Lets share all of Our stories--Our situations--Our Milestones--
Lets share them here !! I look forward to reading YOUR STORY !!
**********************************YOU WILL CONQUER********************************
We've hidden-We've suffered-We've made this choice-We will Conquer ~
Here is my story---This was written on 1/8 :
I am on day 3 with the Suboxen. I am amazed at the results ! I was certain that i was on my way to dieing at young age. Every night i would go to bed, thinking that it was the last time i would be here. I would write notes in a little pad of paper to my 2 year old daughter--Telling her how much Daddy loved her and how scared i was that i would not be here for her.....Tough stuff !! It was especially raw for me, sue to the fact that my father had died at age 41 from alcohol and smoking and being in sales...Just like me ! Each and everyday was a chase--Where would i get money for my pills...I would have major anxiety if i did not have 12+ pills to start the day.....Just a vicious cycle...I did the waiting for the delivery guy..Searching the street..All of that stuff...At this point 5 years +.. Again hooked on these pills and just simply doing them so i did not get sick and did not miss work......
Now finally !! about 5 days ago i sat looked at my W-2's and took a long hard look at what i was doing and how bleek my future looked through the haze... I finally made the decision that i would not, and could not do this to myself and my daughter and my family !!
So i sat down with a real close friend of mine and talked and talked and decide to try and give this thing a shot. So on Saturday i got online and researched the best way to get off of this habit. My conclusion was to start searching for a Dr. that could provide me with a Suboxen program and get me out of the bottle once and for all.
I called and called every Dr. i could all week end long and left messages for all of them and never got a call back or heard a single voice....From the resaearch i had done--I learned that there are only very few Dr's that participate in this program---I was a little scared that i had not got a callback and i was running real low on fuel....I started of Sunday with much anxiety over how i would possibly get through the day with no money and 3 pills,,,,,I made it through sunday, still no calls back from any of the Dr's i called...
Monday morning was a killer..I managed a few pills to start of the day but was sure that i was either going to have to go risk myself once agaion and go find some pills or get a call back from someone....
FInally Monday afternoon i recieved a callback from one of the Dr's ; Thanks for calling but unfortunately i have no room in my program for you-i will put you on the waiting list and call you when i can,,,
WOW !! I was devasted !! I t6ried a couple more places but still no use.....Finally at around 1pm Monday afternoon i recieved a call from a Dr. ! He said that he could help me but i had a very short window to see him, as he already had several appointments that day and was very busy--He gave me 1 hour to get there--It was about 45 minutes away--My insurance wouldnt cover it and i had to have $435+ cash to do this....
I was excited at first but knew i didnt have asshot at getting that kind of money together.....And make it there within that time frame...As i walked around a bit--My buddy whom i had the long talk with over the weekend with had seen me looking alittle upset---Anyway he layed out the money for me and told me to drag it down there and see what happens...
Well....I made it there in time and was an excellent candidate for the Suboxen program---He sent me home after a lengthy consultation with the script.
It has been 3 days on them now after doing sometimes 20+ lortabs a day and i have never benn so optimistic about myself, My life and my future !!
I have never felt this good !! The feeling of being trapped inside that bottle and my only worth sitting in my pocket day after day is gone !! I am so surprised at how great i feel now and havent had a single withdrawal symptom whatsoever !!
This has truly saved my life and will enable me to enjoy every precious day as a Real person. No more false sense of well being and worries of where and when i will find my next pill !!
I am amazed-- It is beyond words what this Suboxen has done for me so far. Good luck to everyone--Its got my vote !!
I am on day 3 with the Suboxen. I am amazed at the results ! I was certain that i was on my way to dieing at young age. Every night i would go to bed, thinking that it was the last time i would be here. I would write notes in a little pad of paper to my 2 year old daughter--Telling her how much Daddy loved her and how scared i was that i would not be here for her.....Tough stuff !! It was especially raw for me, sue to the fact that my father had died at age 41 from alcohol and smoking and being in sales...Just like me ! Each and everyday was a chase--Where would i get money for my pills...I would have major anxiety if i did not have 12+ pills to start the day.....Just a vicious cycle...I did the waiting for the delivery guy..Searching the street..All of that stuff...At this point 5 years +.. Again hooked on these pills and just simply doing them so i did not get sick and did not miss work......
Now finally !! about 5 days ago i sat looked at my W-2's and took a long hard look at what i was doing and how bleek my future looked through the haze... I finally made the decision that i would not, and could not do this to myself and my daughter and my family !!
So i sat down with a real close friend of mine and talked and talked and decide to try and give this thing a shot. So on Saturday i got online and researched the best way to get off of this habit. My conclusion was to start searching for a Dr. that could provide me with a Suboxen program and get me out of the bottle once and for all.
