Just reading the new posts on here before bed and it struck me that I've got six months clean today.
I'm not really fishing for atta-boy's, but it's true that we need to publicize our successes since it shows that it can be done and may prove inspirational to someone.
In my case, the first sixty days after stopping my heroin habit were hellish; I lived in a gray, totally uncomfortable world for the first two months. Then one day I noticed that I felt a little better. Now, at six months, I feel pretty great and I have for quite some time.
I spent a wonderful holiday season with friends and family. Yesterday I went skeet shooting with some buddies. We blasted those clay pigeons to pieces with shotguns! That was fun, I'm going to do more of that.
It would be easy at this point to consider myself cured and get away from what has carried me these last six months... I tried that before. It didn't work.
I'm an addict and will always be one. That means continuous treatment. Not in a hospital or even treatment that others around me are aware of necessarily. But I must remain vigilant and do the things for myself that keep me clean.
Primarily that means, for me, that I coummune with my higher power on a regular basis. I must also stand guard over my thoughts... That sounds funny, but it's true.
I've learned to recognize the line of thinking that leads to problems. I can spot it now and correct it. I figure it'll be second nature to me to do that in time, but for now, it takes a conscious effort.
It's not like it's difficult to stay clean. I just have to keep my eye on the ball.
Relapse is unacceptable, so we do what we have to do, don't we?
Love to all,
Mark
Hey Now,
Nice to see you brother.
In the words of the prophet Hosea, to the good folks of Judea oh some 3500 years ago, give or take, which interesting enough remains appilcable today in AZ.
My people are destroyed by lack of knowledege, they are held capitive by forgetfullness.
Keep on Growing while remembering..
So, do you got my BCS Championship Game ticket bro, kick down with that and I am on plane.
Peace
Nice to see you brother.
In the words of the prophet Hosea, to the good folks of Judea oh some 3500 years ago, give or take, which interesting enough remains appilcable today in AZ.
My people are destroyed by lack of knowledege, they are held capitive by forgetfullness.
Keep on Growing while remembering..
So, do you got my BCS Championship Game ticket bro, kick down with that and I am on plane.
Peace
Nice to see you too, Joe.
Forgetfulness and ignorance can indeed be a prison. I've been there!
Dang, they had some smart folks around 3500 years ago!
I don't currently have any tix to the Championship game, but I'll bet they can be had... I noticed that the Orange Bowl was half empty last night! What's up with that?
I'm going to check Craigs List and see what tickets to the BCS championship game are going for. I imagine it's sold out. Should be a good game, huh?
Scottsdale is in full party mode this time of year. We had the Insight dot com bowl first at ASU stadium just south of here. Then the Fiesta Bowl and now the BCS championship game coming up. The teams and most people stay in Scottsdale even though the game is played in Glendale across town. After this, the Phoenix Open is played here in Scottsdale and the Barrett-Jackson car auction is a big deal as well.
Whenever the teams go out shopping or to a function, they convoy in several busses with a police escort. I've been held up by those convoys several times in the past few weeks!
Life for me these days is settling into a routine. At first, there is the crisis mode while we go through withdrawals and concentrate almost exclusively on recovery. We reach out for help like a man in a sinking boat.
Slowly, as we get better physically and mentally, our life regains some balance and the urgency of recovery fades.
For me, this has always been the dangerous time. I would allow the recovery portion of my life to go away. Not this time. That means staying connected to the people that helped me in my time of crisis and going to meetings regularly. Vigilance is the price of a normal life for me. I know that now.
Mark
Forgetfulness and ignorance can indeed be a prison. I've been there!
Dang, they had some smart folks around 3500 years ago!
I don't currently have any tix to the Championship game, but I'll bet they can be had... I noticed that the Orange Bowl was half empty last night! What's up with that?
I'm going to check Craigs List and see what tickets to the BCS championship game are going for. I imagine it's sold out. Should be a good game, huh?
Scottsdale is in full party mode this time of year. We had the Insight dot com bowl first at ASU stadium just south of here. Then the Fiesta Bowl and now the BCS championship game coming up. The teams and most people stay in Scottsdale even though the game is played in Glendale across town. After this, the Phoenix Open is played here in Scottsdale and the Barrett-Jackson car auction is a big deal as well.
Whenever the teams go out shopping or to a function, they convoy in several busses with a police escort. I've been held up by those convoys several times in the past few weeks!
Life for me these days is settling into a routine. At first, there is the crisis mode while we go through withdrawals and concentrate almost exclusively on recovery. We reach out for help like a man in a sinking boat.
Slowly, as we get better physically and mentally, our life regains some balance and the urgency of recovery fades.
