Hi guys I am hoping you can give me some advice,some insight or whatever you have to offer me which will help me do step 4. I am determined to do it this time. I was wondering if any or all of you experienced the same emotions and fear as I am experiencing while doing this step. I am finding it very difficult emotionally. Anxiety is what kept me from doing this step earlier and the same old fears are coming back full force again. One thing different this time though is I am not going to stop doing it and I have gone a lot farther this time with it they I have at any other attempts. Doing this step is of the very important to me because I know for me the ONLY way I will stay sober is through the 12 step program. In one sense I feel strong enough to do the inventory but at the same time I have to deal with issues and parts of who I am which I am finding difficult to bring to the surface and deal with. I have to face and remember things that I used to keep buried with the alcohol. When doing this I feel like I want to drink again. It would be so much easier to bury it again then deal with it. My disease is telling me not to continue on with this. that there is a easier way but the part of me that has grown over the last 13 weeks is telling that I MUST do this , if I am to get better.I want to do it and come Hell or high water I am going to do it but I need all the help I can get to help carry me through. Now that things are brought to the surface ,how do I get rid of the fear and anxiety that comes with it, without drinking? How did you guys deal with it? what method if any did you use to combat the negative emotions and fear when doing this step? Or am I the only one who has so much trouble admitting to myself who I really am.?I am finding it difficult dealing with some things I am learning about myself.I can't lie to myself anymore because like it says To thine ownself be true . I would appreciate ANY advice from all of you who have gone before me, on to how to deal with the truth in a positive manner.God bless and take care and thank you for letting me vent.
Hi pirate,
My feeling is that the order of the steps is important. First we admit we (our ego/conscious mind) can't manage life...then we come to accept that there is a power greater than ourselve that can help us...and we become willing to hand over our will and our lives to that power.....
And for me that's the key....accepting we can't do it but our Higher Power CAN....trust the process, trust your HP, then the fear is irrelevant....when you trust your HP you know you have more than a safety net, you have a loving, guiding, supportive power that will not let you fall.....
For me the countless spiritual experiences I had plus the loving acceptance of Al-anon, AA, people here, my counsellor and my ex-wife of 18 years were ALL necessary before I was able to open up what has been draining me and warping me out of shape all my life....I have been so afraid (of my utter destruction) that my conscious mind simply had no idea...I'd repressed and denied so much....
So my feeling is you have to FEEL safe....really feel it....know in your bones that it's going to be ok....and then accept that you'll feel anxiety anyway because that's why these things are hidden from us - they generate fear - but that's ok.... anxiety and fear ARE JUST FEELINGS....there is no danger...you are safe...absolutely safe....and your mind will only give you as much anxiety as you can take....
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Martin
My feeling is that the order of the steps is important. First we admit we (our ego/conscious mind) can't manage life...then we come to accept that there is a power greater than ourselve that can help us...and we become willing to hand over our will and our lives to that power.....
And for me that's the key....accepting we can't do it but our Higher Power CAN....trust the process, trust your HP, then the fear is irrelevant....when you trust your HP you know you have more than a safety net, you have a loving, guiding, supportive power that will not let you fall.....
For me the countless spiritual experiences I had plus the loving acceptance of Al-anon, AA, people here, my counsellor and my ex-wife of 18 years were ALL necessary before I was able to open up what has been draining me and warping me out of shape all my life....I have been so afraid (of my utter destruction) that my conscious mind simply had no idea...I'd repressed and denied so much....
So my feeling is you have to FEEL safe....really feel it....know in your bones that it's going to be ok....and then accept that you'll feel anxiety anyway because that's why these things are hidden from us - they generate fear - but that's ok.... anxiety and fear ARE JUST FEELINGS....there is no danger...you are safe...absolutely safe....and your mind will only give you as much anxiety as you can take....
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Martin
My suggestion is: Let go and let God in regard to your fear and anxiety surrounding your 4th Step....I prayed before this Step (and all of the Steps for that matter) and I turn my will over on a daily basis to my Higher Power. You'll be okay...for me, it was such a huge relief to finally get my 4th Step on paper and then to actually do my 5th Step with my Sponsor.
