dealing with a 34 old addicted is one thing, but to deal with one that almost lost his arm and getting drugs in the hospital because of the severity of the injury is one thing.
My son almost lost his arm 7 weeks ago, due to a bad needle of course he still protesting it was a bite from some bug or animal as he was sleeping in a trailer he was suppose working on.
He got evicted in the meantime from the place he was currently living. 'A friend" pick up his stuff and took to his house. My son begged his brother to get his things. So another trip for my youngest to get his brothers things again. My youngest called me and said this stuff stinks so bad
I spoke to the dr and yes he was shooting up and we are trying to save his arm right arm at that.
To make all of our life easier I decided it was easier to put what little stuff he has in storage until he goes back to whatever he was doing.
I went to my son's house and lordy smell was unbelievable. The clothes hadn't been washed in months!. Got gloves and started sorting anything salvageable and proof appeared.
Needles/syringe/spoon buried in a shoe that was missing one shoe string. Bowl and ties/rubber glove, along with a pawn ticket. I placed the items on a chair very nicely to confront my son.
I packed everything up boxed and went to get my son. We got to his brothers house and I took him outside to the porch(clothes smelled to bad to put in the house) and showed him the stuff. all I got IT ISN"T Mine. Really? REALLY? seriously you think I am stupid. He got mad at us and his brother sat him down and tried to get him to admit he has a problem and please find help.
All his brother got I will use and never stop. I will put a knife in someones throat and get money to steal. I will kill myself. same thing over and over again.
We went to storage unit put stuff in I put it in his name incase any drugs deals happen there. It's pretty secured though. We hit Mcdonalds I bought him a meal and gave him a $25 gift card. I said here you go, $15 and food there is a bench with your name on it.
Good luck! I took him back to his place. He has been trying to call me all day I have blocked my mobile phone, I ignore the home phone. If it gets to much I call my sister who is dying of cancer and she says stay strong you can do this.. Hold Fast.
Today I was on phone with my other children and apologizing for not having a stronger back bone to turn my back. They are so proud of me, My CHILDREN of their mother. They said we know he has been manipulating you, but we had faith you would finally let him go. We never gave up on you mom.
I still have to repair my marriage as my husband (step father) has been a pillar of strength for me. He knows it's hard and says your sister has cancer and is fighting it. Your cancer is your son, you owe it to your sister to fight.
This is not going to be easy but coming here daily will help ease the pain and hopefully find the strength to find my own smile again. I didn't ask god for a drug addict son, I didn't deserve it.
If he ever finds the will to get help seriously help and try to put his life together which will take years then maybe then we can have a relationship again. I don't see it.
When he said I give up and I just go day to day I don't care well son if you don't care neither will I. I will kill myself, ok son leave a note with my name on it. I will claim your body however I don't have money to bury you as I have tried to help you with addiction so you will be cremated? anything else son? good Luck there is your bench.
Love Mom.
Really? Addiction is a disease. It is not a choice.
I agree it is a disease but what cause the disease? what makes a person try that first drug pop that first pill, take that first needle? why? is there a cure?
No it causes so many emotional and physical problems. My son is dying his body is starting to quit on him. He OD several times/he attempted suicide. Almost lost his arm.
What more can a person do if the addict refuses responsibility for his/her actions.
What more can a parent do to help them find their way back from the dark world.
I never will understand why my beautiful very smart gifted talented son would use any drug. What did I miss when he was 12 and started using. I didn't turn a blind eye I started getting help as soon as it became obvious he was using. Disease yes I agree but what are the symptoms? and how does one person able to turn away from it and another can't get enough?
WHY!!
No it causes so many emotional and physical problems. My son is dying his body is starting to quit on him. He OD several times/he attempted suicide. Almost lost his arm.
What more can a person do if the addict refuses responsibility for his/her actions.
What more can a parent do to help them find their way back from the dark world.
I never will understand why my beautiful very smart gifted talented son would use any drug. What did I miss when he was 12 and started using. I didn't turn a blind eye I started getting help as soon as it became obvious he was using. Disease yes I agree but what are the symptoms? and how does one person able to turn away from it and another can't get enough?
