Hi,
I have not read any of your stories yet. I found this board by accident, or maybe it was meant to be. I am pretty scared at this time. A lot has happened that has left me confused and scared of doctors. I will write about what happened. It worries me to tell any person, even a list, of what is going on in my life. It just seems so surreal.
I was on percocet for three years for chronic pain. Then I moved to another state and was unable to find a doctor to take over the prescription. Everywhere I went, I was told that I was addicted. I started to believe them. I think I was scared to believe it was true. I had most definitely become addicted -- or reliant on percocet for pain relief. I then found a doctor who put me on suboxone. It was very expensive, but I thought it was worth trying to get off the percocet, so I tried to use the suboxone for chronic pain and also getting off the percocet.
Then, my doctor suddenly moved and had his secretary contact all of his patients that he was no longer there for us. No other doctors were given as backup. I was in a lot of pain, and also withdrawal. I had an acute exacerbation when I fell on the ice and was taken to the hospital. They put me on percocet and now I feel I am back at square one. I want to get off of all opiates and only take mild pain medication if I really, really need it. I was too scared to give them my history. I have a serious trauma history from being abused when I was a child and doctors not stepping in to help. I had broken bones and bruises that were unexplained, and I kept quiet when in the presence of an authority figure.
My injuries were suspicious, but I always fell through the cracks. I am now being sent to a pain specialist and my medical history is my deep secret. I have not taken the percocet. I have a bottle sitting on the table and I refuse to touch it. I do not know how to ask for the right treatment, which is getting off of opiates by using suboxone. I'm really scared. I am worried even writing to this forum. Is there anyone here that can help me in some way?
Hey honey, my name is Ali..
Im sorry that youve had such horrible experiences, both in your childhood and with a lack of adults that stood up and did the right thing..
Its impossible to say if your emotionally and or physically addicted, or an "all around" plain "addict" that is just searching for escape through chemicals..certainly it would be understandable if it were the latter, but it sounds like you started for real pain, and things got out of control..
That happened to a lot of people here hon, started for legit purposes, but things got out of hand..myself included...but know that it is possible to get off the merry-go-round..
Whether you are truly addicted or not, only you know for sure, dont take into account what some Drs have told you, just be honest to yourself, some Drs have no clue about chronic or serious pain and how to treat it, so they run from giving any type of pain control and quickly label patients addicts...
Were you going through your RX too fast? getting them from other means?? using them when you were NOT in pain? Those are the things you have to answer honestly to figure it out..
How horrible that you have had several Drs that just dumped you like that, and left you to deal with withdrawal and pain..
The last thing you stated was that you felt the "right" thing to do would be to get back on sub, and that you have pain pills but are afraid to use them...Smart to be afraid of using them in my opinion, as you know they are an insidious medicine and definitely something that should be treated and used with the utmost respect if you absolutely HAVE TO use them...
Was your pain controlled with just the sub?? If so, thats awesome, and you should definitely find a sub Dr that will work with you...
keep in mind you have absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed about...the Dr's that tried to label you did more harm then good in that regard...if you are addicted to pain pills..its NOT YOUR FAULT, and theres no shame in admitting it...
Couldn't you go to the pain clinic and just be 100% honest with them...tell them you have real pain ( If you do ) but you have been told by some Drs that you are addicted to them, that that experience frightened you, and you want to be put back on sub because you are terrified to take the pain pills anymore...
isnt that about the truth anyway??
Do scan through the site honey...theres lots of great threads and in fact read some of the success threads about people just like you that found themselves having real battles with the pills, but came out victorious...
The fact that you have pain complicates things just a bit but there are many others here that are in the same boat, and have found a way to live without the pills, or found a better way to keep the pain at bay without abusing pills and using sub or having some one else medicate for them...staying accountable for what you do and take is important if you absolutely must take something for pain..
Keep posting and good luck, its no coincidence you came upon this website..
Hugs
Ali
Im sorry that youve had such horrible experiences, both in your childhood and with a lack of adults that stood up and did the right thing..
Its impossible to say if your emotionally and or physically addicted, or an "all around" plain "addict" that is just searching for escape through chemicals..certainly it would be understandable if it were the latter, but it sounds like you started for real pain, and things got out of control..
