Kev, I re-read my post about Clare, and I have to put it into context. I was really in a bad mood that day, coz of my own crapola. Anyway, I don't know if you're being taken for a ride. She could be totally genuine. All I know is my own experience. As an addict, I was a devious lying twat. Hell, I'd lie my head off if I thought it would get me what I wanted. And I've been in a relationship with another addict. We'd lie to each other when going through our many failed attempts to get off the gear. Except that as a woman, I was so so much better at it. You know, sometimes I'd even tell a lie about something stupid, looking shifty as hell, wanting to get caught out, just so I could convince him that I was a bad liar, so he'd think he knew when I was lying. With him, I'd only have to look at him once and I'd know he was lying. He was a terrible liar! He'd say he hadn't done gear, but forget to wash the spoon, or he'd throw the dirty foil in the bin and I'd see it when I was chucking a tea bag away or something. I'd even check the foil on the roll to see if it had been torn. And all I had to do was check the phone log to see if he'd been ringing any dealers. Me, I always deleted them. See, men just don't cover their tracks very well. Women on the other hand know what they're doing. I caught him every single time, but it didn't stop him from lying. And in the relationship it didn't matter, coz as addicts we both knew that was the nature of the beast. All addicts lie. It's inescapable!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after 7 years of this, I ended the relationship, because I knew I'd never get clean with him. And the daft thing is, looking back, it was such a great relationship. We really were soul mates. We knew everything about each other, and he was so caring, never got mad at me, and absolutely adored me. We were so open with each other, and never played mind games. It was just the gear that f***ed everything up. The relationship I'm in now is just a well of loneliness and angst in comparison. I miss him, I really do. Other things have happened in his life that's totally FUBAR'd him (he's very very ill, and mentally he's completely plotless now), and he's unrecognisable from the person he was, and that's so so sad, and it plays on my mind constantly, coz me leaving him seemed to be the catalyst for all this. The day I left was the day he gave up on living. I think if I had a magic wand my first wish would be to make him well again. But that's something I have to live with.
All I'm saying is that two addicts in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. And the more you love each other the worse it is. I found that if he scored, I'd be mad as hell, until I scored too, then I'd evened the score, forgiven him, and we'd be back at square one. You unwittingly sabotage each other, even if you don't want to.
take care my friend
love
Diff xxx
oh baby-boy,, whya re you beating yourself up--we all do it--DIFF??? you too. I am such a fraidy cat these days--any amn makes googleyes my way and i run for dear life--i lost so mu ch my last and only relationship i cannot go through that again and wouldnt wish it on my best friend theres a part of me that still beast heavy for that man and when im feeling lonely or vulnerable or like using i wanna run to him--i know its just like a relapse--same things same endorphine rush same outcome--pure HELL-- i know you know and theres nothing we can say thatll divert you from tearing out your own heart and handing it over to this girl to do what she pleases with--and as much as she probably wants to be good to you and wants to get better--she needs to do it by herself alone or it wont be thre right way i have yet to see someone get clean and stay clean when in a relationship with another addict(unless that addict has been clean a long long time so your not only riskind your recovery but your risking hers too--you all dont need to put any exptra stress on yourselves than you already have--now that ive said that lets get real--your gonna do this thing--i know that and i want you to know wo dont judge you or thnk bad of you if anything we see you as a wonderfull amn with a wonderfull heart who needs love and acceptance just as much as anyone else and isnt afraid to admit it--can you please clone yourself and send him my way--haha--just stick by what you say or dont say anything to her you wont do--because just like with a child she will take advantage as far as you will let her and if she sthinks she can string you along and do as she pleases and still have you kissen her self-inflicted wounds at the end of the day she will--not because shes a bad person just because shes needy right now---so if you give ultimatums--follow through but dont give em unless you can really follow through--luv ya man--keep us posted--its gonna be painfull but your learning alot--i dont regret a moment of my past cuz i am who i am now because of what ive been through (well theres maybe 2 things id change)
did my post come up--i cannot get it to stay --and its a long one i worked hard on--dangit
oh baby-boy,, whya re you beating yourself up--we all do it--DIFF??? you too. I am such a fraidy cat these days--any amn makes googleyes my way and i run for dear life--i lost so mu ch my last and only relationship i cannot go through that again and wouldnt wish it on my best friend theres a part of me that still beast heavy for that man and when im feeling lonely or vulnerable or like using i wanna run to him--i know its just like a relapse--same things same endorphine rush same outcome--pure HELL-- i know you know and theres nothing we can say thatll divert you from tearing out your own heart and handing it over to this girl to do what she pleases with--and as much as she probably wants to be good to you and wants to get better--she needs to do it by herself alone or it wont be thre right way i have yet to see someone get clean and stay clean when in a relationship with another addict(unless that addict has been clean a long long time so your not only riskind your recovery but your risking hers too--you all dont need to put any exptra stress on yourselves than you already have--now that ive said that lets get real--your gonna do this thing--i know that and i want you to know wo dont judge you or thnk bad of you if anything we see you as a wonderfull amn with a wonderfull heart who needs love and acceptance just as much as anyone else and isnt afraid to admit it--can you please clone yourself and send him my way--haha--just stick by what you say or dont say anything to her you wont do--because just like with a child she will take advantage as far as you will let her and if she sthinks she can string you along and do as she pleases and still have you kissen her self-inflicted wounds at the end of the day she will--not because shes a bad person just because shes needy right now---so if you give ultimatums--follow through but dont give em unless you can really follow through--luv ya man--keep us posted--its gonna be painfull but your learning alot--i dont regret a moment of my past cuz i am who i am now because of what ive been through (well theres maybe 2 things id change)
Like always i can only speak from my own experience. Just like Diff said I was a devious lying twat when i was using..that was ME. I tended to toy with men the most. I lied to my own kids and mother it ment nothing to lie to anyone else. I would think maybe this was okay if it were not for the fact you do like her more then friends. I wish all the time i had not got in a relationship while in the m-done clinic getting clean. I was not ready am still not ready. I got involved with a non user it still sucks. My only advice from my own experience relationships are too much work and emotional drain.