WHY!!
Hi I'm a mom of an addict who is 19 and on his 2and stint in jail....I FEEL YOUR PAIN,I walk in your shoes my life,my marriage my dreams have been put on hold because of addiction.I believe it's a disease but I also believe that after so many years of trying to fix someone you have to save yourself.....I'm tired and I'm looking for the same thing you look for....answers and peace!
Sam,
I know he is always in the back of my mind what can I do to stop the spiral of self destruction. He calls me constantly saying I don't want nothing I just want to talk to you. My son had three stints in jail he has been out 8 years, I just think he is smarter than before. I also think he has learned to manipulate his family and girl friend to keep him off the streets.
I am so sick of his family ( my ex husband's family) saying you need to do something he is your son. What a terrible mother you are. Abandoned your son in jail. I've been facebooked bullied by these people. Tell the truth not one of them lifted a finger including his biological father.
My husband has been a pillar of strength and has finally put his foot down, he is worried about me. I am losing my personality, he has become all consuming all we talk about.
The hospital has my information and the police have his brothers. So if anything happens we will be contacted but he is on his own and will have to seek help if he wants it. But I don't think he will he is in denial keep saying I am sober.
Take care of you!
xx
I know he is always in the back of my mind what can I do to stop the spiral of self destruction. He calls me constantly saying I don't want nothing I just want to talk to you. My son had three stints in jail he has been out 8 years, I just think he is smarter than before. I also think he has learned to manipulate his family and girl friend to keep him off the streets.
I am so sick of his family ( my ex husband's family) saying you need to do something he is your son. What a terrible mother you are. Abandoned your son in jail. I've been facebooked bullied by these people. Tell the truth not one of them lifted a finger including his biological father.
My husband has been a pillar of strength and has finally put his foot down, he is worried about me. I am losing my personality, he has become all consuming all we talk about.
The hospital has my information and the police have his brothers. So if anything happens we will be contacted but he is on his own and will have to seek help if he wants it. But I don't think he will he is in denial keep saying I am sober.
Take care of you!
xx
Hi Helpnessmother,
you are in a tough situation, damned if you do ....... those family members that say you should do more are idiots, firstly, you are not responsible for your sons addiction, he is an adult, you are not responsible for him being in jail, he did the crime, he does the time, and lastly and most importantly, you are not responsible for your sons recovery- HE is - all of us who are addicted make a daily choice, whether to use or not, we are responsible for our actions and must live with the consequences - the fact we suffer from the disease of addiction is not an excuse if WE chose to use - WE must deal with the consequences and take responsibility for it - NO-ONE CAN FIX AN ADDICT -only WE can decide whether we want to quit or not - no amount of love or caring for someone can make them enter recovery - this decision is ours to make - sure you can be there to support and encourage when we demonstrate a real effort to overcome our addiction - remember action speaks louder than words - we who are addicted are masters of manipulation and when in active addiction will lie, cheat, steal and do whatever is required to get what we need to feed our habit - the first step is to admit we have a problem- your son is in total denial- until this changes, nothing in his life will change - you have made the right choice, you have your life and happiness to consider- you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself - you should never feel guilty for the choice an addict makes - all the best
you are in a tough situation, damned if you do ....... those family members that say you should do more are idiots, firstly, you are not responsible for your sons addiction, he is an adult, you are not responsible for him being in jail, he did the crime, he does the time, and lastly and most importantly, you are not responsible for your sons recovery- HE is - all of us who are addicted make a daily choice, whether to use or not, we are responsible for our actions and must live with the consequences - the fact we suffer from the disease of addiction is not an excuse if WE chose to use - WE must deal with the consequences and take responsibility for it - NO-ONE CAN FIX AN ADDICT -only WE can decide whether we want to quit or not - no amount of love or caring for someone can make them enter recovery - this decision is ours to make - sure you can be there to support and encourage when we demonstrate a real effort to overcome our addiction - remember action speaks louder than words - we who are addicted are masters of manipulation and when in active addiction will lie, cheat, steal and do whatever is required to get what we need to feed our habit - the first step is to admit we have a problem- your son is in total denial- until this changes, nothing in his life will change - you have made the right choice, you have your life and happiness to consider- you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself - you should never feel guilty for the choice an addict makes - all the best
Travelin Man
I have had post from you before and I am so thankful for any encouragement you have given me. My husband is a pillar of strength and he stood with me through it all and he is not even his father.He has express the same thing to me and finally it feels strange but I feel free of him of my son. I don't feel guilty anymore.
