Relapsed....gotta Be Honest....

Pain Pills
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Hi guys, I know most of you dont know me, as I only post on here ever so often, but My story is on the families forum, and I have several posts on the heroin board right now, well....my dr. prescibed me paxil for my severe agrophobia, and panic attacts, well, that doesnt kick in for 4 weeks, so he gave me some xanax to atke until then, being the addict I am, I htought, if one is prescibbed, certainly 3 would do the trick, well, needless to say, one hour later, I was at the door, on my way to circle k to buy some booze, my bing lasted a day and a hald, just alcohol, and the 3 xanax, but I have alot of guilt, and it seems the responses I am getting on the heroin board, or the majority of them are mostly finger pointing, and pot shots at my character, w the exception of 3 or 4 trusted friends, I mean I would certainly like to hear, o m g I am so happy you made it back, not "I saw it comming, blah blah blha" Well, if we care about eachother enough, shouldnt we point out all those things we see in one another???? Okay....feedback please....ps, mom has control of the xanax now, and I am getting my white chip tonight...
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juliebella:

Good move on giving Mom the xanax. Keep trying you just may succeed! Pat yourself on the back and go get that chip!
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Julie, you have taken a great step in recovery owning up to your relapse.

Congratulations sweetheart! Keep on keeping on!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Julie, I posted to you on the other board.

I think those that commented to you, are people that really care about you and your mother, that to me is apparent, and were trying to be honest.. maybe with the tough love approach?? Maybe some truth to them? Only you can say. |Most times we don't want to hear what others see. Maybe reread them again a week from now and they will not seem so bad to you. I don't know. Just a suggestion.

Try to see it from their point of view.
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oh my god..im glad you made it back!!!!!!!!!!


Is that better? Cus i mean it...honey you should spend some time reading the threads, make sure you go back a couple as well ( at bottom on page click to next pages)

so many people here have relapsed, and it made them all the more determined to succeed the next time, its another tool, the memory of the trigger, what it lead too....i think it is Tom here on the board that said " Play the tape to the end" whenhes tempted or triggered....fast forward and see where it will lead with taking just that one whatever.....

It helped me last night so much ( Thanks tom) to think of that...I may feel better for an hour but then?????

hang in there, dont give up on yourself. you can do it!!!!


Hugs

Ali
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Hi Julie,

I think the some of the posters are looking at the situation from the point of view of your mom and daughter. The things we do are rarely just about us. People get hurt and these people are just as loved as you are.

It's good you own up to what happened and seem willing to learn from it. PLease try to remember there are many people and feelings involved. Your feelings got hurt. So did theirs. Now today is a new day. If you've made amends then it's certainly time to move on to a new day and better things. Best of luck,

Beck
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Flush the xanax before it becomes a problem too. Benzos are a bit&h to come off of. You're playing with fire. No way should an addict try to take xanax. They are way to addictive. And mixing booze and pills is a good way to wind up dead.
Congrats on picking up a white chip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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whats a white chip represent????

just curious..

Ali
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A white chip signifies the desire to get sober and surrender. They are given out at AA meetings.
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Good for you for coming back Julie. Sometimes that's all we can do, but it's a start.

Are you going to any meetings? Any support at home?

Can't do this by yourself hon and certainly can't expect a bunch of addicts on a message board to get you through the worst of it. Need f2f.


Cowgirl
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Julie when you get back please let me know your plan for cutting sub. Not sure why you were put on so much but cutting down 2 pills is cutting your dose by 33%.

Also I understand the panic attacks but Zanax? what Mg? Julie I suffered from panic attacksand my Sub doctor preffered Klonopin as it last longer. She also gave it to me recently when I had surgery.

I am not getting your sub doc. Your supposed to be drug tested. Outpatient therapy??

Julie high doses of sub mixed with xanax and alcohol ===DEATH

Jules your body needs Vitamins and the proper meds for the Hep and HIV

Caffeine do you drink coffee--soda? Proper diet will help with the panic attacks.

Have a good meeting--



Alcohol is POISON please do not ever drink again.

Jeff

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Jeff
Are you still taking Klonopin?
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No--12 stepper June of 2004 I was eating 1-20 mg of zanax. My sub doctor put me on klonopin as it would prevent any seizures . I was weaned of of benzos.

This past month I had surgery and was quite worried o f the pain and my sub doc gave me a script for 1mg but was not needed.

You can take benzos. But i do not recomend it.

Jeff
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You had me worried there for a minute. hehe If anyone is thinking of starting benzos I suggest talking to someone on the board that has gone thru benzo withdrawal. If you think opiate withdrawal is bad, you ain't seen nuthin yet. Benzo w/d can cause seizures or even kill you. Doctors forget to tell you that when they prescribe them tho. I wonder why.
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Hey 12 steps,

thanks for the "down low" on white chips..


Thats great!


Hugs,
Ali
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You are so right about coming off of benzo's. They are scary as hell. Not something that I ever got into but would use in a pinch to ward off w/d's until I could get the next script filled. But it can absolutely kill you if you cold turkey.
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Benzo withdrawal. Been there, done it like you 12 stepper. Nothing worse. I was buying them from the on-line pharms for just that reason you mention Lisa. They worked great on the oxy/fiornal w/d. Took too many for too long. And couldn't use a Dr. to stop as I had gotten them illegally. It lasts for months as well. I had no idea what was involved until I came to this site. And then it was too late. Took me 2 tries, but it's been over 5 months now. 9 months on the oxycontin. Beck
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12 stepper what amazed me was 4+weeks on Klonopin and suboxene and POOF goodbye to 26 yrs of benzo's

People that were in my outpatient were all on benzo's at the beginning to ease the W/D but each day we were tested and our pills subox klon we brought in and they were counted.

I will be starting through my sub doctor a private meeting 4-5 with a nurse on how to deal with chronic pain and depresion. Pumped for this meeting. Hope it becomes reality.

Jeff
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Wow Beck...5 months, so cool. I remember when you first came here. It was scary for you, I know.

Hey Jeff.

See you guys later..

I'm out.
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Hi Julie, sounds like you dusted yourself off and started over. Good for you!
Really, that's all we can do.
Be proud of that white chip.
Love, Kat