There is a part of me that feels like I shouldn't respond to this thread since I did a 4th and 5th step and relapsed...However, that is when I stopped working the steps so I am a living example that only working a few steps does not work.
With that said, I had a similar experience as VW..it was a relief to get it on paper. I didn't find that I experienced much anxiety. For me, I felt anger when first listing the people/situations/institutions, etc...and then when I truly looked within and saw my part, humbleness replaced the anger.
You ask if you are the only one who has/is experiencing anxiety with this step...sorry, I kind giggled when I read that. Alcoholics, myself included, sure think they/I am unique! ;) Yes, I have heard many people tell me that the step produced anxiety. Martin and VW have given you wise advise. Trusting in your HP and reminding yourself that you have turned (and continue to turn) your will, your life, to the care of your HP. Your HP will help you continue trudging the road to happy destiny...trust this. Somedays I have to continue reminding myself of this and then there are some days I get a glimpse of what lies ahead...when I am relieved from self-centered motives and I just go with Gods flow. Those moments are awesome. Breathe, pray, turn it over. God speed.
With that said, I had a similar experience as VW..it was a relief to get it on paper. I didn't find that I experienced much anxiety. For me, I felt anger when first listing the people/situations/institutions, etc...and then when I truly looked within and saw my part, humbleness replaced the anger.
You ask if you are the only one who has/is experiencing anxiety with this step...sorry, I kind giggled when I read that. Alcoholics, myself included, sure think they/I am unique! ;) Yes, I have heard many people tell me that the step produced anxiety. Martin and VW have given you wise advise. Trusting in your HP and reminding yourself that you have turned (and continue to turn) your will, your life, to the care of your HP. Your HP will help you continue trudging the road to happy destiny...trust this. Somedays I have to continue reminding myself of this and then there are some days I get a glimpse of what lies ahead...when I am relieved from self-centered motives and I just go with Gods flow. Those moments are awesome. Breathe, pray, turn it over. God speed.
Now that things are brought to the surface ,how do I get rid of the fear and anxiety that comes with it, without drinking? How did you guys deal with it?
I got rid of it by working the rest of the steps. You know how in the 9th step promises it says "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"? That comes true. The more steps we work, the more we change. If the steps are done with a sponsor the right way we can't help but change. The best way to deal with fear and anxiety for me is pray and walk thru it. Once I walk thru it I wonder what the heck the fear was about in the first place. Don't worry about your past and what you've done. We've all done things under the influence that we felt shame over. We can't change the past no matter how hard we try. All we can do is accept it as it is. God forgives us, we have to forgive too. Once you finish your 4th get going right away on your 5th. You don't want to carry that crap around any longer than you have to. You are doing great, hon. Keep it up.
I got rid of it by working the rest of the steps. You know how in the 9th step promises it says "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"? That comes true. The more steps we work, the more we change. If the steps are done with a sponsor the right way we can't help but change. The best way to deal with fear and anxiety for me is pray and walk thru it. Once I walk thru it I wonder what the heck the fear was about in the first place. Don't worry about your past and what you've done. We've all done things under the influence that we felt shame over. We can't change the past no matter how hard we try. All we can do is accept it as it is. God forgives us, we have to forgive too. Once you finish your 4th get going right away on your 5th. You don't want to carry that crap around any longer than you have to. You are doing great, hon. Keep it up.
Well said 12stepper...your faith shines through. I just want to add one thing if I may......you said we've all done things under the influence we're ashamed of. I'd like to add that I've certainly done things I'm ashamed of while not under the influence.....and the beauty of the programme (and the universal process it brought into the light) is that it enables us to shed ourselves of character defects that harmed us and others whether we were/are drinking or not!
What a gift!
What a gift!