That happened to a lot of people here hon, started for legit purposes, but things got out of hand..myself included...but know that it is possible to get off the merry-go-round..
Whether you are truly addicted or not, only you know for sure, dont take into account what some Drs have told you, just be honest to yourself, some Drs have no clue about chronic or serious pain and how to treat it, so they run from giving any type of pain control and quickly label patients addicts...
Were you going through your RX too fast? getting them from other means?? using them when you were NOT in pain? Those are the things you have to answer honestly to figure it out..
How horrible that you have had several Drs that just dumped you like that, and left you to deal with withdrawal and pain..
The last thing you stated was that you felt the "right" thing to do would be to get back on sub, and that you have pain pills but are afraid to use them...Smart to be afraid of using them in my opinion, as you know they are an insidious medicine and definitely something that should be treated and used with the utmost respect if you absolutely HAVE TO use them...
Was your pain controlled with just the sub?? If so, thats awesome, and you should definitely find a sub Dr that will work with you...
keep in mind you have absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed about...the Dr's that tried to label you did more harm then good in that regard...if you are addicted to pain pills..its NOT YOUR FAULT, and theres no shame in admitting it...
Couldn't you go to the pain clinic and just be 100% honest with them...tell them you have real pain ( If you do ) but you have been told by some Drs that you are addicted to them, that that experience frightened you, and you want to be put back on sub because you are terrified to take the pain pills anymore...
isnt that about the truth anyway??
Do scan through the site honey...theres lots of great threads and in fact read some of the success threads about people just like you that found themselves having real battles with the pills, but came out victorious...
The fact that you have pain complicates things just a bit but there are many others here that are in the same boat, and have found a way to live without the pills, or found a better way to keep the pain at bay without abusing pills and using sub or having some one else medicate for them...staying accountable for what you do and take is important if you absolutely must take something for pain..
Keep posting and good luck, its no coincidence you came upon this website..
Hugs
Ali
P.S.
Just wanted to add that I cant recommend therapy enough...especially having had such bad experiences in your childhood, a really good therapist can get you to work through all that and actually put it behind you..
If we don't deal with our pain, it will manifest, thats a certainty...sometimes physically ( pain, ulcers etc) sometimes emotionally ( breakdowns, anxiety, panic disorders )
Most any GOOD rehabilitation that works will people addicted to substances will have you work on things like that...if it doesnt offer therapy, it cant be a long term solution rehab ( IMO)
12 step programs and addiction therapists alike will recommend you do this, but even if it turns out that your pill problem is entirely physical, what with your personal history, I would think you have a larger propensity to want to cover up your feelings or hide from them by using substances...
Okay, thats it ..i'll shut up now..just wanted to make sure i mention the therapy thing...i cant even imagine where i would be in my life had i not had so much therapy over the years..lol
Hugs
Ali
Just wanted to add that I cant recommend therapy enough...especially having had such bad experiences in your childhood, a really good therapist can get you to work through all that and actually put it behind you..
If we don't deal with our pain, it will manifest, thats a certainty...sometimes physically ( pain, ulcers etc) sometimes emotionally ( breakdowns, anxiety, panic disorders )
Most any GOOD rehabilitation that works will people addicted to substances will have you work on things like that...if it doesnt offer therapy, it cant be a long term solution rehab ( IMO)
12 step programs and addiction therapists alike will recommend you do this, but even if it turns out that your pill problem is entirely physical, what with your personal history, I would think you have a larger propensity to want to cover up your feelings or hide from them by using substances...
Okay, thats it ..i'll shut up now..just wanted to make sure i mention the therapy thing...i cant even imagine where i would be in my life had i not had so much therapy over the years..lol
Hugs
Ali
Hi, Ali -- so, so nice to meet you. I just can't thank you enough for responding. It was a light in such blackness and tremendous silence for me. It made me cry.
A few days ago while I was struggling with physical pain and withdrawal, I was so stressed out that I saw wavy lines everywhere. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.
When I went to the doctor after I was released from the ER, I tried asking her for suboxone ... but I used the word 'buprenorphine' instead, and with great caution. Yes, unfortunately, my pain is very real, and yes, it is physical. She told me buprenorphine would never touch the pain I was in and went on to explain that my blood pressure was so high from pain that without a stronger medication I could literally have a stroke. She was so worried when she examined me and after viewing my vitals, that she called in her nurse to stay with me while she left to get a pain shot of morphine. I was so distressed I could barely talk much to her.
