This heroin drug is one heck of a demon. My daughter finished detox a few days ago and started a 90 day treatment program last Wednesday. I got a call last night that she had signed herself out. I feel like she had a chance when she was doing Xanax, but I don't know about this drug. She started using heroin for the first time about eight weeks ago. She had called me a couple of days ago from the rehab center saying she can't fight the urge to leave any longer, that the drug was awesome, and it was all she was thinking about. So, I told her to take it one day at a time. She lasted another two days and left last night.
Now, she's on the street. She has no money. She is a type 1 insulin dependent diabetic, so I've got that to worry about. Does this drama ever end? I can't take much more of it. I have been to the Nar-anon meetings, and I know I have to let her completely hit her bottom. It's just very hard, considering her health issues. To think her bottom could very well be death just overwhelms me.
I need advice on how much I should do for her while she's using. Should I cut off the phone? I also pay for her health insurance. Do I stop that too? She has no access to money, so I've cut that completely off. She is 18 years old, and she's 2,000 miles away from me. Last time she left treatment, she stayed with a drug dealer. I found out later he was grooming her to pimp her out.
That's probably her next step, which breaks my heart.
I told her if she walks out of treatment that I would not even speak to her while she's using. Should I block her number? She does have access to her mother, my ex wife, so I would still know what's going on with her. She's closest to me, and I think if I turn my back on her, it would be a tremendous consequence fo her. Based on her stubbornness, she's going to need something drastic to happen before she stops using. I only pray she lives through it.
Thanks for your help. This forum has been a blessing for me.
I have heard that heroin is really hard to quit. My opinion is you should continue paying for her phone and medical insurance at least for awhile. Insurance is hard to get and she may need it. My reasoning is that she is 18 and female ... and in who knows what kind of situation. I know others may say not to do these things but I couldnt not do it if I was her parent. She is so young. I hope the phone is in her name though in case she is conducting any illegal business with it. I would want my name far away from that. Dont assume the responsibility for her hospital bills or you will be paying forever. Dont sign admittance forms if asked. If you dont want to hear everything bad that happens or be begged for help and money, then maybe you should block her number. It is up to you but it can be hard to hear about their life on a daily basis and it is very hard to stay detached and say no to her need. There will likely be crisis after crisis. Helping her while she is using will for sure delay her bottom. You might gradually turn into an enabler like I did. The best of intentions doesnt always turn out so well. Stand by what you said about no contact and see what happens. You can always change your mind.
It does kind of feel like you are expecting her mother to stay in contact. In my experience, mothers are weaker than fathers and say no less. They will do everything they can to save their child. There is a lot of stress caused by staying in touch. You need to, at the very least, be supportive of moms role in all this. You might want to be sure she has a support system and tools to deal with the conflict. Maybe a counselor or a group. It would be good to be on the same page.
Your daughter might have to go through some bad stuff before realizing she doesnt want this life. Be prepared though, change could come or it might not. It will be hard for her and I think maybe even harder the longer she stays addicted. Be firm and maybe that will help the reality sink in that this is not a game but her life and her future. They think it is all fun and games unless we make it real and dont cushion their fall.
It does kind of feel like you are expecting her mother to stay in contact. In my experience, mothers are weaker than fathers and say no less. They will do everything they can to save their child. There is a lot of stress caused by staying in touch. You need to, at the very least, be supportive of moms role in all this. You might want to be sure she has a support system and tools to deal with the conflict. Maybe a counselor or a group. It would be good to be on the same page.
Your daughter might have to go through some bad stuff before realizing she doesnt want this life. Be prepared though, change could come or it might not. It will be hard for her and I think maybe even harder the longer she stays addicted. Be firm and maybe that will help the reality sink in that this is not a game but her life and her future. They think it is all fun and games unless we make it real and dont cushion their fall.
I feel so bad for you because I've been through this for 15 years.I pray you have a quicker resolution.
Keep paying the health insurance.Private insurance will get her better treatment should she decide to get help.
The phone doesn't matter. My kid always found a phone to use to call me. I understand the desire to provide a.phone. My fantasy was that she would use it to get help. Never hapoened.
Since your daughter is a diabtic.she may end up in a hospital soon.That might actually work in your favor.
When your child gets arrested,do not bail her out,do not pay for a lawyer, do not pay her fines.
I know how helpless you feel. Watching this happen and not being able to stop it.
Keep paying the health insurance.Private insurance will get her better treatment should she decide to get help.
The phone doesn't matter. My kid always found a phone to use to call me. I understand the desire to provide a.phone. My fantasy was that she would use it to get help. Never hapoened.
Since your daughter is a diabtic.she may end up in a hospital soon.That might actually work in your favor.
When your child gets arrested,do not bail her out,do not pay for a lawyer, do not pay her fines.
I know how helpless you feel. Watching this happen and not being able to stop it.
I appreciate the words of wisdom, Bugginme. Sounds like my journey is just beginning. I am going to keep the insurance in case she has an episode with her diabetes, but I'm going to cut ties for my own mental health. If she seeks treatment, I'll be a part of her family therapy, but I will not let her make this heroin use a new normal. She thinks I'm going to accept this and treat it like it's just a new part of her life. Our relationship will have strings attached--sober or I'm not involved.
As for you, Walkedon, I can only imagine what you've been through all these years with a daughter like yours. And you don't have to worry about me bailing mine out of jail. It would probably wake her up to spend some time there, and what a way to detox--cold turkey.
Thanks to both of you.
As for you, Walkedon, I can only imagine what you've been through all these years with a daughter like yours. And you don't have to worry about me bailing mine out of jail. It would probably wake her up to spend some time there, and what a way to detox--cold turkey.
Thanks to both of you.
Have you heard from you daughter. I think of you often
Walkedon,
Thank you for inquiring. My daughter has forty days sobriety since my last post. She seems to be on fire for her recovery, but we know how that goes. She's been very active with her sponsor, and she's been helping other addicts by sharing her story. This is the first time I've ever seen her so serious about recovery, but she currently has lots of structure. She will be at the recovery center for one more month, then she'll start Intensive Outpatient. Thats' when the big test will come. She's always done well under structure. It's when the eyes are not looking when she strays.
I am optimistic, but I'm guarding my heart too. It's so hard to show support and, at the same time, protect myself from being destroyed by yet another relapse.
Thanks again for being concerned. The support here has been important to me.
Thank you for inquiring. My daughter has forty days sobriety since my last post. She seems to be on fire for her recovery, but we know how that goes. She's been very active with her sponsor, and she's been helping other addicts by sharing her story. This is the first time I've ever seen her so serious about recovery, but she currently has lots of structure. She will be at the recovery center for one more month, then she'll start Intensive Outpatient. Thats' when the big test will come. She's always done well under structure. It's when the eyes are not looking when she strays.
I am optimistic, but I'm guarding my heart too. It's so hard to show support and, at the same time, protect myself from being destroyed by yet another relapse.
Thanks again for being concerned. The support here has been important to me.
Awesome news...
