Rhonda:
Hey sweet! I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. The holidays amplify every shortcoming in our relationships. I just hate that!
I am glad to hear you have a plan! That is key! Once you begin to put that energy out there, you will get a response! Things will start to fall into place and your way will be clear! I hope whatever transition you are in becomes more gentle. It is hard. I know...I just made a huge one myself. Stay as busy as you possibly can. Doing is so much better than thinking about doing. (I am listening to my own advice here!)
(ummmm....I know where there is a great house for sale or rent in Monroe)...*wink*
If I were still there, I would have you over for coffee! We could sit and mull over life and plans and life and plans! Didn't you say you were a teacher? If you are interested in Oua. or Linc. I will be glad to put you into contact with some people I know there. I do believe Linc. offers the best to teachers and students in the whole area.
Anyway, I just wanted to give you a cyber hug...let you know I am pulling for you and here for you anytime you want to talk. Somebody has my email address if you need it.
Love,
Sarah
Hi Rhonda,
Thought I'd jump in here on Miss Sarah's thread and extend my hand too....
I read this on the morning thread...
Honey, if you want the TV, buy it and if he says anything, ignore it and pray for him....If he's not nice to you, that's on him but you can be nice to you....
xoxoxo
Stacey
Thought I'd jump in here on Miss Sarah's thread and extend my hand too....
I read this on the morning thread...
QUOTE |
I would just buy the darn thing myself, but then I'd get b******at for it. |
Honey, if you want the TV, buy it and if he says anything, ignore it and pray for him....If he's not nice to you, that's on him but you can be nice to you....
xoxoxo
Stacey
Thanks Sarah for the support and encouragement. I have to get my license renewed and am in the process of doing that. I would love to move away from here, but he isn't going to let me take the kids out of state & they do not want to leave their school and friends. I can't blame them....that is about the only stable thing they've had in their life...........I don't think they've ever known me & their dad to not be fighting. We didn't fight when they were little, but they can't remember that.
I will get your email from someone. I wish you did still live in monroe...I would definately come for coffee!!
Well, I think me & kids are going to get out & go to a movie today! That always cheers me up! xoxo, Rhonda
I will get your email from someone. I wish you did still live in monroe...I would definately come for coffee!!
Well, I think me & kids are going to get out & go to a movie today! That always cheers me up! xoxo, Rhonda
Hi Stacey!! You know what? I might just do that. You are right! I'm taking kids to the movies & I think I'll go after that & buy it!
Thanks!!
xoxoxo
Thanks!!
xoxoxo
Rhonda, glad to hear that you are taking baby steps...they are the hardest!
I have the same husband. I said the hell with it this year, so I spent about $300 extra, but when you have a budget of $700, it's not that much.
So go ahead Rhonda, you sound alot like me, having to depend on my husband for everything. He doesn't like to spend money, no matter the reason. Chews me up a bit when I do spend it. I've found that the satisfaction of having what you want every now and then, is that it is worth the fight after. LOL
We are definately getting together in the New Year, so you DO have a coffee bud...
I have my sister coming in on Saturday, so I will be tied up, but definately you and I are going to meet up in January, before your booty goes back to work and you won't have time to. I wish so bad that I had met Sarah, it's so cool having someone real close to home sharing recovery.
My sis will be going home on the 4th of January, we will plan for after that.
ps Oh and Rhonda, I am going to die soon if I don't get to see "The Water Horse", we will do an evening of it, my family I mean, and going to the movies to see it after. Have you ever been to The Warehouse? We went to Waterfront Grill last night, but I have always wanted to go to the Warehouse. Maybe Sarah can help fill me in on it.
YAY!
I have the same husband. I said the hell with it this year, so I spent about $300 extra, but when you have a budget of $700, it's not that much.
