Sick And Tired

I'm trying - now I have a cold which shouldn't be a big deal but with dealing with this bi-polar husband - sale of the house or not, I think the people are crazy, they want the house and 1/2 the stuff in it. We're giving them $2,000 they can use in closing cost or w'ever they want to do to the house. We did that last time and it worked well - buyers knew they had $2,000 to redecorate,etc.
These people want $2,000 towards closing cost, 100% loan and $2,000 for fun stuff. They also want DR table, decorative table and dry sink. HA!
The house is only 4 yrs old. These are 1st time buyers and I know that's hard but they need to buy a 1st time house.
I'm just so tired. IF they buy, they want to close by 9/21 - blows my mind considering they haven't even taken it if we don't do certain things and leave certain things. I put in an application for apt (my haven, one day) and they had one exactly what I wanted - patio on bottom floor for puppies, W/D connections, backs up to woods for privacy and even the side is wooded. When the Realtor seemed to listen that this was not going as he had planned, he asked if they took it like it is, when could I be out - I called apt complex and the next one like that won't be 'til 10/7 - like I care if they don't close by the time they want. I sound mean but this is crazy. He said they had 'til Tues to say yay or nay and would call. My husband wants to sit on the phone 'til he calls. Honestly I went yesterday afternoon to an old Dairy Queen with the huge playground equip and I just swung and swung. I think I will spend my days there for a while - it was very theripeudic.

Sorry I'm rambling - I am not one to not know what's going on. I thought I had learned patience - if I could sleep, I would just go to bed 'til this is all over.

This would normally be a time for pills, thank God I don't have any.

I know people have much bigger problems than I do and I'm so grateful for the good things in my life but really right now, I think I'm just pissed off at 2 Realtors who don't seem to communicate. My husband wants to keep calling the buyers? - true, they know what they are going to do by now - but we can't do that. I keep telling him.
We have always sold our own houses - 3 while we've been married but he jumped on this to a "promising" Realtor - when will I learn to be mean and say NO to him as much as I should. I just try and stay away from him when he's manic and can take him better when he's depressed. That's when he tells me how wonderful I am and oh, how he apologizes. His Physo once said when husband had 99% manic episodes - that he felt they were safer than depressive state - I almost ask him safer for who.

Sorry again for rambling - been up since 4 and want to get this show on the road.


Mean Becky
Unfortunately, it is a buyers market right now in addition to them knowning how much you want out of the situation.

Realtors (even if they are your listing agent) WORK FOR THE BUYER not the seller, and a lot of people think it is the opposite.

hey becky jean
thank you for being so supportive to me and posting what you posted about that friend of yours that has the same issues with her husband as i do. that helped.
i hope that you soon can get on with your life, it wont be long now and you and your puppies will be in your new haven and you can start a new life clean and sober.
if they want to sell right away and your appt isnt ready until oct. than stay with your sons until then.
dairy queen can sure be very therapeutic! lets see, a blizzard, fudge nut bar, dilly bar.... oh, i know hot fudge with whipped cream and pecans!!!
hang in their sweety and keep posting! love jewels
I know they want all they can get for their money but they are dealing w/new Realtor and she doesn't seem to know a lot.
Our Realtor is a ReMax which I thought would be pretty good (they get 90% comm. if they list and sell) b/c they pay overhead.
I think I'm more mad at myself than anyone b/c I'm still letting whatever personality he's in call the shots - he said the other day that he wanted to move into apt., too. This whole thing started b/c we were separating/divorcing - he was going to move in w/his brother and I was going to get an apt. That made me happy. When he said that he would just move into apt., too, I said - there is no way you can live in an apt - he's too hyper - I should have said no, that's my apt -and I didn't so I think this whole thing is doing it my way and not letting his personality sway me.
I called just now and storage will only be approx. $180 and I can stay with sons for 2 weeks and he can move in with his brother as he had planned. His brother lives alone and has a 3 BR 2 bath ranch - so he would have plenty of room. That's where he stayed when we separated last year for 3 months. His brother is very easy going - I think he's a saint.

Rambling again, I think I'll go swing or maybe I should go to the batting cage and get some of this out.


