Okay, so it's what's kept me sober THIS long, so if you don't like my ESH, well, stop taking MY inventory!
~Laughing~ I LOVE that statement. My entire life's been spent judging others--good and bad--and processing them individually and then as groups. It's what we do as alcoholics to validate ourselves and our addictions, and if I can (in any way) make YOU at fault for my drinking, then I've somehow managed to give YOU control over my happiness and my sobriety.
Now that's just STUPID, yet so easily forgotten.
So yesterday I attend a meeting and there are a couple new comers (court ordered) as well as the regulars and semi-regulars there. I REALLY wish others would share more because, at least for me, I need to reminded constantly WHY this program works for me. And that, but for the grace of MY HP, I'd STILL be trying the same thing and expecting different results: A new type of drink (I'd given up beer, white liquor, brown liquor, brandy, white wine, etc., but not the reds or the fruity wines!), drinking only when I was alone or with someone, drinking only after a certain time, drinking only two or 6 drinks before dinner, blah, blah, blah.
I NEED the new people to tell me why they're there because it reminds me. I don't need a 16-year sober old guy telling me about the steps! Hell, I'm working my program for TODAY.
ANYWay, so this old timer approaches me yesterday and says, "You may not see it, but WE see the changes in you. What ever you're doing, it's working." We proceeded to talk about the steps and that I might think about doing them for real some time, but that the whole point was doing what kept me sober. I thanked him for that because sometimes we can wrap ourselves around our own progress and get dismayed if we're not as successful as others. Or if we're not seeing "The Promises" happen as WE think they should. I told him about this website and that YOU mysterious alcoholics out there have helped keep me sober on this forum for 175 days. And my AA meetings. And MY HP. And Zac.
Peaceness--and thanks.
Honey, the guy was telling you about the steps because that's what worked for him. That's what AA's all about, right? One drunk helping another? I tried working the steps myself and it didn't work and I got drunk. I went to meetings when the mood struck me, was my own sponsor (hell, I knew more than them), found a Higher Power I didn't know what to do with, and was miserable. I am one of those people that tells newcomers the most important thing to do is get a sponsor that has worked the steps with a sponsor and work the steps. That's what worked for me so that's what I pass on. If you are truly comfortable without a sponsor, good for you. It's your choice. That's what makes AA so wonderful. No one MAKES anyone do anything. But I'll tell ya, there's nothing like the relationship between a sponsor and a sponsee. There is a bond that is like nothing else. I've had the same sponsor for over 6 years and I would be lost without her. She's my mentor and best friend. I would have been cheating myself had I tried to do the program on my own.
Also, the Promises are located in the Big Book in the middle of the 9th step. That's when they really start to come true. Once we start making amends we get free of old guilts. It's a wonderful experience to not have to look over our shoulders any more. What I did and do with my sponsees is take the list of people and institutions that are on our 4th step lists of resentments, fears and harms done others and put that on our 8th step list. Then we start from there making amends. Oops, you didn't ask that, did you? Sorry, I got off on a tangent. Keep up the good work, Shane. You are doing great on your own but maybe you could do better with some help? Just don't close your mind to a sponsor forever, ok?
smooches
Also, the Promises are located in the Big Book in the middle of the 9th step. That's when they really start to come true. Once we start making amends we get free of old guilts. It's a wonderful experience to not have to look over our shoulders any more. What I did and do with my sponsees is take the list of people and institutions that are on our 4th step lists of resentments, fears and harms done others and put that on our 8th step list. Then we start from there making amends. Oops, you didn't ask that, did you? Sorry, I got off on a tangent. Keep up the good work, Shane. You are doing great on your own but maybe you could do better with some help? Just don't close your mind to a sponsor forever, ok?
smooches
Hey there, SKG...