So go ahead Rhonda, you sound alot like me, having to depend on my husband for everything. He doesn't like to spend money, no matter the reason. Chews me up a bit when I do spend it. I've found that the satisfaction of having what you want every now and then, is that it is worth the fight after. LOL
We are definately getting together in the New Year, so you DO have a coffee bud...
I have my sister coming in on Saturday, so I will be tied up, but definately you and I are going to meet up in January, before your booty goes back to work and you won't have time to. I wish so bad that I had met Sarah, it's so cool having someone real close to home sharing recovery.
My sis will be going home on the 4th of January, we will plan for after that.
ps Oh and Rhonda, I am going to die soon if I don't get to see "The Water Horse", we will do an evening of it, my family I mean, and going to the movies to see it after. Have you ever been to The Warehouse? We went to Waterfront Grill last night, but I have always wanted to go to the Warehouse. Maybe Sarah can help fill me in on it.
YAY!
Janet:
You will like the Warehouse! Make a res...it's easier! The shrimp are the best! I know you know where it is! However, I will say....IMO, the best shrimp and oysters in town are at the Monroe Mohawk!
Anyway, earlier at the Warehouse they are shucking oysters in the back. The raw oysters are so good right now, and I have been craving them like crazy. Last week my husband and I walked to this restaurant near our home...it is fancy, and we weren't so into fancy, but I heard they had oysters there. So, we went upstairs to the bar area, which is not so fancy...ordered a dozen raw oysters....for 12.95...i nearly fainted at the price (sound like Kee Kee and her ciggies)...anyway, they were from the east coast....teeeeeny tiny little prissy oysters! hahahahaha....we had to laugh!
I want to order a sack of oysters to get overnighted here, but, I don't have any friends to invite over and enjoy them! I did see them shucking gulf oysters at the Whole Foods here a while back before Thanksgiving...I may try that this afternoon. I have to grocery anyway.
You will like the Warehouse. Service is sometimes slow, but hey...the view of the river is gorgeous. Will you drive by the old Penn Hotel and see how that renovation is going? I am so happy someone is taking an interest in that old building and curious about it. I am so glad you are going to see Rhonda! That makes me happy. You know, I didn't have a damn minute to myself that last year in Monroe. I am sorry I missed you, yet...I feel like I know you!
I am glad you had good family time this holiday Janet! You worked so hard...you are an awesome wife and mother honey...don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Love,
Sarah
You will like the Warehouse! Make a res...it's easier! The shrimp are the best! I know you know where it is! However, I will say....IMO, the best shrimp and oysters in town are at the Monroe Mohawk!
Anyway, earlier at the Warehouse they are shucking oysters in the back. The raw oysters are so good right now, and I have been craving them like crazy. Last week my husband and I walked to this restaurant near our home...it is fancy, and we weren't so into fancy, but I heard they had oysters there. So, we went upstairs to the bar area, which is not so fancy...ordered a dozen raw oysters....for 12.95...i nearly fainted at the price (sound like Kee Kee and her ciggies)...anyway, they were from the east coast....teeeeeny tiny little prissy oysters! hahahahaha....we had to laugh!
I want to order a sack of oysters to get overnighted here, but, I don't have any friends to invite over and enjoy them! I did see them shucking gulf oysters at the Whole Foods here a while back before Thanksgiving...I may try that this afternoon. I have to grocery anyway.
You will like the Warehouse. Service is sometimes slow, but hey...the view of the river is gorgeous. Will you drive by the old Penn Hotel and see how that renovation is going? I am so happy someone is taking an interest in that old building and curious about it. I am so glad you are going to see Rhonda! That makes me happy. You know, I didn't have a damn minute to myself that last year in Monroe. I am sorry I missed you, yet...I feel like I know you!
I am glad you had good family time this holiday Janet! You worked so hard...you are an awesome wife and mother honey...don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Love,
Sarah
Sarah, the hotel is looking so nice. They have painted it grey (I think) and red on the top floor. It is a gorgeous building. Must say I miss the pink house. That was one of the neatest things to have around here. So you think the Mohawk is better? I've always heard...just like the Warehouse.
