Sharonn...I've been thinking about you lately...How are you doing?..
I'm really struggling right now but i'm still clean..
Doug
I am doing great...went to work yesterday and it knocked me out..still getting my energy back...I have Lupus, so I am tired anyway...but it feels so good to get rid of the guilt and wd's...hate those pills...20 years off and on painkillers..they left a path of destruction ...my life is good now and I hope I never get complacent...it is so very important to be grateful everyday for all we have...the ability to get up and take care of my errands w/o worrying about how I'll get through the day...lying to people...going to different pharmacies...spending $$$$$(still paying the price for stupid expenditures)...But I can think now and cope with life better...I hope you are well..I have NO cravings...I just want to live my life with health and peace of mind...don't wanna wake up feeling like crap and hating that person in the mirror.....Love, S
I am really glad to hear your doin good..I feel like a crap sandwich...After the
initial few days of wd..I felt real powerful...now I seem to have hit this
energy less sleepless platau..Every once in a while the thought creeps
in to make a call just get a few pills and i'll feel better..Then I remember
how far I have come and I go take a walk or something..Oh well, taken it
minute by minute day by day right now..I hardly have the energy to pick
up my guitar and play it right now..
There is a drummer here in town named Clyde Stubblefield...He was the
drummer for James Brown for years..He does this funky jazz gig every
monday ..A friend of mine is tryin to talk me into going down and sitting in
on a couple of sets..I would really like to but I think it is to early in my wd
process..
Doug
initial few days of wd..I felt real powerful...now I seem to have hit this
energy less sleepless platau..Every once in a while the thought creeps
in to make a call just get a few pills and i'll feel better..Then I remember
how far I have come and I go take a walk or something..Oh well, taken it
minute by minute day by day right now..I hardly have the energy to pick
up my guitar and play it right now..
There is a drummer here in town named Clyde Stubblefield...He was the
drummer for James Brown for years..He does this funky jazz gig every
monday ..A friend of mine is tryin to talk me into going down and sitting in
on a couple of sets..I would really like to but I think it is to early in my wd
process..
Doug
After the initial wd's you feel empowered and then there is this void...fatigue..I think a lot of it is depression from what the opiates do to your brain chemistry...one of the reasons I'm on Elavil...I am very prone to depression..it disguises itself in many ways....aches and pains, fatigue, insomnia....you get clean and you expect life will be grand....NOT! In fact, without the crutch of narcotics, reality hits you right in the face....sometimes life seems worse... I guess we have to find the joy we once had as straight people...easier said than done...I walk around in a funk for no apparent reason at times..what scares me is I don't even no what the hell would make me happy? More $$? More friends? It comes from within I believe..a sense of pride about yourself and self-approval...we create so many difficulties in our lives when it is really very simlple.Currently, I am facing a huge change in my financial situation...then I ask myself..."how much $$ do I really ned to be happy/" What do we really need..I know i don't like to be bored and unles I am creative..I get bored. The music sounds like a great idea Doug...you need to get back into the swing of life..be patient with yourself..this is a process...that's why there is so much relapse...life isn't gonna feel "high"...we are accustomed to this surreal buzz..we f**k up our brain chemistry so bad that it's hard to experience pleasure...hence, the couple of pills here and there...then you are back to square1....I wish I had a better, quicker solution, but I don't...Life is hard, but there is a lot of good too...sometimes it's just our perceptions of things that suck...Don't take any pills...keep reaching up and out..I'll be here for you...If it makes you feel better..Who the hell is blissfully happy all the time??? No one. I just wanna have a good day without pain or painkillers....Love, Sharonn