When I finally got sick & tired of the insanity and getting months of clean time only to relapse again & again, I remember driving to work with some clean time yet again and still having those fears in my gut, the committee constantly talking and I was scared, lonely and clean & sober and I remember praying to God to help me....A gal friend I had met on this board (Teresa) reached her hand out that morning (thank you, God) and she asked me to e-mail her and we talked off the board and I poured my heart out, all the fears and insecurities came tumbling out and I was so tired of being in my addiction, I asked her for help and I asked her if she'd be my temporary sponsor...She said yes, she listened to all my fears, she gave me simple suggestions to do, she honestly cared and I felt love for the first time in a long time. She helped me get back to AA and I started attending meetings on a regular basis...She suggested I get a f2f sponsor and I did...Then I hooked up with Miss Katbird on this board and started communicating with her on a daily basis (around 45days clean and she's still sponsoring me)...It wasn't until I was around 4 months before I realized and my friends helped me to see that my sponsor wasn't the right one for me, so I got another one and worked the first 3 steps and wow, what a change my life started to take and how much more I was growing spiritually and then came the time where I changed sponsor yet again and met my current f2f sponsor & she's taken me through the life changing steps.......When I did step four, I started to really change and see my part in everything, Step 5 gave me the bond with another human being that I had been missing my entire life which has opened me up to deepen my bonds with other loved ones, including my husband...Step Nine is just awesome and my guilt, shame, resentments, fears are gone today and I can go to bed at night and have so much peace & serenity...I love the program but I love the steps even more...It has given me a newfound freedom and a daily manual on how to live life on life's terms....
Do this for yourself...There's nothing to lose by working the steps with a sponsor. You deserve this....
Thanks for letting me share....You always get my spirit moving, SKG...
xoxo
When I finally got sick & tired of the insanity and getting months of clean time only to relapse again & again, I remember driving to work with some clean time yet again and still having those fears in my gut, the committee constantly talking and I was scared, lonely and clean & sober and I remember praying to God to help me....A gal friend I had met on this board (Teresa) reached her hand out that morning (thank you, God) and she asked me to e-mail her and we talked off the board and I poured my heart out, all the fears and insecurities came tumbling out and I was so tired of being in my addiction, I asked her for help and I asked her if she'd be my temporary sponsor...She said yes, she listened to all my fears, she gave me simple suggestions to do, she honestly cared and I felt love for the first time in a long time. She helped me get back to AA and I started attending meetings on a regular basis...She suggested I get a f2f sponsor and I did...Then I hooked up with Miss Katbird on this board and started communicating with her on a daily basis (around 45days clean and she's still sponsoring me)...It wasn't until I was around 4 months before I realized and my friends helped me to see that my sponsor wasn't the right one for me, so I got another one and worked the first 3 steps and wow, what a change my life started to take and how much more I was growing spiritually and then came the time where I changed sponsor yet again and met my current f2f sponsor & she's taken me through the life changing steps.......When I did step four, I started to really change and see my part in everything, Step 5 gave me the bond with another human being that I had been missing my entire life which has opened me up to deepen my bonds with other loved ones, including my husband...Step Nine is just awesome and my guilt, shame, resentments, fears are gone today and I can go to bed at night and have so much peace & serenity...I love the program but I love the steps even more...It has given me a newfound freedom and a daily manual on how to live life on life's terms....
Do this for yourself...There's nothing to lose by working the steps with a sponsor. You deserve this....
Thanks for letting me share....You always get my spirit moving, SKG...
xoxo
Gidday Everyone
I have to start by saying that i havent got a sponsor and havent really had a sponsor as such since joining AA, the first guy i approached was just dont drink and goe to meetings, the second guy was adament that my positivety about being sober would fail and i would fall, well i have news for him and 11 years on i am still positive, after these two attemps i started having coffee with one of the female members and we just yaked and sponsored each other and i share at every meeting about what is going on for me.
I must add we are only a small meeting group where i live and for me just getting days up since the last drink and being aware of the miracle that is and trusting in my higher power have all held me in good stead.
I can see the growth in everyone so much sponsor or no sponsor and if i had someone who i would call a sponsor it is every post, every share, and every wave or hug i get or give when i see another AA member.