I know I have to stay in bed and not move for a long time. I had an acute exacerbation when I fell. It was so embarrassing to be taken to the hospital by ambulance, but much better than lying in the snow bank unable to get up. My goodness, she gave me a bottle of percocet that I never asked for and it's filled with 75 pills! My appointment with the pain specialist is on the 9th of Feb. At that time, I will be talking about how to manage my injury and pain management and I really want to talk seriously with him about how much better it is for me to be on suboxone rather than these harsh narcotics.
I do not know if I am able to talk about the trauma until I know I can trust this doctor. If he proves to be kind, I am going to write a letter in case I am unable to say the things that must be said out loud. There has to be help for me somewhere.
I still have not touched the percocet. If I stay in bed and remain calm, I should be able to handle this pain with flexeril, motrin and regular tylenol. When I originally was injured, I shattered my entire pelvic bone and fractured my hip. At that time, I was prescribed ten percocet a day and it went on for three years along with strenuous physical therapy three days a week. I need PT and OT. I want to talk about my fear of doctors with a therapist rather than directly to the doctor. I have a lot to figure out, and it worries me, but I am very happy I found this board and am grateful to have a place to write and read other similar stories.
Again, Ali, thank you so much for writing me. It has helped me already.
Hugs, Marilla
A few days ago while I was struggling with physical pain and withdrawal, I was so stressed out that I saw wavy lines everywhere. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown.
When I went to the doctor after I was released from the ER, I tried asking her for suboxone ... but I used the word 'buprenorphine' instead, and with great caution. Yes, unfortunately, my pain is very real, and yes, it is physical. She told me buprenorphine would never touch the pain I was in and went on to explain that my blood pressure was so high from pain that without a stronger medication I could literally have a stroke. She was so worried when she examined me and after viewing my vitals, that she called in her nurse to stay with me while she left to get a pain shot of morphine. I was so distressed I could barely talk much to her.
I know I have to stay in bed and not move for a long time. I had an acute exacerbation when I fell. It was so embarrassing to be taken to the hospital by ambulance, but much better than lying in the snow bank unable to get up. My goodness, she gave me a bottle of percocet that I never asked for and it's filled with 75 pills! My appointment with the pain specialist is on the 9th of Feb. At that time, I will be talking about how to manage my injury and pain management and I really want to talk seriously with him about how much better it is for me to be on suboxone rather than these harsh narcotics.
I do not know if I am able to talk about the trauma until I know I can trust this doctor. If he proves to be kind, I am going to write a letter in case I am unable to say the things that must be said out loud. There has to be help for me somewhere.
I still have not touched the percocet. If I stay in bed and remain calm, I should be able to handle this pain with flexeril, motrin and regular tylenol. When I originally was injured, I shattered my entire pelvic bone and fractured my hip. At that time, I was prescribed ten percocet a day and it went on for three years along with strenuous physical therapy three days a week. I need PT and OT. I want to talk about my fear of doctors with a therapist rather than directly to the doctor. I have a lot to figure out, and it worries me, but I am very happy I found this board and am grateful to have a place to write and read other similar stories.
Again, Ali, thank you so much for writing me. It has helped me already.
Hugs, Marilla
Hi Marilla...welcome to the board.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's tough to be an addict and then have to deal with chronic pain on top of it.
Why do you think you're an addict? Do you abuse your pain meds?
Suboxone isn't indicated for pain from what I've read and it just means your switching one opiate for another unless you have plans for a good strong recovery program and eventually getting off of the sub.
Really glad you're here....
Cowgirl
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's tough to be an addict and then have to deal with chronic pain on top of it.
Why do you think you're an addict? Do you abuse your pain meds?
Suboxone isn't indicated for pain from what I've read and it just means your switching one opiate for another unless you have plans for a good strong recovery program and eventually getting off of the sub.
Really glad you're here....
Cowgirl
Hi, Cow Girl, thanks for writing.
I have so much to figure out. I am glad I found this board. When I saw your name, the very first thing I thought of was the Neil Young song, Cow girl in the sand. It's one of my favorites. I like your avatar, too. It seems as though the people here really care about each other, and that is rare these days. I have been so alone and isolated.
