Day 2 without a drink. I am feeling suprisingly optimistic about my life right now. I'm amazed I still have all the good fortune I have after 10 years of being a beligerent drunk. I am grateful for my life.
I wanted to pose a question to you on the board. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We are in a deeply supportive, loving relationship. I have scared him several times wtih my drinking. I want to be a better woman for him and I know he will support my choice not to drink. There is one problem though...he still drinks. He has never had the problem I have with drinking - he can stop when he's had enough, he doesn't get angry and go berserk, he doesn't blackout. He doesn't make poor decisions after drinking. So, I have always felt that he shouldn't have to stop if I'M the one with problem....but the last few times I tried to quit, it was him sitting next to me with a bourbon and coke that made me crave drinking for a few days until I eventually caved and had a drink myself. We all know where that can lead. At first I would only drink beer or wine, then I would only drink at home. It doesn't matter, I can't put limitations on it, I just can't drink at all.
I'm afraid that this will cause some real turmoil in my relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions on how perhaps you and your SO have handled this? I'm thinking of maybe just asking him to not drink around me or maybe wait until I've gone to bed? Any advice would be great.
Thank you and best wishes to you all!
Hi Jones,
The pain and suffering that alcohol has caused myself and my family has nearly killed me. My husband of 23 yrs also drinks non alcoholicly. Same thing happened in our house. So out of his love and support for me and our family he does not drink in are home.
Ocassionally when we dine out he has had a beer in front of me but, out of respect asked me first. However I warned him no kisses no nookie then it's your choice. Three or Four times a yr. he go's out after wk. with the guys. and thats fine. But, my rule still applies. I now can't stand the smell of alcohol. Remember you have to take care of you first! And because you have already tested this out. So, I think you know the correct answer Jones. Perhaps it would be best to build up some more sober time before you test this out again. Although I have heard of those that it doesn't bother to watch others drink in front of them it is different for everyone. Congratulations on day two!
The pain and suffering that alcohol has caused myself and my family has nearly killed me. My husband of 23 yrs also drinks non alcoholicly. Same thing happened in our house. So out of his love and support for me and our family he does not drink in are home.
Ocassionally when we dine out he has had a beer in front of me but, out of respect asked me first. However I warned him no kisses no nookie then it's your choice. Three or Four times a yr. he go's out after wk. with the guys. and thats fine. But, my rule still applies. I now can't stand the smell of alcohol. Remember you have to take care of you first! And because you have already tested this out. So, I think you know the correct answer Jones. Perhaps it would be best to build up some more sober time before you test this out again. Although I have heard of those that it doesn't bother to watch others drink in front of them it is different for everyone. Congratulations on day two!
I'm in the same boat with my BF of four years who I met on the Program and is now drinking "socially" ~ I cannot stomach the smell....for now, he seems like he is managing and controlling it, but time will tell....he was a full blown meth addict and will be free from that drug for five years come January 4th; so I'm leary...I'm making a big decision right now about this relationship and my Sponsor is holding my hand all the way through it. For me, I've got to put my God & my Program first and the rest will just fall into place. At least that's been my experience.
Hi Jones,
If he is not an alcoholic perhaps he wouldn't mind not drinking for a while until you get some sobriety time. After we are sober for a while and realize what alcohol has done to us, many of us don't even want to drink any more. There are thoughts of drinking but the actual cravings go away.
What are you planning to do for your recovery? Are you in therapy or going to AA? It's really difficult to just quit if you are an alkie like I am. I tried it many times and it didn't work for too long. Having some kind of support is crucial to recovery, be it AA, counseling, church or anything else.
If he is not an alcoholic perhaps he wouldn't mind not drinking for a while until you get some sobriety time. After we are sober for a while and realize what alcohol has done to us, many of us don't even want to drink any more. There are thoughts of drinking but the actual cravings go away.
What are you planning to do for your recovery? Are you in therapy or going to AA? It's really difficult to just quit if you are an alkie like I am. I tried it many times and it didn't work for too long. Having some kind of support is crucial to recovery, be it AA, counseling, church or anything else.
I do plan to eventually attend meetings - there is one next Wednesday by my house i'm going to go to. I used to go to some AA meetings with my brother before he died, and I have to say it was very humbling...however I didn't feel like I got that much out of it. I know that you are supposed to kind of try a bunch of different meetings to find the right one for you.
