My son showed up at the house last night wanting to stay with us. He tried to get into some shelters but they were full. He tried to get into the program at a sober living rehab type place but he didnt have his ID.someone stole it. We said we would pay for the first month or so until he got a job if he was in a program. He arrived in a taxi that he expected us to pay for! (I did pay because I felt sorry for the cab driver.) So here he was yelling, crying, pleading, and telling us all kinds of storiesout in front of our house for all the neighbors to see because we will not let him inside.
He doesnt understand why we are scared of him. Someone was drugging him where he was living. (What is GHB?) He doesnt understand why no one will help him because he is trying and he is clean. He has been in rehabnot exactly true I think it was a hospital for a short stay so that would be detox not rehab. He had a heart attack and no one camenot sure I believe that. He was worried about me and thought I was dead because I wouldnt talk to him. One day he watched our house waiting for me to come home but I never did. (I knew I was paranoid for a reason.) He was blaming us because we didnt get him an apartment or car when he needed it. None of this would be happening now if we had just done that. He would be working and everything would great and so on
All he had was a paper bag of stuff with one torn pair of jeans. After all the things we bought him and all the times we set him up so he could work, that is all he had. His food stamp card was not refilled because he didnt sign up to look for a job. We gave him two coats and a small duffle bag for his stuff. He needed a phone charger and, since I didnt have one that fit his phone, I gave him some money to buy one. Yes, I gave him moneyI wasnt even thinking at the time. I guess I shouldnt have done that but I was kind of rattled. So today he is either still clean or hes not. I told him that I would try to help him get his ID so he can get into that program but I don't want to start having a lot of contact with him so I need to figure that one out. Arent there any social services or people out there that help with things like that?
We didnt know what else to do so we did call the police. We couldnt let him stay and he didnt have anywhere to go. They were able to take him to a homeless shelter and I guess that is where he slept last night. The police said that if he keeps coming around our house we may need to do something more drastic.
So we both didnt sleep well last night because of everything on our minds. Today is a new day and I am feeling a bit lost and not sure what to do if anything. I feel so sad
this is what I found about GHB, I heard about it but never had it
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-...-about-GHB.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-...-about-GHB.html
how he looked to you, clean or drugged? Its very very hard to be clean and on streets actually I would say impossible. What police is saying you will have to take out restraining order ?
I am sorry, but it sure sounds like you handled it well. Calling the police on your child is so painful, but sometimes it is what we have to do. Not letting him in the house is so hard, but it is also what we need to do. Take care of yourself today.
Not trying to offend but when we ask questions like: does he look clean or drugged...heres info on GHB...why did he give ex yr number...why did he say prison...if he's not doing drugs why is he living in a car...IT PERPETUATES THE CODEPENDENCE .
NUTSHELL: YOU will never get the TRUTH from an addict so QUIT trying. We want one thing and one thing only....our drug of choice (or to clean up the mess WE made by using our DOC). We will SAY and DO anything to get this. We do NOT care about you or what hardships we are causing at this moment because ALL we are focused on is the next high.
This is going to be a tough time for many codependents because your addict is going to use the holidays to make you feel guilty. There is NO holidays from addiction. Its just another day trying to figure out how to manipulate EVERYONE and EVERYTHING around us to get our way.
NUTSHELL: YOU will never get the TRUTH from an addict so QUIT trying. We want one thing and one thing only....our drug of choice (or to clean up the mess WE made by using our DOC). We will SAY and DO anything to get this. We do NOT care about you or what hardships we are causing at this moment because ALL we are focused on is the next high.
This is going to be a tough time for many codependents because your addict is going to use the holidays to make you feel guilty. There is NO holidays from addiction. Its just another day trying to figure out how to manipulate EVERYONE and EVERYTHING around us to get our way.
Yes, I see your point Jen. We have to stop thinking that way. I am sure the holidays will be hard for everyone.
He was using Thanksgiving as a guilt trip... did you cook Turkey, did siblings come over, hope you had a good time, sorry I missed it I was in detox and it is your fault because you didn't do such and such.
I guess you can't go around with negative feelings all the time either. Then you won't be able to appreciate it if they actually get their act together. I want long-time proof though, not going to be gullible anymore.
He was using Thanksgiving as a guilt trip... did you cook Turkey, did siblings come over, hope you had a good time, sorry I missed it I was in detox and it is your fault because you didn't do such and such.
