Hey all,
I have been busy with work and moving so I haven't been able to check in but tonight I had to. I am so depressed and scared. I am using and I can't stop. I have days when I feel like I want to stop so bad and I think I can do it. Then I try to go a full day without taking anything (no sub or pills) and I can't make it past noon. I start to feel so fatigued and tired and moody and rotten. I am scared because I don't know what it's going to take to make me stop. I know I am playing with fire and yet I can't stop. I am afraid of losing my job. I am afraid of losing my friends. I am afraid that something will happen to my mother (she is in bad health) and I won't be healthy enough to deal with it...like I will just have a nervous break down or something. I am afraid of losing my boyfriend (don't know if that's bad or not). I don't want to lose any of these things but I live in fear of it every day. I want my life back but I am scared that I won't be able to do it...I pray to God that this is temporary and I will have the strength to get through the misery. I am scared because I don't know how long the fatigue from taking the sub will last and with my job I can't afford to be that off mentally and financially. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless you all.
Lou
Hi LouLou, you sound so frightened and alone. Do you have anyone close to you that you can share what you are going through. Sometimes just being able to open up to one person can make all the difference. Try to take one thing at a time. First and foremost is getting stablized on the sub and getting off pills. Can you talk to your doctor or try and get referred to a counsellor? What about an AA/NA meeting anywhere where you can get one on one support. I wish I could offer more than just words of encouragement but know that you aren't alone. Keep posting and sharing and don't give up. You will find what works for you it just takes time. Blessings and prayers are sent to you.
Lou Lou, I hear the pain, and I have been there. If you don't mind me asking..what is you doc? I was heavily addicted to oxy's, and have been clean for 37 days now. I am not sure about the fatigue from the sub, or how long that will last. Try th B-12, and Green Tea, and bananas, that should help give you a boost of energy.. Try not to beat yourself up, we have all been there, and some still are. The mental crap that comes with these addictions are brutal and you feel like it will never end. Have you talked to your Dr? Mine put me on antidepressants, and it does help..Feel free to email me, Two24fans@aol.com I am here for ya, sending you a big hug vibe, and blessings....stay strong, Kim
LouLou,
I'm scared too, and everything you wrote pretty much is what I'm feeling too. I'm so confused about everything now, except for knowing I want to quit and can't seem to be able to do it. I've never been addicted to anything in my life before, and this is really twisting my mind. I was so naive to think this wouldn't be addictive. I thought it would be mental like so many other drugs. The first time I guit and got sick, I was blown away! I afarid of losing everything, but right now I really don't have anything. Stay strong, keep posting and venting.
D~
I'm scared too, and everything you wrote pretty much is what I'm feeling too. I'm so confused about everything now, except for knowing I want to quit and can't seem to be able to do it. I've never been addicted to anything in my life before, and this is really twisting my mind. I was so naive to think this wouldn't be addictive. I thought it would be mental like so many other drugs. The first time I guit and got sick, I was blown away! I afarid of losing everything, but right now I really don't have anything. Stay strong, keep posting and venting.
D~
