Do they stop? Does anyone know of anyone who had/has these alcohol induced seizures. I sometimed think that this cursed condition gives sick folk (alcoholics) a 'reason' to not give up. When my son decided (he often decided) in his own bloody minded way that he would give up the drink, he would inveriably end up on the pavement, face smashed up again only to be met with an almost smug ; told you so attitude in A&E. Stigma Stigma Stigma. Alive and bloody well. Naughty naughty, told you not to do this yourself. What do you do? You waken up one morning, say this is it, can't do it any more. Go to doctor, ask for help. Yeah. Come back in a fortnight. Will sound self-pitying in a minute so I better shut up. Maybe I should just humbly ask all you good folk ( and there are lots of you) who never jump on the judging wagon, how to think about this. My thinking, is stinking.
Parent~
My cousin's husband has had alcohol related seizures and was told that eventually the disease will kill him - actually, not so eventually, he's 47 and they told him maybe he'll see 50. He has been to rehab and relapsed after 4 months with no end in sight now.
I know how hard it is to stop thinking about your addicted loved one...been there and stayed a very long time. The stinking thinking is not reserved for the user, as you've noted it extends to ourselves as well. Their disease needn't be ours though it easily mutates into ours if we aren't careful.
When was the last time you thought of yourself? Have you gone to an AlAnon meeting or checked one out online? I listened to the audio book Codependent No More in my car as I commuted and it really helped me.
Let him know you love him and will be there for him and spend some time trying to imagine, even to have, a life that's about you. Breaking out of the constant worry is hard and takes effort, concentration, and lots of self-reminders, but it's so worth it.
We're here for you and feel your anxiety and sadness...
Peace~MomNMore
Edit to ask - what is A&E?
My cousin's husband has had alcohol related seizures and was told that eventually the disease will kill him - actually, not so eventually, he's 47 and they told him maybe he'll see 50. He has been to rehab and relapsed after 4 months with no end in sight now.
I know how hard it is to stop thinking about your addicted loved one...been there and stayed a very long time. The stinking thinking is not reserved for the user, as you've noted it extends to ourselves as well. Their disease needn't be ours though it easily mutates into ours if we aren't careful.
When was the last time you thought of yourself? Have you gone to an AlAnon meeting or checked one out online? I listened to the audio book Codependent No More in my car as I commuted and it really helped me.
Let him know you love him and will be there for him and spend some time trying to imagine, even to have, a life that's about you. Breaking out of the constant worry is hard and takes effort, concentration, and lots of self-reminders, but it's so worth it.
We're here for you and feel your anxiety and sadness...
Peace~MomNMore
Edit to ask - what is A&E?
Detoxing from alcohol can cause seizures and death. Can you get him to go to a detox center or hospital?
Hi Parent. If my memory serves me correctly I think my nephew had seizures when he was withdrawing from alcohol but at the time he was hospitalized .Hope things will soon improve with your son. God bless and take care and keep posting.
Appreciate replies, don't have computer at home so grab the chance during all my breaks at work. MomNMore, I know what you are saying, it makes sense, I just can't get to that place where ther's peace. I watched my mother change as two of her children died from this alcohol. Thank God she didn't see her other baby die 2 years ago. He was almost 50. Her baby. I did try Alanon. Alot of supportive folk there. Trouble for me at this stage was listening to these 'recovered' folk who mostly seemed to moved on -- they had moved from a husband/partner. I'm on a rollercoaster. Some days I am stronger than others. Here in the UK, it's nigh on impossible to get into re-hab ( unless you can afford it) and hospitals, perhaps understandably, don't have a lot of patience or resources for the 'self-inflicted'. My son unfortunately is now living with a partner who is far worse than he is health wise. She is alcohol dependant and in total denial. She will probably die this year. I have enough money put by for a two week stay at re-hab. 7.000. That is the cost of the Priory or other re-hab in Scotland. When and I pray --if -- there comes a time when my son says help, I want to be there for him. It would be no good just getting him to AA, the seizures would kick in and destroy him. I should find out more about these seizures, can't get much on the net except good descriptions of how awful they are. There is never any suggestion that they might actually stop, in time, if sober life sought? Doctors here just don't want to know (in my experience). I'm sure there are plenty supportive medical folk out there. I just never meet them and my son does not allow himself to be sober. He hates himself. I'm whining again. I'm actually very upbeat when I'm here on this board, the only place I feel there is unconditional support. Have to go now, might not get back on today. A&E is UK speak for Accident and Emergency dept at all Hospitals ( a lonely desperate place to be)
I don't mean this to sound as cold as it does but, does he want to get sober as badly as you want him to get sober? If he doesn't, there's nothing you can do for him. If he does, have him contact AA. The alkies will know what to do with him. AA's been sobering up drunks for a long time.
Excellent point, Kat, sometimes honest assessments sound cold, but in reality they are just telling it like it is. Until he wants it...well...