For me, this has always been the dangerous time. I would allow the recovery portion of my life to go away. Not this time. That means staying connected to the people that helped me in my time of crisis and going to meetings regularly. Vigilance is the price of a normal life for me. I know that now.
Mark
QUOTE |
...stand guard over my thoughts... That sounds funny, but it's true.... |
Doesn't sound funny at all, Mark. I *totally* get that...my thoughts were what caused me more trouble than anything else, both in addiction and codependence. For three years now I carry a card with me that says, "It's only a thought and a thought can be changed."
Rehashing the past and future-tripping with my thoughts instead of living in the present got me so tangled up I could barely breathe. Such a simple idea, right? That we control our own thoughts...but it's true...redirect, refocus, relax...
Peace ~ M&M
You do deserve an atta boy! Seems like for a long time, the 6 month mark for me was when I started sabbotaging myself again. Got on that pink cloud. Not sure what happend this last time to get me over the hump but here I am 7 years later. You sound so much stronger, so much more convicted than you did the last run....I am so proud of you. Proud to call you friend.
Congrats Mark, 6 months is HUGE and you are a miracle, my friend. I'm so glad you made it back and to watch you evolve and learn and grow over the last 6 months has been a spiritual experience for me to watch. Thank you for sharing yourself, for being honest and for showing me, again, that it works when we work it.
"It's only a thought and a thought can be changed."
I like that. I'm going to keep this one.
I also heard it said and have shared more than once that "we are not responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for the second thought and the action we take from the thought."
Who might of thought getting clean & sober would lead me to the life of my dreams?
Smooches~ Keep coming back.
Stacey
"It's only a thought and a thought can be changed."
I like that. I'm going to keep this one.
I also heard it said and have shared more than once that "we are not responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for the second thought and the action we take from the thought."
Who might of thought getting clean & sober would lead me to the life of my dreams?
Smooches~ Keep coming back.
Stacey
Hey Now,
So I get this mediation email everyday right, and for the last couple of months they have been mild, bland, uneventful.
Today for some reason, I believe it was the fact that Mark reignited my zest for recovery.
I read 2 words in it.
SIN BOLDLY.
And well I get hit with, how luke warm I have become in life, how i was playing it so safe, well you know what playing it safe does for me, it depresses the s*** out of me.
I guess I feel like Love forgivess, but just can not accept lukewarm.
I have been so f***ing lukewarm.
No wonder I'm blah.
mark, thanks for igniting the flame.
Don't play with me cause your playing with fire!!!!!!!!!!
Here is to living Just for today, without dope, being bold......
peace
So I get this mediation email everyday right, and for the last couple of months they have been mild, bland, uneventful.
Today for some reason, I believe it was the fact that Mark reignited my zest for recovery.
I read 2 words in it.
SIN BOLDLY.
And well I get hit with, how luke warm I have become in life, how i was playing it so safe, well you know what playing it safe does for me, it depresses the s*** out of me.
I guess I feel like Love forgivess, but just can not accept lukewarm.
I have been so f***ing lukewarm.
No wonder I'm blah.
mark, thanks for igniting the flame.
Don't play with me cause your playing with fire!!!!!!!!!!
Here is to living Just for today, without dope, being bold......
peace
Right on, Joe!
We are miracles, my brother! If anyone here knows that, its you.
I sinned boldly. Sometimes I feel like I ventured into the murky depths and touched the face of evil, and of death. And now, by some miracle I'm alive and have been given a second chance.
Others; many others found that to be a one-way path. They are gone now.
Do you ever think we are kind of like the chosen few? Like there's something more left for us to discover, to do?
When I meet a recovering addict, I usually see something special in their eyes. And I think they see it in me too. When I meet someone, there's the usual how-do-you-do and I look at their eyes. But when I meet someone who's been down the road of addiction and back, I look INTO their eyes, it's a searching gaze. We share a special bond.
Joe, we found the key to the door of the prison of addiction! And we know the path out of there. Hallelujah, brother!
There are many people searching for that. Many will search in vain until death.
I've got that key here in my pocket... I'd sure like to pass it to someone who's still searching for it. Ya know?
We are miracles, my brother! If anyone here knows that, its you.
I sinned boldly. Sometimes I feel like I ventured into the murky depths and touched the face of evil, and of death. And now, by some miracle I'm alive and have been given a second chance.
Others; many others found that to be a one-way path. They are gone now.
Do you ever think we are kind of like the chosen few? Like there's something more left for us to discover, to do?