Thank for listening Danny - you are right - it is a buyers market - it's just that this was to be our empty nester home - we could have lived here forever - 1 level - there is a walkway w/o stairs - all of that went through my mind b/c I used to work as a bookkeeper at a retirement comm. It's almost 2,000 sq ft and I wanted more like 1500 but he chose this and I went along. I've got to stop being a wimp.

Becky

God morning Julie:

Yes, I would have to have the hot fudge sundae - they may not let me swing if I don't - it may look funny - me swinging at my age (with my butt) but I don't care - the kids are in school and I have it all to myself.

Thank you. You are a sweetheart with such a good heart.

Love, Becky
Danny, when I went to real estate school the sellers agent is supposed to represent the interest of the SELLER not the buyer. Guess that's why I didn't make alot of money.

Unfortunately it is a buyers market right now because of the flood of real estate on the market.

Becky, do what you can to get this deal to work. I know it's a pain in the butt, but at least in my area, there is a lot of property for sale. From what I've heard it's very difficult to get 100% financing, if you should happen to get another contract use it as a backup deal.
I had my license too janet..never even tried to sell a house though..


I have never once had a good experience with a Realtor..I hold them in the same regard as lawyers, both of which are slightly below used car salesman and prostitutes...
Becky.....i know how much this sale has weighed on your mind and I do wish it would go smoother for you right now. Getting out and away for a little bit is a great idea. I can just picture you in that swing! I don't think my butt could even fit in a child's swing now. I gained alot of weight when I was using. Odd b/c most folks lose during that time!! Take it easy and try to relax!
Hey Becka Jean!

I'm sorry you're in such a state lately. I know how frustrating it must be to have to wait on someone else when all you want to do is get on with things. You know though...everything works out just the way it's supposed to. Maybe the delay is going to somehow be a good thing? I know...I know...I'm not helping you "just be mad for a while" but at 11 at night it's the best I can do. Hope everything works out just the way it's supposed to pretty damned quick!

See ya!

~Callie~
Thanks e'one for letting me be on your mind - I sounded like a big whiner. I do believe it will all work out. I'm 50 and God has not let me down yet - I've had some really rough times, one I thought I wouldn't survive, but people would hug me and say they would say a prayer for me and I promise at the worse time in my life, I could feel warmth in my heart - that's how I know prayer works.

On another thread, today I told about finding I'm Diabetic - I'm just full of good news.
Level was 258 or 252 - I'm still kind of scrambled. I wasn't really surprised.
It's in my family - my sister was dianosed 7 years ago and she's 7 years older than I am.

I don't eat like I should - with the 2 of us and the heat, I do so many one dish meals - which is pasta, rice, or potatoes - some vegetable and some sauce or cheese. I have been eating double time - food crazings like crazy - DR said that can be a sign of Diabetes so he checked.

He have me med and I go back next Mon - I am going to be really good - My paternal Grandfather lost a leg to Diabetes - and my sister just keeps getting bigger - she's a Realtor and lives alone and goes through 2 fast food drive-thrus a day.

Again, I am just full of good news - I promise I'm an optimist - just a lot of crap I've been going through and I have to stop and think about all of the things I have to be grateful.

Oh, I've had my 1st Senior Citizen moment. When I feel good, I just don't feel 50 - when I pass a mirror, however I do see 50. Not planning any reconstructive surgery, though.
Well, the other morning I had to get out of the house so I went bowling. I was the only one bowling at 9:30 AM and I had to bowl in the center b/c it was completely dry. I was so stiff - didn't stretch - 1st game 52 - BOO???
2nd game I got warmed up and bowled a 104 - which is pretty good for me to break 100.
Afterwards, the lady who worked there brought me a sheet - and showed me that on Monday's at 1:30 - you bowl 3 games for $3.00 which is a good deal. She said it was Senior Fun Bowl. I told her I was 50 - I thought maybe she thought I looked much older - she said you just have to be 50 so I plan on doing that every Monday. She said it's very low-key which is what I need, I'm not a pro-bowler.