As for the type of relationship...true that parents and children can't separate from their offspring as readily as adult partners from one another...but you can detach from his problems. He is 40 years old and entirely responsible for his choices and the condition of his life. It is very possible to love and support them and not be over-involved in their lives - in fact, too much support can be detrimental. Sometimes we find ourselves suprised when they begin to want recovery after we stop obsessing about it.
Parent, take your money and and go a holiday. If he wants rehab he'll find his own way to get it and it'll mean more to him if he has to struggle a bit to get it. And whtever you do, don't let him know you've got that money. They never have any trouble finding money for a bottle - or a case when they want one, he'll find the money for rehab if he wants that.
Peace~MomNMore
As for the type of relationship...true that parents and children can't separate from their offspring as readily as adult partners from one another...but you can detach from his problems. He is 40 years old and entirely responsible for his choices and the condition of his life. It is very possible to love and support them and not be over-involved in their lives - in fact, too much support can be detrimental. Sometimes we find ourselves suprised when they begin to want recovery after we stop obsessing about it.
Parent, take your money and and go a holiday. If he wants rehab he'll find his own way to get it and it'll mean more to him if he has to struggle a bit to get it. And whtever you do, don't let him know you've got that money. They never have any trouble finding money for a bottle - or a case when they want one, he'll find the money for rehab if he wants that.
Peace~MomNMore
Hey there parent. You are not whining that is what this board is for. A place where we can come too and express our feelings and emotions and concerns and worries. I wish I could say something that would help you but I am at a loss for words other than to tell you that you have my support. I know it's very difficult to detach from ones own child whether they be 14 or 14. I am going through some things with my daughter that makes it impossible for me to detach from her problems. We all want what is best for our children and our hopes and dreams are to see them live a happy life. When that is not the case then of course we worry . I do agree with 12 stepper though and that is he has got to want recovery as much as you want it for him, otherwise it's not gonna happen. I can totally understand where you would want to save him and do everything in your power to do so. I would be the same. It is hard to stand by and just watch someone destroy their life knowing in your heart that maybe there is something you can do to change it. I hope you find what you are looking for parent I really and truly do. As a recovering alcoholic myself I do know that the final decision has to come from the alcoholic themselves. Nothing anyone said or did could keep me from drinking it was only when I made the choice to stop myself did I accept their support. Before that time I neither accepted it nor wanted it.To me they were just another annoying problem that I had to deal with which in some ways made me want to drink more. I hope that your son comes to his senses and gets the help he needs before it is too late. God bless and take care.
At work again, thank you all for replies. I am grateful for them all.
Hi Parent. How are your son and you doing? Check back in when you get the chance and let us know if you don't mind. Hoping things are improving for you. God bless and take care. Stay strong.
I am now back at work and always enjoy the support on this resource. Thank you Pirate for your kind thoughts. Much appreciated. I do try to detach a bit sometimes. In my line of work I know exactly what I am doing. I am ENABLING, I am also DISABLING. I have however had a good week and I am managing a bit to live 'in the day'. My son had a seizure this week, whilst actually in the hospital, visiting his partner. I suppose if you have to have these awful episodes -- that's the place to be! I got a phone call (I am his next of kin) and of course went straight up to Accident & Emergency. My heart breaks when I see my son sitting there, dazed, wondering what's going on usually he is injured as he falls to the ground with an awful whack. He can only get the information given to him by those who were there at the time . He doesn't question it, he seems resigned to this. Apologetic, he worries he is causing folk grief, but fatalistic. Anyway, the doctor come over when she seen me there, and we are so very very fortunate here in the UK, free health care. Doc was breezy and glad to see me, they always need the beds and I was there to take him away. I was glad my son was there, in hospital, as they dressed his injuries, and gave him some intravenous 'goodies' . As a parent of an alcoholic I get overwhelmed when I see someone being kind to him. Alkies are more often than not and I understand completely, seen as a drain on society. The doc told me sort of matter-of -fact, that we were here again, following a seizure due my son's not having had a drink for a couple of days. This is quite unusual of course and the reason for this was that my son has been running round trying to visit his partner ( a fair trek away) and do lots of housework as he isn't having to look after her at home. She is almost bed-bound due to liver damage. This was a really kind, compassionate doctor. She took the time to explain, that seizures are inevitable after prolonged drinking followed by a period of abstinance. She did talk to him about options and of course being a knowledgable professional she asked the all important question -- do you want to stop drinking. He lookes abashed hung his head and said, not really. I had been holding my breath of course (wishful thinking) but in actual fact it's best to be at least honest. Like all deluded dependants, my son wants to be, and still thinks he can be, a 'normal' drinker. He said, I just want to be like my friends. He really thinks he can one day be 'normal'. He told the good doc, all men my age go to the pub. All my friends have a laugh at the pub. An old old oft told, story. But, I'm having a good week. I have seen my son sober every day this week. Seven days and nights. I am just going to be grateful for this. So will he. It will undoubtably not last unless he accepts he needs help but I am going to hand it over to HP every day. God bless all you people who have been at the bottom and are always there to help.