Oh gosh Sarah, I didn't read your last paragraph until the second time. Thank you so much for the complement. Yes, it's so nice to be able to relax cause of not having to cook or plan meals...wooohooo! I did have a wonderful Christmas, though Snickers is still sniffing around for Grandma and Grampa LOL
Oh gosh Sarah, I didn't read your last paragraph until the second time. Thank you so much for the complement. Yes, it's so nice to be able to relax cause of not having to cook or plan meals...wooohooo! I did have a wonderful Christmas, though Snickers is still sniffing around for Grandma and Grampa LOL
Ooohh yes, Janet we must plan for coffee in January! ................ I haven't seen The water horse Yet....just saw it advertise a couple of days ago. Me & kids went to see Fred Claus before christmas & today we went to see National Treasure pt. 2. We loved the first one sooo much. The 2nd one is good too. It was nice for 2 hours to "get" away from everything. I think that's why I love movies so much....it is a wonderful escape & it's not bad for me like the pills!! LOL!! I know someone is going to say that movies can be bad for ya, but come on it's my fantasy...don't spoil it...LMAO!!
I've never heard of the warehouse...I don't get to monroe as much as I used to. We used to eat at Chelsea's all the time. Infact, that is the first place my husbutt took me on our first real date. We shared that gigantic margarita...do you know the one? Janet or Sarah? I bet you do...lol
Yep Janet works hard on her family meals! I can almost taste em thru the screen when she is describing them.
Sarah......did you re-marry & then move to NM? WOW...a whole new life. ....sounds great and scary at the same time.......exciting nonetheless!!! I sure admire you for everything you've told me so far. It is encouraging to know it can be done.
I didn't get to get my t.v. b/c my austin had to be back to go hunting. I am going to do it. You guys talked me into it! LOL Oh, speaking of hunting....I do hold the bragging rights in my family so far this year....I've gotten the biggest buck (including my dad & husbutt) YEAH!!!!!
I've never heard of the warehouse...I don't get to monroe as much as I used to. We used to eat at Chelsea's all the time. Infact, that is the first place my husbutt took me on our first real date. We shared that gigantic margarita...do you know the one? Janet or Sarah? I bet you do...lol
Yep Janet works hard on her family meals! I can almost taste em thru the screen when she is describing them.
Sarah......did you re-marry & then move to NM? WOW...a whole new life. ....sounds great and scary at the same time.......exciting nonetheless!!! I sure admire you for everything you've told me so far. It is encouraging to know it can be done.
I didn't get to get my t.v. b/c my austin had to be back to go hunting. I am going to do it. You guys talked me into it! LOL Oh, speaking of hunting....I do hold the bragging rights in my family so far this year....I've gotten the biggest buck (including my dad & husbutt) YEAH!!!!!
Hey Rhonda:
First life was from 1981 to 1991.
Second life was from 1994 to present!
I moved back to my hometown after life # 1! I thought I was just "passing through" as they say...but, things started to happen...pretty amazing things, and I ended up staying. Met my husband...and had the last 15 years of my Papa's life with him.
I have been married since 1994, so our move was during our 13th year of marriage.
We have been together since 1992, married in 1994.
Moving will prove to be a very powerful thing in my life, I am sure, but it has been a little daunting! I have been uneasy spending so much time with myself...I laughingly say, I am sick of myself! hahaha, but things are starting to change, and I am meeting some people, getting out more, and feeling a little more confident in the last 10 days!
It is a transition, for sure...but I don't ever want to not "try" because I was afraid. I may be in the process of "falling down" right now, but I am pretty sure I am falling forward, not backward.
I lived so many years in fear...because my self-esteem was in the toilet. I based my self esteem on how my husband saw me...and he was a not so nice guy. I just didn't know any better, married too young, etc.
