Well my 6 weeks of peace is over. My addict son has been released from jail on probation. With tons of meds. He explained mom I've two problems, severe bi polar and a addict. But this stuff that they gave me help and I've been clean now for 30 days. I have been warned though that IF I don't stay on these meds I will certainly go back to using drugs. Yes I have been using even though I told you lies.
So I am suppose to believe this. He is homeless saying that he isn't asking for help. Hmm just calling me and telling me he is not asking is asking. The blackmail has started again. With the verbal not asking. The g/f is in a home for woman, he is telling me she fake it as she needed help. Apparently you have to pay to move in halfway house.
Well I am standing my ground this time. He is not going to use me or lie again. I have to not care about the man the addict. I have to stay strong for myself.
I told him you Have to do this for yourself. I will support you in spirit but that is all. I love you but I am not doing it again. I am not listening to your stories. Get it together you are the only one to do this, or let me plan on your funeral. Harsh maybe but I can't do this anymore.
Thanks for all the mom's on this website for their kind words, wisdom and strength.
Sue,
You're not being harsh by not physically helping him. He should do all the regular adult things for himself. It's great that he is clean at the moment and like you said, you can support him completely in spirit. You can encourage him and tell him you love him but the rest is up to him.
I saw my son yesterday. Thankfully, the abscess healed up on it's own. I gave him the opportunity to use my phone and call to set up a detox appt. but he chose not to. I told him that it's his choice but that he also has to live with the consequences of his choices. He told me he doesn't see a point in getting clean just to go back to using. He's back to being homeless. He stayed with some other druggie guy last night and then texted me this morning to ask if he could borrow some money, just until he got his taxes. Of course I said no. I'm hoping he'll get locked up soon. Stay strong, you're doing the right things. It's not easy and I don't think it ever goes out of our minds but we just need to do what we need to do to live our lives healthy and happy. I'm doing my best. Thinking of you.
Michelle
You're not being harsh by not physically helping him. He should do all the regular adult things for himself. It's great that he is clean at the moment and like you said, you can support him completely in spirit. You can encourage him and tell him you love him but the rest is up to him.
I saw my son yesterday. Thankfully, the abscess healed up on it's own. I gave him the opportunity to use my phone and call to set up a detox appt. but he chose not to. I told him that it's his choice but that he also has to live with the consequences of his choices. He told me he doesn't see a point in getting clean just to go back to using. He's back to being homeless. He stayed with some other druggie guy last night and then texted me this morning to ask if he could borrow some money, just until he got his taxes. Of course I said no. I'm hoping he'll get locked up soon. Stay strong, you're doing the right things. It's not easy and I don't think it ever goes out of our minds but we just need to do what we need to do to live our lives healthy and happy. I'm doing my best. Thinking of you.
Michelle
Hi Shell,
It's tough, I so want to go get him and fixed him. But the lies/manipulation/and the embarrassment that everyone was right. He refused to get help. He was using , shooting up stealing. Anything to get that next high.
The drs' assume that he is bi polar. HELLO the drugs have screwed his brain so bad that he barley remembers what he did yesterday. He was using Xanax this time. And of course he is going to be depressed and manic. Good Lord what is wrong with our system that it's easier to drug the addict then fix the problem. I don't see any way out at this point of his life. 23 years of using, living the partying life has taken it's toll on all of us. Each night I dream of all kinds should I , could I. What did I do wrong, what did I miss. Why did he go down that path. Then I wake up angry, so very angry at myself, for blaming me again. He wasn't homeless, abused, stupid, ugly. He had it all.
How do you fight it, what prompts do you use to keep you focus on you and not the addict. I want off this rollercoaster of his life.
as always thanking you and virtually wanting to hug you. For our loss of our children to drugs.
xx
Sue
It's tough, I so want to go get him and fixed him. But the lies/manipulation/and the embarrassment that everyone was right. He refused to get help. He was using , shooting up stealing. Anything to get that next high.
The drs' assume that he is bi polar. HELLO the drugs have screwed his brain so bad that he barley remembers what he did yesterday. He was using Xanax this time. And of course he is going to be depressed and manic. Good Lord what is wrong with our system that it's easier to drug the addict then fix the problem. I don't see any way out at this point of his life. 23 years of using, living the partying life has taken it's toll on all of us. Each night I dream of all kinds should I , could I. What did I do wrong, what did I miss. Why did he go down that path. Then I wake up angry, so very angry at myself, for blaming me again. He wasn't homeless, abused, stupid, ugly. He had it all.