I guess you can't go around with negative feelings all the time either. Then you won't be able to appreciate it if they actually get their act together. I want long-time proof though, not going to be gullible anymore.
Try to remember that no matter what he says, he is where he is as a direct result of his own choices. There is not a single other person responsible for the situation in which he finds himself. These are the lies he has to tell himself to perpetuate the idea that if only....
You are not responsible for where he is now. You are only responsible for where you are now.
Peace ~ M&M
You are not responsible for where he is now. You are only responsible for where you are now.
Peace ~ M&M
I think much of my problem is that I know he is an addict but I don't see him as an addict. Therefore I react in ways I shouldn't and it is hard to detach. I can't seem to make my brain understand the reality.
I wish he hadn't come by our house. Now my mind is working overtime worrying and wondering. I didn't pay his storage so his things will soon be gone and I am beating myself up about it. I am feeling a strong need to help but I can't do it. It is not healthy for me.
...checked messages and now he is asking for laundry money etc...thinks he found a job...
I wish he hadn't come by our house. Now my mind is working overtime worrying and wondering. I didn't pay his storage so his things will soon be gone and I am beating myself up about it. I am feeling a strong need to help but I can't do it. It is not healthy for me.
...checked messages and now he is asking for laundry money etc...thinks he found a job...
Buggin,
Please don't fall for it the guilt trip the emotional rollercoaster. Two days ago I got the same thing. It's my fault he started shooting up because he was in pain and living on a bench with a broken back. It's my fault that I didn't help him when he really needed help. I remember putting him in hotel room for a week to get showered cleaned and a job. He got a job with a old friend of ours. Con the man out of $3000 to get an apt. And guess what he got rob! I've got a message of his that he was crying, begging, scared. He was homeless with broken back. I thought ok this is it, he has hit his bottom he will asked for rehab for help. NO he wanted me to come and get him bring him to my house and let him detox once his mind was cleared he could of started again. Nothing changes.
So while it's scary he is coming to your house, he has to get to rehab. He has to make the choice. Here is a big hug gosh knows I am struggling right now. My husband hasn't said much to me. I've tried to explain I need confirmation from him I am doing the right thing. He is over it, it's his step son and he has tried for 15 years to help me get him clean. He only does anything for him out of love for me.
Stop listen and learn from here, your head and not your heart. Nothing is going to change unless he changes it.
(((big hugs) xxx
Please don't fall for it the guilt trip the emotional rollercoaster. Two days ago I got the same thing. It's my fault he started shooting up because he was in pain and living on a bench with a broken back. It's my fault that I didn't help him when he really needed help. I remember putting him in hotel room for a week to get showered cleaned and a job. He got a job with a old friend of ours. Con the man out of $3000 to get an apt. And guess what he got rob! I've got a message of his that he was crying, begging, scared. He was homeless with broken back. I thought ok this is it, he has hit his bottom he will asked for rehab for help. NO he wanted me to come and get him bring him to my house and let him detox once his mind was cleared he could of started again. Nothing changes.
So while it's scary he is coming to your house, he has to get to rehab. He has to make the choice. Here is a big hug gosh knows I am struggling right now. My husband hasn't said much to me. I've tried to explain I need confirmation from him I am doing the right thing. He is over it, it's his step son and he has tried for 15 years to help me get him clean. He only does anything for him out of love for me.
Stop listen and learn from here, your head and not your heart. Nothing is going to change unless he changes it.
(((big hugs) xxx
| QUOTE |
| I am beating myself up about it. I am feeling a strong need to help... |
Remember that what you call 'help' isn't. It's enabling, not helping. Stay strong and stop beating yourself up...that's not helpful at all and you don't deserve it.
Peace ~ M&M
It is hard to remember that helping isnt always the best thing to do. A parents first reaction is to provide protection, food, clothing, shelter, etc. It is hard to detach when your heart is so attached. You hate to see anyone suffering, especially your children.
It does cause family conflictsnot everyone can be on the same page at the same time. It also seems to me that men have an easier time they see black and white, while we see gray.
Winter cold and holidays are creating many emotions. I am having trouble enjoying the holidays. I dont like winter and I miss the days when the kids were young.
It does cause family conflictsnot everyone can be on the same page at the same time. It also seems to me that men have an easier time they see black and white, while we see gray.