I know that every single person that came into my life that first year I was on my own was sent to me. Each one had a word, or a book, or a movie...something, that fortified my on my path. It was a very painful, very rewarding part of my life. I will never regret my choices of that time, and I know that leaving my husband was absolutely the beginning of my life. That is just me. I don't really advocate divorce...divorce is hell, period. But, I had to choose myself, and I couldn't choose me and love him anymore. One of us had to go!
I married my best friend this time and his absolute most fantastic quality is his SENSE OF HUMOR! Laughing is THE REMEDY. It cures everything. We took this leap out west together...and he is absolutely happier than I have ever known him....consequently, he is more funny too!
You just keep your eyes and ears open Rhonda, believe in miracles and know you are being taken care of!
Love to you.
Sarah
First life was from 1981 to 1991.
Second life was from 1994 to present!
I moved back to my hometown after life # 1! I thought I was just "passing through" as they say...but, things started to happen...pretty amazing things, and I ended up staying. Met my husband...and had the last 15 years of my Papa's life with him.
I have been married since 1994, so our move was during our 13th year of marriage.
We have been together since 1992, married in 1994.
Moving will prove to be a very powerful thing in my life, I am sure, but it has been a little daunting! I have been uneasy spending so much time with myself...I laughingly say, I am sick of myself! hahaha, but things are starting to change, and I am meeting some people, getting out more, and feeling a little more confident in the last 10 days!
It is a transition, for sure...but I don't ever want to not "try" because I was afraid. I may be in the process of "falling down" right now, but I am pretty sure I am falling forward, not backward.
I lived so many years in fear...because my self-esteem was in the toilet. I based my self esteem on how my husband saw me...and he was a not so nice guy. I just didn't know any better, married too young, etc.
I know that every single person that came into my life that first year I was on my own was sent to me. Each one had a word, or a book, or a movie...something, that fortified my on my path. It was a very painful, very rewarding part of my life. I will never regret my choices of that time, and I know that leaving my husband was absolutely the beginning of my life. That is just me. I don't really advocate divorce...divorce is hell, period. But, I had to choose myself, and I couldn't choose me and love him anymore. One of us had to go!
I married my best friend this time and his absolute most fantastic quality is his SENSE OF HUMOR! Laughing is THE REMEDY. It cures everything. We took this leap out west together...and he is absolutely happier than I have ever known him....consequently, he is more funny too!
You just keep your eyes and ears open Rhonda, believe in miracles and know you are being taken care of!
Love to you.
Sarah
WOW, Sarah...
I, too, had a previous, abusive marriage (I believe I shared that with you) that ended in divorce and today looking back, I do believe it was God taking care of me when I couldn't....my second time around, I, too, married my best friend and we just celebrated 17yrs of marriage.....
Love ya, sista...
xoxo
I, too, had a previous, abusive marriage (I believe I shared that with you) that ended in divorce and today looking back, I do believe it was God taking care of me when I couldn't....my second time around, I, too, married my best friend and we just celebrated 17yrs of marriage.....
Love ya, sista...
xoxo
I didn't have an abusive marriage, but I did have an abusive relationship with Justin's Dad. We never married, matter of fact as soon as I found out I was keeping Justin he tried to strangle me and then we broke up. During this time he took up with a buxom brunette. He was emotionally unavailable and so immature. Damn, he's going to be 60 this coming year. 10 years apart, I/we had broken up a relationship he was having with a woman having his kid. I'm kind of ashamed of myself for that, but my britches did alot of decision making back then.
My husband and I met in the Oilfield business that we were both mechanics at. Should I be ashamed that he left a woman with a kid? That was his second wife and Jana. They were only married 8 months, she was cheating and so was he. We got married 2 years after his divorce, so I'm his third, he's my first marriage. Do you detect a pattern here?
Well anyway, we have been together 23 years and married 20 of them. I guess third time is a charm (for him).