When I meet a recovering addict, I usually see something special in their eyes. And I think they see it in me too. When I meet someone, there's the usual how-do-you-do and I look at their eyes. But when I meet someone who's been down the road of addiction and back, I look INTO their eyes, it's a searching gaze. We share a special bond.
Joe, we found the key to the door of the prison of addiction! And we know the path out of there. Hallelujah, brother!
There are many people searching for that. Many will search in vain until death.
I've got that key here in my pocket... I'd sure like to pass it to someone who's still searching for it. Ya know?
Wow! I can't believe that it has been 6 months already. I'm sure it seems much longer to you...lol. You do deserve a great big CONGRATULATIONS! It is so awesome that you now seem to have clarity as to what to do, what not to do, and what not to repeat. It is great that you are sharing this milestone and journey for all the newbies to read and see that it can be done. Your post is filled with so much hope! It also gives the ones that have a sigificant amount of clean time inspiration to remain steadfast in our recovery or step up our program if we have slacked off!
I wish you lots and lots more clean time....infinity clean time!
I wish you lots and lots more clean time....infinity clean time!
Congratulations , atta-boy. keep it up, feliz navidad, AWESOME, SPECTACULAR, great work.
OKAY i'll stop. Sounding like a Hallmark card now. lol,
You deserve it Mark.
Congrats.
Dawn
OKAY i'll stop. Sounding like a Hallmark card now. lol,
You deserve it Mark.
Congrats.
Dawn
"It's only a thought and a thought can be changed."
I hope it is okay but I am going to follow your lead and carry a card with this too. I think it is great!
Congratulations on six months, I know I am new and haven't known your journey but just knowing that you did it gives me hope!
I hope it is okay but I am going to follow your lead and carry a card with this too. I think it is great!
Congratulations on six months, I know I am new and haven't known your journey but just knowing that you did it gives me hope!
Thanks for the congratulations everyone.
Joe, bad news. The Auburn-Oregon game is sold out. The tickets are going for $4000 to $15,000 each!!! Do what? Give me a break! You know people are paying those prices for the tickets since the market drives the price.
Where are all these people getting all this money?? Haven't they heard there's a recession on?
Since when are people from Oregon and Alabama rich?
I don't get it. But the good news is, it's on TV!
Go Ducks!
Joe, bad news. The Auburn-Oregon game is sold out. The tickets are going for $4000 to $15,000 each!!! Do what? Give me a break! You know people are paying those prices for the tickets since the market drives the price.
Where are all these people getting all this money?? Haven't they heard there's a recession on?
Since when are people from Oregon and Alabama rich?
I don't get it. But the good news is, it's on TV!
Go Ducks!
Hey Now,
I hear you on ticket prices, being a fan of live music, it never ceases to amaze me at the price of tickets, and the fact thaat people have the cash, same with technology. I mean you get the IPAD, not cheap, then you get a DATA plan not cheap, then you hit the Istore, not cheap, then you by some apps, not cheap.
All I know is I spend a great deal of time at the chicken plant.
One last thought, I have the HDTV, The surround sound, The comforable living room furniture, your right...I have no desire to pay 4000 grand to see it live.
I guess the recission is only hitting those of us who do not pocess a law or medical degree.
The real battle of lawyers and docters is the new civil war.
So I was in the Istore looking at the free books, whic is where I hang.
I see this book by WEB DuBoise(sp) The great afican american writer and leader.
The first line of the book was.
"So, how does it feel to be the problem?"
He was speaking to his african amercian audinece.
I thought, how applicable a question t0 those of us with addiction in 2011.
It generates so many feelings in me to be viewed this way, even after not taking drugs for some time. I still see addiction being treated as a problem, instead of an illness.
You can not choose the color of your skin right, now the deep question, can you choose to be an addict.
I don't think you get a choice. and that's where all my anger comes from. The powerlessness of it all. Not just the disease, but the treatment. God it angers me.
Just for today, I will not lash out with my anger, I will let it go and I will Love.
One is to many and a thousand never enough......
Peace
I hear you on ticket prices, being a fan of live music, it never ceases to amaze me at the price of tickets, and the fact thaat people have the cash, same with technology. I mean you get the IPAD, not cheap, then you get a DATA plan not cheap, then you hit the Istore, not cheap, then you by some apps, not cheap.
All I know is I spend a great deal of time at the chicken plant.
One last thought, I have the HDTV, The surround sound, The comforable living room furniture, your right...I have no desire to pay 4000 grand to see it live.
I guess the recission is only hitting those of us who do not pocess a law or medical degree.
The real battle of lawyers and docters is the new civil war.
So I was in the Istore looking at the free books, whic is where I hang.
I see this book by WEB DuBoise(sp) The great afican american writer and leader.
The first line of the book was.
