Hi. I am new writing here, but have read these boards occassionally over the past year or so whenever I am trying to quit. I have been smoking non stop since I was 18. (I have quit for a few years in between) I am going to be 35 next month. All my relationships have been with men who smoke marijuana. This is possibly due the fact that I am part of a subculture that worships it. Over the years, I have gotten away from the whole lifestyle, but have always found myself back here again. In between relationships, I always seem to quit smoking, my life gets way better, then I meet someone else, they smoke, I am able to not do it for a while, but the longer the relationship gos, eventually I give in.
Now, I have been with my new partner for almost four monthes. I know that this relationship is special, and with an amazingly beautiful, successful and kind and loving person, but he smokes everyday. As hard as I try I cant stop when I am around him. It is a constant struggle for me. Should I go get help to quit?
I am able to quit just fine on my own when it is not in my face everyday.
Or do I leave him? He says that he will also quit with me, but it just hasnt happened yet.
I have been repeating this pattern for so many years, I just wish I knew how to stop it.
Any advise or similar experiences would be much appreciated.
thanks
I have been stopped for 6 mo.'s and have been a long time chronic user, 48yrs old, often on and off for months or years. I don't think I would be able to quit if my wife smoked. I doubt I could be around it day after day without "just once" falling back, and then after just one time, I am hooked again, that has been my pattern for many years. And my life has gotten so much better since I'm off, I feel free! even though everything isn't going so well in some dept.'s i face the future with confidence. My thoughts are you are going to have to get away from him if you want to stay clean and be FREE.
Welcome Beebee,
It's great that you see the pattern. I can only imagine it will be way easier to say "farewell, it's been fun" in the present rather than later on down the line.
It would appear I have an addiction to my husband as well. I cannot imagine my life without him. But we may need seperate homes for awile. :-) We'll see. Can a person stay married but live somewhere else ? ;-)
I have been off and on the pot throughout a 17 year relationship. My partner uses as well. There were chunks of time where I was not fazed that my husband was stoned, I was completely free, I worked on myself. I got therapized, went to college, had babies. :-) I lived MY life as a seperate entity, (we encouraged eachother's independance) and it suited me (us) fine. My conclusions are.... that due to my intimacy issues, I chose someone who I knew would be in another dimension so -to speak, so I could fulfill my childhood desire of fixing him just like I tried to fix all those other guys that needed rescuing. Plus, deep down I was terrified to be close to ANYONE. Then I studied co-dependancy for awhile. Read a million and a half books(I do the "half book" thing alot).
At this point, it is difficult to come off the stuff when it's around constantly.
I did have 6 months like Hardcharger (CONGRATS !!!) awhile back, then one puff led ton another.
Soooooo.....I am going to India for 26 days with anticipation NOT expectation.
I long to be free from all addictions.
Love and Light,
Diana
It's great that you see the pattern. I can only imagine it will be way easier to say "farewell, it's been fun" in the present rather than later on down the line.
It would appear I have an addiction to my husband as well. I cannot imagine my life without him. But we may need seperate homes for awile. :-) We'll see. Can a person stay married but live somewhere else ? ;-)
I have been off and on the pot throughout a 17 year relationship. My partner uses as well. There were chunks of time where I was not fazed that my husband was stoned, I was completely free, I worked on myself. I got therapized, went to college, had babies. :-) I lived MY life as a seperate entity, (we encouraged eachother's independance) and it suited me (us) fine. My conclusions are.... that due to my intimacy issues, I chose someone who I knew would be in another dimension so -to speak, so I could fulfill my childhood desire of fixing him just like I tried to fix all those other guys that needed rescuing. Plus, deep down I was terrified to be close to ANYONE. Then I studied co-dependancy for awhile. Read a million and a half books(I do the "half book" thing alot).
At this point, it is difficult to come off the stuff when it's around constantly.
I did have 6 months like Hardcharger (CONGRATS !!!) awhile back, then one puff led ton another.
Soooooo.....I am going to India for 26 days with anticipation NOT expectation.
I long to be free from all addictions.
Love and Light,
Diana
Hi BeeBee,
I know how you feel. I'm going threw the same thing with mine.
