She used to be a soccer mom. Now, she mostly just thinks about pain pills. She "needs them" her back pain is real, she says. Why does she still talk about hurting even when she is clearly zonked out of her gourd... unable to walk properly.. unable to use the TV remote or successfully use a phone to dial her mothers phone number?
I say "Honey, if you are still hurting and yet you are clearly SO VERY medicated... would you agree that this approach isn't working?"
It has been maybe 5 years now. She started with Vicodin. Then moved on to OxyContin. Then the Duragesic patch (Fentanyl?). All but the OxyContin was prescribed by her doctor(s). The Oxy was obtained covertly thru a network of her "friends". About a year ago she "died" sitting in her running car at the bottom of our long driveway. She had a Duragesic patch in her mouth. When my mother and my kids (I was at work) discovered her at the bottom of the driveway she was very near death. The paramedics and I arrived at about the same time. She was in their unit and life was slipping away. They brought her back with those "paddles" where they give you a jolt to the chest. She spent the next week in the hospital, immediately followed by a month in rehab. I still don't have all of the bills paid.
For the past year she has, to my knowledge, managed to steer clear of her "friends" that introduced her to this "way of life." However, she continues to see a doctor for her pain. The latest med she is taking is called Avinza ( I thought, but can't find it on the web, so prob got the name wrong). In a given day she seems to cycle thru being "normal" (for the most part, although still mentally dulled) all the way to being completely "F'd up". I took the family out to dinner last night. When we enterred the restaurant she appeared sort of OK. Her speach gradually became markedly slurred. During the meal she began having difficulty operating her fork. By the time we left, I was helping her walk out and she was walking like a severely handicapped person (including having her arm in a funny position, hand twisted out to the side, robot-like steps..) My kids were absolutely humiliated. I was praying that nobody who would recognize us was in the crowded restaurant.
I desparately want my wife back. I have threatened and seriously considered divorce, but I feel that she would not live long if I did that. My boys and I love her and miss the old her very much. I don't guess anyone has any advice on how I can "fix her". But I'd welcome any words of wisdom.
Oh my heart goes out to you.........
You brought tears to my eyes. Please know that you are not alone, many here go through what you are every day, and it is emotionally devastating. Please read this board and educate yourself about how you can live in your situation.......I am sorry to say that you can't fix her. She has to want to fix herself.........
The medicine name you put up is right......I found it on the first hit.....It is morphine! Here is a link to it.....
http://www.ligand.com/pdf/AVINZAPI.pdf
I will keep you and you family in my prayers.....
Hugs,
Tina
You brought tears to my eyes. Please know that you are not alone, many here go through what you are every day, and it is emotionally devastating. Please read this board and educate yourself about how you can live in your situation.......I am sorry to say that you can't fix her. She has to want to fix herself.........
The medicine name you put up is right......I found it on the first hit.....It is morphine! Here is a link to it.....
http://www.ligand.com/pdf/AVINZAPI.pdf
I will keep you and you family in my prayers.....
Hugs,
Tina
Heart Broken Hubby -
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and the frightening feelings your children must bear. My spouse was clean for a very long time and now we have a baby - and he relapsed. Its been so painful. I went to see a counselor last week and explained that if it was just us again - that I could suffer through the relapse and get him on track. But with our child its a whole new set of circumstances and rules. I give you credit for taking your family out to dinner. I've tried that too and experienced your disappointment, embarassment and sadness. My spouse has chronic pain syndrome and has been through every kind of morphine too. He also mixed with alcohol at times. He finished 28 days of inpatient rehab this fall and relapsed after two weeks home while in an outpatient program. He's 23 days sober now in an outpatient program and private counseling and AA meetings yet I am frightened every day. Keep yourself as healthy as possible and I'll follow your posts.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this and the frightening feelings your children must bear. My spouse was clean for a very long time and now we have a baby - and he relapsed. Its been so painful. I went to see a counselor last week and explained that if it was just us again - that I could suffer through the relapse and get him on track. But with our child its a whole new set of circumstances and rules. I give you credit for taking your family out to dinner. I've tried that too and experienced your disappointment, embarassment and sadness. My spouse has chronic pain syndrome and has been through every kind of morphine too. He also mixed with alcohol at times. He finished 28 days of inpatient rehab this fall and relapsed after two weeks home while in an outpatient program. He's 23 days sober now in an outpatient program and private counseling and AA meetings yet I am frightened every day. Keep yourself as healthy as possible and I'll follow your posts.
Thank you Tina and Imagine for your kind words and prayers. Today she is saying that what put her in that condition was Xanax. She takes the Avinza once in the mornings, but has also been taking Xanax for probably 15 years. It used to be "half" of one peach colored xanax at night to help her sleep. This began after her brother committed suicide. A couple of months ago I noticed that her Xanax was now blue. I guess this is double the strength of the peach ones. Apparently, she took "two" of these blue xanax over the course of the day yesterday. She says this is what caused her to be in that condition at the restaurant.
