Im a 49 years old white male.. Very long story short, I was born the youngest out of six boys and one girl. my Mom and Dad where faithful catholics. My Dad died from pneumonia when my mom was pregnant with me so I never had my Dad and devastated what would have been a happy family.My Mom was left broke, pregnant, and with 6 mouth to feed. needless to say I grew up with not a lot of money. my mom worked hard her whole life into her seventies to support us. My Mom is the most caring, self sacrificing person I ever met, a true saint. she is passed now. She met a predator while she was at church, this guy fooled her into marriage to molest my younger brothers and beat my olders brothers up. also take her Social Security checks and leave us kids with used dirty cloths and outdated food to eat. lasted about 4 years before my mom saved us. I was 11 years old at this time. Those years were abusive, violent, and very scary for me. I was relieved when my mom left him.
I loved and looked up to my 5 older brothers, which by this time were all using, selling pot and cocaine, and other drugs, and drinking heavily. I wanted to be like my brothers and started using drugs and drinking at age 11. My teenage years were girls, drugs, rock n roll, parties, drinking and when I snorted my first line of coke at 13, I thought it was the best substance on earth and wandered why its illegal, hell, I thought it should be sold in every corner store. I took amphetamines and smoke pot everyday in high school, and drank and did cocaine most weekends. By the time I was a senior I was drinking daily and was a seasoned drinker and drug taker. Thanks to GOD, Im an above average intelligent person and managed to graduate high school with little effort.
I was 18 and didn't want to be a burden to my Mom, so decided to join the Navy. Not to fight for my country, but because I thought that clich of the drunken sailor traveling the world going port to port f***ing girls would fit the lifestyle I wanted. I even qualified for Navy electrical schools, which was good. So I was in the Navy for 9 years living that lifestyle. Never had any real relationships during those years, just one night stands and hookers all over the world, I thought it was great, but was very empty inside, and had little or no contact with my brothers and sister. I called my sweet mom occasionally to let her know im fine.
Sorry I didn't mean to go on and on, my point is, I am a very functioning alcoholic, I been addicted to all different types of drugs including opiates. I don't do opiates anymore due to horrifying physical withdrawal, a don't use cocaine anymore due to the fact i lost all my possessions, including my house, my Ford F-150, two mustangs, a boat tools...you name it i lost it to severe 4 year crack addiction. Not to mention I lost my career installing electronics for military contractors making 80k to 100k a year. And my Top Secret clearance was revoked which sealed the coffin on my career i put 20 years into. Life was a real bummer at this point, I was broke, homeless and lost everything, on ALL levels. So i don't do cocaine anymore...Done.
BUT, im now back to my old love of meth amphetamine. And as for alcohol, i never even considered stopping, in don't get fall down drunk, i don't get DUIs, or get violent or anything like that..I drink everyday, but never at work. I drink just to ease my inner pains. Without it i feel awful, mentally. Drinking to me is a necessity, just like breathing.
Anyway i want to see if there is anybody out there with a similar life and managed to get clean and sober. I would really like to try, but have know idea how to live life without it because its been part of me so long. I tried it before but feel so empty, hurt, lonely and feel so sad I cant bear it. So i drink my drink, use speed to motivate me, and everything seem fine. But people tell me that is a terrible way to live, but they don't know how terrible it is for me not to use and drink. I don't want to talk to people who just don't know what its really like, I want to talk to someone who lived it like me.
I am sorry no one has answered your post.
And I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it during your childhood. The answer to your question is YES. You can get clean and sober if that is what you truly want. Walk into the rooms of AA, sit on your hands, be quiet and listen. You will hear something you need to hear. Find a meeting you are comfortable with and as they recommend, go to 90 meetings in 90 days or more if you are so inclined.
good luck and keep coming back.
I'd also recommend you visit the alcohol board here and whichever of the drug boards you most identify with. There you can talk all ya want.
granny
And I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it during your childhood. The answer to your question is YES. You can get clean and sober if that is what you truly want. Walk into the rooms of AA, sit on your hands, be quiet and listen. You will hear something you need to hear. Find a meeting you are comfortable with and as they recommend, go to 90 meetings in 90 days or more if you are so inclined.
good luck and keep coming back.
I'd also recommend you visit the alcohol board here and whichever of the drug boards you most identify with. There you can talk all ya want.
granny
Dude you have quite such a hard life experience out there. You can be clean and sober. It will never be easy but it will be worth it. You are not alone. A lot of people wanted to quit and they succeeded. Quit now before things will get worse, you might never know a bigger problem will come if still continue it. Have the guts to change, a better life is waiting for you.
I think your confused when you say you haven't considered stopping alcohol because you confused me by asking if anyone used alcohol like you did. Yes, and it brought to me the same things that cocaine brought to you. I lost a 19 year job making 80 - 100K. Which in turn made me lose myself even more because I defined myself by making that much money, supporting my kids, my cars and anyone else who needed it. I finally decided that I wanted to live which is what made me want to stop these last 2 days...regardless of all the stuff (I never got a DUI and drove drunk everyday)...since my kids were little I drove with them in the car..I needed beer to function. No one ever thought I would stop. I stopped 8 years ago...and then I relapsed last year...and that is when it took off to the point of where I am today...with nothing after all these years. So I just got sick of being sick. I'm not sure you will be able to stop it if you don't think it is a problem for you...because it took me realizing it was a big problem (just like you did with your coke)...for me to stop. Otherwise...if it weren't affecting my health...I would still be drinking....who cares about the job....the cars...etc....its affecting my health. I don't want to do anything anymore...its causing me deeper and deeper depression...so I have stopped again.