Diff, ZG, Amity once again you've done the good ship gardiner proud with advice..lots to say but need to go out asap post later.Respect Kev
Whoa too many negative vibes....remind me not to post drunk again LOL
Have a good weekend
Have a good weekend
Alright...Kev....hows the head today ...bit sore but im sure youll cope ...hair of the dog that bit ya maybe?...how did you get that post about Clare deleted i saw it this morn and now its not there...it wasnt too neg.just stating the facts.Anyhow weve got the footie to take our minds off any s*** goin on in our oh so turbulant lifes aint we.My sat.will consist of taking Sian to the hairdressrs to get an inch or three chopped off her lovely but long wavy blonde hair...wash and a blowdry to boot but i have to sit in with all the other wifies getting blue rinses and the like ...so wish me luck...coz some of the banter in ladees hairdressers can be slightly jarring.
Kev mucker dont be to down on yerself regarding yer hassle with Clare....im sure you aint heard the end of it yet ....maybe im wrong...when you said she had been down the chemist getting otc codeines...did ya mean that in a ..how low can you go way?to take the edge off withdrawls etc...i presume so.
Thats me ...so have a good Sat.footie aside...all the best .....Davey
Kev mucker dont be to down on yerself regarding yer hassle with Clare....im sure you aint heard the end of it yet ....maybe im wrong...when you said she had been down the chemist getting otc codeines...did ya mean that in a ..how low can you go way?to take the edge off withdrawls etc...i presume so.
Thats me ...so have a good Sat.footie aside...all the best .....Davey
Sod the footie! I notice nobody has mentioned that it's the rugby world cup - well no wonder all you Saesneg's have kept quiet, given the absolute hammering the south africa gave you! How many points did you score? Oh yes, I remember, a big fat 0!!!! Well, it's the first time I've seen an English Rose get shagged up the arse by an African deer (apart from in Animal Farm 6, but that's a whole other story!). And I seem to remember you just scraped a win over USA, and most Americans don't even know what rugby is. Call yourself world cup winners - that was 4 years ago, and Jonny Wilkinson is broken (again!), so I think you're in for a hard lesson in pride before falling on your big fat arse!
Anyway, got to strip the beds and measure curtains...
love
Diff x
Anyway, got to strip the beds and measure curtains...
love
Diff x
davey, i deleted it this morning... i was being genuinly sincere, i am so proud of her...four weeks ago she was smoking then down to diffs then just some otc tabs....result
I don't know aht happenend last night but thur night was the first night in ages that we hadn't spent the night together. all fri we were sending naughty txts n that, i phoned her at 10pm she was babysitting( she asked me to babysit but my mum went on the vodka again yest...mum comes 1st) we arranged to go to her hoiuse in the next 45 mins, phoned her from ny elder sisters house , there was loads of music n peeps in the background, she said on the bus... eh right. Then when she phoned from her house she had this weird laugh and was saying no, just you stay out no, don't come down. Maybe i'm being paranoid, in fact iam, but i know she was lying don't know what about, but she was....so Nuff Said
Davey, the benter with the women in the hairdressers is brill. single dad like yourself...moth to a flame my friend, moth to a flame.... ha ha
Diff, you're class i'm not to fond of our english cousins' teams either...get it right up them.... Do you go to the matches...i'm scottish but i get a rush hearing all you in the millenium stadium...( or Cardiff Arms Park for the old school)
Peace n P vibes all, kev
I don't know aht happenend last night but thur night was the first night in ages that we hadn't spent the night together. all fri we were sending naughty txts n that, i phoned her at 10pm she was babysitting( she asked me to babysit but my mum went on the vodka again yest...mum comes 1st) we arranged to go to her hoiuse in the next 45 mins, phoned her from ny elder sisters house , there was loads of music n peeps in the background, she said on the bus... eh right. Then when she phoned from her house she had this weird laugh and was saying no, just you stay out no, don't come down. Maybe i'm being paranoid, in fact iam, but i know she was lying don't know what about, but she was....so Nuff Said
Davey, the benter with the women in the hairdressers is brill. single dad like yourself...moth to a flame my friend, moth to a flame.... ha ha
Diff, you're class i'm not to fond of our english cousins' teams either...get it right up them.... Do you go to the matches...i'm scottish but i get a rush hearing all you in the millenium stadium...( or Cardiff Arms Park for the old school)
Peace n P vibes all, kev