Won't be long 'til I get my free coffee at the fast food restaurants - I don't know how old you have to be to get that. haha They do that here in Greenville, not sure in other states - free coffee or soft drink if you're (I think) 62

Again, thanks for listening and thinking of all of you.
Becky Jean
Jean,

Run this by your doctor.

Supplementation with chromium picolinate for treatement of Diabetes

Love,
Gina
morning becky jean
i too have diabetes, was diagnosed 6 yrs ago, i had gestational diabetes too, was told to watch my blood sugars then, did i listen? no, then weight gain and age did it.
at the thrift store i was so offended when they asked if i wanted the senior discount and i was like no! but then i thought what the heck, i'll take their 25% discount on wed's!
some places make you show an id for cigarettes no matter what.
i decided to go to an endocrinologist instead of my pcp for diabetes, he started me on a weight loss injection that i administer to myself 2x a day, it is called byetta, google it, i lost 60 pounds and my sugars are so much better, i am really stupid as i dont watch what i eat at all, the sub has nade me have no appetite so there are days i dont eat hardly anything, i am in denial about this disease, i am so addicted to regular pepsi, this is a 45 yr habit, my mom always let us drink pepsi as a child and i cannot get off of it, diet pop, forget it, nasty, people all around me have lost a toe or a leg to diabetes and do i listen?
it runs on the maternal side of my family and i am presently the only one who has it in my immediate family.
one thing i do for this disease is keep my appt's every 3 mos with the doctor and never miss any medications,i was real good on excersizing every week at the work out center, but they closed it and then i went to 2 other gyms and just couldnt get back into the groove again.
the doctor also put me on blood pressure and cholesterol meds as a preventative and i also take a low dose baby aspirin daily to thin the blood.
another thing is that i have been so depressed lately, i was in tears all day yesterday, i HATE feeling depressed, i rather take a beating then feel this way, it always starts when august turns to sept and i feel blue that summer is over, and then i usually am able to kick it, and then i am still feeling overwhelmed that my procrastination still plagues me and the goals i had a year ago remain unfinished.
my counselor did suggest that i take everything in baby steps and i have accomplished some of what she suggested, but i dont know if its because i have so much on my plate to deal with or if its the results of my procrastination.
i find myself just not able to keep up with the housework, the bills, yardwork, the pool, my 3 jobs, and everything else that goes with living.
i get everyones haircut, roots touched up, toenails pedicured, eyebrows waxed and then when it comes to my turn, forget it, i am too tired. so i feel neglected.
as much as i try not to i resent that my husband walks away from the entire household and does not lift one finger to help. i asked if he could remove a huge branch thats hanging on our new roof, i would do it myself but i am scared to death of a chain saw and i worry so much when my sons use one, he went and snipped off a few little branches from this huge limb with a lopper, threw all the clippings into my beautiful bed of impatients underneath and got in the truck and left for the bar, i was so pissed!
i noticed one of our ceiling fans which has a light kit on it, was wobbling when the fan was on high, so i was worried that it could fall off and konk someone in the head, i reluctantly asked him again if he could fix it, he takes a look at it and says, yeah, i'll have to take it apart one day and leaves for the bar again.
he is such a talented carpenter, we could have the most beautiful creations here if he only would take an interest in his home and family, but i have accepted now that it is never going to happen and lately i have even considered maybe giving up my home and doing what you are becky jean, just live out the rest of my life in an appt. my dreams of having a home arent going to happen as i find it harder and harder to keep up with the upkeep as i age and soon i will be alone here when the boys move out.
my animals do come first and i dont know of many appt's that will take 3 dogs and a cat.
i am so torn, i love my flower garden that i put 14 years into, and then i think i will stay for that reason, i do have a beauty shop in my basement that i would hate to leave and then i feel if i moved to an appt, i feel as if i pushed my sons out sooner than they would of gone on their own.
my husband came home to rest up before his next run, his cell phone rings and he puts it on speaker phone, the woman says i was just checking to see if you made it home ok, love you baby, bye. i said mockingly, love you baby! he says, she is just a friend, a bartender where i go, she is 6 mos pregnant, i said, yeah, by you? and then he tries to say she ends all her conversations that way.
maybe all this is whats contributing to my depression. so many thoughts whirl through my brain all day, i try to contemplate leaving, but i feel like i am up against a brick wall, i have to take this abuse until i can support myself, and i think thats what frustrates me so much i push myself working at 3 different places hoping one is going to pay off and the more i push myself, the more exhausted i get.i applied at a 4th place last sunday, one of my clients fell and broke her hip and asked me if i would come to a nursing home she is at and do her perm and i was like sure, so i came up there to make the arrangements and left my business card, sooner or later one of these jobs are hopefully going to be my main source of income.God seems to be directing me to servicing senior citizens.
so i best get busy here, and write bills, go to a meeting tonight, get some house work done and touch up my hair color. bye love julie
Dear Julie:

