I'm new to this site and needed to vent my frustrstions. I'm a single mom of an adult heroin addict who is currently back in jail due to parole violation (dirty urine). This is his 2nd time in jail for drug related crines. Prior to jail I paid for one rehab treatment only for him to return back to drugs within 6months. He went back into rehab for 45days and during this time he lost his job & apartment. He was released from rehab and i allowed him back in my home to get back on his feet & within 3 days of his release he OD in my house. It was a nightmare, he was hodpitalized & was sent back in prison due to parole violation. He served 6months of a 18month sentence and is coming up for parole & his counselor called & asked me to sponser him & have him come back to live with me. I refused to do this, his counselor advised me that would mean my son would have to complete his full sentence bc there is no place to place him there are waiting lists for IOP. I couldn't put myself back on the crazy rollercoaster ride of his addiction in my home again, so why do I have this knot in my stomach & feel guilty for making this decision? The judicial system just recycles the addicts instead of addressing the problem. Rant over thanks for listening
Sad welcome Dove. Glad that you found us. Sad that you need us.
I'm sorry for your pain and frustration. Sending a huge hug your way.
This tough love/do not enable/detach with love stuff is heart wrenching to and for us parents. I cried many a tear, felt like beating my head against the wall, and sometimes just wanted to shake (or, I hate to admit, sometimes even beat) some common sense in my 21 yo daughter. (Her drug of choice was heroin, too.) I thought, "She wasn't raised like this." OR "Even Stevie Wonder can see that she is making bad choices." It took all of my religion to not dig deep down in my purse and send her (and by extension, her loser addict boyfriend) money when she called complaining that she was hungry, or when she got robbed, or when. . .she had so many good stories she should have written books. Any old way. . .Not meeting your addict child's basic needs, especially when you can, is counter-intuitive to the kindergarten definition of being a parent. I know. I get it. I understand.
For your own sake, for your own sanity, for YOU. . .you made the best decision. Don't feel guilty!!! Your son will have to face the full consequences of HIS actions/decisions. YOU are not going to make it better or easier for him. Good for you! While he's away, he could use this time productively. Don't jails offer GEDs, college courses and other educational or vocational courses? Don't they have counselors or groups or offer other help for addicts? Encourage him to use all the resources available to him. But, net net. . .it is his choice whether and how he participates.
Ok. . .I know we are not supposed to go researching and asking questions for our addicts. . .BUT in my state we have courts specifically set up to deal with drugs and drug addicts. If admitted to the drug court program, it is a 3-5 year commitment. Urine tests. Help with job placement. Weekly mandatory counseling in court plus requirement to go to AA/NA meetings. Drug education. It is not for the faint of heart. But drug court offers someone with multiple drug arrests a chance to address his/her problems, an opportunity to get clean, and the tools and resources to stay clean. . .without sitting in jail. The point is, do you have such a program where you are? Can he get into it now?
Stay strong Dove. Keep venting if you need to. We all understand and we are here for you.
Wishing you peace & blessings,
Lynn
xoxo
I'm sorry for your pain and frustration. Sending a huge hug your way.
This tough love/do not enable/detach with love stuff is heart wrenching to and for us parents. I cried many a tear, felt like beating my head against the wall, and sometimes just wanted to shake (or, I hate to admit, sometimes even beat) some common sense in my 21 yo daughter. (Her drug of choice was heroin, too.) I thought, "She wasn't raised like this." OR "Even Stevie Wonder can see that she is making bad choices." It took all of my religion to not dig deep down in my purse and send her (and by extension, her loser addict boyfriend) money when she called complaining that she was hungry, or when she got robbed, or when. . .she had so many good stories she should have written books. Any old way. . .Not meeting your addict child's basic needs, especially when you can, is counter-intuitive to the kindergarten definition of being a parent. I know. I get it. I understand.
For your own sake, for your own sanity, for YOU. . .you made the best decision. Don't feel guilty!!! Your son will have to face the full consequences of HIS actions/decisions. YOU are not going to make it better or easier for him. Good for you! While he's away, he could use this time productively. Don't jails offer GEDs, college courses and other educational or vocational courses? Don't they have counselors or groups or offer other help for addicts? Encourage him to use all the resources available to him. But, net net. . .it is his choice whether and how he participates.
Ok. . .I know we are not supposed to go researching and asking questions for our addicts. . .BUT in my state we have courts specifically set up to deal with drugs and drug addicts. If admitted to the drug court program, it is a 3-5 year commitment. Urine tests. Help with job placement. Weekly mandatory counseling in court plus requirement to go to AA/NA meetings. Drug education. It is not for the faint of heart. But drug court offers someone with multiple drug arrests a chance to address his/her problems, an opportunity to get clean, and the tools and resources to stay clean. . .without sitting in jail. The point is, do you have such a program where you are? Can he get into it now?
Stay strong Dove. Keep venting if you need to. We all understand and we are here for you.
Wishing you peace & blessings,
Lynn
xoxo
In my opinion you have made the right choice. We do not change until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of getting sober. The sooner we hit that rock bottom the better. Many on here have enabled...or been on the receiving end of "help" with OUR problems...this seems to only allow us to CONTINUE the lifestyle....Im 50 yrs old and 3 months clean. This is not my first rodeo.
Detaching. ..doesn't mean not loving ...detachment is empowerment. ..the more you "help"...the sicker we both get....let go...you cant find our bottom...only we can...and its not something you can imagine..or set up...or control or fix ....we can't find the way out if your trying to do it for us...in fact. ..helping me if your not a AA or a NA...a sober alcoholic or addict...usually will make me more angry...and more apt to use...as Jen and everyone else said. ..find a alanon or Naranon meeting for yourself...you need to live your own journey....
Peace
Con
Peace
Con
Thank you all for your encouraging words I'm so happy I found this site