Wright know I can't stand my guy .Why do we allow these man to do this to
us .I believe we desevre better.
It's been 45 days clean for me and I am seeing things in a different light.We
need to do what is wright for us .I know it's so scarey to leave but I know things
will never change.
good luck Please write back ,maybe we can do this together ! I know I'm a little
lost.
stronger-now
Mine says he is go to quit to, never happens ! ! Been together 6 years
I know how you feel. I'm going threw the same thing with mine.
Wright know I can't stand my guy .Why do we allow these man to do this to
us .I believe we desevre better.
It's been 45 days clean for me and I am seeing things in a different light.We
need to do what is wright for us .I know it's so scarey to leave but I know things
will never change.
good luck Please write back ,maybe we can do this together ! I know I'm a little
lost.
stronger-now
Mine says he is go to quit to, never happens ! ! Been together 6 years
Thanks for the posts.
Right now, I don't want to leave my partner. This is an extremely wonderful man who has treated me very well. The pot doesn't seem to affect his life negatively. He is 37, owns a successful business, has lots of friends, is an accomplished musician, and just an all around good, kind soul. We are very dedicated to healthy lifestyle together - we are vegetarian, eat only organic,
practice yoga and meditation together.
Of course, today, I broke up with him, again, due the fact that I am struggling so hard with smoking. It has been easier just to smoke with him than to try to quit. Marijuana is always going to be around in my life. That is one thing I have learned. Trying to get away from pot is a joke considering where I live and how many people use it on a regular basis around here. I have tried to leave the lifestyle, friends and all of that before. I stop smoking for a while, but then I start again. I am going to try to stop with the help of counseling. I just made an appointment today. I know I have the will power to do this it is just so hard.
bee bee
Right now, I don't want to leave my partner. This is an extremely wonderful man who has treated me very well. The pot doesn't seem to affect his life negatively. He is 37, owns a successful business, has lots of friends, is an accomplished musician, and just an all around good, kind soul. We are very dedicated to healthy lifestyle together - we are vegetarian, eat only organic,
practice yoga and meditation together.
Of course, today, I broke up with him, again, due the fact that I am struggling so hard with smoking. It has been easier just to smoke with him than to try to quit. Marijuana is always going to be around in my life. That is one thing I have learned. Trying to get away from pot is a joke considering where I live and how many people use it on a regular basis around here. I have tried to leave the lifestyle, friends and all of that before. I stop smoking for a while, but then I start again. I am going to try to stop with the help of counseling. I just made an appointment today. I know I have the will power to do this it is just so hard.
bee bee
Hi beebee,
Counselling, great ! Good job on taking care of yourself ~!
I understand. My husband destroyed the myth that potheads are unmotivated. He is doing very well in life.
The family board is beaming with intelligent, charming and kind individuals who will provide insights into how to navigate through those relationship waters.
Ultimately, you are only responsible for yourself and your actions. Sounds like you already know that. Keep the focus on you and the answers will come.
Hope you have a great day !
Counselling, great ! Good job on taking care of yourself ~!
I understand. My husband destroyed the myth that potheads are unmotivated. He is doing very well in life.
The family board is beaming with intelligent, charming and kind individuals who will provide insights into how to navigate through those relationship waters.
Ultimately, you are only responsible for yourself and your actions. Sounds like you already know that. Keep the focus on you and the answers will come.
Hope you have a great day !
Hi Bee Bee,
Wow, this is so close to what I am going through as well. I also am involved with a musician who is part of the culture that views smoking as a normal habit and even a medicine at times. I was totally clean and happy before I met my bf, together now for 3 years, and knew it was a bad idea to become involved with him when I found out he is a smoker AND a seller. He not only never wants to quit, he thinks I am overreacting by stating what an addiction problem I have. I cannot not just smoke casually, it takes over my life. Some people will say that it is ultimately up to you to make the decision to quit whether it is around you or not, but it doesn't seem to make sense in this case. After all, you don't want to date the man who owns the bar if you are a recovering alcoholic. Otherwise, he is a good, kind man. (sigh) I guess I don't have any better of an answer for you, Bee Bee. Maybe you will share with us what your counselor says?