I will write after I sleep some. I will be able to think more clearly after some rest. I am very glad I found this place. I am sure I have a lot in common with everyone here. Looking forward to getting to know many of you!
Good night! Marilla
I have so much to figure out. I am glad I found this board. When I saw your name, the very first thing I thought of was the Neil Young song, Cow girl in the sand. It's one of my favorites. I like your avatar, too. It seems as though the people here really care about each other, and that is rare these days. I have been so alone and isolated.
I will write after I sleep some. I will be able to think more clearly after some rest. I am very glad I found this place. I am sure I have a lot in common with everyone here. Looking forward to getting to know many of you!
Good night! Marilla
Marilla,
You poor thing! i sure hope you have a loved one or a care provider there for you and that you aren't lying there all on your own all day...
I have had extremely bad bone pain in my life honey, and used to use the pain meds only as prescribed...for years in fact...and when i say bone pain, Im talking want to run into the street and beg for help kind of torturous bone pain...pain that you cant breathe through, cant focus away from, cus its a torture type of pain that can literally make you think your going mad..
During that time i had the odd bone specialist Drs etc, tell me that I was using more than a man three times my weight would take...I came across Drs that were horrified anyone could be on a narcotic that long and that strong...and other Pain Drs that thought I was under medicating myself and should be on morphine shots..something I was always to afraid to try...
All Im saying hon, is that if Drs dont have experience with pain patients, then they can be really ignorant of tolerance and dosages etc...and if you are in serious pain, then you do not deserve to suffer through that pain.No one does.
As Cowgirl just asked you...what makes you think your an addict? If its just because of what some of the Drs said, try to just forget that and take into account they don't know what they are talking about..
If you are living with the kind of pain that debilitates you, that prevents you from enjoying your life, then you probably DO need some pain meds, and if your using them as directed, and arent abusing them,or taking them just for a buzz... then you really dont have a problem regardless of what any of those other Drs said...
Im sorry..i can't remember if you said if the sub relieved your pain...Ive heard that it isnt a pain med, or prescribed to control pain specifically, but also think that someone here has posted that her pain is kept under control with her sub..hopefully she'll post to you...
I dont know the difference between the sub and bup...and confuse them myself, so maybe the nurse was only speaking about the Bup. when she told you it doesnt control pain...
The best thing i can suggest to you honey is absolute honesty with the Pain Dr that you are seeing soon...in the meantime, you shouldn't let your pain get so bad that its out of control..no one should live like that...again, if your taking them as prescribed, then you really shouldn't be afraid to use them to control your pain...
I can totally understand your lack of trust with Drs, so hopefully the pain specialist will be a really good person, and a competent Dr, and he can address all your concerns about pill use and addiction and controlling your pain..
Just be 100% honest with him, and writing it down is a really great idea...If you think you won't be able to get your point across, or will forget to address something, then writing it down to give to him or her would be a really good thing..
Theres hopefully some more advice coming your way about pain and sub, from those that have actual experience with it....and in fact there may be a thread or two actually started that is called pain/sub as i recall reading a thread about that very issue..I'll browse through and try to find it, and if i do i will bump it up for you to read..okay??
keep posting and try not get upset honey..just know that many here have been in your place and have found their way through it, and when you know better, you can do better, so just being here and reading and posting will help you to figure out what your situation is and how to deal with it..
Good Night hon,
Hugs
Ali
You poor thing! i sure hope you have a loved one or a care provider there for you and that you aren't lying there all on your own all day...
I have had extremely bad bone pain in my life honey, and used to use the pain meds only as prescribed...for years in fact...and when i say bone pain, Im talking want to run into the street and beg for help kind of torturous bone pain...pain that you cant breathe through, cant focus away from, cus its a torture type of pain that can literally make you think your going mad..
During that time i had the odd bone specialist Drs etc, tell me that I was using more than a man three times my weight would take...I came across Drs that were horrified anyone could be on a narcotic that long and that strong...and other Pain Drs that thought I was under medicating myself and should be on morphine shots..something I was always to afraid to try...
