and will be happening in your life for the foreseeable future. The meetings will help you.
All the best.
Bob R