Wow, this is so close to what I am going through as well. I also am involved with a musician who is part of the culture that views smoking as a normal habit and even a medicine at times. I was totally clean and happy before I met my bf, together now for 3 years, and knew it was a bad idea to become involved with him when I found out he is a smoker AND a seller. He not only never wants to quit, he thinks I am overreacting by stating what an addiction problem I have. I cannot not just smoke casually, it takes over my life. Some people will say that it is ultimately up to you to make the decision to quit whether it is around you or not, but it doesn't seem to make sense in this case. After all, you don't want to date the man who owns the bar if you are a recovering alcoholic. Otherwise, he is a good, kind man. (sigh) I guess I don't have any better of an answer for you, Bee Bee. Maybe you will share with us what your counselor says?
I only smoke nicotine - bad enough - but my partner is a serious pothead. He really can't cope without it and at times is really aggressive. I am told that his personality is such that he will destroy me (a counsellor) but I refused to beliieve it. I may believe it now as the search for pot has extended into every aspect of life. He does not want to give up and I cannot find any support locally that I can really talk to. If anyone can help (anony) as he reads all my emails - please feel free.
>he reads all my emails
tell the creep to get a life and mind his Own business, get your own Private email and Password somewhere, like hotmail.com or elsewhere.
tell the creep to get a life and mind his Own business, get your own Private email and Password somewhere, like hotmail.com or elsewhere.
The biggest thing I wanted you to know is you're not alone. The family board is an excellent place to read as well and you will get support there as a partner.
Love and light,
Diana
Love and light,
Diana
Hi, it's me, the original poster of this one. I went back to smoking temporarily but have now been clean for 2 weeks. I didn't say before that I have had some health problems that are severely worsened when I smoke. I have been pretty ill for a while, but have now been getting better with the help of a really good acupuncturist. She is also treating me for my addiction. They put needles in the ear. I believe this works really well.
My partner and I broke up. I am still devastated but I know my life will improve so much without marijuana that I have to keep keepin on.
He finally broke up with me because I have made such a big issue about the ganja that he felt he had to. It is what I needed but not really what I wanted.
I know he is also on the path to sobriety (at some point) but didn't want to be forced by me. I also lost my job because I worked for him full time. Agghhh!
Next week I start addiction counseling - my doctors are telling me I cannot be smoking if I ever want to get better.
I have kidney and adrenal problems.
Smoking pot is damaging to the spleen kidneys and liver.
I have always known this, now I am finally waking up to the severity of my health problems.
I am seeing this all as a blessing - I can have a beautiful life without the herb.
It is just very lonely right now, considering I have had to remove myself from
most of my friends. Quite frankly - I am sick of this whole pot thing.
Everyone acts like nothing is wrong with it - its spiritual - blah blah blah.
I dont have a problem with people using it consciously - but I have barely met
anyone who does that. Everyone I know is so addicted to it that they are not recieving any of the benefits.
I will be checking back with this board often now, sorry I forgot about it for a little while.
Namaste
My partner and I broke up. I am still devastated but I know my life will improve so much without marijuana that I have to keep keepin on.
He finally broke up with me because I have made such a big issue about the ganja that he felt he had to. It is what I needed but not really what I wanted.
I know he is also on the path to sobriety (at some point) but didn't want to be forced by me. I also lost my job because I worked for him full time. Agghhh!
Next week I start addiction counseling - my doctors are telling me I cannot be smoking if I ever want to get better.
I have kidney and adrenal problems.
Smoking pot is damaging to the spleen kidneys and liver.
I have always known this, now I am finally waking up to the severity of my health problems.
I am seeing this all as a blessing - I can have a beautiful life without the herb.
It is just very lonely right now, considering I have had to remove myself from
most of my friends. Quite frankly - I am sick of this whole pot thing.
Everyone acts like nothing is wrong with it - its spiritual - blah blah blah.
I dont have a problem with people using it consciously - but I have barely met
anyone who does that. Everyone I know is so addicted to it that they are not recieving any of the benefits.
I will be checking back with this board often now, sorry I forgot about it for a little while.
Namaste
