Hi,
My 21 year old sister is a heroin addict. She's been to many different rehabs many different times. At the beginning of the month she overdosed and the next day went in to a rehab. I was happy to know that she was safe and sound. But today we got the news that she's left the rehab. She's called my parents and left them nasty voicemails. I'm so scared that this is going to be the end for her. Is there any way to help a person like this?
The only way to help her is to help yourself. ...cut her loose...detach from her addiction. ..love her as best you can ....but stop trying to fix her...discuss with her...take her calls or give her money...you cant control it...you cant "help "....she has to want it. ...and you can't make her do that...im a heroin addict. ..and believe me....there's nothing you can do or say to deter us if we want to use....or visit the dope god again ..set your boundaries and stick to them...it's up to us then to find the way back if we want it ..and that takes what it takes...everyone and every time is different. ..give her the time and space she needs to find her reason for wanting out... she wont find it if your trying to find it for her... help yourself. ..naranon or alanon will show you how ...i don't have a lot of time these days to talk..being cut loose hurts...but it's necessary. ..she'll get that someday...promise. ..
ps.. our definition of safe and sound is not necessarily yours. .. life my friend...is neither...we understand that. ...live your own journey. ..
Con
ps.. our definition of safe and sound is not necessarily yours. .. life my friend...is neither...we understand that. ...live your own journey. ..
Con
So well said (as usual) Con! I am living that right now with my 45 y/o son. I have detached and "let go". Is it easy? No--I have always had my own addiction of enabling and being a control freak.
Big change for us and I am sure an even bigger change for my son.
My only hope is that now he can get off this crazy merry-go-round and stay clean!
I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing and I am working on not jumping every time
the phone rings or the doorbell.
Not easy focusing on ourselves when we have taken care of his every need for so long and always played the role of "fixers". Not any more!! I pray he can do this as he has been at it for far too long!
Thanks for your words of wisdom because they have helped me so much to stay on track and let him fall!!!!!
Big change for us and I am sure an even bigger change for my son.
My only hope is that now he can get off this crazy merry-go-round and stay clean!
I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing and I am working on not jumping every time
the phone rings or the doorbell.
Not easy focusing on ourselves when we have taken care of his every need for so long and always played the role of "fixers". Not any more!! I pray he can do this as he has been at it for far too long!
Thanks for your words of wisdom because they have helped me so much to stay on track and let him fall!!!!!
Hello, read the other posts. For the family go to Nar-anon meetings to learn how others have handled the problems. For you and your parents. you will find others who are or have been through it.
Keep telling your sister to go to meetings. there is help for her at NA or AA meetings. Tell her to go back to the rehab or to find a GOOD Supportive Halfway house.
she needs meetings and the support of others who have been addicted and are in recovery, to keep her motivated while staying clean.
Do not enable by making it easy for her to live while doing drugs.
she has to feel like --- if I spend my $ on drugs then I wont have food or housing. She has to feel the responsibility of that decision. It might be a daily decision for a while.
I think when they are off drugs for a few months the addict starts to see things more clearly.
Don't ignore her, but don't give her money. tell her to go to meetings for help. my son is mostly clean, but I don't think he goes to meetings enough. He is probably struggling more than he needs to, but does have a job and rents a room.
he was at a good halfway house. the halfway house should teach them to get back on their feet, and not just take insurance money. The first rehab and halfway house did not work out for my son, although he was at rehab 45 days, and followed the rules. the first halfway house seemed to just take the insurance money and my son's rent money - which they never billed correctly for and still have not gotten their money - and they wont bc the time limit is up......
then he relapsed a few times. This January - 2nd rehab and 2nd halfway house.
this rehab and halfway were better bc they taught that HE needs to take care of himself and be self supporting.
I think he has not Loved the last 8 months and has had some short relapses - which were his fault and he kept his job, and we parents did not swoop in to save him. life might slowly be getting better. or he is complaining less.
Keep telling your sister to go to meetings. there is help for her at NA or AA meetings. Tell her to go back to the rehab or to find a GOOD Supportive Halfway house.
she needs meetings and the support of others who have been addicted and are in recovery, to keep her motivated while staying clean.
Do not enable by making it easy for her to live while doing drugs.
she has to feel like --- if I spend my $ on drugs then I wont have food or housing. She has to feel the responsibility of that decision. It might be a daily decision for a while.
I think when they are off drugs for a few months the addict starts to see things more clearly.
Don't ignore her, but don't give her money. tell her to go to meetings for help. my son is mostly clean, but I don't think he goes to meetings enough. He is probably struggling more than he needs to, but does have a job and rents a room.
he was at a good halfway house. the halfway house should teach them to get back on their feet, and not just take insurance money. The first rehab and halfway house did not work out for my son, although he was at rehab 45 days, and followed the rules. the first halfway house seemed to just take the insurance money and my son's rent money - which they never billed correctly for and still have not gotten their money - and they wont bc the time limit is up......
then he relapsed a few times. This January - 2nd rehab and 2nd halfway house.
this rehab and halfway were better bc they taught that HE needs to take care of himself and be self supporting.
I think he has not Loved the last 8 months and has had some short relapses - which were his fault and he kept his job, and we parents did not swoop in to save him. life might slowly be getting better. or he is complaining less.
ps it can take a few months of being clean before they have a normal conversation, that isnt nasty, rushed, urgent.... that is the withdrawl or craving that is talking.
Since your sister has been to many rehabs - she knows what to do. tell her that.
I think it is boring to be clean and sober and responsible.
For a period of time your sister, our addicts, have been living the exciting life of finding money and drugs everyday. It takes a while for that impulse and pattern to wear off. then, they have too much time on their hands, and it is boring. they don't know what to do with the time. old habits take a few months to break.
Since your sister has been to many rehabs - she knows what to do. tell her that.
I think it is boring to be clean and sober and responsible.
For a period of time your sister, our addicts, have been living the exciting life of finding money and drugs everyday. It takes a while for that impulse and pattern to wear off. then, they have too much time on their hands, and it is boring. they don't know what to do with the time. old habits take a few months to break.
