skeeter Posted: May 23, 2007, 2:39 AM tim- i need help
I agree Skeeter and I hope you suck up your pride,pick up a phone and call before the consequences start becoming too bad. There are a lot of people who care about you here and would help you in a minute. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and Jodi. Both of you are still young and can stop this madness at any time. I'm starting a new thread to you and I want you to see how many people care about you.
Come back! You are reaching out and that's a good sign. I always read your posts DUDE!!! And you have been mia for a while. I hate to think of you in pain or alone. Reach out and grab a hand sweetie, you can do it.
What going on skeeter? Please reach out....you know what happens if you don't. There is no good ending to that.
You are doing what addicts do when we let down our guard and start feeling sorry for ourselves. Trust me I have been there way to many times. Each and every time the madness started all over again.
Play the tape skeeter...all the way through...beginning to end! There is nothing glamorous there is there?
Please feel free to contact me....keekee199@yahoo.ca
I don't know your whole story, but I do know how important you are and how much people are willing to do to help you. Allow yourself to accept the help.
i dont know what the definition of a functional addict is - but i'm thinking i fall into that category. i have access to pills all the time. i made straight a's in school, i have a job that loves me, i have family & friends....
but dude - i'm dying inside. i'm not happy - i don't feel good. i feel like i'll never feel good. everyone knows the drill... you know what i'm talking about. that "will i ever feel good" ? i know i've f***ed with my brain chemistry - everything feels meaningless. i pawn off my sickness - some people have diabetes - some people get migraines all the time - etc. etc - i have a pill problem.
I think we all have felt that same despair and hopelessness you are feeling. The pills rob you of your soul. They turn on you. The good news is, there is a solution but it takes action and footwork. You have been here long enough to know that it gets worse never better, if we continue to use. Two slogans resonated for me when I wanted to stop but couldn't, "Nothing changes if nothing changes," and "You can't stop taking pills until you stop taking pills." I had a friend who had gotten clean. I reached out to her and she said these simple lines. We had used together and now she was free. I wanted what she had. I started showing up at meetings even though I was still taking pills. I knew I needed to do something different and I was willing to take suggestions from those who were on the other side. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you reached out, dude :-)
Boy I remember those days or rather years. Yep a functional addict. For years and years. Lookit that girl go! She does it all doesn't she. And inside I felt horrible. I knew the truth. I hated myself for what I was doing to my body and for fronting how great I was. Oh yeah, it worked for a while and then it was time to pay up. And boy did I have to pay up BIG TIME!!! Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically...you name it and in some ways I still am. It will turn on you Skeeter on that you can rely.
You are so young and deserve so much better. When you are ready you will do it, just don't wait too long. There is some damage that is irreversible, trust me I know....
i dont know what the definition of a functional addict is - but i'm thinking i fall into that category. i have access to pills all the time. i made straight a's in school, i have a job that loves me, i have family & friends....
That described about 99% of us. Opiate pain pill addiction is a white collar epidemic.Most of had decent paying jobs,good educations,mortgages,families,etc. In fact I attributed some of my success to opiates.I could work long hours and achieve more.Hell,I couldn't afford not to work as expensive as Oxycontins and Internet drugs were costing me.
Don't ever kid yourself Skeeter.This will all come to an end some day.It can't go on indefinitely.Tolerance keeps demanding more and whatever money you are making will be eaten up accordingly. Serious health problems are also unavoidable from eating massive amounts of opiates.the human body was not meant to go months without regular bowel movements.Also,acetominaphen is toxic to the liver.
Youth has a way of being the ultimate deciever.It will tell you that you have a "get out of jail free card".You can play Russian roulette with your body because you're young and will bounce back. Many are not here today because they believed that or they wake up 25 years later completely worn out,no more looks,no more career,and still they are hanging on to some delusion.
Skeeter.Call or e-mail Rachel.She has been sober and clean for a long time now and can help you.I dont have your e-mail anymore but if you e-mail me,I will give you her number. timlincoln@aol.com
That was really a powerful post...and I can totally identify with Skeeter. When I was using, I was making straight A's in school, I was holding together a marriage, many friend relations, and taking care of aging parents...letting a neice live with me to help mentor her (ha, what a joke, if they only knew)...I was accomplishing a lot in my life.
But, there came that point where I could no longer look myself in the mirror. Really, I have always been told what beautiful dark brown eyes I have...they literally had become a kind of grey....I could not stand looking at myself in the mirror. And being with my father while he was passing, over weeks with him, sitting quietly in a room, praying, singing to him, making him as comfortable as I could, and then the polar opposite of all that love and devotion was me turning my back to him and quickly cramming pills in my mouth.
It was, as they say, my moment of clarity. I saw a reflection of myself in that experience that made me sick. It did nothing to honor life and I suddenly knew it. It didn't take long after that, and by the grace of God, I am still clean.
Skeeter, listen to Tim, call Rachel...she helped me so much in the beginning of me getting clean, and she is still a source of love, and an example of getting it right.
You have been on my mind. Tim has my contact information should you ever want to talk, I am here. I understand, like we all do, what it's like. There is hope, there is a solution. There are so many here that are examples of that.
Hey Dude....what's it gonna take? Are you waiting for some magical cure? Not going to happen sweetheart. And until you get willing, nothing will change. When's the last time you hit a meeting?
Anytime you want to talk, email me and I'll send you my number. It's time honey. It's time for you to take your life back.