Relapse Number ?????

Well guy's it's finally happened - he's relapsed yet again! I spoke to him on the phone about an hour ago and he's out of it. I feel so sick right now, actually physically sick!! He never turned up to his second counselling appointment which was on monday, and i just knew in the pit of my stomach that he either had or was going to use again. I asked him to leave because of the kids and also as i cant stand to be around him when he is. Its the obssesive cleaning in the early hours, the telling me (in a nice way) the things i should be doing.... "i'm only trying to help you out" he says. These things and many drive me nuts!!! As usual he see's me asking him to leave as a big thumbs up to go out and use all the more, which he is....just until i take him back, which i always do!! WHY WHY??? My empty threats are exactly that to him - empty.
I'm not sure what to do right now - how best to handle it. I just needed to get this out.
Thanks
Jo7 I'm so sorry!! I know how it feels to find out they have relapsed! And just like my boyfriend, when I kick him out, he's basically like woo hoo! Now I can use some more!!
It's really sad and frustrating isn't it? And like you said, our threats are only empty threats to them. Except even if you did mean it it wouldn't matter, the need to get high is more important. You know what, unbeknownst (sp??) to your bf AND mine, what they don't realize is no matter how much we take them back, we WILL eventually hit our rock bottom and leave them and then they will be shocked!
Try to go as long as you can without talking to him, as long as you can stand it. And come on here to vent whenever you need to.. take care of yourself..and your kids, you all deserve some peace!
Thank you so much for your reply kittycat. You know you're right about the whole rock bottom thing - i know in my heart there will come a day when i will have had enough and move on. I've had two great loves in my life (apart from this one) and in both of them the time came where i just didn't want to do it any more. And do you know what? When i think back it wasn't that hard - not as soul destroying as this feels right now. It's weird cos you kinda wake up one day and it's like someones given you a labotomy (is that the right word?) when you were asleep and you have a different outlook and perspective on life!
Thanks for cheering me up and helping me to realise that its not the end of the world x
Jo7, you are welcome! Just like you, I've had two serious relationships before this one. I loved them both the way I love my boyfriend now, and I put up with crap from them (not drug related) for too long but I finally did wake up and realized I'm bored of doing this anymore and dumped them. And I'm still alive..and now I look back and wonder why I put up with it for so long especially now that I have absolutely no feelings for them anymore!!! We'll get to that point to with our current bf's, you'll see. Then they will be shocked! Well its home time for me, yay, I'm expecting my bf and I to argue tonight, great...if you read the post from Poohbear titled proud, you'll see why...take care!!!
This is my first time writing. My husband has had many addictions. He has stopped, to the best of my knowledge with the drugs. The alcohol is the problem now. He does not see it. He tells me he'll stop drinking. He has left twice. Once because I called the police due to violence. I think again last night he was drinking. I did not smell it but could see his actions. He, of course, denied it. I have three children. My oldest daughter,14, has had enough. I have decided to go back to school, which he does not support. I just can not have enough courage to not let him back in. I don't know am I using him for the money to pay the bills. I am so confused..... How do you go on with your life when your husband is telling you he loves you and will stop but you see that he will not? Do I just put to the side what I feel is a problem. I am afraid of a DWI and killing someone. Than I am held responsible also. I just am lost and do not know what to do. Thanks for listening!!!!!
jc, thanks for posting. please check back here. i need to run right now, but others will be along over the course of the next few days to offer some suggestions to you. and perhaps some comfort.
JC I'm sorry you're going through this. My bf has had many addictions too, he had a drinking problem too, but primarily it was crack...he managed to quit drinking but hasn't really given up the crack. Anyways, even if he keeps saying he loves you and wants to quit, its really hard for them to do so, even if they love you with all their heart. Its not that easy, you can't really blame the person, blame the disease. My bf loves me a lot and after many promises to quit, he can't do it either. Thats why we always come second after their drug of choice. My sisters husbands d.o.c. is alcohol too and its effecting her and the children. He's been promising to quit for so long, its been 10 years now or more and he just seems to be getting worse. If your husband is serious about quitting he needs to go to meetings or check into a rehab. Its hard not to let them back in time and time again, I've done it as well, but that right there is enabling them. I kicked my bf out and haven't let him move back in. I know its harder when you have children and you're married but you need to remember the children and how it effects them. I don't know how old they are but my nephew who is ten years old asked a classmate if his dad drinks all the time, he wanted to know if this was normal. He's really upset about it, my niece who is 6, hates her dad for his drinking. She says she'd rather kick him out than have him live there drunk all the time.
In the meantime my sister isn't doing anything about it, and thats why its getting worse and has been going on for so long. If you want to go back to school, do it, don't let him control you! Your husband knows he has a problem and can lose you, he wants to continue to control you by making you depend on him. Don't let him! Do what you want so you and your children can have a better future in case nothing changes and you need to get out..
Anyways keep posting, you'll get a lot of good advice here..