A guy in the meeting tonight with almost a year clean told everyone in the meeting that he had bought something but hadn't taken it yet. I had been reticent about sharing this evening; I had a weight on my chest and knew I had something to say, but wasn't quite sure what. His share opened the flood gates for me though.
I hope to god the spiritual pain that I am in and bared so honestly was a reminder to him and that he throws away whatever he bought.
I have so many character flaws and deficits. Right now the entire weight of them is crushing down upon me. I am weak.
I am now starting to see that the reason I have relapsed so many times in the past is a scabrous unwillingness to admit my faults and deal with them. Instead, I have always told myself "well, this is in the past--there's nothing to really work on here". That is a lie. I am a liar. I have been a liar almost every day for so damned long. Today I did something different though. On the one hand, I am proud of that. On the other, I am aware that it is simply a drop in the bucket.
There is a huge difference between clean time and recovery. The two are not synonymous. I know that now.
God, help me. I have to start unloading this burden.
Chris, you are right where it talks about in HOW IT WORKS "We stood at the turning point"
Welcome to recovery !!
I remember well getting on my knees in absolute defeat, asking for God's help.
I also remember well the feeling deep inside that I would get it.
If you have a sponsor then this is when you begin to really use him.
If you don't have a sponsor, get one !
Humble prayer and honest sharing will bring healing ...
All the best.
Bob R
Welcome to recovery !!
I remember well getting on my knees in absolute defeat, asking for God's help.
I also remember well the feeling deep inside that I would get it.
If you have a sponsor then this is when you begin to really use him.
If you don't have a sponsor, get one !
Humble prayer and honest sharing will bring healing ...
All the best.
Bob R
I actually don't have a sponsor yet. I'm still new to the program. Honestly, I don't know how to go about getting one.
I looked around the rooms and listened to the oldtimers who attended the meetings and shared.
I tried to find the oldtimer that had what I wanted, someone who had been where I was and had worked the program and achieved more than I could ever imagine.
I picked an oldtimer that had more sobriety, sanity, serenity and good common sense than I could dream of and I asked him to be my sponsor.
He said "Yes" and I began to follow him..... as I followed him, listened and learned and emulated, I began to slowly integrate his traits into my life. I started to become a new, better person.
God works through people.
Ask the others in one-on-one sharing how they chose their sponsor. It will become evident to you what you need to do and it will be far easier, simpler than you think.
All the best.
Bob R
I tried to find the oldtimer that had what I wanted, someone who had been where I was and had worked the program and achieved more than I could ever imagine.
I picked an oldtimer that had more sobriety, sanity, serenity and good common sense than I could dream of and I asked him to be my sponsor.
He said "Yes" and I began to follow him..... as I followed him, listened and learned and emulated, I began to slowly integrate his traits into my life. I started to become a new, better person.
God works through people.
Ask the others in one-on-one sharing how they chose their sponsor. It will become evident to you what you need to do and it will be far easier, simpler than you think.
All the best.
Bob R
I appreciate it. Haha, I think when it comes I'm going to feel like I'm asking a girl out in middle school again. :P
A sponsor and commitment to a Home Group get us responsible for our actions and active in our recovery.
I started to get self-esteem when I began to do esteem-able things.
The thoughts of using/drinking slowly leave us and life becomes more real.
You can do this, Chris. Pick a solid sponsor and hang with the winners.
We are chameleons .. we tend to change and become like our surroundings.
Choose your friends & surroundings well !! You will become it.
All the best.
Bob R
I started to get self-esteem when I began to do esteem-able things.
The thoughts of using/drinking slowly leave us and life becomes more real.
You can do this, Chris. Pick a solid sponsor and hang with the winners.
We are chameleons .. we tend to change and become like our surroundings.
Choose your friends & surroundings well !! You will become it.
All the best.
Bob R
