Just an update regarding the psych appointment with my son. Never happened! Why...because would nt you know it yesterday my ex called and said he would pick up our son at school and spend the afternoon with him. And would nt you know it yesterday was the day he did everything right - showed up the school, on time no less! I did nt want him to know I was going to this appointment as he would never let me talk openly about the issues we need to tackle and it would be a waste of time and money. He would never let me go back either and would start saying I was mental and paranoyed and that I was making my son mental and paranoid.
So I pasted on my new smile and told him it was lovely of him to go and pick up our son and that he should do so more often. But he tells me he is going to be very busy today....and while I would pay for him to tell me exactly what it is he so busy with...being UNEMPLOYED and all, I just tell him well make plans for next week as I actually have some plans for today myself, anyway.
Hopefully I will get to that appointment today.
Kittykat - it takes time and patience and strength of will - it also I think takes complete detachment - to be painfully honest with you - I think I am able to do this now because I am no longer in love with him, I no longer care...
I think if he were to come to me for help I would nt be able to turn my back on my sons father - Im sure I would help, but a sort of weight has been lifted lately where in mind there is just nothing I can do anymore - I dont wish him harm, but Ive stopped caring about his well being. I think Bob.B I think you mentioned yesterday about becoming desensitzed - and that is how I am feeling.
And by the way thank you all for your encouragement yesterday - when I was with my husband I did nt feel like I was by myself eith him at all - it was like I was with an army of people all inside my head and reasoning with me! Thanks.
Charly, thats good that you no longer care about him and aren't in love anymore. I'm starting to get to that point a little bit, last night I could barely look at him and when I did, my only question was, WHY do I love him? He's such a horrible person who uses people and hurts them. When we first met, I talked to his good friend who warned me that my bf uses people and does nothing but hurt them, they are all a means to an end. I heard him say those words but my heart didn't want to believe it that I had myself convinced maybe he'll be different with me.
Is that a good sign that I'm starting to not care? I know I'd be devastated if he died of an overdose but at the same time last night when I thought about it, I felt some sort of peace, that if that happened maybe he'd finally be at peace from this horrible addiction and no more people would be hurt. Is that awful to think?
Is that a good sign that I'm starting to not care? I know I'd be devastated if he died of an overdose but at the same time last night when I thought about it, I felt some sort of peace, that if that happened maybe he'd finally be at peace from this horrible addiction and no more people would be hurt. Is that awful to think?