All Im saying hon, is that if Drs dont have experience with pain patients, then they can be really ignorant of tolerance and dosages etc...and if you are in serious pain, then you do not deserve to suffer through that pain.No one does.
As Cowgirl just asked you...what makes you think your an addict? If its just because of what some of the Drs said, try to just forget that and take into account they don't know what they are talking about..
If you are living with the kind of pain that debilitates you, that prevents you from enjoying your life, then you probably DO need some pain meds, and if your using them as directed, and arent abusing them,or taking them just for a buzz... then you really dont have a problem regardless of what any of those other Drs said...
Im sorry..i can't remember if you said if the sub relieved your pain...Ive heard that it isnt a pain med, or prescribed to control pain specifically, but also think that someone here has posted that her pain is kept under control with her sub..hopefully she'll post to you...
I dont know the difference between the sub and bup...and confuse them myself, so maybe the nurse was only speaking about the Bup. when she told you it doesnt control pain...
The best thing i can suggest to you honey is absolute honesty with the Pain Dr that you are seeing soon...in the meantime, you shouldn't let your pain get so bad that its out of control..no one should live like that...again, if your taking them as prescribed, then you really shouldn't be afraid to use them to control your pain...
I can totally understand your lack of trust with Drs, so hopefully the pain specialist will be a really good person, and a competent Dr, and he can address all your concerns about pill use and addiction and controlling your pain..
Just be 100% honest with him, and writing it down is a really great idea...If you think you won't be able to get your point across, or will forget to address something, then writing it down to give to him or her would be a really good thing..
Theres hopefully some more advice coming your way about pain and sub, from those that have actual experience with it....and in fact there may be a thread or two actually started that is called pain/sub as i recall reading a thread about that very issue..I'll browse through and try to find it, and if i do i will bump it up for you to read..okay??
keep posting and try not get upset honey..just know that many here have been in your place and have found their way through it, and when you know better, you can do better, so just being here and reading and posting will help you to figure out what your situation is and how to deal with it..
Good Night hon,
Hugs
Ali
Marilla,
I bumped up some really great threads for you regarding most everything your concerned about..hopefully they will still be on this page when you come back..
I'll keep my eye out for this thread and hope you will be back to post some more if you feel like it..
Hugs
Ali
I bumped up some really great threads for you regarding most everything your concerned about..hopefully they will still be on this page when you come back..
I'll keep my eye out for this thread and hope you will be back to post some more if you feel like it..
Hugs
Ali
Marilla
If your around, hope you got to read some of those threads and hope you are doing okay..
If you need to vent, be sure to post here..theres a lot of people here that can support you and will understand everything you are going through..
hugs
Ali
If your around, hope you got to read some of those threads and hope you are doing okay..
If you need to vent, be sure to post here..theres a lot of people here that can support you and will understand everything you are going through..
hugs
Ali
Marrilla,
Welcome to the board. You will find much comfort here.
Wendy
Welcome to the board. You will find much comfort here.
Wendy
hi ali and marilla!
suboxone is: buprenorphine/naloxone.
buprenorphine is the opiate componet that is a partial agonist which deals with the brain receptor therefore curbing the cravings.
naloxone is the componet that prevents a person from getting high if they were to take an opiate while on sub. hope that helps. julie/jewels
suboxone is: buprenorphine/naloxone.
buprenorphine is the opiate componet that is a partial agonist which deals with the brain receptor therefore curbing the cravings.
naloxone is the componet that prevents a person from getting high if they were to take an opiate while on sub. hope that helps. julie/jewels
Jewels,
i must not be too bright today cus i had to read that 3 times to get it..lol..but i do get the difference now...
thanks for explaining it sweetie..
Hugs
Ali
i must not be too bright today cus i had to read that 3 times to get it..lol..but i do get the difference now...
thanks for explaining it sweetie..
Hugs
Ali
Hello Marilla. I am off to bed but just wanted you to know you aren't alone.
I echo Ali's advice and think that some honest therapy will do you good.
Also, it isn't a sin to take the meds if you are in pain. I understand you not wanting to be on them, they can take your soul.
Good luck and welcome to the board.
I echo Ali's advice and think that some honest therapy will do you good.
Also, it isn't a sin to take the meds if you are in pain. I understand you not wanting to be on them, they can take your soul.
Good luck and welcome to the board.