How do you fight it, what prompts do you use to keep you focus on you and not the addict. I want off this rollercoaster of his life.
as always thanking you and virtually wanting to hug you. For our loss of our children to drugs.
xx
Sue
I'm sorry all this is starting over again for you Sue. Your in my prayers! Mary.
Thank you Mary!
apparently he thinks all his problems have been bi polar. Maybe who knows. When he first started using and starting showing signs of depression. From USE of drugs. I took him to so many drs. I kept getting he has a behaviour problem. Really.all I could do is shake my head.
I keep telling him. You are going to have to do this and no one else. I hope he is getting it.
My addict son things that this is going to be the cure all, drugs for the drug addict.
Big Hugs Mary..xxxx
apparently he thinks all his problems have been bi polar. Maybe who knows. When he first started using and starting showing signs of depression. From USE of drugs. I took him to so many drs. I kept getting he has a behaviour problem. Really.all I could do is shake my head.
I keep telling him. You are going to have to do this and no one else. I hope he is getting it.
My addict son things that this is going to be the cure all, drugs for the drug addict.
Big Hugs Mary..xxxx
Is there any family history of being bipolar? Any family history of any other mental illness.
If so, you might want to do research of those illnesses and proceed from there to maybe get help.
If so, you might want to do research of those illnesses and proceed from there to maybe get help.
Rich
As far as I am aware there wasn't any. But I don't know my family history.
His father's family were drinkers. My brother had issues but it was because of the times and his choice of lifestyle.
If he is honestly has mental issues then I hope he can stay with the clinics. I've done this with him before. Two years ago I got him help and made sure he was seeing a Dr. But he was using the whole time.
Not sure what if anything is going to make a difference.
As far as I am aware there wasn't any. But I don't know my family history.
His father's family were drinkers. My brother had issues but it was because of the times and his choice of lifestyle.
If he is honestly has mental issues then I hope he can stay with the clinics. I've done this with him before. Two years ago I got him help and made sure he was seeing a Dr. But he was using the whole time.
Not sure what if anything is going to make a difference.
We also have went through the mental health/substance abuse issues with our son for the past 15 years. At one time he was diagnosed with depression and wouldn't take the anti-depressants. Another time he was diagnosed with anxiety and adhd. The doctor gave him klonopin and adderall.....yay!! great things to give an addict. He would take his months supply of adderall within 3 or 4 days and the klonopin was a night mare. He abused that, never had enough. Of course, it was the doctor's fault for not prescribing him the right dosage. He's also never stayed in any kind of counseling longer than 6 appointments. I think being an addict and taking recreational drugs causes depression and screws up their brains so bad. They would need to be clean for many months to be able to get an accurate diagnosis.
I completely understand what you're talking about Sue. I just don't know if there's any fixing them.
I don't have much hope at all left for my son. Maybe this will be the time yours stays clean though. Time will tell.
Hugs,
Michelle
I completely understand what you're talking about Sue. I just don't know if there's any fixing them.
I don't have much hope at all left for my son. Maybe this will be the time yours stays clean though. Time will tell.
Hugs,
Michelle
"I just don't know if there's any fixing them."
If they are like me (and millions of others) The 12 Steps are the answer.
Commitment to The 12 Steps
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...=2016&m=02&d=24
AA/NA is not something I joined ... I try. AA/NA is something I live. And it works as promised.
All the best.
Bob R
If they are like me (and millions of others) The 12 Steps are the answer.
Commitment to The 12 Steps
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...=2016&m=02&d=24
AA/NA is not something I joined ... I try. AA/NA is something I live. And it works as promised.
All the best.
Bob R
I agree Bob. Just like everything else though, it's all up to them. My son keeps telling me he wants to quit yet has stayed the past 3 months just a couple blocks away from where they have meetings daily and hasn't attended a single one. My statement should have been, "I don't think they'll ever choose to be fixed". I believe heroin will kill my son.
Michelle
Michelle
Hi Sue, how are you today? My daughter has been told she is bi-polar too. I think drugs cause it. Because there's no one in the family with it. I agree with You Michelle. I think my daughter will eventually die too. I mean she called and was at the hospital this morning on an IV. I didn't even ask what it was this time as she is always sick. Probably vomiting and has gotten dehydrated. I can't get panicky anymore I have an almost ten year old always within ear shot. So I have to be careful with my reactions and what words I use. I have never told her the Gods awful truth about her parents. I just know it has to be told sometime. Thinking of you all today and wishing you well. Mary.