Kev, I can't afford tickets for internationals, but I have been to Stradey Park a few times. And Gareth Jenkins, Wales manager, he lives round the corner. He's got these pet poodles (they've got the same haircut as him) - I sometimes see him when I'm out with Bill, my old rottie, walking on the coastal path, and wish him luck. He looks like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I still live in earshot of Stradey, but I used to be really close - I used to enjoy opening the window to hear the crowd when watching the Scarlets on the TV. People round here are totally up in arms - Stradey Park, our rugby ground, the most famous and successful club in Wales. is being sold to developers, and they're building a new stadium opposite the steelworks. Except the ground was bequeathed to them on the condition that it only be used for sporting purposes. So there's been a big legal wrangle. Nobody wants the new stadium, everybody loves Stradey - the place where the Scarlets beat the All Blacks, and Llanelli was drunk dry. There's a load of corrupt officials who've been making loads of money out of this. The Scarlets are virtually bankrupt - about 10 million in debt, despite their success on the field, and fat cat Gallacher is getting fatter every time I see the b******.
Anyway, enough of our rugby woes - just remember, next time you see Stephen Jones slot one between the posts, he's a Llanelli boy!
love
Diff x
And I did come across a bit xenophobic, didn't I? I was born in England, and I've got loads of ace English mates, but phuck it, I just can't stand the English when it comes to sport! LOL!
I still live in earshot of Stradey, but I used to be really close - I used to enjoy opening the window to hear the crowd when watching the Scarlets on the TV. People round here are totally up in arms - Stradey Park, our rugby ground, the most famous and successful club in Wales. is being sold to developers, and they're building a new stadium opposite the steelworks. Except the ground was bequeathed to them on the condition that it only be used for sporting purposes. So there's been a big legal wrangle. Nobody wants the new stadium, everybody loves Stradey - the place where the Scarlets beat the All Blacks, and Llanelli was drunk dry. There's a load of corrupt officials who've been making loads of money out of this. The Scarlets are virtually bankrupt - about 10 million in debt, despite their success on the field, and fat cat Gallacher is getting fatter every time I see the b******.
Anyway, enough of our rugby woes - just remember, next time you see Stephen Jones slot one between the posts, he's a Llanelli boy!
love
Diff x
And I did come across a bit xenophobic, didn't I? I was born in England, and I've got loads of ace English mates, but phuck it, I just can't stand the English when it comes to sport! LOL!
Well...Kev glad its seems to be working out btwn yerself and Clare...shes done pretty good over the month and i dont think she wouldve got there without you...so well done and good luck.
The hairdressers was well ...interesting am well proud of Sian they cut it real nice and took a photo afterwards...her hair looked golden...so that was sound....not much female action...this place is called Sheilas so its a bit old skool as are most of its clients...i ended up helping one old dear chair to chair....i was described as a great young fella????im 38...but its still nice to hear even if they could be my gran.
Afterwards went and bought Sian her lunch in a nice boozer..while i had two nice pints of the black stuff....then home to see the footie results and as Sian had Fabregas also as capitain we were both guffawing at all the rest of yas in da league...but i got a funny feeling the smile might be slowly wiped away as some of you have a few good posible pointers today...but again Sians got her three strikers playing today so after last weeks auspicious start i think shes gonna do well again this week...its great to see her with a big grin on her mug...and shes blowing me away a bit with her knowledge....so allls good over here.
Kev..mate have a good Sunday and will chat to ya later...take care........Davey
The hairdressers was well ...interesting am well proud of Sian they cut it real nice and took a photo afterwards...her hair looked golden...so that was sound....not much female action...this place is called Sheilas so its a bit old skool as are most of its clients...i ended up helping one old dear chair to chair....i was described as a great young fella????im 38...but its still nice to hear even if they could be my gran.
Afterwards went and bought Sian her lunch in a nice boozer..while i had two nice pints of the black stuff....then home to see the footie results and as Sian had Fabregas also as capitain we were both guffawing at all the rest of yas in da league...but i got a funny feeling the smile might be slowly wiped away as some of you have a few good posible pointers today...but again Sians got her three strikers playing today so after last weeks auspicious start i think shes gonna do well again this week...its great to see her with a big grin on her mug...and shes blowing me away a bit with her knowledge....so allls good over here.
Kev..mate have a good Sunday and will chat to ya later...take care........Davey