Pirate, you've been analyzing your plight since you got here. "The Committee" isn't going to step down any time soon, either. The hand-wringing, analysis paralysis, approval seeking, consensus searching--all of it--isn't going to go away until Step 1 (powerlessness) is done 100%. Sorry. Physical Allergy/Mental Obsession; Power Greater Than Ourselves. Steps Into Action. Promises. Spiritual Awakening. Guaranteed.
But don't take my word for it. I'm just the AA Evangelista....
But don't take my word for it. I'm just the AA Evangelista....
Gidday Pirate
This is where you bring in some of that stored gratitude yyyeehhhhaa
The beauty of all this process is that you are about to arse kick addiction a blow to its hold on your mind and emotions. You now have options and staying sober is a strong one and addiction needs you to think drink as all these past triggers are let off the safety catch of being hidden in your mind.
Allow yourself to have a cry as they flood through onto paper and then say i am grateful that i can now realease these fears and events in my life into the openess of recovery and gods hands for him to remove from there hold on me:)
You will actually feel the weight lift but also if you can get a couple of extra meetings in so you can also just express aloud the emotion of it all or even just soak up some extra gratitude from the meetings if you dont get a chance to share.
Good on ya Pirate you have the strength
light and love Zac
This is where you bring in some of that stored gratitude yyyeehhhhaa
The beauty of all this process is that you are about to arse kick addiction a blow to its hold on your mind and emotions. You now have options and staying sober is a strong one and addiction needs you to think drink as all these past triggers are let off the safety catch of being hidden in your mind.
Allow yourself to have a cry as they flood through onto paper and then say i am grateful that i can now realease these fears and events in my life into the openess of recovery and gods hands for him to remove from there hold on me:)
You will actually feel the weight lift but also if you can get a couple of extra meetings in so you can also just express aloud the emotion of it all or even just soak up some extra gratitude from the meetings if you dont get a chance to share.
Good on ya Pirate you have the strength
light and love Zac
what helps me is realising that fear isn't real.
Its an emotional state but its not real. The fear you're encountering in doing this step is fear of self.
False events appearing real
in many ways I've realised I have been as much a slave to fear as I have to alcohol most of my adult life. To me working the 12 step program is about learning to live without fear - as well as without booze.
take care Pirate.
Its an emotional state but its not real. The fear you're encountering in doing this step is fear of self.
False events appearing real
in many ways I've realised I have been as much a slave to fear as I have to alcohol most of my adult life. To me working the 12 step program is about learning to live without fear - as well as without booze.
take care Pirate.
Pirate, what I love about AA and Al-anon is that people don't tell you what to do. They know only your HP knows when you're ready and they let go so that you work it out for yourself. My guess is that's because the founders understood that it was people telling people like me what to do all the time, bullying me into accepting their view of the world, that f***ed me up 45 years ago.
What's that Tradition? Attraction rather than promotion? I wonder why....? lol Beautiful stuff.
MY recovery started with people accepting me just as I am, with ALL MY FAULTS AND INSECURITIES, rather than TELLING me to be like them and judging me for failing to be as good an alcoholic or as good a member of AA. One of my character flaws was needing to be right all the time and I think this came from my dread of being wrong and making mistakes, which in turn came for being terrified in various ways if I was....I take no credit if I'm slowly beginning to let go of telling other people what to do....it's my HP and what I have heard in various rooms.
pirate, your post STATES that you're determined now to do step 4 and I'm happy for you. Only you and your HP know when that time is right for you. How could I possibly know? How could I possibly know enough about you and your life to try to tell you ANYTHING about you? Or that I know what's right for you better than your HP does? Or that I know what your HP wants better than you do? All I can do is cheer you on in the decisions and choices you make and encourage you to listen to your HP.
I am glad for you, and like everyone else I believe the step 4 process helped me, continues to help me, and will help you when the time is right for you.
Great post zac, warm, accepting and encouraging of every step any one of us takes in a good orderly direction.
What's that Tradition? Attraction rather than promotion? I wonder why....? lol Beautiful stuff.