"So, how does it feel to be the problem?"
He was speaking to his african amercian audinece.
I thought, how applicable a question t0 those of us with addiction in 2011.
It generates so many feelings in me to be viewed this way, even after not taking drugs for some time. I still see addiction being treated as a problem, instead of an illness.
You can not choose the color of your skin right, now the deep question, can you choose to be an addict.
I don't think you get a choice. and that's where all my anger comes from. The powerlessness of it all. Not just the disease, but the treatment. God it angers me.
Just for today, I will not lash out with my anger, I will let it go and I will Love.
One is to many and a thousand never enough......
Peace
Did we choose to be addicts?
That's a tough one.
I blame myself for the outcome (if I blame anyone). I certainly was complicit; I made bad choices all along the way. Who else is there to blame? God?
Fortunately, I made just enough of the right choices to have lived this long... Long enough to finally come to grips with my addiction and deal with it correctly.
For that, I thank God.
Sometimes I think I just outgrew it (addiction). Like it was a phase I was going through.
But I guess forty years constitutes more than a phase. lol
Besides, if not for a daily reminder to myself, I could be right back in that "phase" and it could well spell the final phase of my life!
So, really, the only sense in which I outgrew addiction is in a spiritual sense.
I've grown spiritually and that's what keeps me clean and walking a higher path.
The question for me is; would I have found spirituality and a higher path without addiction driving me to change?
I doubt it.
So, I say again, everything in my life up to this point is exactly what I needed to land me right here, right now. I'm happy with that.
I won't be burdened with regrets.
Just for today, I choose to stay clean and happy.
So what if I'm an addict in recovery? I dig it.
It's not like I walk around with a sign on my back declaring the fact.
Besides, it's a whole lot better than so many other possibilities... One of which I am intimately familiar with, and that is: An addict NOT in recovery!
That was a very bad place to be. Remember? What would we do to get the drugs? We HAD to have them. Remember?
That was bad. This is good.
M
That's a tough one.
I blame myself for the outcome (if I blame anyone). I certainly was complicit; I made bad choices all along the way. Who else is there to blame? God?
Fortunately, I made just enough of the right choices to have lived this long... Long enough to finally come to grips with my addiction and deal with it correctly.
For that, I thank God.
Sometimes I think I just outgrew it (addiction). Like it was a phase I was going through.
But I guess forty years constitutes more than a phase. lol
Besides, if not for a daily reminder to myself, I could be right back in that "phase" and it could well spell the final phase of my life!
So, really, the only sense in which I outgrew addiction is in a spiritual sense.
I've grown spiritually and that's what keeps me clean and walking a higher path.
The question for me is; would I have found spirituality and a higher path without addiction driving me to change?
I doubt it.
So, I say again, everything in my life up to this point is exactly what I needed to land me right here, right now. I'm happy with that.
I won't be burdened with regrets.
Just for today, I choose to stay clean and happy.
So what if I'm an addict in recovery? I dig it.
It's not like I walk around with a sign on my back declaring the fact.
Besides, it's a whole lot better than so many other possibilities... One of which I am intimately familiar with, and that is: An addict NOT in recovery!
That was a very bad place to be. Remember? What would we do to get the drugs? We HAD to have them. Remember?
That was bad. This is good.
M
Hey Now,
Yeah in the end, does what I think about what might be th truth really matter. To the truth.
had to have ..... active addiction
having had.... return to healthy living
One takes all you have...
the other provides all you need.
I still am angered that society views drug addicts as a problem, instead of a health issue.
But as they say, Just For Today..I will select Love and Football.
Peace
Yeah in the end, does what I think about what might be th truth really matter. To the truth.
had to have ..... active addiction
having had.... return to healthy living
One takes all you have...
the other provides all you need.
I still am angered that society views drug addicts as a problem, instead of a health issue.
But as they say, Just For Today..I will select Love and Football.
Peace
QUOTE |
I still am angered that society views drug addicts as a problem, instead of a health issue. |
I am angry that during a conversation last night my husbutt said that someone dieing from a drug addiction or suicide is not a tragedy. That both of these things are done by choice. You just simply don't do it.
He went on to say that being a drug addict is not a tragedy. It is not a disease..it is a choice. You either take the drugs or not take the drugs. People that say it is a disease is just using it as an excuse and something to blame it on.
I don't know, Joe.
I could argue both sides of that argument.
I believe the drug problem is a little bit of both; addiction is a public health issue, and addicts present a problem.
In my lifetime I've seen the legal system come a long way regarding addicts. There were no diversion programs back in the seventies (when I first passed in front of a judge as part of the problem).