My husband and I met in the Oilfield business that we were both mechanics at. Should I be ashamed that he left a woman with a kid? That was his second wife and Jana. They were only married 8 months, she was cheating and so was he. We got married 2 years after his divorce, so I'm his third, he's my first marriage. Do you detect a pattern here?
Well anyway, we have been together 23 years and married 20 of them. I guess third time is a charm (for him).
Hey Sarah!
I just wanted to butt in real quick and tell you how much I admire you! Always you come here with such hope and love. You are almost always one of the first to offer up a big old Southern plate of hospitality and share your experiences with complete and utter honesty.
There are so many wonderful people here that I would definitely wish to meet in person....and you are one of them! I love to read your posts....I almost always relate to and can empathize with all that you say and have gone through. What a special person you are.
I know all about taking risks and moving all over the damn place. I know that I also have become a better more well rounded women because of this.
Big hugs....just wanted to give you a little shout out, I know that I am not the only that feels this way:)
Have a good one ladies!
I just wanted to butt in real quick and tell you how much I admire you! Always you come here with such hope and love. You are almost always one of the first to offer up a big old Southern plate of hospitality and share your experiences with complete and utter honesty.
There are so many wonderful people here that I would definitely wish to meet in person....and you are one of them! I love to read your posts....I almost always relate to and can empathize with all that you say and have gone through. What a special person you are.
I know all about taking risks and moving all over the damn place. I know that I also have become a better more well rounded women because of this.
Big hugs....just wanted to give you a little shout out, I know that I am not the only that feels this way:)
Have a good one ladies!
Awww...Kee Kee, thank you so much!
That was a very kind thing to do for me. I relate to you too, so much!
I don't know how to be anything but honest Kee Kee. I just never got good at politics, playing games, I always get my a$$ bitten, learned that on pretty early on. Anyway, the truth always works its way to the surface...that is the nature of truth. And though I still get my a$$ bitten sometimes, I can own it...cause I have offered my truth. It is different when it isn't contrived.
I wish I could help more when people are hurting. But, I remember so well when I was early in recovery, how shocked and scared I was. If it hadn't been for Kathy (Carolina Girl) cheering my pitiful butt on ALL THE TIME, I would have crumbled. And Rachel, and justjane, and Teresa, and Catherine (MeAgain) and you all huddled together holding hands and whining! LMAO.
I remember reading about PAWS and thinking OMG, 2 years?????? But, it has been a year and a half already, and you know...if you just look at one day, just one hour, if that is all you can do....you really can make it.
Kee Kee, I would love to meet you too! We would get into trouble though, wouldn't we? LOL, middle aged crazed women...but, I always have a box full of false eye lashes and gold, glitter blush, lots and lots of boas!
We could cut up and have big fun! You should come out to New Mexico! You would love it here Kee Kee...it is so very beautiful. Not like Hawaii, of course, you lived in Paradise! But, it is pretty beautiful in a very natural way.
Anyway, thank you for your loving post! Everyone needs to know they are cared about...and you gave me that this morning! It means a lot.
Love you,
Sarah
That was a very kind thing to do for me. I relate to you too, so much!
I don't know how to be anything but honest Kee Kee. I just never got good at politics, playing games, I always get my a$$ bitten, learned that on pretty early on. Anyway, the truth always works its way to the surface...that is the nature of truth. And though I still get my a$$ bitten sometimes, I can own it...cause I have offered my truth. It is different when it isn't contrived.
I wish I could help more when people are hurting. But, I remember so well when I was early in recovery, how shocked and scared I was. If it hadn't been for Kathy (Carolina Girl) cheering my pitiful butt on ALL THE TIME, I would have crumbled. And Rachel, and justjane, and Teresa, and Catherine (MeAgain) and you all huddled together holding hands and whining! LMAO.
I remember reading about PAWS and thinking OMG, 2 years?????? But, it has been a year and a half already, and you know...if you just look at one day, just one hour, if that is all you can do....you really can make it.