I called and called every Dr. i could all week end long and left messages for all of them and never got a call back or heard a single voice....From the resaearch i had done--I learned that there are only very few Dr's that participate in this program---I was a little scared that i had not got a callback and i was running real low on fuel....I started of Sunday with much anxiety over how i would possibly get through the day with no money and 3 pills,,,,,I made it through sunday, still no calls back from any of the Dr's i called...
Monday morning was a killer..I managed a few pills to start of the day but was sure that i was either going to have to go risk myself once agaion and go find some pills or get a call back from someone....
FInally Monday afternoon i recieved a callback from one of the Dr's ; Thanks for calling but unfortunately i have no room in my program for you-i will put you on the waiting list and call you when i can,,,
WOW !! I was devasted !! I t6ried a couple more places but still no use.....Finally at around 1pm Monday afternoon i recieved a call from a Dr. ! He said that he could help me but i had a very short window to see him, as he already had several appointments that day and was very busy--He gave me 1 hour to get there--It was about 45 minutes away--My insurance wouldnt cover it and i had to have $435+ cash to do this....
I was excited at first but knew i didnt have asshot at getting that kind of money together.....And make it there within that time frame...As i walked around a bit--My buddy whom i had the long talk with over the weekend with had seen me looking alittle upset---Anyway he layed out the money for me and told me to drag it down there and see what happens...
Well....I made it there in time and was an excellent candidate for the Suboxen program---He sent me home after a lengthy consultation with the script.
It has been 3 days on them now after doing sometimes 20+ lortabs a day and i have never benn so optimistic about myself, My life and my future !!
I have never felt this good !! The feeling of being trapped inside that bottle and my only worth sitting in my pocket day after day is gone !! I am so surprised at how great i feel now and havent had a single withdrawal symptom whatsoever !!
This has truly saved my life and will enable me to enjoy every precious day as a Real person. No more false sense of well being and worries of where and when i will find my next pill !!
I am amazed-- It is beyond words what this Suboxen has done for me so far. Good luck to everyone--Its got my vote !!
Good morning soberdaddy,my story is rather short and pretty naive,imo.I am 45 at the age of 42(maybe 41)when i was feeling the best i had ever felt in my life,(i had loast alot of weight,was exercising eating right)i was truly happy with "myself" a family member,at the beach one day offered me a pill(i was sayign i didnt feel well or whatever that day)i was afraid to take it,but i finally agreed to take half.Half a one here,half a one ther,3 years later,between20-25 norcos a day.It was that simple,that naive,that stupid,and that crazy.(loking back)
I finally got tired of reaching for 5 or 6 pills to pop in the mornign in order to swing my legs around to get out of bed becasue i would be aching all over.I was buying online and it was costing ALOT of money.I decided to go to detox,went,managed to stay clean about 4 months,relpased and then after another 6 months of using,i found a recovery center and physciatrist who prescribes sub.I'll be free of my DOC for 6 months soon and i feel like my old self.I now need to start worrying about getting off the sub.
Thats the long and short of it for me....next?~KIM
PS~soberdaddy i was typing at the same time as you,ive read youre story and am so very happy for you.And happy for us that youve found our board,stick around,we need all the members we can get.~KIM
I finally got tired of reaching for 5 or 6 pills to pop in the mornign in order to swing my legs around to get out of bed becasue i would be aching all over.I was buying online and it was costing ALOT of money.I decided to go to detox,went,managed to stay clean about 4 months,relpased and then after another 6 months of using,i found a recovery center and physciatrist who prescribes sub.I'll be free of my DOC for 6 months soon and i feel like my old self.I now need to start worrying about getting off the sub.
Thats the long and short of it for me....next?~KIM
PS~soberdaddy i was typing at the same time as you,ive read youre story and am so very happy for you.And happy for us that youve found our board,stick around,we need all the members we can get.~KIM
Great story of SUCCESS !! Congratulations on your Recovery !! You are strong !! The road most taken--The path of least resistence would have been to stay on the pain pills and not change--BUT--Your strength and Heart grabbed the wheel and chose the right road to travel !!
God Bless You !!
God Bless You !!
I can say the same to you.I think people just get sick and tired of being sick and tired.But then you realise just how hard it is to get off these pills from he!!. It takes alot to do it,with or without sub,but it is worth it to have your life back.
I have a couple family members who are still using,and not just pills and it kills me everyday to see what theyre doing to their life.And at the same time,i thank god he gave me the insight to stop this when i did.~KIM
I have a couple family members who are still using,and not just pills and it kills me everyday to see what theyre doing to their life.And at the same time,i thank god he gave me the insight to stop this when i did.~KIM
I agree. I too have a few friends that are on the road to nowhere. I had one of them ask how i am getting by these days-I told him how amazing life can be without the cap on............I will not push him into anything--I will let him come to me if the time is right for him- Although my nature is to lead him in the right direction--The thing is, I dont know if it is the right direction for him----
I will guide him when the time is right. The GUIDE will show him....
