I'm in need of specifics....
I need help dealing with my own rationalization. I know that there are no excuses, but I would like to find a book or other resource that addresses common rationale and thought processes to combat this irrational thinking.
In accordance with most posts I have read I realize that I have an extremely addictive personality. I'm not only addicted to marijuanna, I find myself addicted to almost anything I set my mind on. I am self diagnosing myself as manic depressant.
I find myself in an almost manic state when starting something new. I will wake up and have some new idea for a hobby or home project and find myself almost obsessed with the plan until it gets old, anywhere from a few days to a few hours. After that I'm depressed because the idea doesn't bring the happiness or relief I was looking for.
I'm sure that this is textbook for those who have studied the addictive personality.
I have thought about meetings, but I know it is one of those things I will go to once and never go back. Even now I know that is a pathetic excuse, but I can't even get myself to go to class on a regular basis, and I'm paying thousands for that opportunity.
I honestly feel like I need the challenge of having my life in controlled chaos. Frankly, it is amazing how well my life is going now. I can put off the most demanding of tasks and somehow always make it work. I almost feed off of the pressure.
Please, I am asking for Monday morning psychologists to give me insight or recommendations.
I would really like to get to understand this need for chaos. It is almost necessary for me to sabotage my daily activities. I simply choose to put things off and make mountains out of mole hills.
Why do I sabotage my life?
I often wonder if my mind needs the challenge. I've been in grad school for over two years now and have only taken 6 classes. I go to class and find myself restless and bored. Again, the rationalization comes into play. I can take a class, go once or twice to take tests and pass with an A. Am I learning what I should, of course not, but how do you make yourself do things that are simply not necessary in your mind?
I understand this board isn't free psychotherapy and I am not looking for a solution to all of my questions, I just want to present some background for any advice or help from anyone who has dealt with the same challenges.
Thank you,
jhawker23
Jhawker, I am not sure that I can direct you toward a book that directly addresses your question, but you might try reading up generally on issues of addiction. You might also try thumbing through the text of the MA pamplet, A New Leaf, at
http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...ifewithhope.pdf
I will offer that self diagnosis is often about as productive as the person who represents himself in court. The doctor in this instance probably has fool (or more likely, an addict) as a patient. It amazes me that people would rather be manic than an addict. Some are, of course, clinically manic depressive, but most find that these symptoms diminish after they find recovery.
As to your cycle of getting inspired, starting something and then abandoning all hope soon afterward, this is classic addictive thinking. That is one reason we urge people to go to meetings. We addicts need to reintegrate in a social context and learn to be accountable to others for the commitments we make and the actions we take.
I will suggest that I have yet to meet a single individual who has successfully conquered addiction by thinking his way out of the problem. Addicts always think we can do that because that is what we do when we are stoned: we think (supposedly) great thoughts. Sitting around contemplating our navel is how we got addicted. To recover, we have to take positive action, outside of our comfort zone.
BTW, I did fine in law school while I was using. During those days, I thought i was too smart to be an addict. My life did not improve until I realized that addiciton has nothing to do with how smart you are, and that being smart can keep you from getting sober for a very long time.
I will leave you with something I heard in a meeting a few years ago that rang true for me: Commitment is what is left after the initial inspiration wears off.
Good luck,
August
http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...ifewithhope.pdf
I will offer that self diagnosis is often about as productive as the person who represents himself in court. The doctor in this instance probably has fool (or more likely, an addict) as a patient. It amazes me that people would rather be manic than an addict. Some are, of course, clinically manic depressive, but most find that these symptoms diminish after they find recovery.
As to your cycle of getting inspired, starting something and then abandoning all hope soon afterward, this is classic addictive thinking. That is one reason we urge people to go to meetings. We addicts need to reintegrate in a social context and learn to be accountable to others for the commitments we make and the actions we take.
I will suggest that I have yet to meet a single individual who has successfully conquered addiction by thinking his way out of the problem. Addicts always think we can do that because that is what we do when we are stoned: we think (supposedly) great thoughts. Sitting around contemplating our navel is how we got addicted. To recover, we have to take positive action, outside of our comfort zone.
BTW, I did fine in law school while I was using. During those days, I thought i was too smart to be an addict. My life did not improve until I realized that addiciton has nothing to do with how smart you are, and that being smart can keep you from getting sober for a very long time.
I will leave you with something I heard in a meeting a few years ago that rang true for me: Commitment is what is left after the initial inspiration wears off.
Good luck,
August