Kee Kee, I would love to meet you too! We would get into trouble though, wouldn't we? LOL, middle aged crazed women...but, I always have a box full of false eye lashes and gold, glitter blush, lots and lots of boas!
We could cut up and have big fun! You should come out to New Mexico! You would love it here Kee Kee...it is so very beautiful. Not like Hawaii, of course, you lived in Paradise! But, it is pretty beautiful in a very natural way.
Anyway, thank you for your loving post! Everyone needs to know they are cared about...and you gave me that this morning! It means a lot.
Love you,
Sarah
Thanks for sharing those stories Sarah & Janet. I applaud both of you for starting over again. You see that has always been my problem....I've never been able to end a relationship (no matter how bad) & not look back, come back, or something. I guess afraid of change. It can't be afraid of being alone b/c I usually had someone waiting in the wing (in my younger days).
I was engaged a year before I was to graduate college to a guy I started dating when I was a senior in HS. 2 months before our wedding he was at a party & kissed a girl. I found out the next day & called off the wedding. I was miserable & hurt. And would you believe it....I actually started wanting him back. By this time he had started dating some other girl (not one he kissed). I did the usual stupid things like get drunk & call him late at night, ride by his house & hers, etc. I was going on dates, but just wasnt clicking with anybody. Stated dating a guy from my hometown (he was a couple yrs younger than me).
I really liked him, but I knew he was just a transition guy. We dated bout 4 months til I met my husbutt. I went to college with him & knew of him, but never really met him. I thought our meeting was by chance, but I found out later that he had been trying to meet me for a year. He had a great personality & sense of humor............There was a little problem...my roommate & soriety sister used to date him....still had a thing for him...& it was a no no to date soriety sis's ex's unless they didn't care.........I didnt know her or him when they dated. ........So, I would not
go out with him. He didn't give up..........& one day he came to my apartment & wouldn't leave until I agreed to go out with him. He stayed for 4 hours trying to convince me...........I wanted to but I didn't want to hurt my roommate..........Well, I finally gave in & said yes to which he grabbed my hand & pulled me to his car & took off before I changed my mind LOL..........I fell madly in love with him that night. We hid our dating for several months b/c of roommate. I finally came clean with it. I decided that he could be the one & I wasn't going to blow my chance at happiness.
Well, we had about 11 wonderful years! (9 of which were married yrs) (16yrs, all together) He treated me like a queen. We had the best relationship anyone could hope for. We were best friends. The problem started when he just kept on drinking like he was at a frat party everyday. He wasnt growing up & still hasn't. I left for 6 months & it truly hurt him in a way I couldn't understand. It changed him into what he is today. He begged me to come home & has punished me every day since then. Things fell completely apart & the rest is history................
You see I still love that man I was married to for 9 yrs. & the mistake I keep making is thinking he is coming back. I've finally realized it's not happening.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share this. I feel better getting it all out!
Edited to say that I did my fair share of thing to screw up our marriage, but the difference is I let go of the past & he won't!
I was engaged a year before I was to graduate college to a guy I started dating when I was a senior in HS. 2 months before our wedding he was at a party & kissed a girl. I found out the next day & called off the wedding. I was miserable & hurt. And would you believe it....I actually started wanting him back. By this time he had started dating some other girl (not one he kissed). I did the usual stupid things like get drunk & call him late at night, ride by his house & hers, etc. I was going on dates, but just wasnt clicking with anybody. Stated dating a guy from my hometown (he was a couple yrs younger than me).