Frankly, at this point in my recovery, I have bigger fish to fry. Namely, my own recovery. As long as I stay clean, how society or the courts treat addicts won't personally affect me.
One day I may find myself in a position to affect public opinion re: addiction, but for now I just accept that as one of those things I can't change. Serenity.
By the way, football and love are great choices!
What happened to New Orleans and the Colts today? Seattle moves on in the playoffs? Where's the justice in that? lol
Eat mor chikn. Right, Joe?
I could argue both sides of that argument.
I believe the drug problem is a little bit of both; addiction is a public health issue, and addicts present a problem.
In my lifetime I've seen the legal system come a long way regarding addicts. There were no diversion programs back in the seventies (when I first passed in front of a judge as part of the problem).
Frankly, at this point in my recovery, I have bigger fish to fry. Namely, my own recovery. As long as I stay clean, how society or the courts treat addicts won't personally affect me.
One day I may find myself in a position to affect public opinion re: addiction, but for now I just accept that as one of those things I can't change. Serenity.
By the way, football and love are great choices!
What happened to New Orleans and the Colts today? Seattle moves on in the playoffs? Where's the justice in that? lol
Eat mor chikn. Right, Joe?
huge hugs for 6+ months clean
:D
xoxoxo
skeeter
:D
xoxoxo
skeeter
six months man, nice work. its great to hear that eventually ill be able to take some of my focus off recovery while still never forgetting that im an addict. i quit once for 50 days but got convinced to use again during the superbowl, and that started it all up again. I thought i had kicked the addiction and that i could try and go back to doing what i want again but found out the hard way that thats not the case. this time around im at 71 days and have been focusing almost solely on my recovery. i want to be able to put some of my energy into other aspects and its great to hear that over time you become comfortable enough physically and mentally to do that. having control over our thoughts is what this is all about. my brain is one sick puppy and thinks that oxy is the cure for everything. i know that i could deal with things before oxy so i am working on convincing myself that i can still do that. great to hear youre doing so well. keep it going. 6 months is great and i look forward to hearing about your continued success.
Be careful, man... We got another Super Bowl coming up! jk
71 days is great! Even better is that we're both clean today! So in that respect, we're tied.
I saw your post about missing the excitement. The excitement of the deal, the excitement of scoring, beating the system, etc.
I was an excitement junkie too. Even clean, I found ways to feed my need for excitement... to get the rush, to feed my need for adrenaline. I mixed it in with sex (another of my addictive tendencies) and managed to throw in drugs even though it was under the pretext of me helping other addicts (female ones of course).
I was only barely staying clean myself and not working on my spiritual health, so of course the whole mess came crashing down around me.
Cops, guns, drugs, knives, bloodshed. One day my house was like a scene out of Pulp Fiction.
That was just about a year ago. I was clean so somehow I escaped without charges, but I relapsed right after that.
I went down hard. I'm lucky to have made it back. A friend that I got clean with relapsed with me. He died last June at the age of 37. I got clean in July.
This addiction is deadly serious business. Screw the excitement.
These days, I'm excited to wake up clean! I remember the simple joys that used to excite me when I was ten years old. I'm getting back to that. Meeting new friends, hiking, sports, football on TV, getting a new contract for my business, helping other addicts.
Those are the things that excite me now.
One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
We'd do well to remember that every day, my friend. We're worth it.
And it DOES get better!
Mark
71 days is great! Even better is that we're both clean today! So in that respect, we're tied.
I saw your post about missing the excitement. The excitement of the deal, the excitement of scoring, beating the system, etc.
I was an excitement junkie too. Even clean, I found ways to feed my need for excitement... to get the rush, to feed my need for adrenaline. I mixed it in with sex (another of my addictive tendencies) and managed to throw in drugs even though it was under the pretext of me helping other addicts (female ones of course).
I was only barely staying clean myself and not working on my spiritual health, so of course the whole mess came crashing down around me.
Cops, guns, drugs, knives, bloodshed. One day my house was like a scene out of Pulp Fiction.
That was just about a year ago. I was clean so somehow I escaped without charges, but I relapsed right after that.
I went down hard. I'm lucky to have made it back. A friend that I got clean with relapsed with me. He died last June at the age of 37. I got clean in July.
This addiction is deadly serious business. Screw the excitement.
These days, I'm excited to wake up clean! I remember the simple joys that used to excite me when I was ten years old. I'm getting back to that. Meeting new friends, hiking, sports, football on TV, getting a new contract for my business, helping other addicts.
Those are the things that excite me now.
One is too many and a thousand is never enough.
We'd do well to remember that every day, my friend. We're worth it.
And it DOES get better!
Mark