She wants to go to school and is in the process of getting enrolled. She has been a "Stay at home mom" since our 13 year old was born. She says that her desire to got to school and get started in a career is all she needs to overcome the Xanax abuse. She says that she is willing to discontinue the xanax, but insists that she needs her Avinza for her chronic pain and that the Avinza is "not a problem." I guess if she is telling the truth about discontinuing Xanax (I am a realist and have been lied to many, many times before), I will consider that a victory.
She assures me that the xanax situation is NOTHING like the severe addictions that lead to her "death" a year ago. She says that she can give it up. She just now walked into the room and found out I was on this board and was reading over my shoulder. She is furious that I am sharing this info and "focusing" my attention on this issue rather than focusing on being a cheerleader to her for going to school. She stomped out of the room with a scowl on her face. I'm sure I will hear about it later. Time will tell. I am hopeful that focusing on success in school will give her a sense of purpose and keep her from pursuing the daily xanax experience. I'll keep you posted.
She wants to go to school and is in the process of getting enrolled. She has been a "Stay at home mom" since our 13 year old was born. She says that her desire to got to school and get started in a career is all she needs to overcome the Xanax abuse. She says that she is willing to discontinue the xanax, but insists that she needs her Avinza for her chronic pain and that the Avinza is "not a problem." I guess if she is telling the truth about discontinuing Xanax (I am a realist and have been lied to many, many times before), I will consider that a victory.
She assures me that the xanax situation is NOTHING like the severe addictions that lead to her "death" a year ago. She says that she can give it up. She just now walked into the room and found out I was on this board and was reading over my shoulder. She is furious that I am sharing this info and "focusing" my attention on this issue rather than focusing on being a cheerleader to her for going to school. She stomped out of the room with a scowl on her face. I'm sure I will hear about it later. Time will tell. I am hopeful that focusing on success in school will give her a sense of purpose and keep her from pursuing the daily xanax experience. I'll keep you posted.
hubby, all the signs are pointing to a serious addiction issue. good intentions alone and "positive influences" are not going to restore her or you and the family to wellness. new challenges alone aren't going to do it either. i know it's hard, but i think you are on to her and making progress towards addressing the issue.
HeartBroken.......she can just cold turkey from the xanax.....there could be some serious health issues involved. She must taper from that and it takes awhile. Don't let her do anything about the xanax until she talks to her doctor about it.....for her own health.
And I agree with Bob B........she is addicted, to one or both drugs......love and support....thats all you really can do. The rest will be up to her!
Tina
And I agree with Bob B........she is addicted, to one or both drugs......love and support....thats all you really can do. The rest will be up to her!
Tina
Hubby,
I feel your pain and frustration. To be very frank, from what you have described your wife has a full blown addiction and will need treatment to get it under arrest. I too, have the soccer mom wife drives the SUV, we live in a great neighborhood but she has been in rehab for nearly 3 months for an addiction to pain pills. I did not see it either. At least you are aware of it now. I saw her behavior sublty change over a long period of time. The worst is the stuff I did not see. Talk your wife in to going into rehab. If you still love her and want to keep your family intact do what ever it takes to get her there. This disease will destroy her, her character, her ethics and her love for you and the children. Once someone is in an addiction state, the drug becomes the primary relationship. And they are never cured, you just get it under arrest through rehab and then the recovery will last the rest of her life. You are not alone. There are a lot of us out here that never dreamed we would be dealing with these issues but the reality is that we are. I would tend too believe that your wife still loves you and the children but the drugs have taken control. Talk to her about rehab, not detoxc but real rehab. Be patient but insist she go, it will save her life and your family. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I feel your pain and frustration. To be very frank, from what you have described your wife has a full blown addiction and will need treatment to get it under arrest. I too, have the soccer mom wife drives the SUV, we live in a great neighborhood but she has been in rehab for nearly 3 months for an addiction to pain pills. I did not see it either. At least you are aware of it now. I saw her behavior sublty change over a long period of time. The worst is the stuff I did not see. Talk your wife in to going into rehab. If you still love her and want to keep your family intact do what ever it takes to get her there. This disease will destroy her, her character, her ethics and her love for you and the children. Once someone is in an addiction state, the drug becomes the primary relationship. And they are never cured, you just get it under arrest through rehab and then the recovery will last the rest of her life. You are not alone. There are a lot of us out here that never dreamed we would be dealing with these issues but the reality is that we are. I would tend too believe that your wife still loves you and the children but the drugs have taken control. Talk to her about rehab, not detoxc but real rehab. Be patient but insist she go, it will save her life and your family. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