I will guide him when the time is right. The GUIDE will show him....
I too, like many others, started my addiction from a well meaning doctor. He didn't want to deprive me of what I needed for my pain. For some, this would be a godsend. So many doctors are unwilling to provide pain relief to those that really need it.
In my case, I was really in need. At first. My dependency to control my pain turned into addiction. When my condition no longer required meds, my body & mind did. It took me over a year to realize, I wasn't controlling the pills, they were controlling me.
I was able for many months to convince my doc that I really needed them. Looking back, I could probably still convince him but I knew the truth. The truth is I was only trying to convince myself.
When I first decided to quit, I found myself in serious withdrawals. I lost so much work and family time, I can't describe. I would relapse and withdraw, relapse and withdraw. It got to the point that my family and co-workers would say: What's wrong with you? Stomach problems or the flu was always a good answer.
During this time, I found out I was going to be a grandpa. Here I am 47 years old, an addict, and I'm going to be a grandpa. I adored my grandparents (before they passed) and I started thinking, how will my grandchildren remember me? Or would I die before they even got to know me?
On April 1st, 2005 I decided I was done. This wasn't an 'all of a sudden' decision. I'd been on this board for nearly a year trying to convince myself this was the thing to do. I just couldn't convince myself that it was that urgent. In my mind, it wasn't. I always convinced myself that I could get one more prescription and then I would quit. That went on for months.
On that day (April Fools Day, 1995) I looked into my soul. I convinced myself, my grand baby wouldn't know their grandpa as a drug addict. I went through the w/d's again and hoped while I was suffering, this would be the last time.
While I was suffering, my granddaughter was born on April 9th. I was nine days clean and then I was at the hospital holding the most precious person I would ever know. That's when I knew I was gonna be clean. For good. At least I hoped I would.
As it turned out, I've stayed clean. I now have 21 months clean.
I can attribute a lot of my clean time to this board.
Hawk
In my case, I was really in need. At first. My dependency to control my pain turned into addiction. When my condition no longer required meds, my body & mind did. It took me over a year to realize, I wasn't controlling the pills, they were controlling me.
I was able for many months to convince my doc that I really needed them. Looking back, I could probably still convince him but I knew the truth. The truth is I was only trying to convince myself.
When I first decided to quit, I found myself in serious withdrawals. I lost so much work and family time, I can't describe. I would relapse and withdraw, relapse and withdraw. It got to the point that my family and co-workers would say: What's wrong with you? Stomach problems or the flu was always a good answer.
During this time, I found out I was going to be a grandpa. Here I am 47 years old, an addict, and I'm going to be a grandpa. I adored my grandparents (before they passed) and I started thinking, how will my grandchildren remember me? Or would I die before they even got to know me?
On April 1st, 2005 I decided I was done. This wasn't an 'all of a sudden' decision. I'd been on this board for nearly a year trying to convince myself this was the thing to do. I just couldn't convince myself that it was that urgent. In my mind, it wasn't. I always convinced myself that I could get one more prescription and then I would quit. That went on for months.
On that day (April Fools Day, 1995) I looked into my soul. I convinced myself, my grand baby wouldn't know their grandpa as a drug addict. I went through the w/d's again and hoped while I was suffering, this would be the last time.
While I was suffering, my granddaughter was born on April 9th. I was nine days clean and then I was at the hospital holding the most precious person I would ever know. That's when I knew I was gonna be clean. For good. At least I hoped I would.
As it turned out, I've stayed clean. I now have 21 months clean.
I can attribute a lot of my clean time to this board.
Hawk
I wish I would have heard about sub before I went on methadone. I never hear any positives things about methadone but I have heard lots of great things about sub. How long is a person usually on it and is it hard to get off of? When I was on methadone it cost me $12.50 a day. Is sub that expensive?
Congratulations to all of you who are moving forward and going through recovery!
Shelly
Congratulations to all of you who are moving forward and going through recovery!
Shelly
Shelly-
I started Suboxone after hearing about it on this board. Unfortunately, I live in a very small town, and finding a sub dr. was a disaster. I called around 20 dr.'s before I finally found one about 60 miles away that would take me.
My first appt. (induction) was the most expensive. I think it was around 400.00 or so, and then every monthly appt after that is 150.00, plus the cost of the suboxone which my insurance covers, I pay a 55.00 co-pay. So overall I am paying around 200.00 per month to stay on the sub.
A great trade in my opinion. It had worked very well for me. I am on 8mg's per day, and am now starting to taper down.
If it werent for this board I would of ended up on methadone as well I am sure of that, They hand out methadone scripts around this area like candy.
Are you on methadone now? I am sorry, if you already said.......
I started Suboxone after hearing about it on this board. Unfortunately, I live in a very small town, and finding a sub dr. was a disaster. I called around 20 dr.'s before I finally found one about 60 miles away that would take me.