I've decided to ask my boyfriend not to drink around me at the house for now. I'm really hoping that with enough sobriety under my belt, I will NEVER want to drink again and eventually will be okay if he wants to drink around me. But for now, I'm sure he'll respect my wishes and stop at home. Thank you all for your input and advice!
It is so encouraging to be able to post and know you aren't alone in this.
I've decided to ask my boyfriend not to drink around me at the house for now. I'm really hoping that with enough sobriety under my belt, I will NEVER want to drink again and eventually will be okay if he wants to drink around me. But for now, I'm sure he'll respect my wishes and stop at home. Thank you all for your input and advice!
It is so encouraging to be able to post and know you aren't alone in this.
Gidday Jones
Give the meetings another go and even better if they are close and read the other threads. The meeting may remind you of your brother and at that time you were there for him and his journey was his, please give them a go and as Skg said look for the similarities and not the differences.
If your boyfriend likes the girl you are now then the one that flowers after building a strong recovery will make him forget about beer and build his fitness....just talk with him and you will soon know.
My wife exact words were im not the one with the problem and i will drink if i want to he is the piss head...man you gotta love the gals honesty although not in a full room and she still gets hammered now and then and there are always parties at home where beer is involved BUT it is only me that thinks of the beer addictively and to be fair she did ramp it down in early recovery for me but only after i made it clear that i wasnt sticking around at a pissup if i felt uncomfortable
as for no nookie because of beer breath ...jesus i will hold my breathLMAO
light and love Zac
Give the meetings another go and even better if they are close and read the other threads. The meeting may remind you of your brother and at that time you were there for him and his journey was his, please give them a go and as Skg said look for the similarities and not the differences.
If your boyfriend likes the girl you are now then the one that flowers after building a strong recovery will make him forget about beer and build his fitness....just talk with him and you will soon know.
My wife exact words were im not the one with the problem and i will drink if i want to he is the piss head...man you gotta love the gals honesty although not in a full room and she still gets hammered now and then and there are always parties at home where beer is involved BUT it is only me that thinks of the beer addictively and to be fair she did ramp it down in early recovery for me but only after i made it clear that i wasnt sticking around at a pissup if i felt uncomfortable
as for no nookie because of beer breath ...jesus i will hold my breathLMAO
light and love Zac
Zak,
What does LMAO mean?
I've decided after speaking to hubby that I should change one of my rules. After all he put up with my drunkness for many yrs.while he was sober. My kissy face rule still applies though. It seems guys don't have rules when it comes to getting nookie. LOL
Jones, sorry I hijacked your thread sometimes we have a little fun.
Wishing you a happy and sober day!
What does LMAO mean?
I've decided after speaking to hubby that I should change one of my rules. After all he put up with my drunkness for many yrs.while he was sober. My kissy face rule still applies though. It seems guys don't have rules when it comes to getting nookie. LOL
Jones, sorry I hijacked your thread sometimes we have a little fun.
Wishing you a happy and sober day!
Gidday LookinUp
LMAO=laugh my arse off and yeah for me there is only one rule one missed is one gone for ever but then hey i am addicted to things that make me feel good so its not only about stopping the drinking it is about changing my old habits and attitudes and as long as i am honest with myself god and others then things are cool
light and love Zac
LMAO=laugh my arse off and yeah for me there is only one rule one missed is one gone for ever but then hey i am addicted to things that make me feel good so its not only about stopping the drinking it is about changing my old habits and attitudes and as long as i am honest with myself god and others then things are cool
light and love Zac
Thanks Zak,
Your right it's about being honest withmyself & God. And it's not just about stopping drinking. It's also about changing bad attitudes. It's about working from the inside out. Amazing how all of this has been a process that I've been working on for quite some time. I'ts something I will never be finished with because I'm human. I'm not perfect. And thats OK. The point is I'm on a path of progressing to be a better human being. And I know that life won't always be easy or fun. What has changed for me is that I beleive that my HP whom I call God can do for me what I can't do for myself. And even if he doesn't do what I want him to. I don't have to always like it or understand it. But, I can do my best to except it.
Your right it's about being honest withmyself & God. And it's not just about stopping drinking. It's also about changing bad attitudes. It's about working from the inside out. Amazing how all of this has been a process that I've been working on for quite some time. I'ts something I will never be finished with because I'm human. I'm not perfect. And thats OK. The point is I'm on a path of progressing to be a better human being. And I know that life won't always be easy or fun. What has changed for me is that I beleive that my HP whom I call God can do for me what I can't do for myself. And even if he doesn't do what I want him to. I don't have to always like it or understand it. But, I can do my best to except it.