I really liked him, but I knew he was just a transition guy. We dated bout 4 months til I met my husbutt. I went to college with him & knew of him, but never really met him. I thought our meeting was by chance, but I found out later that he had been trying to meet me for a year. He had a great personality & sense of humor............There was a little problem...my roommate & soriety sister used to date him....still had a thing for him...& it was a no no to date soriety sis's ex's unless they didn't care.........I didnt know her or him when they dated. ........So, I would not
go out with him. He didn't give up..........& one day he came to my apartment & wouldn't leave until I agreed to go out with him. He stayed for 4 hours trying to convince me...........I wanted to but I didn't want to hurt my roommate..........Well, I finally gave in & said yes to which he grabbed my hand & pulled me to his car & took off before I changed my mind LOL..........I fell madly in love with him that night. We hid our dating for several months b/c of roommate. I finally came clean with it. I decided that he could be the one & I wasn't going to blow my chance at happiness.
Well, we had about 11 wonderful years! (9 of which were married yrs) (16yrs, all together) He treated me like a queen. We had the best relationship anyone could hope for. We were best friends. The problem started when he just kept on drinking like he was at a frat party everyday. He wasnt growing up & still hasn't. I left for 6 months & it truly hurt him in a way I couldn't understand. It changed him into what he is today. He begged me to come home & has punished me every day since then. Things fell completely apart & the rest is history................
You see I still love that man I was married to for 9 yrs. & the mistake I keep making is thinking he is coming back. I've finally realized it's not happening.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share this. I feel better getting it all out!
Edited to say that I did my fair share of thing to screw up our marriage, but the difference is I let go of the past & he won't!
Rhonda:
You should talk to Lisa about this. She had some issues with her husband and drinking. She took her time, did her homework, and then put her foot down. Her husband responded, and has quit drinking. It saved their marriage.
There is hope for your marriage if he will get sober, I know you know that. Does he?
You have to protect your sobriety Rhonda. Don't do anything to compromise that...and I think, if I am not mistaken that in AA you are told not to make any major life changes for one year.
Kat, Lisa, Stacey.......Rachel, Sammy...come on girls, help me out here. What is the SOP on this through the program of AA?
You are young in your recovery Rhonda...so, take it easy. It takes a while for our filters (the way we see things) to get cleaned! *smile*. I have witnessed myself going through many, many perception changes over this last year and a half of being clean, and I know they will continue to change too.
I don't think an opiate addict can really trust what we are feeling for at least 2 years...that of course, is JMO, and it only applies to me.
My gut reaction is to say, if you love your husband, then fight for your marriage, keeping your sobriety first too. I think you need some support to help you work through this...email me, and I will give you that number for the woman in Ruston...she is awesome, truly. Will your husband go?
Even if staying together is not in the cards for you guys...you need to proceed slowly and with a plan. At the very least, she can help you make one.
In the meantime, I will pray for your husband to have a gentle nudge from the universe that he needs to SNAP OUT OF IT!
It is hard to do all this at one time Rhonda. I really feel for you. Just know how incredible it is...this work of sobriety you are doing! It is awesome!
Much love,
Sarah
You should talk to Lisa about this. She had some issues with her husband and drinking. She took her time, did her homework, and then put her foot down. Her husband responded, and has quit drinking. It saved their marriage.
There is hope for your marriage if he will get sober, I know you know that. Does he?
You have to protect your sobriety Rhonda. Don't do anything to compromise that...and I think, if I am not mistaken that in AA you are told not to make any major life changes for one year.
Kat, Lisa, Stacey.......Rachel, Sammy...come on girls, help me out here. What is the SOP on this through the program of AA?
You are young in your recovery Rhonda...so, take it easy. It takes a while for our filters (the way we see things) to get cleaned! *smile*. I have witnessed myself going through many, many perception changes over this last year and a half of being clean, and I know they will continue to change too.
I don't think an opiate addict can really trust what we are feeling for at least 2 years...that of course, is JMO, and it only applies to me.
My gut reaction is to say, if you love your husband, then fight for your marriage, keeping your sobriety first too. I think you need some support to help you work through this...email me, and I will give you that number for the woman in Ruston...she is awesome, truly. Will your husband go?