My first appt. (induction) was the most expensive. I think it was around 400.00 or so, and then every monthly appt after that is 150.00, plus the cost of the suboxone which my insurance covers, I pay a 55.00 co-pay. So overall I am paying around 200.00 per month to stay on the sub.
A great trade in my opinion. It had worked very well for me. I am on 8mg's per day, and am now starting to taper down.
If it werent for this board I would of ended up on methadone as well I am sure of that, They hand out methadone scripts around this area like candy.
Are you on methadone now? I am sorry, if you already said.......
how long a person is on sub is based on individual needs, some people are on it merely days or weeks while others are on it for a year or more, it is up to you and your sub doctor to make that decision on where you are at in terms of being strong enough, having a good recovery program established, once all that is in place then the decision is made my you and your sub doctor to start a plan of tapering off of the sub.
is it hard to get off? i can't answer that personally as i am still on sub therapy, but others here on the board have had no problem at all while others have struggled, once again it is based on an indiviual basis.
how much does it cost? i am not 100 percent sure as i am so fortunate to have insurance that covers this cost, but i have heard from a girl in rehab that she was paying something like 7 dollars a pill?? i know it is not cheap. but i am sure there is some sort of help out there for people who can't afford it and really need this medication to help them end the nightmare of opiate addiction.
what is my addiction story? first i think a lot of it has to do with genetics as i studied my family tree in rehab and on my own and i know that on my maternal side was addiction, ocd issues, panic/anxiety issues. depression etc. than i believe alot of my addictive personality was molded by enviromental disturbances such as child hood abuse of molestation,beatings, ALOT of crisis's that occured to me in my youth.
i started to use at age 19 which was marijuana and it was the first introduction to the awful disorder of panic attacks and anxiety.
from there 30 years i used marijuana and hash on a daily basis except for my 2 pregnancies for which i was clean. wasn't easy going cold turkey when i found out i was pregnant but i knew i HAD to quit to give my babies a healthy chance at life and i did quit.
my mom went into rehab 4 times for a vicodin addiction and never once did it occur to me that it could someday be me also.
i remember having a tooth pulled and was prescribed my first bottle of vicodin,
i remember exactly what i was doing when that first euphoric feeling happened. it was Christmas time and i had just finished putting up the Christmas tree and i was vacumning the carpet to clean up all the garland mess on the carpet OMG! at that precise moment a rush came over me, a wonderful feeling of well being,contentment and extreme energy and euphoria! i spent the next 5 years from that first day chasing after the feeling of that first rush! no more did i have the desire to use pot.
this is where my surgery addiction started. i innocently had a operation to remove a bunion on my foot, i was released that day with a script for vicodin, i thought i had died and gone to heaven cuz i was laid up for 6 weeks to recover from a very PAINFUL procedure.
i was so relieved to be able to lay in my bed and isolate from the world, no work to do, no job to go to, i escaped reality.
i was babied at first and i loved that and all i did for 6 weeks was lay in my bed with my foot propped up, had my animals all around me, watched tv, and got HIGH!
ES vicodin 7.5's!!!! i never knew at that moment what i was setting myself up for...
after 6 weeks passed and i had called in for refills for which this doctor would freely refill ( 30 pills plus 3 refills mind you) i became sooo depressed because i didnt want to face reality and leave my bedroom and face the world again.
i reluctantly went back to work and schemed another plan to do the other foot! here we go again, i had surgery to remove the bunion off the other foot, same scenario.
pain started to develop in my shoulders for which was diagnosed as bone spurs. BOOM! not a minute went by to even think about it, i had already scheduled the surgery to have the bone spurs removed from my shoulder. whoa! what a grandiose experience that was!!!
doctor said i needed be hospitalized for 4 days for pain management. yeah!! i thought, drugs!!!
my first introduction to morphine!!! every 4 hours on the dot i requested my shot of morphine and once again that feeling of escaping reality came over me, then of course i was released home to retreat to my bedroom and start that scenario all over again .but i still had another ace in the hole.... my other shoulder! this time i requested the morphine pump for which i could administer the morphine myself! talk about a 4 day party!!! i partied by myself in that hospital room and was higher than a kite... the nurse said i was pushing the button too much, i thought to my self shut up b*tch and refill the pump! for which she did. the next day the needle in my hand for the iv therapy had moved out of the vein and my hand was so swollen and painful, the nurse started to remove it and i was like you are gonna put it back in right? and she was like no, you will start oral narcotics now, I was so piss*d, i was like why did i have to say anything about my painful hand.. da*n it! isn't that sick???
and then finally a surgery that was an emergency for which i did not plan, a kidney stone! i was in excrutiating pain for which they gave me dilaudid in the er. i had the surgery and had to have a painful week to endure with a stent the urologist had inserted into my kidney. they precribed vicodin and dilaudid for pain relief, need i say more? that was a 4 day hospital stay with morphine around the clock as requested by me.
