Sleepless Night

Once again I didn't sleep last night thinking of b/f....this is the first time in almost 4 years that he is completely out of my life.....has anyone not heard from their love one for a long period of time and then out of no where they come back.... I just want to know he's okay that's all.

He told me in our last conversation he was smoking pot everyday and I know cocaine is his drug of choice but he doesn't work so I doubt he's getting much of it.
We were planning on getting married I know I should feel lucky that I didn't but even though it seems that he has moved on with his drug friends I still love him....

Marie
If something happened to him, his parents or you would be notified right away so if you haven't heard anything, then he is probably fine right now other than being on a using binge.
Please don't start obsessing about things that are most likely not the case and in which case, you would be notified anyway.
If they wouldn't notify you, they will notify his parents. Just ask his parents to contact you if they hear anything.
Otherwise, realize he is OK and is just avoiding you in order to continue using at his discretion.
You have to stop obsessing about him as it is obviously making you physically as well as mentally sick.
You will not be able to make sense of him or his actions. His acting is done out of an obsession for mood/mind altering substances and that's all right now. There is absolutely nothing that you can do about it, except take care of yourself and yourself alone.
Keep going to meetings. Maybe try to go more often right now. You have to want recovery as well, but you still seem to be more focused on him than on you or your recovery.
Take care,
Mickey
marie, i saw my ex yesterday down the street from where i live and is he ok, well a month ago he was smoking pot and drunk, so i would have surmize he is not ok. many months went by and i heard nothing and he would slobbering in the phone like i was not hip to the fact he was high, he could barely say my name. i used to worry constantly about his welfare, however if he at 40 is not worried why the heck am i worrying. marie do you realize that with this man completly out off your life he still occupies 100 percent of your time? i am just learning how to learn how to cope with my loss and its called detaching. if you do not stop this obssesion like i had you are going to end up in the hospital like i did and it was nasty and he never even called or stopped by to see if i was ok.but that would have meant he would have to be clean and sober and nothing is more important to him at the present than using, so one day at a time i am learning how to take care of myself and surround myself with people who are clean and sober and care about me in a healthy way. you are worth more marie and only you can stop this, accept the fact that he is were is and go about your life , just be willing to accept that he may never choose to get clean and you will be amazed at he freedom acceptance can bring.

I am thinking about you

carol
How did u break it off?? i dunno where to go in life with him. He lies about being on coc. like im stupid he all paranoid n acting strange. WHo does coc on a tuesday or monday night at the house or sits infront of my house spying on me taking bumps its just crazy. I love this man to death. WE talk about marriage all the time. have lots of stuff planed. but the coc isnt in my plans. I dunno where to begin for help. I just dont have in me to walk away truthfully. Im against everyone who says walk away. Cuase its easier said then done! Im hoping when he goes to court he learns. I hope that JUDGE puts him in Rehab. or some kind of program where he can still go to work or miss 2 or 4 weeks of work i dunno what ever it is. he needs it.
i just feel i cant live with out him. sucks. i havent talkt o him since this morning and im going crazy already. haha but im gona stay strong! I need to put my foot down! other wise im letting him do more n more!
im sorta of sad n angry today.. sucks
A