Hi Sammy,
How did you get so smart? Is your story somewhere? I'm always in awe of your posts. Your beautiful too, I saw your pics on another thing with your son.
Your so kind to everyone, your really an angel in my eyes.
You always know what and how to say things. You must read alot. Tell me more about you, you are a very interesting person.
As for me, I'm going to college (at 46) online and its going okay. Picked up again, using, not as much, but still. Hate myself for it too. When will I get it Sam? Just as you are the queen of intellegence on here, Teresa is the queen of tough love, I am the queen of relapse.
I have slowed down, not chasing them as much, but can't bring myself to turn down a scrip either.
My knees are bad and they say I'm too young for replacement and being as vain as i am, don't want any scars (live in AZ, wear shorts alot); and the doc gives me pills, you know what tho? If I look really down deep and be honest about it, I don't really need them, tylenol would do. My neighbor just walked in, gotta go. Love ya Sam
Roseanne
xoxoxox
I agree with you about Sammy, Briar, shes on a higher plane than most of us, looks really peaceful up there Sammy. Can I come up there with you, show me the way.
JohnDee
JohnDee
Hi Sammy,
I believe you walk with God in your heart all the time and that is why you have so much peace. It really shines through your writing.
Briar,
Don't be hard on yourself. In time you will do whatever it takes to get off the pills. You are an addict. Not queen of relapse. I've relapsed so many times in the past. You're not alone.
Love,
Liz
I believe you walk with God in your heart all the time and that is why you have so much peace. It really shines through your writing.
Briar,
Don't be hard on yourself. In time you will do whatever it takes to get off the pills. You are an addict. Not queen of relapse. I've relapsed so many times in the past. You're not alone.
Love,
Liz
Hi Briar
I am so sorry to hear that you have picked up again. What is your plan now? A taper or CT? You can trust in the fact that I am prayuing for you and listening whenever you write. You have just got to keep on keeping on know matter how hard it is. We are all on the same journey relapse is part of the sickness its just what we do with it that counts.
Paul
I am so sorry to hear that you have picked up again. What is your plan now? A taper or CT? You can trust in the fact that I am prayuing for you and listening whenever you write. You have just got to keep on keeping on know matter how hard it is. We are all on the same journey relapse is part of the sickness its just what we do with it that counts.
Paul
dear briar and everyone who have posted in this thread to me -
my heart is overwhelmed with your kind thoughts and words.
i dunno honey - i chronically relapsed too until one day, i realized i was sick and tired and of living with the pain - the pain of the consequences that ensued when i would get high and not have a flippin' idea of what i had done or who i had caused harm to - and the pain that was buried deep of why i began to use in the first place. in that realization, i came to a place of surrender. ya know, sometimes we have to surrender to win the battle.
today i loudly proclaim that i am a recovered addict! recovered from that seemingly hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit. and this is the message of hope i try to carry to you and anyone else who wants it. it was one thing for me to think that i "needed" recovery - it was a totally separate issue when i began to wake up and want it.
i remember after i cleaned up and dragged my butt into a meeting, found my old sponsor and we began to chat. she asked me - "sammy, are you beat?" and i humbly hung my head and said "yes." although at the time my humbleness was laced with feeling of shame, the longer i stuck around, didn't use, and kept trying to do the next right thing, more was revealed. when i am humble, i heal.
i learned i didn't need to hang onto the shame or guilt from these using consequences or that which was buried deep within. for the Power to recover is also deep within and this loving Power far supercedes any negative that tried to co-exist with it. i just had to get clean, get quiet, and become willing to go to any length i could for my recovery.
please know, dear briar - there is a solution. the mere fact that you are posting here tells me that this positive, loving, Power is within you too.
my heart is overwhelmed with your kind thoughts and words.
i dunno honey - i chronically relapsed too until one day, i realized i was sick and tired and of living with the pain - the pain of the consequences that ensued when i would get high and not have a flippin' idea of what i had done or who i had caused harm to - and the pain that was buried deep of why i began to use in the first place. in that realization, i came to a place of surrender. ya know, sometimes we have to surrender to win the battle.
today i loudly proclaim that i am a recovered addict! recovered from that seemingly hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit. and this is the message of hope i try to carry to you and anyone else who wants it. it was one thing for me to think that i "needed" recovery - it was a totally separate issue when i began to wake up and want it.
i remember after i cleaned up and dragged my butt into a meeting, found my old sponsor and we began to chat. she asked me - "sammy, are you beat?" and i humbly hung my head and said "yes." although at the time my humbleness was laced with feeling of shame, the longer i stuck around, didn't use, and kept trying to do the next right thing, more was revealed. when i am humble, i heal.
i learned i didn't need to hang onto the shame or guilt from these using consequences or that which was buried deep within. for the Power to recover is also deep within and this loving Power far supercedes any negative that tried to co-exist with it. i just had to get clean, get quiet, and become willing to go to any length i could for my recovery.
please know, dear briar - there is a solution. the mere fact that you are posting here tells me that this positive, loving, Power is within you too.
Sammy, I love all of your posts....
You are a shining example of one addict helping another..that is how we heal...