mar 2006 i had chest pains, which in reality was anxiety, went to the er and since i am a diabetic complaining of chest pain they gave me nitroglycerin which produced a head ache, they gave me ibuprophen for that but my addict mind knew better and told them i was not feeling any relief from the head ache and they gave me morphine!
i was admitted to the hospital for testing and observation, 2 day stay of morphine ay my request! i was able to convince them that the morphine shots stopped the chest pain which in reality was true, but the chest pains, the tightening feeling of my esophagus was from anxiety and stress that i go thru on a daily basis. i knew after all this was over that i had a problem a BIG problem for which i did rehab and was released to come home and be sooo depressed that i couldn't live or know how to live without a chemical.
i soon relapsed on pot, thinking it was ok as long as i didnt use vicodin, i became so desparate that i smoked crack 2 times! never ever did i thnk i could stoop so low.
i continued to come to this board for help and that was when i was told about suboxone. this board saved my life! i entered into rehab july 10th 2006 and started my induction to sub.
i have not had any pain pills, pot or alcohol for 6 mos
i am in the NA program and attend meetings, and i am now looking for a new sponsor as the one i had before didnt work out, and i am honest, open minded and willing to start the 12 steps of recovery living! i could never get this far before because i was craving and so miserable!
since i am comfortable with the help of suboxone i am willing to do anything it takes so that i NEVER and i hope and pray never have to go thru the awful nightmare and darkness and uncomfortable feelings of withdrawals. that is what keeps me clean today, the fear of withdrawals, as they say in NA playing the tape all the back to the beginning in my head of what it will be again if i use.
so that is my story and i know it has to be taken one day at a time or sometimes one second at a time when it gets rough. julie
is it hard to get off? i can't answer that personally as i am still on sub therapy, but others here on the board have had no problem at all while others have struggled, once again it is based on an indiviual basis.
how much does it cost? i am not 100 percent sure as i am so fortunate to have insurance that covers this cost, but i have heard from a girl in rehab that she was paying something like 7 dollars a pill?? i know it is not cheap. but i am sure there is some sort of help out there for people who can't afford it and really need this medication to help them end the nightmare of opiate addiction.
what is my addiction story? first i think a lot of it has to do with genetics as i studied my family tree in rehab and on my own and i know that on my maternal side was addiction, ocd issues, panic/anxiety issues. depression etc. than i believe alot of my addictive personality was molded by enviromental disturbances such as child hood abuse of molestation,beatings, ALOT of crisis's that occured to me in my youth.
i started to use at age 19 which was marijuana and it was the first introduction to the awful disorder of panic attacks and anxiety.
from there 30 years i used marijuana and hash on a daily basis except for my 2 pregnancies for which i was clean. wasn't easy going cold turkey when i found out i was pregnant but i knew i HAD to quit to give my babies a healthy chance at life and i did quit.
my mom went into rehab 4 times for a vicodin addiction and never once did it occur to me that it could someday be me also.
i remember having a tooth pulled and was prescribed my first bottle of vicodin,
i remember exactly what i was doing when that first euphoric feeling happened. it was Christmas time and i had just finished putting up the Christmas tree and i was vacumning the carpet to clean up all the garland mess on the carpet OMG! at that precise moment a rush came over me, a wonderful feeling of well being,contentment and extreme energy and euphoria! i spent the next 5 years from that first day chasing after the feeling of that first rush! no more did i have the desire to use pot.
this is where my surgery addiction started. i innocently had a operation to remove a bunion on my foot, i was released that day with a script for vicodin, i thought i had died and gone to heaven cuz i was laid up for 6 weeks to recover from a very PAINFUL procedure.
i was so relieved to be able to lay in my bed and isolate from the world, no work to do, no job to go to, i escaped reality.
i was babied at first and i loved that and all i did for 6 weeks was lay in my bed with my foot propped up, had my animals all around me, watched tv, and got HIGH!
ES vicodin 7.5's!!!! i never knew at that moment what i was setting myself up for...
after 6 weeks passed and i had called in for refills for which this doctor would freely refill ( 30 pills plus 3 refills mind you) i became sooo depressed because i didnt want to face reality and leave my bedroom and face the world again.
i reluctantly went back to work and schemed another plan to do the other foot! here we go again, i had surgery to remove the bunion off the other foot, same scenario.
pain started to develop in my shoulders for which was diagnosed as bone spurs. BOOM! not a minute went by to even think about it, i had already scheduled the surgery to have the bone spurs removed from my shoulder. whoa! what a grandiose experience that was!!!
doctor said i needed be hospitalized for 4 days for pain management. yeah!! i thought, drugs!!!