Mary, it's people like you and Sue and Laurie (who hasn't been on in awhile) that keep me going. I don't even really know you ladies but I know your hearts and I know that you understand. Hugs to all of you!
Michelle
Michelle
Thank you Michelle! I feel the same way too. I'm grateful to you for all your advice as its helped kept me sane, Laurie too! I'm so glad I found this place as its been a big help to me. I am shocked that there are so many of us parents all going through the same thing. All we can do is be here for each other just like we're doing. i wish our sons and daughters would join AA or NA because after all the reading I do on here, it seems to me it's what works. Sue .....you will find if you keep coming back here you will gain strength from people on here and that's what keeps you going. When you get to that place where you are dwelling on your son and your mind is racing. It takes your mind off it to come on here and read the posts. Or you can unburden your mind by posting to your friends you now have on here. We're all here for you. Don't feel alone when you have us Sue. I hope you start getting a bit of a sleep again soon too. Best to all. Mary.
Dear ladies,
Honestly without your support and stories I'm not sure I could of cope with my son. Knowing unfortunately that there are more parents facing the same problems as myself keeps me going and strong.
My son hasn't called because I'm not listening to the stories. He really believes that he is mental issues which lead to drug abuse. NOT that it was the other way around.
He is trying to go on disability easy life.
He has been to meetings including court ordered. Nothing he never followed through. Like your son shell never attended any Dr appts unless drugs were involved.
I don't know what the future holds for my son but I know unless he really makes a total attempt at rehab he will not be part of my life.
It breaks my heart. I'll pray for my son and our children to find their way back to us.
Xx
Honestly without your support and stories I'm not sure I could of cope with my son. Knowing unfortunately that there are more parents facing the same problems as myself keeps me going and strong.
My son hasn't called because I'm not listening to the stories. He really believes that he is mental issues which lead to drug abuse. NOT that it was the other way around.
He is trying to go on disability easy life.
He has been to meetings including court ordered. Nothing he never followed through. Like your son shell never attended any Dr appts unless drugs were involved.
I don't know what the future holds for my son but I know unless he really makes a total attempt at rehab he will not be part of my life.
It breaks my heart. I'll pray for my son and our children to find their way back to us.
Xx
Hi girls
It's been a few days . Got a call last week he was looking for hand out but sticking to the plan.
Haven't heard from him since. It's been 9 days so good news ?? Doubt it. It's a bit hard some days I want to go get him but than I slap myself.
How are you both hope your keeping well .
X sue
It's been a few days . Got a call last week he was looking for hand out but sticking to the plan.
Haven't heard from him since. It's been 9 days so good news ?? Doubt it. It's a bit hard some days I want to go get him but than I slap myself.
How are you both hope your keeping well .
X sue
Hi Sue, Good to see you.Glad your getting some peace. Let's hope it lasts! I saw my daughter today as her boyfriend dropped her off to visit with her daughter. That's a first in weeks. Nothing changes. Time stands still in her world while it moves on in ours. I always Get a hopeless feeling after I see her. I wish there was something I could do to wake her and make her see how much she is missing out on life. Wishing you well Sue, you and Michelle are never far from my thoughts. Mary.
Peace didn't last more than 10 days and he has a job. I guess you would call it a job. My addict son has joined a county fair as the quarter booth man. Good grief can he screw up anymore of his life? Lets see drug addict, supposedly cleaned in jail. Getting counseling for his Bi Polar II /depression/anxiety. Which was all brought on by the amount of drugs he was using. He won't believe that he is trying to convince us all that he was born with it. REALLY??
He really tried to convince me he had spinal bifadia that is why he needed pain pills for his back.
So he is on 6 types of anti depression meds/mood stabilizer / ADHD meds..(his favorite ) asked for xanax..and they gave him a small dose. REALLY?? he is good should of been a politician. He could sell sand to the middle east.
I come here to vent because saying anything to my son is a waste of breath.
He is with his g/f who by the way works at the clown dunking booth. Of course she doesn't use. His words!!
So not sure what is going to happen, but I refuse to dwell on it anymore. Nothing seems to get through to him that he needs help. He thinks a walk in clinic will be the cure all.
I will love him from a far, but he won't be part of my life, I can't he will destroy me.
