Hi,
Huge apologies for not being online sooner, life at the mo is madness on a stick!
So how are you doing? What is going on with you? I would really love some one to buddy up with. To really be able to pour out how I really feel and how bl**dy consuming this is. To speak to some one who understands the cravings and the demon on the shoulder being the inner know it all voice. Unfortunately my BF just cant understand it. He can have one drink then switch to coke, I wish!! How shall we play it? We can agree to go to the AA and take it from there or just encourage each other via the chat room. What do you think?
I did not make it AA on Sunday, I felt to rough after a heavy binge on Saturday night. It was the same old cr*p, right I am giving up tomorrow so tonight I have to drink as much as I possibley can. And so I felt like a bag of pooh all day.
My BF was out all day, and usually that is prime drinking time, but I did not not drink! I even went to the shop to buy a sunday paper. I just about had enough cash on me for that, I deliberately left my cards behind, as I knew i would of brought booze on my card. But I walked home quite pleased that I had fought the urge and only come away with a paper. Of course he moaned that I had not picked up milk, which would of meant using my card and then wine would of been brought...... I tried to explain that I had spent the whole day focusing on staying sober, but he just did not get it! Unless you are an alcoholic, normal drinkers have no idea how all consuming this is.
You said about the demon on your shoulder, you have worded it exactly as I do, the inner voice saying oh, go on, go on, go on, next thing you know you have brought drink and have a glass in your hand...... you kind of go into automatic pilot & pow you are drinking, and by then it is too late as there is no going back.
I managed to stay sober Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (good going) & I had a drink Weds eve. Quite an achievement as my stress level is so sky high. (not an exscuse but a bad habit of justifying a drink). But at least the drinking has only been the evenings... not first thing in the morning that has happened a few times recently. That is when I know things are spiraling badly out of control.
I work from home, and we are under huge pressureat the mo, wont bore you with that just yet although it is quite ironic!
Apologies for not being in touch earlier, I would love to hear back from you, and I was sooo touched that you posted a few times and really seemed to care how I was. Thank you. I really care how you are doing too. Please drop me a line back and I promise I will make time to be there for you
xxx
Hi there, I'm back.
Busy weekend for me too, I have two little girls, you see, age 6 and 9 - gorgeous little angels, I am so lucky and yet I do this horrible drinking thing. I hate to think what it will be like if I carry on and turn into one of those alki old hags with no teeth standing on a corner yelling at innocent folk. Oh gawd, the very thought, huh ?...... that should be enough to stop us. Last year I tried some of that NLP (neuro linguistic programming) where you try to retrain your brain to associate alcohol with nasty thoughts, so I had a phrase 'gory old hag' which I tried to repeat to myself to stop me being tempted. Just not strong enough then. So yeah, like you, work is mega (I work full time 10 hour days, mega stressful supposedly high powered job, but my brain is turning to mincemeat - then rush home to try to see the girls before bed, of course, they are used to a glass of wine accompanying a bed-time story - not a great role model, eh?)
So what shall we do? I just can't do AA... no time, am all over the place, travelling, meetings etc. would have to admit all to everyone I know. Can't face that. Want to try working it through somehow, maybe that is wimping out... I don't know? Perhaps we should all own up to the demons on our shoulder, maybe that way we will be too embarrassed to give up?
Anyway, I am sooooo proud of you for 3 days off the sauce, I could never, well that's not true, I will try, but don't think I have gone a day wthout booze for months and months. That says you can do it, so go on girl.... have a go, big style. I'm here for you. Will try to talk to you every day (but weekends are tricky, this is my work access..oops!).
Speak soon, and thanks for coming back to me
scx
Busy weekend for me too, I have two little girls, you see, age 6 and 9 - gorgeous little angels, I am so lucky and yet I do this horrible drinking thing. I hate to think what it will be like if I carry on and turn into one of those alki old hags with no teeth standing on a corner yelling at innocent folk. Oh gawd, the very thought, huh ?...... that should be enough to stop us. Last year I tried some of that NLP (neuro linguistic programming) where you try to retrain your brain to associate alcohol with nasty thoughts, so I had a phrase 'gory old hag' which I tried to repeat to myself to stop me being tempted. Just not strong enough then. So yeah, like you, work is mega (I work full time 10 hour days, mega stressful supposedly high powered job, but my brain is turning to mincemeat - then rush home to try to see the girls before bed, of course, they are used to a glass of wine accompanying a bed-time story - not a great role model, eh?)
So what shall we do? I just can't do AA... no time, am all over the place, travelling, meetings etc. would have to admit all to everyone I know. Can't face that. Want to try working it through somehow, maybe that is wimping out... I don't know? Perhaps we should all own up to the demons on our shoulder, maybe that way we will be too embarrassed to give up?
Anyway, I am sooooo proud of you for 3 days off the sauce, I could never, well that's not true, I will try, but don't think I have gone a day wthout booze for months and months. That says you can do it, so go on girl.... have a go, big style. I'm here for you. Will try to talk to you every day (but weekends are tricky, this is my work access..oops!).
Speak soon, and thanks for coming back to me
scx
Hi there, how you doin' ?
How's the work stress? I can sympathise, I realised how crazy my life was when I was eventually getting round to eat a microwave meal at 11pm last night ! Have managed to cut down a bit this week on the nasty old B, but still not 'off' it ! Go on hols after next week, so mentally am convincing myself not to start a big push til after then, as I woudl only break it and be disappointed (again). keep meaning to get back to the gym as well but where will I get the time?
Get in touch if you can
Thinking of you, hoping your coping well
scx
How's the work stress? I can sympathise, I realised how crazy my life was when I was eventually getting round to eat a microwave meal at 11pm last night ! Have managed to cut down a bit this week on the nasty old B, but still not 'off' it ! Go on hols after next week, so mentally am convincing myself not to start a big push til after then, as I woudl only break it and be disappointed (again). keep meaning to get back to the gym as well but where will I get the time?
Get in touch if you can
Thinking of you, hoping your coping well
scx
