Regardless of the fact it is not Thanksgiving here in Canada reading everyone celebrate this day has reminded me of the fact I am a Province away from my son. My son is the light of my life, in him I find unconditional love and also experience a love for another person that I have never allowed myself to feel before.
So as I sit here tears welling in my eyes I wrestle with the misconception that as a man I am not allowed to cry, or given my history of associating with gangs and dealers, time in jail that weeping is a sign of weakness. Logically I know this is not correct and that I need to face this pain, also I know God is ready and willing to help.
As a first step I thought I would share with you all the difficulty of this day, I want to curl up in a ball and weep or lash out at the feeling that my heart is breaking every time I think of the distance between myself and my three year old son.
I cringe at the guilt I feel for being the cause of this distance.
I know my role in this separation; I accept it and know I can move forward but moments like this turn from emotional to almost physical pain.
I write this know that I am anonymous and that I am sure these feelings are not foreign to you folks.
I am trying to show courage in admitting that I need to cry, that I feel pain and that I am human.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) jaxxxxx
wolf,
cry away bro, feel let it flow, feel and express, maybe gain some strength and heal. if nothing else can i just tell you i just hugged my kids and gave them an extra squeeze because of you. i was one of the LUCKY ones. at times through out my addiction i probably didnt even deserve to have my children myself. so thank you for your reminder how fortunate i am. you are special to many.
terrianne
cry away bro, feel let it flow, feel and express, maybe gain some strength and heal. if nothing else can i just tell you i just hugged my kids and gave them an extra squeeze because of you. i was one of the LUCKY ones. at times through out my addiction i probably didnt even deserve to have my children myself. so thank you for your reminder how fortunate i am. you are special to many.
terrianne
Go on friend, Free yourself!
Darin
Darin
There is no shame in sheading tears, in fact it is a healthy response to stress regardless of your gender. I trust men that have the capability of crying much more than those who connot.
I hope that you can contact your son at least on the phone to tell him how much you love and miss him and in time, that your family will see the changes you have made in your life and appreciate all you have to offer. Sometimes that takes time, but with patience and love, trust can be earned back.
Wishing you all the love you deserve today on Thanksgiving and always,
Ali
I hope that you can contact your son at least on the phone to tell him how much you love and miss him and in time, that your family will see the changes you have made in your life and appreciate all you have to offer. Sometimes that takes time, but with patience and love, trust can be earned back.
Wishing you all the love you deserve today on Thanksgiving and always,
Ali
What Ali said, my son would have DIED for just a simple call. Don't wait until it is too late. My son is 21 and wouldn't see him if he was asked.
p.s
I hope that this isnt too personal, but if you are unable to call for financial or telephone restrictions etc...reasons please let me know, Im in Canda too and would be happy to set up and pay for the phone call for you.
Hugs,
Ali
I hope that this isnt too personal, but if you are unable to call for financial or telephone restrictions etc...reasons please let me know, Im in Canda too and would be happy to set up and pay for the phone call for you.
Hugs,
Ali
Thank you all. Reading the love and support I find here makes me weep, in a good way.
I am fortunate that I see him every three days via the webacm, but the prevailing guilt of how I let him down and what I miss in his day to day life is difficult. I am, however, determined to be there for him. Each day I grow closer to that goal and God willing nothing will stop me.
I am fortunate that I see him every three days via the webacm, but the prevailing guilt of how I let him down and what I miss in his day to day life is difficult. I am, however, determined to be there for him. Each day I grow closer to that goal and God willing nothing will stop me.
Dear Wolfe,
Your son is lucky to have such a Dad as you!!!
Let him know how much you miss and love him, thought id share something cute I did to my godaughter on a web cam...she still talks about it and that was 4 years ago now.
Pick out a favourite song to play while your son is watching and listening on his webcam, then make up some cue cards, and tell him a little story with the music playing in the background..Big cue cards, large bold print..
Mine was to the music of "turn around"; one of her favourite songs, and for example 1 cue card would say:
I ) I AM 2) HAVING 3) A HARD TIME 4) WITHOUT YOU 5) HERE 6) CANT WAIT 7) TO SEE YOU 8) AGAIN etc...etc...song ends with your last cue card.....
It takes a bit of effort to orchestrate, but I promise you your son will always remember the effort and sentiment behind the gesture..
Just a thought....
Hang in there,
Hugs,
Ali
Your son is lucky to have such a Dad as you!!!
Let him know how much you miss and love him, thought id share something cute I did to my godaughter on a web cam...she still talks about it and that was 4 years ago now.
Pick out a favourite song to play while your son is watching and listening on his webcam, then make up some cue cards, and tell him a little story with the music playing in the background..Big cue cards, large bold print..
Mine was to the music of "turn around"; one of her favourite songs, and for example 1 cue card would say:
I ) I AM 2) HAVING 3) A HARD TIME 4) WITHOUT YOU 5) HERE 6) CANT WAIT 7) TO SEE YOU 8) AGAIN etc...etc...song ends with your last cue card.....
It takes a bit of effort to orchestrate, but I promise you your son will always remember the effort and sentiment behind the gesture..
Just a thought....
Hang in there,
Hugs,
Ali
Wolf-Dude,its one of the most liberating things about being a man.s***,I will start crying at a damn TV add over the starving children in Biafra.
I will cry sometimes even when I cant believe how luckyI am to be driving over the Freeport bridge into Surfside and witnessing an incredible sunrise and Im getting ready to surf some awesome waves.I mean I will tear up at the beauty and the opportunity to be able to do the thing I love the best....then I'll start laughing because I started crying.Go figure.Then I think im going crazy.LOL
I will cry sometimes even when I cant believe how luckyI am to be driving over the Freeport bridge into Surfside and witnessing an incredible sunrise and Im getting ready to surf some awesome waves.I mean I will tear up at the beauty and the opportunity to be able to do the thing I love the best....then I'll start laughing because I started crying.Go figure.Then I think im going crazy.LOL