I only put about a third of the effort into recovery that i used to put into drinking and the result is amazing so who knows if i step up to the plate some more even more miracles will happen, i do know that what i am doing now is keeping me sober and gratefull and for that i am gratefull today.
Skg has been emailing me and i have been emailing him and we have been bouncing recovery off each other and ideas so in a way we are sponsoring each other via email and one day maybe the right f2f person will come along for each of us.
In no way am i saying that sponsors are not needed i am just saying that for me i have found that the lifestyle i lead and the person i am that for me what i am doing is enough as long as i am getting out of my head what is negative and staying sober one day at a time:)
Light and love Zac
I have to start by saying that i havent got a sponsor and havent really had a sponsor as such since joining AA, the first guy i approached was just dont drink and goe to meetings, the second guy was adament that my positivety about being sober would fail and i would fall, well i have news for him and 11 years on i am still positive, after these two attemps i started having coffee with one of the female members and we just yaked and sponsored each other and i share at every meeting about what is going on for me.
I must add we are only a small meeting group where i live and for me just getting days up since the last drink and being aware of the miracle that is and trusting in my higher power have all held me in good stead.
I can see the growth in everyone so much sponsor or no sponsor and if i had someone who i would call a sponsor it is every post, every share, and every wave or hug i get or give when i see another AA member.
I only put about a third of the effort into recovery that i used to put into drinking and the result is amazing so who knows if i step up to the plate some more even more miracles will happen, i do know that what i am doing now is keeping me sober and gratefull and for that i am gratefull today.
Skg has been emailing me and i have been emailing him and we have been bouncing recovery off each other and ideas so in a way we are sponsoring each other via email and one day maybe the right f2f person will come along for each of us.
In no way am i saying that sponsors are not needed i am just saying that for me i have found that the lifestyle i lead and the person i am that for me what i am doing is enough as long as i am getting out of my head what is negative and staying sober one day at a time:)
Light and love Zac
Hi Zac
I think it's great that not having a sponsor has worked for you. Heck, I know people that have managed to not drink without any program at all. My post wasn't meant as a dig at anyone's plan of recovery. It was just telling what worked for me. Here in Fort Lauderdale there is a very large recovery community. There are club houses everywhere. I think I heard there are over 700 meetings a week. There are a lot of people to choose from for sponsors. We are very blessed. When I was trying to get sober up north it was much more difficult. I could only find 4 or 5 meetings a week. Down here I have no excuse to not go to a meeting or have a sponsor LOL Congratulations on 11 years! Awesome work.
I think it's great that not having a sponsor has worked for you. Heck, I know people that have managed to not drink without any program at all. My post wasn't meant as a dig at anyone's plan of recovery. It was just telling what worked for me. Here in Fort Lauderdale there is a very large recovery community. There are club houses everywhere. I think I heard there are over 700 meetings a week. There are a lot of people to choose from for sponsors. We are very blessed. When I was trying to get sober up north it was much more difficult. I could only find 4 or 5 meetings a week. Down here I have no excuse to not go to a meeting or have a sponsor LOL Congratulations on 11 years! Awesome work.
Gidday Kat
I know if i lived in a community that had that much recovery i would be more emmersed in the flow and safeness of more AA contact and i love hearing about AA bands and partys etc.
Also im a bugga for being told what to do by someone so maybe that has something to do with my situation as well and in a way i have many sponsors in life as i wander along.
Kat really good to see your posting and as long as we are sober today then the possibilities of what we can achieve in this day are endless.
Light and love Zac
I know if i lived in a community that had that much recovery i would be more emmersed in the flow and safeness of more AA contact and i love hearing about AA bands and partys etc.
Also im a bugga for being told what to do by someone so maybe that has something to do with my situation as well and in a way i have many sponsors in life as i wander along.
Kat really good to see your posting and as long as we are sober today then the possibilities of what we can achieve in this day are endless.
Light and love Zac
There's (yet another) saying, "When the pupil is ready the teacher will appear."
My mantra? I'm a guy. It's always a stupid idea until it's MY idea.
My mantra? I'm a guy. It's always a stupid idea until it's MY idea.