Winter cold and holidays are creating many emotions. I am having trouble enjoying the holidays. I dont like winter and I miss the days when the kids were young.
buggin,
I just want to sleep without dreams of my son dying, crying and begging me to come to him. I just want a phone call one day saying hi mom I miss you and thought I call. Hi Mom I am doing great , I have a job and my driver's license back. My own apt and living in it for over 1 year.
This is what I want, however I dream of all the negative stuff about him. Then I think what would happen if I was dead what would he do. Figure it out that's what find someone else to beg help from, or con them.
I hope your feeling better, I know I am not right now and I feel like there is a wee devil riding my shoulder telling me to give in, it's the holidays!
xx
I just want to sleep without dreams of my son dying, crying and begging me to come to him. I just want a phone call one day saying hi mom I miss you and thought I call. Hi Mom I am doing great , I have a job and my driver's license back. My own apt and living in it for over 1 year.
This is what I want, however I dream of all the negative stuff about him. Then I think what would happen if I was dead what would he do. Figure it out that's what find someone else to beg help from, or con them.
I hope your feeling better, I know I am not right now and I feel like there is a wee devil riding my shoulder telling me to give in, it's the holidays!
xx
Well my Chris made the rough days a little easier because he text me today that he couldn't work at "same day work force" cause it was raining!!! Haha! Little did he know we were in his town for a doctor appt. and it was sunny and clear with no rain forecast! Another lie! Then he said his tattoo stuff was stolen and the guy that was watching his two dogs while he worked gave him lice! Also that same guy said Chris ran up his water bill taking showers at his house. Said it was $400 bill--must of been one hell of a shower! lol
Anyway my husband and I got a laugh out of it because the stuff he comes up with is absolutely comical !!! He seems to forget what he says to us even !!
Holidays are still hard for us, but we are hanging in there and learning everyday!
Thanks to all on here!!
Lori
Anyway my husband and I got a laugh out of it because the stuff he comes up with is absolutely comical !!! He seems to forget what he says to us even !!
Holidays are still hard for us, but we are hanging in there and learning everyday!
Thanks to all on here!!
Lori
Lori - I am so sorry that I was wrong to suggest you and your husband give in to Chris. You know best at this point! I will NOT suggest that again! It did take the pressure off. at least you can laugh now. also sorry that Chris is not doing better than he is... but you now have proof that he is managing. although poorly.
I hope the dogs are OK. If the dogs come back to your house at any point, put them in Quarantine!
I hope the dogs are OK. If the dogs come back to your house at any point, put them in Quarantine!
Ny--
Dogs can't ever come to my house because my rescue dog would eat them--lol! She is not dog friendly!
Also-- really don't want my son here either. After last time where he called us horrible names and wished us dead, he can't come here. I don't trust him and I never know what stage of addiction he is in--withdrawal, high, or whatever!
Texting is all I will do and then only if he isn't verbally abusive!
My husband paying his car title loan and car insurance through December is his Christmas present and I don't feel like we owe him anything!
Maybe if he is homeless on Christmas it will help him realize what family really means. My husband and I and our 15 y/o son are going to N.C. to enjoy a calm and peaceful holiday!
I am concentrating on the three of us this Christmas and it will take everything I have to put Chris and all his problems aside!
Lori
Dogs can't ever come to my house because my rescue dog would eat them--lol! She is not dog friendly!
Also-- really don't want my son here either. After last time where he called us horrible names and wished us dead, he can't come here. I don't trust him and I never know what stage of addiction he is in--withdrawal, high, or whatever!
Texting is all I will do and then only if he isn't verbally abusive!
My husband paying his car title loan and car insurance through December is his Christmas present and I don't feel like we owe him anything!
Maybe if he is homeless on Christmas it will help him realize what family really means. My husband and I and our 15 y/o son are going to N.C. to enjoy a calm and peaceful holiday!
I am concentrating on the three of us this Christmas and it will take everything I have to put Chris and all his problems aside!
Lori
Yeah Lori !!
My son is coming to visit and bringing my grandsons that's what Christmas is all about. Drama should be over cooked turkey lol
Xx
My son is coming to visit and bringing my grandsons that's what Christmas is all about. Drama should be over cooked turkey lol
Xx
Kids make the day! Don't let your 'Grinch' steal Christmas... have fun anyway.
