Reading through the posts, we are all in similar boats. Thank you for all the help you have given me. I wish you all much peace and detachment.
I am beside myself tonight. My son did something that upset everyone in the family (no surprise). However, just now, he came up to me asking if other people were upset, if I was upset about it. He had this weird smile on his face. I refused to talk to him, but he persisted in wanting to know others' reactions to the situation. Honestly, I really felt like he wanted to know because he found pleasure in the reactions. He tried to bait me for awhile, and I ignored him so he went away. How can this be my son????
Now, this kid acts totally normal in school, with friends, with extended family...But, this interaction really creeped me out. All of us want to move away from him! And, then, half the time we try so hard to reach him. Anyway, I know there is no answer, there never is. But, just needed to share. I swear, sometimes, I just sit in complete confusion. How did our lives get this way and how bad are they going get? Cops have no answers, but just say we have no choices until he turns 18.
I checked the boarding schools, which is a perfect option BUT I know he would runaway. He is so extreme. I know it in my heart. Sigh....
Sometimes, I think, "Is he really just a bad person?you know, just a really heartless individual. So scary.
I'm so sorry. None of us should ever have to feel creeped out or afraid of our kids. I have been scared of my son before. Even though heroin and cocaine are his drugs of choice, there was a time that he was on meth and threatening to come kill us if we didn't pick him up. We didn't get him so he proceeded to walk about 10 miles to our house. He was out of his mind but thankfully didn't start any trouble. Is your son currently in any kind of treatment? We also went through that same age with our son, where we were responsible for him but he could basically do what he wanted. He stopped going to school, got in legal trouble, etc... and we were still forced to pay for everything and keep a roof over his head...fast forward to the age of 30 and he isn't much different. If you can't get him to go to any kind of treatment right now, at least get yourself counseling if you haven't yet, it might help.
Hugs,
Michelle
Hugs,
Michelle
That is a tough age when they are uncooperative and you are still responsible. It is hard to get them to see counselors, psychiatrists, go to school or go to rehab. I actually went to the police station and begged them to help my son before something really bad happened but there is really nothing much they can do except bring them home when they run away or arrest them if they commit a crime. They threatened to file charges on us for something once...not picking him up or not successfully making him go to school. I can't remember now. Teenagers can be very defiant and hell bent on doing only what they want to do. I am so sorry you are going through this. I really have no words of wisdom...nothing we did worked.
Thanks, all. I keep trucking along. I am learning a lot about myself through this. I guess all experiences offer growth (no matter how painful).
Hi Parenting, Is your son a little bully with the immediate family? My daughter is a lot like how you described your son. Puts a face on for everyone but at home we all walk on eggshells when she's over? I think people like them are cowards and bullies. My daughter tries to bait my husband and I into becoming physical with her so she can call the police on us. It's awful. It's like she hates us and yet we do nothing to cause her to act like this. I agree with NY your son went out to pick up clean urine to take the drug test with. You would actually have to get your husband to stand in the toilet watching him go to get a real sample. They stick squirt bottles and alsorts to make you think their the ones that are peeing. Tricky! But we're on to them. Have been for ages now too! Good luck. Mary
Exactly, yes. With no provocation, he will blow up. He likes to say, "I am only doing this because _____". Fill in the blank over something I did. Even in extreme cases where I could not have possibly had anything to do with it. Things are a little better because I just started calling the police every time, even if it was just verbal abuse.
Of course, they could not really do anything, but I would imagine if you have drugs in the house, you don't like the police to show up.
It is a strange situation-so many of us in these crazy situations.
Hugs to all!!!!
Of course, they could not really do anything, but I would imagine if you have drugs in the house, you don't like the police to show up.
It is a strange situation-so many of us in these crazy situations.
Hugs to all!!!!
Parenting,
I was reading your post asking what drug because your son asked for a drug test and it was only posit for marijuana and this raised your suspicions. I'm sure you've heard of synthetic marijuana, or "spice" or K2. That stuff cannot be detected with OTC drug tests and can cause major psychological changes like schizophrenia-like symptoms. There's a term for it - "spiceophrenia". Just wanted you to be aware.
I was reading your post asking what drug because your son asked for a drug test and it was only posit for marijuana and this raised your suspicions. I'm sure you've heard of synthetic marijuana, or "spice" or K2. That stuff cannot be detected with OTC drug tests and can cause major psychological changes like schizophrenia-like symptoms. There's a term for it - "spiceophrenia". Just wanted you to be aware.
Yup, typical deflection techniques...make it someone else's fault rather than accept responsibility for your own shi+ show...stir up some trouble and make it about someone/something else...ick.
Yes, I have been worried about spice. And other things. This has been a whirlwind the last 3 months.
I am sure when he turns 18, he will move in with these kids. I know you all understand I am not being harsh, but I will be glad. I have tried to "save" him and he just gets more volatile and angry. I am ready for some peace. He knows I will always be here if he wants help.
It is kind of sad I am at that point. When he was little, I thought this year we would be looking at potential colleges and had saved money for it. Hard to believe he has made a 180 and may never come back.
Thanks for listening!
I am sure when he turns 18, he will move in with these kids. I know you all understand I am not being harsh, but I will be glad. I have tried to "save" him and he just gets more volatile and angry. I am ready for some peace. He knows I will always be here if he wants help.
It is kind of sad I am at that point. When he was little, I thought this year we would be looking at potential colleges and had saved money for it. Hard to believe he has made a 180 and may never come back.
Thanks for listening!
Parenting--
In 1989 I was in the exact same position! Been there done that! Know exactly how it feels and how you feel!
(((HUGS))) Lori
In 1989 I was in the exact same position! Been there done that! Know exactly how it feels and how you feel!
(((HUGS))) Lori
Hey everyone,
The spice is awful. I have found my son under bushes homeless all
Messed up on this stuff. I cannot believe this was sold from a store.
Makes me sick. He was like a child. It took awhile for him to act normal
Again. Now it's Meth, heroin, anything.
Pray for our loved ones
It's an epidemic!
Hugs
Paula
The spice is awful. I have found my son under bushes homeless all
Messed up on this stuff. I cannot believe this was sold from a store.
Makes me sick. He was like a child. It took awhile for him to act normal
Again. Now it's Meth, heroin, anything.
Pray for our loved ones
It's an epidemic!
Hugs
Paula
Thank you, everyone!
Lori, thank you for sharing your experience, also! People really don't understand. I can't tell you how many times a counselor, or a cop, or another parent talks down to me without meaning to. They have no idea what we are up against. I have other kids and they are fine. I mean, I am not perfect, but I am not stupid. You get accused of all kinds of crazy things. One officer actually said something like, "Well, parents want to buy new cars for their kids, give them huge allowances and are shocked when this act this way" (or something like that, you get the drift). I hadn't done anything he mentioned. So sad and frustrating.
Hugs to all!
Lori, thank you for sharing your experience, also! People really don't understand. I can't tell you how many times a counselor, or a cop, or another parent talks down to me without meaning to. They have no idea what we are up against. I have other kids and they are fine. I mean, I am not perfect, but I am not stupid. You get accused of all kinds of crazy things. One officer actually said something like, "Well, parents want to buy new cars for their kids, give them huge allowances and are shocked when this act this way" (or something like that, you get the drift). I hadn't done anything he mentioned. So sad and frustrating.
Hugs to all!