Even when your sons are out in the world and on their on, that will make it better to be without him and you will have peace. That's all I want at this stage of my life - heath and happness for my my family and me - even him - I don't wish him anything bad. I would never tell him but I would go with a settlement to where I would just be comfortable - he can start getting his retirement in 5 years and he's already retired from that company - he was there 25 trs as a Technical buyer and hated that desk - he has to be up and moving - so I said if he would just hold out 'til we couldn't use the benefits on the children , he could do his thing - which is electrical, pluming, wiring, stuff like that. He hot his license for electrical and HVAC. He's just turning into a mean old man. He has always been so personable, our plan was to retire early b/c I had married so young and had my 1st 2 little fellas before I met David (which I would do 10 times over - I have no reqrets when it comes to having my sons)
anyway it was so good for so long - he was so good to my older sons - you can't tell the difference in the way he treats the son we had together. I just want to know ehere this man went. His Father was the same way but in his defense - if I had to live with his m-in-law,also I never saw him smile. I would be miserable, too - He couldn't even watch the bigger TV in the den - it had to stay on channel 16, a religious channel - I believe in God, I pray e'day to become a better Christian but I don't think watching a football game is bad for you. He would have to go back to his room and watch on little TV - he left her at least 10 times - would set up apt - yet he would drive by the mailbox at their house and keep paying the bills - no way would mine do that. He gets being very materialistic from his Mother.
This is all more noticable as we get older. I see my Mother when I look in the mirror but I certainly don't act like her.
He's now like he loves me but says he just feels numb. I always said I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't want to stay with me and maybe I'm just grasping straws but with his bi-polar, he doesn't know what he wants.
It is a sickness but I think he should ahve tried more medications before he gave up on them. He is usually up even if he's mad about s'thing and he doesn't want a pill to bring him down - I think about the "in sickness and in health" vows that's on my mind a lot b/c I'm not the healthy person I used to be either but he won't even try any more meds for bi-polar. It's so frustrating.

Yerterday, after I found out, I hated to tell him that I was a Diabetic b/c I knew I would get the look - like well, s'thing else is wrong with her - she will be costing me more money.

So I just told him off - I told him in the last 6 yrs he had not been there for me during anything bad - when I had the car accident, he didn't even stay at the hospital and it was a pretty bad accident. They didn't know if I was going home or staying. I ended up staying 3 nights. My 25 yr old (my middle son and his wife were out of town) anyway - my son grabbed me and hugged me - I was on one of those backboard things, covered in blood. I had to still be in shock b/c I wasn't feeling any pain yet. When they came in the room, I smiled and said "Hey" trying to look like I was okay. My son ended up staying 'til 2:30
when they knew they were admitting me and he had to be at the fire dept at 8 the next morning. I never said anything about it to him until yesterday - I was so stressed, I just let it all out - He had nothing scheduled the next morning and I told him that if he didn't care for me - he could have at least stayed and let our son get some sleep - his thing is always " you know how I hate hospitals" I told him, yeah, I really hated lying there not knowing how bad I was hurt and acting like e'thing was fine.