my first introduction to morphine!!! every 4 hours on the dot i requested my shot of morphine and once again that feeling of escaping reality came over me, then of course i was released home to retreat to my bedroom and start that scenario all over again .but i still had another ace in the hole.... my other shoulder! this time i requested the morphine pump for which i could administer the morphine myself! talk about a 4 day party!!! i partied by myself in that hospital room and was higher than a kite... the nurse said i was pushing the button too much, i thought to my self shut up b*tch and refill the pump! for which she did. the next day the needle in my hand for the iv therapy had moved out of the vein and my hand was so swollen and painful, the nurse started to remove it and i was like you are gonna put it back in right? and she was like no, you will start oral narcotics now, I was so piss*d, i was like why did i have to say anything about my painful hand.. da*n it! isn't that sick???
and then finally a surgery that was an emergency for which i did not plan, a kidney stone! i was in excrutiating pain for which they gave me dilaudid in the er. i had the surgery and had to have a painful week to endure with a stent the urologist had inserted into my kidney. they precribed vicodin and dilaudid for pain relief, need i say more? that was a 4 day hospital stay with morphine around the clock as requested by me.
mar 2006 i had chest pains, which in reality was anxiety, went to the er and since i am a diabetic complaining of chest pain they gave me nitroglycerin which produced a head ache, they gave me ibuprophen for that but my addict mind knew better and told them i was not feeling any relief from the head ache and they gave me morphine!
i was admitted to the hospital for testing and observation, 2 day stay of morphine ay my request! i was able to convince them that the morphine shots stopped the chest pain which in reality was true, but the chest pains, the tightening feeling of my esophagus was from anxiety and stress that i go thru on a daily basis. i knew after all this was over that i had a problem a BIG problem for which i did rehab and was released to come home and be sooo depressed that i couldn't live or know how to live without a chemical.
i soon relapsed on pot, thinking it was ok as long as i didnt use vicodin, i became so desparate that i smoked crack 2 times! never ever did i thnk i could stoop so low.
i continued to come to this board for help and that was when i was told about suboxone. this board saved my life! i entered into rehab july 10th 2006 and started my induction to sub.
i have not had any pain pills, pot or alcohol for 6 mos
i am in the NA program and attend meetings, and i am now looking for a new sponsor as the one i had before didnt work out, and i am honest, open minded and willing to start the 12 steps of recovery living! i could never get this far before because i was craving and so miserable!
since i am comfortable with the help of suboxone i am willing to do anything it takes so that i NEVER and i hope and pray never have to go thru the awful nightmare and darkness and uncomfortable feelings of withdrawals. that is what keeps me clean today, the fear of withdrawals, as they say in NA playing the tape all the back to the beginning in my head of what it will be again if i use.
so that is my story and i know it has to be taken one day at a time or sometimes one second at a time when it gets rough. julie
Well my story started a very long time ago.Ive been out on my own since the age of 13.My parents split,I left & nobody bothered to look for me.So I worked off the books as a waitress & at 13-14 partying in my small town was the norm.It started with pot & than anything,
Even before that as a small child (under the age of 5)I was very sick with my tonsails.My mom use to actually pack my throat in ice to stop the swelling.They had me on phenabarbatal, & many other heavy duty things.If that did something to my brain chemicals Ill never know.What I do know is always having this lost alone feeling.Even around family.I just never fit in.When I was younger the drugs helped lift those feelings(I didnt rralize they were only trying to trap me)
Back to teen years & older.I was never picky,speed opiates,smack coke whatever took those feelings away I did.
I almost died at 17 from drinking.I had peritinitis in my galbladder & liver which they took my galbladder & 1/4 of my liver out.
At 19 I met my daughters father & lived an abusive life for 13 years.Ill always carryu the same of that & not being streong enough to walk away sooner.Through those years mant types of drugs,mainly speed & some smack.Pot well that went without saying.
When my youngest was 2mths old this *sshole cut my throat with a broken beer bottle & THAT finally made me say enough.
Even with 2 beautiful daughters I couldnt or didnt want to let go of the drugs.I felt safe & aceppted when I used.
Around the age of 35 my health started to really go down hill.Chrons,depression(which I probaly always had) & a condition where scar tissue grows on my vocal chord & I get lesions on my tounge.Having medical conditions only made it easier to get pain killers so thats what I did.I got on that merry go round of usen abusing running out & running scared.
Finally about 2 years ago I got sick & tired of this slow death I was making for myself & joined this board.I started to hear alot about Suboxone so thankfully my reg MD was also a Sub Dr & I got on that at 24mg a day.After much talking with him & many set backs Im down to 8-10mg a day,Im in private therapy & I volenteer caring for kittys.
After a long talk with my Dr he felt that with my history that staying on Sub longterm would be the safest best thing for me.Not only to help with my addiction issues but also the pain I live with due to chrons.