Briar, I was so ashamed of having to back to treament 8 months later; I was sure that I would make it the first time.
One of the counselors told me that relapse was part of the process. That was a lightbulb moment. I was actually greatful that it happened; it finally erased any doubt in my mind that I could live on pills and drinking.....
Just don't beat yourself up over it; that only makes it worse.
Peace to you and your kids that can make you crazy....hahhahah
Kerry
You are a shining example of one addict helping another..that is how we heal...
Briar, I was so ashamed of having to back to treament 8 months later; I was sure that I would make it the first time.
One of the counselors told me that relapse was part of the process. That was a lightbulb moment. I was actually greatful that it happened; it finally erased any doubt in my mind that I could live on pills and drinking.....
Just don't beat yourself up over it; that only makes it worse.
Peace to you and your kids that can make you crazy....hahhahah
Kerry
Briar,
I have bad knees too! One was injured in an accident, the other has gone bad from taking all the stress the past several years. I too need more surgery but my bone is not stable enough for a knee. <sigh> So I know pain. I want to share something that may help. I was injured in '97 and then in '99 something happened medically and I was no longer able to take any antiinflammatories. So IB, alleive, naproxen, that whole family was out which was how I managed pain. So I took Vicodin cuz that's what I was given and it helped so much!!! But as with any good story in time they began to not work so well. I didn't abuse them but took them on the dot. Then I backed off some and the pain would be so bad that I thought I'd jump out of my skin. My doctor asked why I waited til it was so bad and I said well I didn't have them with me, forgot them, etc. So he started me on Oxycontin. I could take it twice a day and be done with it. Well they worked great at first and then I built up tolerance again. I did not want to increase the dose. He kept begging me to and I said no. I weaned off them twice and man what hell!!! I wasn't even a big abuser, taking them for the high, etc. I just took them to help the pain. I hated those withdrawls. I got clean and then started again using them again shortly after that.
Well, <pant pant from long story> I weaned again and took Vicodin and then weaned the Vicodin. Now I will take them still if I really hurt but I take alot less meds than I did and I feel better. Lately it's been harder. However, when I got off everything my own body got to feel itself again and also build my own endorphines to help with the pain.
So don't give up. You do it when you are ready. If you need them then you know. If you don't and you are ready you will stop. I have never had a high from Vicodin. I did recently have surgery and the meds. they prescribed gave me a bit of a buzz. But those pills, which I sort of enjoyed, are long gone now and I knew not to ask for a refill. It is a process. Each time you are off and start again you learn something new. Eventually, if you don't need them you will let them go. Then again if you do need them it might be a cycle you begin to do like me. I don't intend to always take them regularly but I might go through periods when I do because the quality of life is more important than me being stubborn. I do daily have to ask myself to be honest with myself regarding my use. That's why I participate in the boards. There is such a fine line it is translucent at times dear Briar.
Adonai.
PM
I have bad knees too! One was injured in an accident, the other has gone bad from taking all the stress the past several years. I too need more surgery but my bone is not stable enough for a knee. <sigh> So I know pain. I want to share something that may help. I was injured in '97 and then in '99 something happened medically and I was no longer able to take any antiinflammatories. So IB, alleive, naproxen, that whole family was out which was how I managed pain. So I took Vicodin cuz that's what I was given and it helped so much!!! But as with any good story in time they began to not work so well. I didn't abuse them but took them on the dot. Then I backed off some and the pain would be so bad that I thought I'd jump out of my skin. My doctor asked why I waited til it was so bad and I said well I didn't have them with me, forgot them, etc. So he started me on Oxycontin. I could take it twice a day and be done with it. Well they worked great at first and then I built up tolerance again. I did not want to increase the dose. He kept begging me to and I said no. I weaned off them twice and man what hell!!! I wasn't even a big abuser, taking them for the high, etc. I just took them to help the pain. I hated those withdrawls. I got clean and then started again using them again shortly after that.
Well, <pant pant from long story> I weaned again and took Vicodin and then weaned the Vicodin. Now I will take them still if I really hurt but I take alot less meds than I did and I feel better. Lately it's been harder. However, when I got off everything my own body got to feel itself again and also build my own endorphines to help with the pain.
So don't give up. You do it when you are ready. If you need them then you know. If you don't and you are ready you will stop. I have never had a high from Vicodin. I did recently have surgery and the meds. they prescribed gave me a bit of a buzz. But those pills, which I sort of enjoyed, are long gone now and I knew not to ask for a refill. It is a process. Each time you are off and start again you learn something new. Eventually, if you don't need them you will let them go. Then again if you do need them it might be a cycle you begin to do like me. I don't intend to always take them regularly but I might go through periods when I do because the quality of life is more important than me being stubborn. I do daily have to ask myself to be honest with myself regarding my use. That's why I participate in the boards. There is such a fine line it is translucent at times dear Briar.
Adonai.
PM
Sammy - I agree with Roseanne. When you post, I read.
Sammy,
I love em too honey and am glad you are around!!! You make my world a better place and I thank you!
Adonai,
PM
I love em too honey and am glad you are around!!! You make my world a better place and I thank you!
Adonai,
PM
