Relapse

Pain Pills
1
Here I was in day 5 and it was the best day of them all and what did I do? I have had 2 10mgs. pain pills. Why is that I suffered through all of that and then let the depression of the day take over?! This afternoon seemed too much. My husband, although not in the military, works in Iraq and I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. I don't know what is going on. He use to call every day. He came in for 10 days and whenever he went back all of the bombing at that Camp happened. Thank God it wasn't his tent but they are all set up the same. It just isn't what God had intended for him. But he has called one time to let me know he made it back and that was it. Oh, except for one email saying he was okay after the bombing. But other than that there hasn't been a word spoken. Anyway, I knew I need to confess so I can get back on track!
Does everything start over again? The w/d's?
I don't ever remember trying to get back on track this soon after.
2
It is a process. Take the guilt out. It is very hard, but possible. Just remember how you feel now, and use that for the next time..
Hugs and luck to you..
I am very sorry to hear that about your husband, I could never imagine going through anything like that...
Kerry
3
Physically you should be ok but mentally you'll beat yourself up and feel bad. Try not to. You were honest with yourself and you came clean in your writing to this board. To people who understand what you're going through. We are not perfect, we're human. We're going to make mistakes but if you get yourself back on track and seek support from this board and face time with a group such as AA or NA, you will have better success. You can't do this alone and you have the double whammy of having your husband gone and in a very scary place. No one should have to deal with either situation alone. Even a counselor or dr who understands addiction is better than nothing. Have you sought out meetings in your area? Do you have friends who know what is up with you?

You are so worth this.

Cowgirl
4
I just checked out an online counselor from the suggested na/aa website. I registered for them reply and try to help even from online. No, I really have cut myself off from the entire population! I don't have any close friends I would feel comfortable with sharing this. Like I said, I have subjected myself to total emptiness. And as far as in the area, I want to check on one right outside of my hometown. Since my husband doesn't know, I don't want this little town to be the one to tell him!!
That comment "you are so worth this" made me shed a tear because I don't know if I have ever been told something like that. That I AM WORTH getting through this. It hit home. Thank you.
5
You are worth it. You are a viable, loving, caring, wonderful human being and this world deserves to know the real you, just as you deserve to have a life of honesty and integrity.

I'm so sorry that you don't have anyone to talk to that you trust. Please try the meeting... you don't have to talk if you don't want to and sometimes listening is the right thing to do in the beginning. I didn't utter a word for the first 6 weeks of meetings that I went to. Even now, I like to shut up and listen. You never stop learning.

Give it a try, what have you got to lose? Maybe you're life...

Cowgirl
6
Dear Flipflop Why????Because your are addicted.I have gone through the same myself...haten myself for being weak,finding an excuse etc.Try to be forgiving on yourself.We all mess up and it may take you 5-6-7 more times of trying before it happens.Please don't give into that saddness that hits all of us.Its like a tool to push us to go back to usen......mj
7
FlipFlops; don't give up, just when i thought i was down for the count, my daughter knew something was wrong(she doen't knew the facts) but to get to my point, she said MOMMY, YOU JUST NEED TO GET UP AND DUST YOURSELF OF AND TRY AGAIN, SHE SAID THATS WHAT YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!! That just about broke my heart. So kept that in mind, when things get tough. Oh, by the way, she is only 7 and tellling me that!!!!!!!!!!!
8
Abby when I first let my BF and daughter know I was comming to this site my 12yr old said nothing but wrapped her arms around me in one of the best hugs.Maybe I'm wrong but my girls know what is going on with me they lived part of it with me.In the end both of my girls want NO PART of drugs which is great.....mj
9
DON'T GIVE UP NOW......I FOUND SOMEONE MY AGE WITH A SIMILAR STORY I NEED YOUR HELP AND GUIDANCE!!! GET THROUGH THIS AND YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO OVERCOME IT! I TOO, SLIPPED UP ....MY PILLS ARE ALL.......GONE, IT'S TIME NOW FOR ME TO FACE WHAT I'M GONNA GO THRU....GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, WHAT DID YOU GO THRU? HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT? KEEP STRONG....I'VE PRAYED FOR THE BOTH OF US, AND IF NEED BE....I'LL BE YOUR PRAYER PARTNER AND PRAY ON THE HOUR FOR YOU EVERYDAY!!!!!
10
Jenny2, i'll keep posting but far as helping,probably won't be much help, if i can't even help myself!!! you got my e-mail, if not here it is etraceybird@aol. And please keep me in your prayers, i really need them today .
11
Abby maybe you can't help yourself right now but your words reach people.I know broken record but you just gotta keep trying.Thats the important part.I've said this alot but I feel its true....Our greatest acheivment is not ever falling but the ability to pick ourselves up and keep trying.....mj
12
ABBY:I'M SURE YOU ARE MORE HELP THAN YOU KNOW......I HAVE QUIT AND STARTED OVER FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS....THIS IS NOT A EASY BATTLE, BUT WITH PRAYER AND THESE WONDERFUL NEW FRIENDS I BELIEVE WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER! MY EMAIL IS JENHARTZOG@PEOPLEPC.COM.......WHEN I GO BACK TO WORK...EMAILING WILL WORK BEST FOR ME, BUT I WILL POST WHEN I CAN!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND!!!!
13
Dear Jenny if you want my email I can send it to you if you'd like....mj
14
I'D LOVE THAT.........HAS ANYONE HEARD FROM FLIPFLOPS? I HOPE SHE'S OK!!!!
15
Flipflops,

I just wanted to say hi, and welcome you to the board! While it is hard to live with the addiction, it is even harder to live with the guilt. You did the right thing, and told on yourself, and that is a huge step. There are some who have not even made it to that step, and you have. Be proud that you have been able to admit something like that.

It really sounds like you could use a face to face support group. AA/NA/PA/MA, are great places to go to find that. They really provide you with a great support center, and when you need help, there is usually a meeting close by to help. I know it might be hard to go that first time, but when you find a home group, and that is, a group that you feel at ease with, you will never regret it.

Give it a try, you have nothing to lose, and maybe everything to gain! Just my 2 cents. I have found them to be invaluable, and they have been a great support for me, I wish that for you as well. You are in my prayers, and again, welcome to the board.

God Bless,
Lady M
16
Good advise Lady M and good morning to you....mj
17
You probably won't go through any withdrawal symptoms except anxiety.... If you only took 2 pills after 5 days, you should be okay.

The important thing is not to think, "Well, I already screwed up, so I might as well keep taking them..." You were honest with yourself and everyone, which is a huge step in staying clean. You made a mistake - we ALL have...... But it's not a setback. Just keep working on staying clean and you'll get through this!
18
MJ,

I am doing very good this morning, but I have to do some crappy things today....sigh, but who said life is fair. I will survive..<breaking out into song>.... anyhoo. More importantly, how are YOU doing? Did you have a good holiday? Are you ready for the New Year? Any good resolutions coming to mind yet?

God Bless,
Lady M
19
LOL...Lady M, thanks for the visual...
kerry
20
Hi little beach how are you today.Sorry lady M I didn't see your last post here.Yes I do have some resolutions I would like to try.I guess why thats why I'm looking into different ways to manage my pain etc.....mj