Gosh, I think I just had a tangent - the potential buyers have until today to say yes or no to the house and he wants to sit by the phone - I'm going bowling - he is such a freak on power bills - he keeps the house set on 80 degrees. Now, mostly that I've gained weight and he's not slim either, I feel like I am melting from about 1 - 6 PM. I have gotten just within the last year to where I'll go over and put the themostat on 74 - gets good and cool in here before he notices. He will them change it back when I'm not looking - see - so silly - this house is very energy effecient. I didn't want one this big - it's right at 2,000 sq ft - we're on the equal pymy plan with the power company and it's $80 a month - that's a lot of sq footage for $80. We have gas heat so that doesn't count.
I thought for 2 people b/c this was to be our empty nester home, about 1500 sq ft with an eat in kitchen would be nice. We eat Thanksgiving dinner in the DR and that's it. I told him that he should have thought about heating and cooling the extra 500 sq ft that HE wanted. He freezes me in the winter but I love the cold so I can take that. I use flannel sheets and sleep in summer pj's - it feels good - I have become a Spring and Fall person, the exact opposite than when I was out in that sun baking. Now it's hard to breathe out there.

I'm sorry I'm writing a book. Oh, I did want to ask you what you took for your Diabetes - He have me Advinia - started me at 4 mgs - he said that was a very low dosage - had rather up it than start it too high. I took my 1st one this morning with my no sugar cereal and bowl of no sugar applesauce. The pil hasn't affected me. My d-in-law used to work as a Pharmacy assistant and she was familiar with it - she said to take with food b/c all of the Diabetes pills can bother your stomach.

If you have any good recipes, pls send.
Your sons won't feel like you're pushing them out - Mine have told me to leave David and they do have a good relationship with him, they say I am so much happier when he's not around - I am b/c I never know what I'm going to do wrong.

Even in an apt., I told my youngest if he had it too hard, he could always live with me. He bought a little starter home in Jan and he's having fun fixing it up.

I can't wait to find out more about weight loss inj. Another thing I forgot to ask him, I have gained so much weight and I'm apple shaped - but rt side of my abdomen is noticeable larger than the left side. I don't know if there's just more fat cells over there or if that could mean s'thing. I know I sound like a hypochondria but when I go to any DR, I take a list and I check them off as he answers them. I just can't go in there and wing it and I want to be as healthy as possible but I also want my money's worth. I don't know how I let that one slp.

On the Diabetes, the hardest thing for me will be the carbs - I could eat spaghetti every day. I have thought about adding zucchini and yellow squash in my sauce and more meat. I'm not a big meat eater.


Will let you go, thank you so much for your information. Your picture is so pretty, you don't look like you are overweight. I feel like a blimp. I am much too short to weigh this much.
Oh, how old are your handsome sons?

Have talked you to death.
Love, Becky Jean
Becky Jean! (you too, Miss Julie!)

I'm sorry you're feeling so out of sorts again...still. Because my mom was diabetic and I've cooked for other people that, in combination, have had every illness known to man, so I know a lot about healthy eating. Treating diabetes can be very difficult if you don't understand it, but if you are really serious about handling it, the best thing would be to find a diabetes workshop. Many times your hospital will offer them or....your local Senior Center! They're free and you can get loads of info that you may never know otherwise. There are tons of people who learn to control their diabetes with diet and exercise. The most important thing I learned is that, even if you get your blood sugars back down to an acceptable number, every time they spike because of what you've eaten, it can cause damage to your kidneys. I would never say "all you have to do is eat healthy" because I know how hard that is but, really, your blood sugars effect EVERYTHING in your body. They can make everything else worse and they can be the cause (as you know) of other irreversible damage.
Diabetes is one thing in your life that you CAN control and at the very least, minimise the medications you must take for it. Maybe you can eliminate them altogether. Please, Please, educate yourself. I guarantee that by changing your eating habits to address the diabetes, you'll gain headway in eliminating some of the other things you're suffering from. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm lecturing you but I've seen the health of too many people I care about be irreversably effected by this disease. I don't want that to happen to two more!

I had an idea! I'm making a rule for myself that I cannot log on to the board until I've taken my walk. This board the only thing that means enough to me right now to use as a motivation for doing what I need to do for my own well-being so....I wanted to ask some of you all to help me be accountable and maybe, just maybe....join me? I think it would be great to share one another's progress and help support those of us who struggle with commiting to physical activity as a means to better health. If you don't want to, that's ok but I know me...now that I've made my intentions public, I'll have better motivation to stick with it. Think about it! In the meantime, I hope you both have a good day!

