Hey everyone! No I didn't make it. I smoked with hubby before we went to bed last night. Now I feel like an idiot. I have been trying to deal with so many issues that make me want to smoke. The sexual abuse I suffered through the years has had an intense impact on my life & I was wondering just how many addicts have been abused. In any way. I do believe sexual abuse has so many guilt issues. Guilt over not telling, guilt over feeling love for the abuser, guilt over my body reacting the way it was supposed to. I am trying to forgive myself & admit to the world that even though I didn't want the sexual advances at certain points it felt good. I hate myself for that reason alone. I really have to get over the fact that my body responded the way God had made it to. The issue is that he shouldn't have been messin with me at such a young age. That is the real issue here & if I can forgive him for what he did then I can forgive myself falling prey to him. I am clean right now. Hubby left me a bag again & its sitting right in front of me BUT I have not touched it yet. I am not going to tell myself I won't touch it at all BUT I will at least try for 3 hrs of sacred time.
I want to thank Jo, WW, hippienerd, jamv, & chrissie for all being here & struggling through this too. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in this.
I have a show I'm supposed to be at on Sat which is 4 hrs away. Hubby is trying to talk me out of it. I am so sick of him undermining me. AHHHH!
You're not alone. You're very brave.
Yes, I think forgiveness is the key
AEA- How are you today?
Hey darling. My boyfriend smokes 2 and its dificult 2 refuse when he does it in ur face. I know how hard it is 2 fight it but can i tell you that when you are trying to quit but ur boy still does it, it sort of means that he doesnt want 2 quit and he doesnt respect u for ur wanting 2!! If you want 2 stay clean 4eva then babe......... ur boy needs 2 do it wit you 4 both ur sakes!! One cannot be clean wit out da other in couple cases......... by doing it together ur chances of recovering increase 20fold!!! If he still wants 2 do it tell him to do it outside where u cant....... hear..... see...... smell.... wish or want!!!! Best way babe!!! You can do it!!!
AEA, everything you said about your abuse is normal feelings for survivors, some have those (most) loving feelings because they are usually CHILDREN, and don't know any better, and yes, your body is going to do what it is made to do, if you had, had a choice in the matter, things certainly would have been different. YOU WERE A CHILD, guilt is a feeling, something you can feel and let go of, the past cannot be changed, but you can decide to give it no further power over your life. when you feel the guilt, know that you can change that feeling. stop yourself, think it thru and talk rationally, you were a child manipulated. you would probably not talk to another victim the way you talk to yourself.....think about what you would say to a friend who went thru the same thing, say it to yourself, the feeling of guilt will go away and change to acceptance. dont let the past keep this power over you. it is over and today is today. hang in there. you survived for a reason
AEA,
Hi, what can I say, I can really relate to you. I am an alcoholic, (trying to do recovery) and was a very heavy pot smoker. (My life evolved around them both).
I was sexually abused by my uncles. And the real sad thing is that I only found out recently that my sister was too. We were only about 8 when it started. We used to stay with my gran over the summer holidays and we shared a room with my two uncles.
As soon as I left home at 16 I really quickly fell into the pot thing, it helped to block out the pain and thoughts of the past. It was at the time the best thing to numb my pain. My early teenage anthem used to be Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb... And then drink swiftly followed
I have since quit pot, I hated the way it supressed me. Pot and booze by then were not a great mix. I chose drink. Hence the next battle. It was pretty much after I had plucked up the courage to go into councelling. Which made realise that I DID NOTHING WRONG, I was young and vunerble.
The abuse thing is so hard to talk about, thankfully you dont meet too many people that have been through it.
Hi, what can I say, I can really relate to you. I am an alcoholic, (trying to do recovery) and was a very heavy pot smoker. (My life evolved around them both).
I was sexually abused by my uncles. And the real sad thing is that I only found out recently that my sister was too. We were only about 8 when it started. We used to stay with my gran over the summer holidays and we shared a room with my two uncles.
As soon as I left home at 16 I really quickly fell into the pot thing, it helped to block out the pain and thoughts of the past. It was at the time the best thing to numb my pain. My early teenage anthem used to be Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb... And then drink swiftly followed
I have since quit pot, I hated the way it supressed me. Pot and booze by then were not a great mix. I chose drink. Hence the next battle. It was pretty much after I had plucked up the courage to go into councelling. Which made realise that I DID NOTHING WRONG, I was young and vunerble.
The abuse thing is so hard to talk about, thankfully you dont meet too many people that have been through it.