What I hate is how my son is constantly calling I had to uplug my phone and block him. I have to do what it takes dam it's hard.
All I ask of him is to admit his has a problem and then once he admits it he can face that he needs help.
I don't see this happening to many years of it. I will pop on here daily for my dose of encouragement.
Thank you for being here
Mom
I have had post from you before and I am so thankful for any encouragement you have given me. My husband is a pillar of strength and he stood with me through it all and he is not even his father.He has express the same thing to me and finally it feels strange but I feel free of him of my son. I don't feel guilty anymore.
What I hate is how my son is constantly calling I had to uplug my phone and block him. I have to do what it takes dam it's hard.
All I ask of him is to admit his has a problem and then once he admits it he can face that he needs help.
I don't see this happening to many years of it. I will pop on here daily for my dose of encouragement.
Thank you for being here
Mom
I so feel your pain, I too have a son who actually turned 23 years old today. He is currently in rehab by his choice. It took me some time to turn my back on my son, and to get his dad and siblings to do the same. WE had to evict him from a family rental, cut him off from everything, I even quit calling him.He got fired from two jobs within about 3 weeks. It took a couple months for him to see that none of us were going to give in. He finally called and said he wanted help... the next thing was We were not paying for anymore rehab... so he needed to find a place that would take what ever the insurance would pay, since I do still carry him on my insurance. He did find a place that would take him, he did 3 days in detox, and has now been in rehab for nine days. The first rehab was in November, and it was not a program that worked the 12 steps. This time it is a 12 step program. So far so good.
Like you, I had to come to terms with my boundaries, and my husbands which is my strength as well. Its strange but every time I said NO to my son, I got stronger. I read something on this site that said... When you say YES you are aiding in the death of your child... When you say NO you are not aiding in the death of your child. It was not stated exactly like that but close enough, it kept me strong when he was begging for gas for his truck to get him to work. (so he said) I always said I would give him food to cook, and he was welcome to stop by and eat but nothing else. Stay strong Mama............ Your not turning your back on him you may be saving him... feel free to read my post under "devastated" in this same message board. I truly feel your pain
Like you, I had to come to terms with my boundaries, and my husbands which is my strength as well. Its strange but every time I said NO to my son, I got stronger. I read something on this site that said... When you say YES you are aiding in the death of your child... When you say NO you are not aiding in the death of your child. It was not stated exactly like that but close enough, it kept me strong when he was begging for gas for his truck to get him to work. (so he said) I always said I would give him food to cook, and he was welcome to stop by and eat but nothing else. Stay strong Mama............ Your not turning your back on him you may be saving him... feel free to read my post under "devastated" in this same message board. I truly feel your pain
Devastated,
Thank you for your kind words. So many lifes are or have been destroyed by drugs. Lots of time in my mind goes should of could of would of. It's been really hard not to unblock the phone and call him. But he is so aggressive and gets so mad when he doesn't get what he wants. I almost scared of saying no to him. Each day it will get better. I will read your post and pull some will power from it.
Best of luck to you also. Hope you son is on the path to recovery. My son is in total denial, even when confronted with proof he blame someone else.
Thank you for your kind words. So many lifes are or have been destroyed by drugs. Lots of time in my mind goes should of could of would of. It's been really hard not to unblock the phone and call him. But he is so aggressive and gets so mad when he doesn't get what he wants. I almost scared of saying no to him. Each day it will get better. I will read your post and pull some will power from it.
Best of luck to you also. Hope you son is on the path to recovery. My son is in total denial, even when confronted with proof he blame someone else.