Love ya's

~Callie~
Hey Miss Callie:

You always are calming-I have felt really hyper since yesterday - control Becky is coming out - wanting that sugar level down by tomorrow.
I would love any healthy eating advice you have to offer - I know what I shouldn't do - I have eaten my weight in pasta the last few months - not good at all for me. I'm good at eating the same thing, I can be happy with a healthy salad for dinner every night - for my biggest meal - put some chicken in it for protein.

I would still love to try new foods/recipes.

As for the walking - I have got to get this body moving - I will make the deal of walking at least 5 mornings a week - it's so darn hot - I have to walk early but there's no reason I can't and my little puppies will love it and they can walk as fast as I can - all 3 of us have short legs - haha

I'm going to bowl on Mondays at 1:30 - I don't know if you read where I wrote that I had my 1st senior citizen moment. I went bowling last week - it was one of those days - I just had to get out so I was at the bowling ally at 9:30 AM.
Afterwards, the lady who worked there brought a paper over to me - it showed Monday's at 1:30 - Senior Fun Bowling - HA!!! I did laugh.
I told her I was 50 - she said it started at age 50 so I didn't feel too bad and I'm happy to pay only $3 to bowl 3 games. She said it was very low-key, they served coffee and water. It surprises me how I ache the next day after bowling only 2 games - and I still get that bruise on my rt wrist - I hope that will stop - I think it's b/c I put a spin on the ball - I don't mean to - I just don't know how to stop - I bowled a 52 the 1st game - I did not stretch at all - I was so stiff and then a 104 the 2nd game - I was proud of that - anything over 100 makes me happy.

So we will walk. I started this morning - as long as I'm out the door by 8AM, the heat is not bad - I know the heat is harder on me b/c of this weight gain which should be taken care of with the healthy eating, exercise and for now the pills for Diabetes. I'm hoping I'll be so good that I can stop the pills. I'm not complaining, he didn't mention injections at all, so I'm thankful for that. I go back next Monday AM to see how I've done and how med is working. I can't wait - I am being as good as I can - Why I brought up my vision, I'm only driving when I really have to if my vision is okay - DR said my sugar level being up is why it's been blurry - Furman - where I do my water aerobics is about a 15-20 min drive but I can still walk and bowl. The bowling alley is 5 minutes away. I still won't take any chances with my driving - at least the heat is starting to let up for perfect walking weather. In the Spring, I walked Dude and Max fast and early and then my neighbor and I walked in the evening but it hasn't cooled off enough at night for us to walk - We walk and talk - she is a certified teacher, has 6 children - ages 1 - 13 and home-schools them so we have fun just walking and talking.
Her husband stays with the children. This is a small SD but we sometimes turn those walks into 1 1/2 hours - she's very sweet and happy but she has to need a break - with my 3 boys, I would take a break. I rememeber before I started working after my youngest was born, I would have supper on the table and David would walk in and I would walk out - I love my sons like crazy but they could somedays drive me crazy. I would just go to the mall for a couple of hours and maybe even lay-a-way s'thing - back when they did that.
He was always good with our children - you would never know that my older 2 were from my 1st marriage - my 1st husband just never grew up, he was more like the big brother and David more like the Father. I give him a lot of credit for that b/c there was and is so much divorce, I saw a lot of Steps - moms and dads who weren't fair. My goodness, I am rambling.
I do love this board, too. I have thought about pain pills since yesterday - in my crazy brain, I think they would make it alright but I know they would just mess me up. This board helps to keep me grounded - I love all of the types of personalities.
I know e'one may not be crazy about me but that's just life - I know I write these books and I used to try my best to shorten them but I thought of things I had read and if someone had left it out - it wouldn't have been the same - that reminds me - I guess the ones who don't care for my books can do what we used to say -
take what you want/need and leave the rest - I haven't read that in a while.
like tht saying - it can work with life, in general. So, whoever came up with that - I thank you.

I have written my book - I'm sorry I know I am still all wound up but I am coming down a little.

I will stop - your eyes have to be hurting - haha
Thanks you Callie, you are always so sweet and have so many good ideas for e'one.

Love, Becky Jean