For the past four years I have been searching the internet for advice to help my companion get well. I have been to psychologists and n.a. meeting with him. I did everything in my power, with love and many, many sacrifices, just to see him well. What ever he wanted I did. All at my expense. He wanted to leave the country we live in and go abroad to be away from temptation. I did that. I cannot begin to describe the agony I went through with him. I went through all his withdrawals, that was not so bad, he recovered quickly every time. The problem was afterwards.
He was clean for 18 months. Physically he was very well, but psychologically he was a mess. We returned to our country. He promised me he would never relapse. But he did. He begged me to help him again, I did. We moved to another city, and then again to another. He wanted to feel pride in having his own business. I did that. I reached the point where I believed that he was actually self medicating, he needed heroin. I do not believe that heroin caused his mental illness but maybe he was mentally ill. He was a better person when he used than when he did not use. I fell in love with him as a user. We had so much fun. So much love. He may be the only man I truly loved. But it was not him I fell in love with but the effects heroin had on him. It changed his personality, his mood. I decided, for the sake of my life and well being to let him go. I miss him but he has to fight his own battle. He became very dangerous when he needed the drug. There were times I thought he would kill me. He was not the same man I met. I miss him, but I need to stay strong not to allow myself to be drawn to him again.
Gina, my jaw literally dropped reading your post.I cannot begin to stress you need help.Get yourself help find a good counselor .You and the love of your life are toxic to each other.First off let's start with he wanted to move to get away from temptation ...Right there he is running from himself and his addiction.Second you like him better when he uses the herion. .my son is a herion addict he lies steals cheats ...You said when your love doesn't have the drug he gets violent...Gina I could go on...Gina you are an enabler you have low self esteem you are trying to hang your hook on a man that doesn't even have control over himself ...You cannot be together there is no hope with all you have described. He has yet to hit bottom he is running from his own shadow ...You are an enabler you have low self esteem and will buy into whatever he throws your way cause you believe you know the meaning of love, you are afraid to be alone...Get help for yourself put a period to that relationship ..You can't help someone who needs help when you need help yourself.
How amazing that you gave so much to a person.
I am glad that you finally realized that there is nothing more that you can do for him and left.
You are very fortunate that you had this option to just leave.
I have a brother who is a grown up man that moved in with us and created a hell.
Of course I too spent years trying to help that person in vain.
He will not leave and for many different reasons it is very hard to kick him out.
I would give anything to never see him again for the rest of my life.
I have been away for the past 3 months and I am doing my best not to ever go back there.
I have become a bit of an emotional beggar and rely a lot on my friends on all levels.
I do what I have to in order to save my life.
So I read many stories on this forum about sacrifices that parents, spouses, partners.... make for the addict.
In my own personal experience I regret so much and I will never forgive myself for putting so much time and energy trying to help my so called brother.
To put up wiht the lies, craziness, terror, abuse....
It has robbed me of my soul, of my faith, my health.
Maybe it is easier to cross out a sibbling rather than a beloved.
Still removing ourselves from a toxic situtation is the right thing to do.
For sure you do have to stay strong and stay away and try not to let him into your life again.
Your time is precious and your love is even more precious.
Good luck and please stay strong.
I am glad that you finally realized that there is nothing more that you can do for him and left.
You are very fortunate that you had this option to just leave.
I have a brother who is a grown up man that moved in with us and created a hell.
Of course I too spent years trying to help that person in vain.
He will not leave and for many different reasons it is very hard to kick him out.
I would give anything to never see him again for the rest of my life.
I have been away for the past 3 months and I am doing my best not to ever go back there.
I have become a bit of an emotional beggar and rely a lot on my friends on all levels.
I do what I have to in order to save my life.
So I read many stories on this forum about sacrifices that parents, spouses, partners.... make for the addict.
In my own personal experience I regret so much and I will never forgive myself for putting so much time and energy trying to help my so called brother.
To put up wiht the lies, craziness, terror, abuse....
It has robbed me of my soul, of my faith, my health.
Maybe it is easier to cross out a sibbling rather than a beloved.
Still removing ourselves from a toxic situtation is the right thing to do.
For sure you do have to stay strong and stay away and try not to let him into your life again.
Your time is precious and your love is even more precious.
Good luck and please stay strong.
Thank you for your replies. Most people that are not involved in drug use and have never met people involved, cannot understand what heroin means. He was the first person I ever met that used drugs. Before him I had not even seen grass - I did not know what it smelt like. Let alone heroin. He worked, earned a living and did not look like a drug addict. Because he never used needles. He told me that he was a user 6 months into our relationship. This is where I walked away, even if it was so hard to do and he begged me to help him. He told me that he needed a person like me to love him. My heart melted and when I promise I go to extremes to deliver. Eventually, reading all the success stories, I realised that he was not really keen on giving up, he just wanted a good, comfortable life. He used me. Its as simple as that, and I was too naive and too blind in love to see it. Or maybe I saw it but did not want to accept it. It is now over and I will never accept him back again.
So is the reality of addicts. They do not only use drugs but they use others all the time.
We all get manipulated and cheated in this life one day or another.
It is unfortunately the way of a ruthless world.
How were you supposed to know?
At the same time in our heart we always feel like giving people a chance and to help but we are not in control of the end result.
I too had my first encounter with an addict when my so called brother started living with us.
The most important thing is that you have now made a choice not to give in.
Hopefully this experience will serve you well.
I am happy that you are now out of it.
We all get manipulated and cheated in this life one day or another.
It is unfortunately the way of a ruthless world.
How were you supposed to know?
At the same time in our heart we always feel like giving people a chance and to help but we are not in control of the end result.
I too had my first encounter with an addict when my so called brother started living with us.
The most important thing is that you have now made a choice not to give in.
Hopefully this experience will serve you well.
I am happy that you are now out of it.
