Releapse After Working So Hard - It's Only One.

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
My daughters dad is 37 I'm 24, Hes struggled with substance misuse for years.

We were together for almost 3 years, we have a 2 year old daughter, and currently we aren't together. Haven't been for a year because he started using again really hard and I needed to keep our daughter safe. But we still love each other and hope that once he's stable we can be a family again.

He has been so well this last month. After getting clean in prison. And asking to be taken off his meth while inside. He came out and had 2 slip up in the first 2 weeks, and now a month in he comes to me asking for money. Saying he's not feeling well. It's stuck in his head and he just wants to use one more time to straighten himself and feel better and that'll be it.

I ttied having a convo with him, asking why he felt that way. It just got him angry, ended up arguing over it. He said he's been told countless times by addicts and drug workers that he's going to slip at times and it happens to everyone. Which is the excuse he uses. But when is enough enough? I don't want to do this for the next 10 years.

Anyone can give me some advice? Or been where I am. Please
2
Flosse
get yourself free. He's not done. It will be the ride from hell if you don't detach and disconnect. For your sake and your daughters ...set your rules. ..no coming to the house...no money...no phone calls...no enabling...if he comes back with some decent clean time at some point...you can talk...stay strong and stay the course...im facing a similar situation from the addict side...i started using again...have relasped over and over since coming off methadone. ..my spouse has house rules...if I can't get my s*** together soon I have to leave until I do...I know the deal..it's for both our sakes...family board is a good place here...please go on over there...they will help
3
I wish it was that easy. But my daughter loves him so much. I couldn't cut off all contact. He never sees her under the influence.

Is there any way to private message and talk? I think talking to someone whose in that position could really help. He always says I don't understand. And I'm really trying to.
4
Alanon or Naranon can help. You can't understand us...no matter how hard you try....you cant fix us...can't control it and can't live your life or your daughters life waiting for things to be normal ....we are addicts for life...there is no normal...even when we are not using...if we are not vigilant. ..not working a program...it repeats itself...over and over..if you keep allowing him to use...he will...if he knows he has to be clean in order to see his kid and come home...if he knows he's not allowed to unless he has some good clean time...he might do that..and how do you know he is clean when he is visiting? If he's not sick...then he fixed ...if you keep letting him back in...he has no incentive to stop....just saying. ..if I know I can use and still have everything I need and want...why quit ?
5
He has a lapse when he first came out. And we have social involved have done for ages, but I said to them if he's used I don't want him having contact and they said, unless he is under the influence on the day of the visit they won't stop it :/
6
Floss...do they piss test him before he visits ? Your house...your rules...ways through and around damn fcking social services...be smart...is he working a program ? Got a sponsor ? What is his probation stipulations ? What are the agreements ? If you think he's using...he is...ya...relapses happen...but the truth is...we always want one more...you need to work a program if your going to be tied to this guy...call naranon...get a meeting. ..it doesn't stop until he wants it to...that could be longer than you think...you need the tools to handle us..
7
Ditto on everything Con said! Don't put YOUR life or your DAUGHTERS life on hold for this guy. You could be passing up a great opportunity to meet someone that will be a wonderful life long partner for you and an attentive father for your daughter...not a SOMETIME daddy.
8
This is an incredibly hard situation. I'm so sorry for this, you definitely should set boundaries but most importantly you have to stick to them. Force him to see how his actions are directly taking his child away from him.
I'll be praying for you.
Check out R3covery C3ntral on YouTube it's a channel I'm trying to
Get going aimed at just helping addicts and ANYONE AFFECTED BY ADDICTION!
I mean it's gonna be for family members, friends, coworkers etc, it will be a tool for other to use to help get thru hard times, answer questions and gain knowledge to better prepare for any upcoming obstacles Recovery always has.
Me losing everything is what gave me my family back. So BOUNDARIES are crucial!

I wish you the best and the best for your family.
Chris