LET'S BE HONEST, DO ADDICTS EVERY REALLY GET RECOVERY? I MEAN,I ALWAYS HEAR ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT.. I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THIS MY WHOLE LIFE AND JUST WHEN I FEEL I HAVE A LIFE ,AND IM GOING TO BE OK, WHAM!!! I DO SOMETHING REAL STUPID, LIKE TAKE JUST ONE PILL, JUST ONE, AND I FEEL LIKE s***, ALL THE TIME, I SHOULD NOT STILL BE WANTING THIS s***, AND FEELING LIKE A CONSTANT LIE TO MYSELF AND FAMILY.. SOMETIMES I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER GET IT, UNLESS IM LOCKED-UP AND I CAN'T GET OUT TO GET ANYTHING.. I HAVE BEEN SOBER ALMOST THREE YEARS AND DOING GREAT... IT ONLY TAKES ONCE TO BRING YOU DOWN SO FAST YOU JUST WANT TO CURL UP AND DIE.. I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE, AND I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYMORE.. I LOVE MY SON AND HUSBAND. BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THEY WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITH OUT ME.. YA, I KNOW I GOT THE POOR ME'S AND SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I DO HAVE.. SO WHY ARE'NT I... LOVE YA ALL
Well, many of us managed to hang onto recovery today, but tomorrow, we all start out with an equal chance of losing ours too. None of us has any more than today, and none of us stand in any superior position to you.
Thanks for venting--I think that is helpful, because otherwise you would just keep all that remorse locked up inside where it would fester. In releasing it, you have affirmed the idea that you really want to get sober and be freed from the obsession to use. I applaud that and respect it. I do not, however, subscribe to the idea that just because you may have screwed up today you have some kind of free pass to use tomorrow.
None of us works a perfect program but we have to just keep on trying--the alternatives are not too pretty, and like it or not, your family loves you and needs you--sober. When a horse bucks you, you have to get right back up, dust yourself off and try again, otherwise, you are reinforceing a mentality of defeat.
Think about making a meeting. I used to have my sponsees raise their hands and say they had a slip and then pick up a white chip at the end of the meeting. There is always alot of fear about this, but they always seem to feel better after they acknowlege thier slip to the group and affirm their desire to keep trying.
It is not my intention to be harsh with you, but you are too important, too precious for me to mince words or sooth you with platitudes. I urge you to transfer your anger, frustration and remorse into positive action for your recovery. You are going to get some posts from people who have lost their clean time and have learned to accept the humility of going back and beginning anew. Open up your heart to these people and embrace them. They will be here to support you.
Look at this as an opportunity to understand more about your disease. There is a thought process that we go through to get to a relapse--I have never heard of the pills forceing their way into our mouths and down our throats--so try to look at this as a counter espionage manuever to learn more about how the enemy really works.
Good luck. Please keep on checking in and let us know how you are doing.
August
Thanks for venting--I think that is helpful, because otherwise you would just keep all that remorse locked up inside where it would fester. In releasing it, you have affirmed the idea that you really want to get sober and be freed from the obsession to use. I applaud that and respect it. I do not, however, subscribe to the idea that just because you may have screwed up today you have some kind of free pass to use tomorrow.
None of us works a perfect program but we have to just keep on trying--the alternatives are not too pretty, and like it or not, your family loves you and needs you--sober. When a horse bucks you, you have to get right back up, dust yourself off and try again, otherwise, you are reinforceing a mentality of defeat.
Think about making a meeting. I used to have my sponsees raise their hands and say they had a slip and then pick up a white chip at the end of the meeting. There is always alot of fear about this, but they always seem to feel better after they acknowlege thier slip to the group and affirm their desire to keep trying.
It is not my intention to be harsh with you, but you are too important, too precious for me to mince words or sooth you with platitudes. I urge you to transfer your anger, frustration and remorse into positive action for your recovery. You are going to get some posts from people who have lost their clean time and have learned to accept the humility of going back and beginning anew. Open up your heart to these people and embrace them. They will be here to support you.
Look at this as an opportunity to understand more about your disease. There is a thought process that we go through to get to a relapse--I have never heard of the pills forceing their way into our mouths and down our throats--so try to look at this as a counter espionage manuever to learn more about how the enemy really works.
Good luck. Please keep on checking in and let us know how you are doing.
August
wow, what you said sounds just like me all the way , i feel you 100%, you r not alone in that .. hope that makes you feel better, i just am angry that i for one am a full fleged addict and that there is no cure, how damm unfair is that, life is sooo unfair, i always say why me, the lying, steeling, bla bla bla .... take care, a fellow addict