Even if staying together is not in the cards for you guys...you need to proceed slowly and with a plan. At the very least, she can help you make one.
In the meantime, I will pray for your husband to have a gentle nudge from the universe that he needs to SNAP OUT OF IT!
It is hard to do all this at one time Rhonda. I really feel for you. Just know how incredible it is...this work of sobriety you are doing! It is awesome!
Much love,
Sarah
Hey Rhonda,
I try to pray and meditate and ask God to direct my thoughts and actions. I always go back to, "God could and would if he were sought." I also pray for God to put people in my path to show me the way. Going back to Step 3 always helps me. Faith and trust.
~Rachel
I try to pray and meditate and ask God to direct my thoughts and actions. I always go back to, "God could and would if he were sought." I also pray for God to put people in my path to show me the way. Going back to Step 3 always helps me. Faith and trust.
~Rachel
Yes, my counselor told me to wait a year before I make any major changes. I have talked to Lisa about this several times. He is not willing to stop drinking nor is he willing to work on our marriage. We can not even have a regular conversation w/o it turning into WWIII. I made my last attempt this morning. I am getting a plan together. I simply can not live with someone who is so verbally abusive that it brings me to tears everyday. I have prayed about this for 4 to 5 yrs now & things just keep getting worse here. He told me the other day that I belonged in the ground with the other 2 sorry people I have buried (meaning my sister & mother). I do not know where such venemous words come from, but I have to listen to things worse than that almost daily. And he says them in front of my kids.
I just can't take many more hurtful things from him.
I just can't take many more hurtful things from him.
Oh, Sarah my addy is rhondamferrell@yahoo.com
No major life changes in the first year is suggested but there are no "rules" in AA....and it depends on the circumstances and the harm being done...
I like what Rachel said....Do you have a sponsor, Rhonda? I know for me, everything I go through and all my decisions I'm contemplating, I talk to my sponsor, my friends with a solid recovery program or Miss Katbird first before making decisions...see, my best thinking always got me into trouble or into a new mess so I need somebody to check my motives......still do today.
I'd also suggest working all the steps as my whole life and perception of things changed as I went through the steps and see where you're at after you've gotten through the steps. God will show you what you need to do as long as you pray for the guidance and stay open and willing to see it.....
One thing I'd like to add is you can't get him sober and his alcoholism is his to own, not yours and in reality, he'll be done when he's done and some never are done.....
Smooch
I like what Rachel said....Do you have a sponsor, Rhonda? I know for me, everything I go through and all my decisions I'm contemplating, I talk to my sponsor, my friends with a solid recovery program or Miss Katbird first before making decisions...see, my best thinking always got me into trouble or into a new mess so I need somebody to check my motives......still do today.
I'd also suggest working all the steps as my whole life and perception of things changed as I went through the steps and see where you're at after you've gotten through the steps. God will show you what you need to do as long as you pray for the guidance and stay open and willing to see it.....
One thing I'd like to add is you can't get him sober and his alcoholism is his to own, not yours and in reality, he'll be done when he's done and some never are done.....
Smooch
Rhonda,
I just read your last post after I posted.....
So maybe the answer to your prayers is actually being shown to you...
I lived in a verbally abusive marriage 20 years ago & I'm still working on cleaning up the damage...Verbal abuse is horrendous and I'm sure everyone here will help you any way that we can if you decide to leave...No judgement here, you need to do what you need to do and let me know if there is anything that I can do to help....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey
I just read your last post after I posted.....
QUOTE |
I have prayed about this for 4 to 5 yrs now & things just keep getting worse here. |
So maybe the answer to your prayers is actually being shown to you...
I lived in a verbally abusive marriage 20 years ago & I'm still working on cleaning up the damage...Verbal abuse is horrendous and I'm sure everyone here will help you any way that we can if you decide to leave...No judgement here, you need to do what you need to do and let me know if there is anything that I can do to help....
(((big hugs)))
Stacey