Should I Even Feel Guilty?

Well after ripping me off $110 that he owed me and promised to pay me today, and treating me like crap, lying and trying to eat my food, he just phoned crying, can you believe, having the nerve to ask if he can come stay over here tonight because things are really bad at his moms right now with his crackhead brother picking fights.
I told him no, for one why should he stay over when he still owes me rent? He's going to want to eat my food since he's hungry, he still owes me money for the Visa and where's he supposed to go tomorrow when I go to work? As if he's going to wake up at 5:30 am with me to go home, I don't want him sitting here eating my food, using my power, phone etc...while he just finished ripping me off? He sounded really upset and I actually feel bad for him! I feel like what if something happens to him? Then it'll be my fault because I didn't let him come over. But then again, I after everything he's done lately,. why should I let him yet again take advantage of me?
I don't know, why do I feel guilty? Am I justified in my decision no matter what happens?
Kittykat,

As I see it over the past month and half you have done every thing you possibly can to help him out. He stayed on and off with you as needed while you thought he was getting clean and he actually was nt. You helped him want to get clean, you helped him get clean, you lent him money etc. If he is in a bad position it is not your fault - no matter what your heart tells you right now listen to your brain!. You know as well as I do from reading post after post here that the best thing you can do for him right now, for him and for yourself is to let him decide to sink or swim. If he has had it with being at home with his crack addict boyfriend and he is tired of livinng the way he is....then he needs to get himself out, if he cannot do it by himself, then he needs to find help. Proffessional help - not a place to crash - you know that would really not solve his problems. You cannot do anymore for him. He probably called you crying because for the first time in along while he felt his safety net (you) drop from under his butt. With any luck now Kittykat he will hit his rock bottom any day soon and find a way up.

It is not your fault you should not, you must not feel guilty....even because this is the best way to help him out. No one said it would be easy on you...so stick to your guns.
Kittycat,
NO GUILT..........
You have no reason to feel guilty. I think that you have given enough, probably to much and it is time for him to step up and take his own life into his hands....If he isn't happy about his situation or having problems then he need to fix those problems not you....I would bet you got enough of your own.....
Come on girl, let it all go, no guilt, no worry, no dwelling on things you have no control over.....
Remember to take care of you today and let the rest of life take care of itself......
Love,
Tina
Kittycat:
He is his own responsibility. You are not responsible for him in any way, shape or form. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You have done nothing but try to help him and he has done nothing but use you and your kindness and generosity and patience.
He knows exactly how to get you to cave and he's pulling those strings with a vengence. Don't fall for it!!!
If he feels he needs to get out of his mother's house, tell him to go to rehab where they can really help him because you obviously cannot help him anymore.
No one is responsible for another person's life. He's old enough to take care of himself and it's about time he did just that.
How are you today?
What ended up happening last night?
Let us know!
Mickey
Thanks Charly, MistyEyes and Mickey! Everything you all said just made me realize you are right, I can't be responsible for another adult! If this were my child who was too young to take care of himself that would be a different story.
He called back like we never even had that conversation. He said he had a new job starting today...Huh?? He loses one job and a few days later he has a newer, better one?? How does he do this? He faces no punishment in court for anything he's done wrong, he finds new jobs as easily as going shopping to buy new underwear! I guess I must remember one thing though, how long before he starts missing work at this place to do crack? This morning he called and asked if he could come by and see me. I said no. He said he really misses me and that he has to see his probation officer after work and its right by my place. I said no. I asked him where he's working and he said he won't tell me. Fine, he said he doesn't trust me. I told him not to ask me where I am anymore either.
I hung up on him and he called leaving a message saying he's all upset now and won't be able to function at work now because of me.. hello?? Because of ME??
And he's all upset because last night right after work I went to my friends place, a gay guy and his boyfriends place, we hung out and they made me supper. At least it took my mind off of my problems for awhile. But he's all jealous and mad now...gay or not..
You're right, he does feel like he's losing control of me. Before I would never go to other guys place or not call. I'm gonna make a hair appointment after work so he can't come by after work. Thank God he's working at his secret job today so he can't call me at work and harrass me!
What a horrible week I've had!
Thanks to all of you for making it easier for me..I start to feel like I am being harsh to him and I'm the bad one but as Charly has pointed out, I've done all I can and now I'm just reacting to it.
Hi Kittycat:

"I asked him where he's working and he said he won't tell me. Fine, he said he doesn't trust me."
That's just ridiculous of him. He probably doesn't even have a new job. He probably is just telling you that to make himself look better to you and also to rub in that he doesn't trust you because you called his last job.
HE'S THE ONE THAT CAN'T BE TRUSTED - NOT YOU!!!
He has obviously not accepted any responsibility for his behaviour and drug use and the fact that he lost his job because of that, not because of you.

"I hung up on him and he called leaving a message saying he's all upset now and won't be able to function at work now because of me.. hello?? Because of ME??"
My ex-boyfriend used to do things like that all the time. He would always be "too upset to work" because of a fight we had and because of being upset over me. They are always the victims. It's ridiculous. They can't even accept responsibility for acting like an adult. They need to grow up plain and simple. We continue to go to work when we are upset and devestated over them, but they can't over a fight. It's insanity.

He's trying to play you and make you feel bad and guilty so you will take him back so he can continue to use and abuse you. Don't fall for it!!

I hope your day gets better for you! Did he end up coming over last night?
Mickey
Good on you Kittykat! Everyone who reads your posts can tell from your tone that you have just had it! Maybe your not over him, maybe you still worry, maybe your still hurt and mad, maybe if he did something nice for you you would not resist running right back to him - but you have drawn your line and set your limit.

I tell you these addicts have 9 lives kittykat they get jobs like we never can, they outlive situations we cannot even imagine...to me it was quite hurtfull after all the effort I put in trying to protect him, save him etc. how well he did out on his own. That should also help you feel a little less anxious about not taking him in.

Things can only get better....specially with your new hair do!!!!! I have had to cut back on stuff like that. Its time I move on to my own place (I am living with my parents) and I need to start saving some money so I can rent something decent for my son and I. My parents have been increadible through all this and I dont know what I would have done with out them. I havent had to worry about bills and having a propper home etc. so its been a huge load off of me, but its comming up on one year now. I feel the house getting smaller if you know what I mean....plus have to start looking ahead to the future....where God willing I will start meeting some men, cant take them back to "mom and dads" now can I. Having a son I am sure will be daunting enough for some...but mom and dad as well - Ill never get action!

Stay well kittykat,
c
Mickey...yes it is amazing how they are the victims and when we refuse to put up with their crap, and stand up for ourselves, we are the ones being mean! I refuse to let him make me feel bad. He said he wants to come by today to show me his orientation papers to prove he has another job. I told him to forget it. I said I'll see him when I get my money he owes me.
He didn't come over last night, he phoned and left a message to call him back and I lay there thinking about calling back but ended up falling asleep instead.

Charly...good for you to look towards your future and get a place with your son! It is hard living with parents isn't it? Its nice, no bills, etc but its nice to have your own place too..I can't really afford to get a hair cut but from putting in blonde streaks my hair is so damaged and I have split ends so I have no choice now.
I can't believe he actually expects to come over and we can hang out and watch tv like nothings happened. Just because he can brush everything under the rug doesn't mean I can.
Oh ya, I told him if he wants to see me, he has to pay me interest on that Visa payment he owes me.