I still have along way to go but at least my feet & my head are at a positive place ^& my goal is to only to keep reaching & becomming a better woman,mother & mainly a better human
Molly
Even before that as a small child (under the age of 5)I was very sick with my tonsails.My mom use to actually pack my throat in ice to stop the swelling.They had me on phenabarbatal, & many other heavy duty things.If that did something to my brain chemicals Ill never know.What I do know is always having this lost alone feeling.Even around family.I just never fit in.When I was younger the drugs helped lift those feelings(I didnt rralize they were only trying to trap me)
Back to teen years & older.I was never picky,speed opiates,smack coke whatever took those feelings away I did.
I almost died at 17 from drinking.I had peritinitis in my galbladder & liver which they took my galbladder & 1/4 of my liver out.
At 19 I met my daughters father & lived an abusive life for 13 years.Ill always carryu the same of that & not being streong enough to walk away sooner.Through those years mant types of drugs,mainly speed & some smack.Pot well that went without saying.
When my youngest was 2mths old this *sshole cut my throat with a broken beer bottle & THAT finally made me say enough.
Even with 2 beautiful daughters I couldnt or didnt want to let go of the drugs.I felt safe & aceppted when I used.
Around the age of 35 my health started to really go down hill.Chrons,depression(which I probaly always had) & a condition where scar tissue grows on my vocal chord & I get lesions on my tounge.Having medical conditions only made it easier to get pain killers so thats what I did.I got on that merry go round of usen abusing running out & running scared.
Finally about 2 years ago I got sick & tired of this slow death I was making for myself & joined this board.I started to hear alot about Suboxone so thankfully my reg MD was also a Sub Dr & I got on that at 24mg a day.After much talking with him & many set backs Im down to 8-10mg a day,Im in private therapy & I volenteer caring for kittys.
After a long talk with my Dr he felt that with my history that staying on Sub longterm would be the safest best thing for me.Not only to help with my addiction issues but also the pain I live with due to chrons.
I still have along way to go but at least my feet & my head are at a positive place ^& my goal is to only to keep reaching & becomming a better woman,mother & mainly a better human
Molly
The condensed version of my story.
Started at 14 sucking down butane and huffing spray paint and drinking whenever I could.... My mom remarried when I was 14. I begged her to let me drink at the wedding. She kept saying no and then, when she finally gave in, she said "I hope you drink until you puke and then you'll never want to drink again." Well, I drank until I puked and couldn't WAIT until I could do it again. I've done it many times since.
Rehab at 15....stayed sober for 6 months. Started drinking again on my 16th birthday. (Sitting in my car, outside my home group meeting, where they were patiently waiting with a birthday/6 month anniversary cake for me) Haven't been sober since then, besides through my pregnancies. Still went back to the butane, pot, drinking, drinking and more drinking.
Not sure how many years ago I found the opiates. Percocet, fentanyl patches, morphine, etc. etc., and of course, still drinking the whole time.
Yuk..yuk..yuk. My life has been one long binge.
Started at 14 sucking down butane and huffing spray paint and drinking whenever I could.... My mom remarried when I was 14. I begged her to let me drink at the wedding. She kept saying no and then, when she finally gave in, she said "I hope you drink until you puke and then you'll never want to drink again." Well, I drank until I puked and couldn't WAIT until I could do it again. I've done it many times since.
Rehab at 15....stayed sober for 6 months. Started drinking again on my 16th birthday. (Sitting in my car, outside my home group meeting, where they were patiently waiting with a birthday/6 month anniversary cake for me) Haven't been sober since then, besides through my pregnancies. Still went back to the butane, pot, drinking, drinking and more drinking.
Not sure how many years ago I found the opiates. Percocet, fentanyl patches, morphine, etc. etc., and of course, still drinking the whole time.
Yuk..yuk..yuk. My life has been one long binge.
You're not unique nor are you alone, Jodi.
My story started at 18 and I'm now 2 years clean at 46.
So...is this a suboxone success story thread? Or can anyone participate?
My story started at 18 and I'm now 2 years clean at 46.
So...is this a suboxone success story thread? Or can anyone participate?
I would share my story.,..but at the risk of boring you all to tears...I won't...you know why...because it is the exact same as most of you! Just different players in different countries. states and cities!
Bottom line is now...I am on the road to recovery something that for me will never end.....I will work this until the day I die...I will never forget the hold that pills had ahold on me. I will always and forever be on my guard....I have learned that whether I am on sub or not....to call someone when I start feeling those feelings that brought me there to begin with. That is something the old me would never do...no way...I was way to strong to ask for help. LOL..look where that landed me!!!!
A place I NEVER plan on going again!
Bottom line is now...I am on the road to recovery something that for me will never end.....I will work this until the day I die...I will never forget the hold that pills had ahold on me. I will always and forever be on my guard....I have learned that whether I am on sub or not....to call someone when I start feeling those feelings that brought me there to begin with. That is something the old me would never do...no way...I was way to strong to ask for help. LOL..look where that landed me!!!!