X
Susan
He really tried to convince me he had spinal bifadia that is why he needed pain pills for his back.
So he is on 6 types of anti depression meds/mood stabilizer / ADHD meds..(his favorite ) asked for xanax..and they gave him a small dose. REALLY?? he is good should of been a politician. He could sell sand to the middle east.
I come here to vent because saying anything to my son is a waste of breath.
He is with his g/f who by the way works at the clown dunking booth. Of course she doesn't use. His words!!
So not sure what is going to happen, but I refuse to dwell on it anymore. Nothing seems to get through to him that he needs help. He thinks a walk in clinic will be the cure all.
I will love him from a far, but he won't be part of my life, I can't he will destroy me.
X
Susan
It's been strange he hasn't called . I stop the payment on storage unit. There is really nothing in it.just wasting my money.
I just wish I could sleep. I hate what he is doing to me and what's worse he doesn't realize it.
Last time he called I got no one cares about me except the so called g/f.
I'm guess I'm waiting on the call your son has od can you come identity him.
That's my nightmare each night with different scenarios of how he died.
Some nights I wake up and want to scream stop he doesn't care about no one except himself. Because if he cared about himself he would make the effort to get cleaned .
Just needed a vent day xxx
Sue
I just wish I could sleep. I hate what he is doing to me and what's worse he doesn't realize it.
Last time he called I got no one cares about me except the so called g/f.
I'm guess I'm waiting on the call your son has od can you come identity him.
That's my nightmare each night with different scenarios of how he died.
Some nights I wake up and want to scream stop he doesn't care about no one except himself. Because if he cared about himself he would make the effort to get cleaned .
Just needed a vent day xxx
Sue
He cares but is powerless to overcome his addiction (disease).
Did you read on the homepage of this website http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/ about the young author Jacob Waletzky ? It would seem that he had everything going for him yet addiction claimed him.
Many of us (addicts/alcoholics) have to hit bottom before we surrender.
Some of us fall through the "thin ice" we have found ourselves on and perish.
It is so eloquently described in the first paragraph of AA's HOW IT WORKS.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Many family & friends of addicts are blind to this simple truth as well.
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help families see and accept the truth.
All the best.
Bob R
Did you read on the homepage of this website http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/ about the young author Jacob Waletzky ? It would seem that he had everything going for him yet addiction claimed him.
Many of us (addicts/alcoholics) have to hit bottom before we surrender.
Some of us fall through the "thin ice" we have found ourselves on and perish.
It is so eloquently described in the first paragraph of AA's HOW IT WORKS.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Many family & friends of addicts are blind to this simple truth as well.
The 12 Steps of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can help families see and accept the truth.
All the best.
Bob R
Papa,
He won't give himself over to the 12 steps. He has been to so many meeting, probably can recite them word for word. The truth is I don't think he wants to quit. He says the correct words but his actions say otherwise. He won't stick with anything. He never could. I knew when he was young his coping skills were not the greatest. Anytime something drastic happen he would hide. Even the smallest thing. He was a straight A student with a genius IQ, good looking, athletic but nothing was ever enough. His excuse for doing drugs quick and easy money. Then he got hook. Nothing worked, rehabs, jail more rehabs living on streets. OD numerous times and even attempted suicide.
So many people gave him opportunity to come clean but he kept saying he wasn't using. Embarrassed? maybe but he would never be honest with himself , he will say I am a addict, but it's now a useful tool for him for free help and drugs. I don't see any change coming ever.
I just hope that when he does finally OD, because it's not if it's when that I am notified so I can put both me and my son at peace.
He won't give himself over to the 12 steps. He has been to so many meeting, probably can recite them word for word. The truth is I don't think he wants to quit. He says the correct words but his actions say otherwise. He won't stick with anything. He never could. I knew when he was young his coping skills were not the greatest. Anytime something drastic happen he would hide. Even the smallest thing. He was a straight A student with a genius IQ, good looking, athletic but nothing was ever enough. His excuse for doing drugs quick and easy money. Then he got hook. Nothing worked, rehabs, jail more rehabs living on streets. OD numerous times and even attempted suicide.
So many people gave him opportunity to come clean but he kept saying he wasn't using. Embarrassed? maybe but he would never be honest with himself , he will say I am a addict, but it's now a useful tool for him for free help and drugs. I don't see any change coming ever.
I just hope that when he does finally OD, because it's not if it's when that I am notified so I can put both me and my son at peace.