MY recovery started with people accepting me just as I am, with ALL MY FAULTS AND INSECURITIES, rather than TELLING me to be like them and judging me for failing to be as good an alcoholic or as good a member of AA. One of my character flaws was needing to be right all the time and I think this came from my dread of being wrong and making mistakes, which in turn came for being terrified in various ways if I was....I take no credit if I'm slowly beginning to let go of telling other people what to do....it's my HP and what I have heard in various rooms.
pirate, your post STATES that you're determined now to do step 4 and I'm happy for you. Only you and your HP know when that time is right for you. How could I possibly know? How could I possibly know enough about you and your life to try to tell you ANYTHING about you? Or that I know what's right for you better than your HP does? Or that I know what your HP wants better than you do? All I can do is cheer you on in the decisions and choices you make and encourage you to listen to your HP.
I am glad for you, and like everyone else I believe the step 4 process helped me, continues to help me, and will help you when the time is right for you.
Great post zac, warm, accepting and encouraging of every step any one of us takes in a good orderly direction.
Hey guys THANK YOU ALL for your replies and advice. A lot of which I can use and will. I am somewhat relieved to know others have had anxiety doing this step. For some reason I think others have just breezed on through it while I keep getting stuck.This time however even though I am still struggling emotionally with the 4 th step I am continuing on with it.This time I am facing my fear. I will try and remember all your good advice and for the strength that I gain from your ESH. I am really thankful for all you 12 steppers who take the time to come here and help someone like me who is still in the struggling stage and a newbie to the steps and the program and sobriety. God bless and take care
Good for you Pirate!
Don't let fear rob you of the joy thats waiting on the other side. Sometimes in life we have to go back through a bit to walk forward. You have an HP/God who loves you and will give you strength. Besides there are worse things to face then doing the 4th step. I'm sure you are quite the prayer warrior by now. Have already survived many things in life.
I also use yoga breathing techniques for fear and certain positions will relieve anxiety. I also use tapping techniques. Applying acupressure to certain points on the body can reduce over whelming emotions related to fear, anxiety, stress and anger. Many of these can be done any where. No one would even suspect what your doing. Also when you involve eye movement you can reprocess memories. It literally changes your brains perception. Leaving you with feelings of peace. Google it if you want to learn more.
This doesn't mean I don't experience fear, anxiety, anger and stress. It just means it's not as severe anymore as I've been given tools and been practicing them. I've learned that I can change my perception and attitude with the help of God and some really great people. My willingness to learn and follow through.
Why not use the brain God gave us to help ourselves. It's not hard to learn. My therapist taught some of these to me and then I became interested and learned more on my own.
I'm proud of you and happy for you that your continuing the process of healing your spirit. You deserve it Pirate. You are such a beautiful woman. I really believe you are going to accomplish good things from this step. We are all here to cheer you on.
Love,
Chris xxx
Don't let fear rob you of the joy thats waiting on the other side. Sometimes in life we have to go back through a bit to walk forward. You have an HP/God who loves you and will give you strength. Besides there are worse things to face then doing the 4th step. I'm sure you are quite the prayer warrior by now. Have already survived many things in life.
I also use yoga breathing techniques for fear and certain positions will relieve anxiety. I also use tapping techniques. Applying acupressure to certain points on the body can reduce over whelming emotions related to fear, anxiety, stress and anger. Many of these can be done any where. No one would even suspect what your doing. Also when you involve eye movement you can reprocess memories. It literally changes your brains perception. Leaving you with feelings of peace. Google it if you want to learn more.
This doesn't mean I don't experience fear, anxiety, anger and stress. It just means it's not as severe anymore as I've been given tools and been practicing them. I've learned that I can change my perception and attitude with the help of God and some really great people. My willingness to learn and follow through.
Why not use the brain God gave us to help ourselves. It's not hard to learn. My therapist taught some of these to me and then I became interested and learned more on my own.
I'm proud of you and happy for you that your continuing the process of healing your spirit. You deserve it Pirate. You are such a beautiful woman. I really believe you are going to accomplish good things from this step. We are all here to cheer you on.
Love,
Chris xxx