A place I NEVER plan on going again!
I will try to condense my story:
The wierd part is that I never had any drug abuse until after my first child in my 20's. I was diagnosed in 1985 with Endometriosis which is painful and resulted in three surgerys. Along with the surgery's came all the pain pills. While going through those surgerys and still unaware that I was having a problem, I was attending College to get my nursing degree. (not the best career choice for an addict!) I have had at least 15 years of taken narcotics and self rehabilitation. I never saught any professional help, but I know it by heart.
I have had many bad years and a few good years, but always underestimating my addiction, I relapse. Each time I tell myself that I am figuring out things, but I wonder if thats a lie too. And yes, you can imagine that this addiction has effected my career path options. I have quit many many jobs due to easy access to pills and the fear of not trusting myself and of course jail!
My belief in the idea that you get what you focus on has given me an excuse for not going to meetings and getting therapy. I noticed that the more I talk about it, the more I start thinking about it and the urges come back, so I never spoke to anyone outside of family. I did get a little better when I stopped hiding my addiction from my family.
So here I go again. Another relapse after 4 months sober and I will withdrawel once again and check into Sub and keep talking to you'all.
The wierd part is that I never had any drug abuse until after my first child in my 20's. I was diagnosed in 1985 with Endometriosis which is painful and resulted in three surgerys. Along with the surgery's came all the pain pills. While going through those surgerys and still unaware that I was having a problem, I was attending College to get my nursing degree. (not the best career choice for an addict!) I have had at least 15 years of taken narcotics and self rehabilitation. I never saught any professional help, but I know it by heart.
I have had many bad years and a few good years, but always underestimating my addiction, I relapse. Each time I tell myself that I am figuring out things, but I wonder if thats a lie too. And yes, you can imagine that this addiction has effected my career path options. I have quit many many jobs due to easy access to pills and the fear of not trusting myself and of course jail!
My belief in the idea that you get what you focus on has given me an excuse for not going to meetings and getting therapy. I noticed that the more I talk about it, the more I start thinking about it and the urges come back, so I never spoke to anyone outside of family. I did get a little better when I stopped hiding my addiction from my family.
So here I go again. Another relapse after 4 months sober and I will withdrawel once again and check into Sub and keep talking to you'all.
Yea--
Wow---I cant imagine being in the Healthcare industry while trying to support an addiction---That had to be tough. Did you ever grab a little something,something ? I know that the addiction would have gotten me to get a little taste........
So where are you now ? Are you high now or in withdrawal ?
Its the addiction that has the tightest grip--Its like a friendly hug until you try to get away..............
Wow---I cant imagine being in the Healthcare industry while trying to support an addiction---That had to be tough. Did you ever grab a little something,something ? I know that the addiction would have gotten me to get a little taste........
So where are you now ? Are you high now or in withdrawal ?
Its the addiction that has the tightest grip--Its like a friendly hug until you try to get away..............
I believe the title speaks for itself
"Share Your Addiction Story"So that says to me ANYONE who is in recovery can & should share
molly
"Share Your Addiction Story"So that says to me ANYONE who is in recovery can & should share
molly
Thanks MollyJean ! Nice to see you writing in. How goes the WAR ?
Im doing Great !! This Suboxen has been a great help.
Look forward to talking to you soon--Take Care
Im doing Great !! This Suboxen has been a great help.
Look forward to talking to you soon--Take Care
Lisa,of course the thread is about "everyones story" sub or no sub.
It just so happens that there are more and more members here on sub these days.Maybe thats saying something,maybe not.But...as you always say..."it is what it is"
I hope some of you who have done it without sub will share,i would hate to think you wouldnt... for whatever reasons?~KIM
Now that i think of it,even after being here for almost 3 years,there are alot of "stories" i havent heard.I would love to hear them all,i think we learn alot form each and evryones story,yes,they are alot alike,but their are different variations,different perceptions,and theres so much to "get" from others!
It just so happens that there are more and more members here on sub these days.Maybe thats saying something,maybe not.But...as you always say..."it is what it is"
I hope some of you who have done it without sub will share,i would hate to think you wouldnt... for whatever reasons?~KIM
Now that i think of it,even after being here for almost 3 years,there are alot of "stories" i havent heard.I would love to hear them all,i think we learn alot form each and evryones story,yes,they are alot alike,but their are different variations,different perceptions,and theres so much to "get" from others!
Yea--Lets keep them coming !! I want to hear YOUR story too !! Lets make this thread the strongest in the bunch-
JUST THINK--Something that you write here--MAY SAVE SOMEONE ELSES LIFE !!!
God Bless You and ADD ON--WE NEED YOUR STORY TOO !
JUST THINK--Something that you write here--MAY SAVE SOMEONE ELSES LIFE !!!
God Bless You and ADD ON--WE NEED YOUR STORY TOO !
